VHS, confess
You like Starkitten Haiku
Just a little bit

The age old question
Which part of you is the dink?
I love Aliens!

Or meet a fun gal
Perhaps her yeast infection
Will raise your spirits

Watch for bad mushroom
You might land on a "fungi"
With a bad disease

Try nude somersaults
In your front yard or a park
Careful after dark

Yes, Cunnilingus.
Mathematician in the house?
Calories burned/hour

Fuck Sylvia Plath.
Dig up her bones and fuck them.
Put one up your ass.

I would like to lose
about thirty pounds or more
to run marathons.

mmhmm, i don't think
she had that great a deal for
a husband right there

Counting syllables
is for samurai who wished
they were bookkeepers.

Well, it's obvious
that Starkitten's obsession
is cunnilingus.

Cat that eats pussy.
Surely cannibalism.
But which one comes first?

Simultaneous
cannibalistic feline
ejaculation.

A happy ending
If his name had been Ted Huge
Some Cunning Linguist

Head in the oven,
Tortured, sefish, bad free verse.
Behold Plath: success !

Previewing Haiku
Like admiring a fresh turd
Before you flush it

Please make this happen
Bono Vox and Cher team up
Sing I got You Babe

Kind of a klutz too
Wiped out on bike. Central Park.
Not sure if he skis

Your private juices
Just a dab behind your ear
That will do the trick

Head in the oven.
Taken from behind, again!
Can't get housework done!!

Fantasy Island
Blind man with no sense of smell
He's perfect for you

A witchy cauldron
Cunnilingus Corn Maze. Run!
You will burn in Hell!

Equine Jenga Game
Tower of Copulation
Looks like a hot mess!

Now watch me neigh neigh
New Horseshoes! Clip Clop Clip Clop!
Road apples for you

With the new enhanced neurons that Elon Musk is inventing kangaroos can be programmed to deliver packages in their pouches. Look out UPS, FedEx, and USPS!
Doesn't "Elon Musk" sound like a trashy perfume name?
I'm not a robot... yet. But perhaps soon... perhaps.

I will never stop
Tap dancing on your sidewalk
Schizophrenic bitch!

Northern Exposure
The Farmers Market pervert
Cucumber in hand

Grey Sky Festival
Fresh Haiku bubbling up
Straight from my gizzards

Stuck in the window
Like Magilla Gorilla
Just might go apeshit!

Tongues are wagging!
Ye Olde Cunnilingus Shoppe
The talk of the town

Rearranging things
Reversed your nose and penis
You're such a dickhead

Downward facing dong
Hot Yoga happy ending
Pumpkin Spice Latte

bad santa

Great mall memories
That's Ken Berry jacking off
In your Kinney shoe

Hunched out in long coils
The turds of one thousand dogs
All in your honour

Got my shopping done
Giving everyone Haiku
This one is for you

Pictures with Santa
Your mom had her portrait done
Sitting on his dick

woof woof woff, woof woof
woff bark bark woof howllll arf arf
woof woof woof...meow

Mall walk stomach cramp?
Seen your telltale hopping dance
You methane shaman

Disappear like Jim
Come on baby light my fire
Blue flame blast your pants

Dirty underwear
Scattered on Dawn's Highway, huh?
Plus size Underoos?

And I too, have been
That doomed stranger in the mall
Asking "who farted" ?

That breathy Bono:
Furious virtue-signaler
Hypocrite has-been.

Most of U2's songs
Are monotonous, and lack
Vibrant chord changes

Making up for it
In breathy histrionics
And churning fadeouts

A thousand dog turds.
Was an incomplete sentence.
And another one.

I have taken to
farting loudly as I walk
by strangers in malls.

Her enormous cunt,
gushing like Niagara Falls,
drowned the little man.

beaming into space
the facebook apocalypse
pouting narcissists

in dorito hues
instagram influencers
sell oblivion

our planet choking
in the rush to die pretty
ignorance distracts

it's all about me
aren't i the most important
as we go extinct

chemotherapy
wasn't as bad as i thought
luckily for me

complete remission
at least for the time being
till something kills me

being humorous
sure beats being tumorous
rather die laughing

i got lymphoma
and seemed to become a cancer
formerly known as...

and of course the end
of the beginning, the whole phantom menace debacle

names phrases words, vite
stimuli, some french dead guy
wrote a book just read

Do the same old thing
Like the zombie that you are.
Then try a new way

Quick, make a "haiku"
Fling it out there like garbage
In order, then, to

You wear "Pussy Hat"?
Pussy is an orifice.
Ain't no hat involved.