Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years, 211 Days and 70742 Haikus later...

John 3:16 and all that cal.. my droogs...
Haiku # 57299, September 9, 2017 11:47 am ET
by Vhs
"Serious poet" ?!?!
Seriously that got my
alarm bells ringing.

Somehow I doubt that
poems will ever solve world
hunger or stop war.

We're here to have fun.
"bad haiku dot com" so then
WHY SO SERIOUS?!
Haiku # 57298, September 9, 2017 11:17 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
You are right...you are
A vogon, bad poetry that causes
Torment and torpor

That's OK I like it
I like vogon poetry, we need more
Keep up the bad work
Haiku # 57297, September 9, 2017 10:46 am ET
by Vhs
I tried to get a
Serious poet to post here
Looks like it's trolls

Dada ism and jokes
Done on tablets, phones and lap
Tops passing some time
Haiku # 57296, September 9, 2017 10:43 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
I'm having inappropriate thoughts about Asian high school girls and Fido pot pie, made with Fido and hydroponic pot, baked at 375 F for 45 minutes, and then after another 20 minutes cooling, and another 45 minutes post consumption, then I would be baked and I really wish I could sneak out behind the football storage shed at lunch time and fire one up with a cutie like I never did when I was in high school, Goddamn it all! Drugs should be part of the high school curriculum, then kids wouldn't want to do drugs. Why can't mosquitoes carry HIV? I guess they would have to bite two people, and they usually don't do that, do they? I don't know; I'm not an impregnated female mosquito flown into a smoke ring of marijuana puffed out by a high high school kid. I want to jump on top of a police car in the middle of a race riot and defecate on the roof of his car -- not to make a statement, just to be famous on a YouTube video for a short while. I could blame the drugs, then "get clean", and go on Oprah and she could give me a new car. After which I would go out to the studio parking lot and defecate on its roof. The Vogons have not eaten my brain, I have eaten theirs. Deny it. Go ahead.

If ever my wife learned to read, I think I would quickly be single again. Alas, she only looks at pictures and short texts on Farcebook; a product of the modern age.

I want to start a website called Assbook.com, where people are not allowed to post their true identities, just pictures of their butts and recordings of their farts. No politics, just discussion of which places have the best bathrooms and what style of toilet seat is more comfortable. Also brands of TP might be contemplated and the pros and cons of TP vs. the Far East water bucket method or spray nozzle. I think I prefer the spray nozzle. If you've never tried it, you should. Saves TP, is more effective than the water ladle/bucket method and uses less water. Give it a try some time. Save the planet, and all that good stuff. See, something good did come of all this.

Bye now.
Haiku # 57295, September 8, 2017 10:05 pm ET
by df
Vogons have eaten
your brain my dear troll friend nuff
said, takes one to know

one, so when we eat
at the Restaurant
at the End of The

Universe?
Haiku # 57294, September 8, 2017 8:24 pm ET
by vhs
Oh i know of that
who Candide is The Fool in
the tarot as is

Forest Gump and such
hero fools on the fools journey
Wile E. Coyote
Haiku # 57293, September 8, 2017 8:22 pm ET
by vhs
I would highly recommend reading the novella Candide by Voltaire. A highly entertaining comedy about the situation of mankind.
Haiku # 57292, September 8, 2017 11:07 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Dogs are too needy.
That is why I prefer cats.
And my blow-up doll.
Haiku # 57291, September 8, 2017 3:24 am ET
by Responsible Joe of Shebdon West
Goddamn I am bored.
I bet you didn't guess that.
I need to get high.
Haiku # 57290, September 8, 2017 3:18 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Anti-Gravity
Propulsion Systems, Inc.
IPO Tuesday.

First voyage Friday.
Three days to pack all your bags.
Return young and rich.
Haiku # 57289, September 8, 2017 3:15 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Do your low-hanging
testicles make you more of
a man? Sure they do!
Haiku # 57288, September 8, 2017 3:09 am ET
by Hands off! I am Cookie Monster's prison bitch! of Seagoville Federal Correctional Institution
Have you ever masturbated while thinking violent thoughts about the neighbors' noisy wiener dog in the middle of winter with the heat shut off and your so cold that to sleep might mean death and the only thing to eat was a two-week-old half eaten box of nachos from Quick Trip while the neighbors upstairs were listening to Oprah and the neighbors to the left were listening to AC/DC and it was too cold to go to Walmart to pick up some rat poison for the yapping little shit downstairs and your sister-law was coming over dinner in two-and-a-half hours and you didn't have anything in the house to eat meaning you'd have to go out for Mexican food again? Of course you have.
Haiku # 57287, September 8, 2017 3:06 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Remember those magnetic gyroscope yo-yo like things that would slide on a short rail and then come back over and over again as long as you keep tilting them the right way? Weren't those awesome when you were stoned out of your gourd? Of course they were.
Haiku # 57286, September 8, 2017 2:58 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
I do not believe
that I believe anything.
But I could be wrong.

I believe that I
need a strong shot of whiskey
or perhaps some rum.

The universe was
not designed well at all;
I could do better.
Haiku # 57285, September 8, 2017 2:55 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
Neurogenesis
And harmala alkaloids
Tryptamine buffet
Haiku # 57284, September 7, 2017 10:33 pm ET
by deepdish of the Ethnopharmacology Section of the Deep State University library
i think you've got a
death wish bro or bought into
that damn mythos those

Peter Singer types
tried to bind into your mind
I'm a "Believer"

I don't believe that at all
Haiku # 57283, September 7, 2017 8:44 pm ET
by vhs
The real problem is
overpopulation; mass
murder solution.

Kim Jung Il hero.
Dolphins will evolve and praise
their liberator.

Death to all mankind.
Yadda yadda yadda boom.
Ohm mani padme.
Haiku # 57282, September 7, 2017 8:29 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
I am surprised Herr
Alex Jones has not blamed cats
For anything for they

Are the true rulers
Of this world
Haiku # 57281, September 7, 2017 5:36 pm ET
by Vhs
blame global warming
but it's possible dyson
is an evil fiend
Haiku # 57280, September 7, 2017 10:29 am ET
by ash
nucular weapons
those who have and those who don't
will glow together
Haiku # 57279, September 7, 2017 10:26 am ET
by ash
Eagles should drive trucks
with big American flags
painted on the hood
Haiku # 57278, September 7, 2017 9:06 am ET
by Concerned American
Right wing and left wing
I saw an eagle flying
He used both his wings
Haiku # 57277, September 6, 2017 10:10 pm ET
by dvd of alphabetically organizing the entire Deep State University library
i don't know but you
do work with me, a full day
is never a dull one
Haiku # 57276, September 6, 2017 9:51 pm ET
by vhs
I'm educated
Deep State University
The fruit punch was good
Haiku # 57275, September 6, 2017 9:48 pm ET
by deepdish of where the fuck did the neon snake circus going on in my head come from?!
we'll get back to you
after technical difficulties
have been shoved

down the toilet and flushed
with a good dose of Toilet Duck
and the original Mister Clean

amplified with a bit of Polonium 239
Haiku # 57274, September 6, 2017 7:55 pm ET
by vhs
Smelly poop finished
Perhaps open the window
For everyones sake
Haiku # 57273, September 6, 2017 11:51 am ET
by Luke of Essex
Not one of you has a penis?
Haiku # 57272, September 6, 2017 9:15 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Moooooooo.
Haiku # 57271, September 5, 2017 11:34 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Feminazi testicular eradication.
Nitrate microbrewery.
Bertha's and Sadie's universal conquest.
Three vaginas for every tongue.
One per middle index and large toe.
That's 7 vaginas per dyke if I did my math correctly.
Only 50 men kept alive at one time in various secret locations throughout the world.
Milked like cattle.
Population normal.
War, pollution, hunger, and disease, all things of ancient history.
This we need.
Haiku # 57270, September 5, 2017 11:32 pm ET
by VHS's great great grandma traveling through time. of Goddamn captcha's out of focus. Where are my bifocals?!
there may come a time
when i realize all of this
needs to go and i'll

get the sense to get
off my ass and really do
something with my life
Haiku # 57269, September 5, 2017 7:47 pm ET
by vhs
I grow weary of
so called "worldly" things so I'll
do what i see fit

for my own path and
my own purposes and so
hurricanes bear down
Haiku # 57268, September 5, 2017 7:19 pm ET
by vhs
I want to kill every mosquito on earth by torture.
Psychological torture.
Spray them with Off so that other mosquitoes won't go near them.
Make them commit suicide out of depression.
Haiku # 57267, September 5, 2017 7:02 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
You may open a
bookstore if it has a large
porno selection.
Haiku # 57266, September 5, 2017 7:00 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
the world is full of
ideas, it is also full
of events and acts
Haiku # 57265, September 5, 2017 6:00 pm ET
by vhs
what if i open
a bookstore??? what if i do that
huh??? what if that happens?

I want to do that
Haiku # 57264, September 5, 2017 5:47 pm ET
by vhs
two old friends debate
with each other their differences
of opinion but

they're both pissed when they
are given the tab, Stefan
Molyneaux, Freedom EH radio

well he IS Canadian
Haiku # 57263, September 5, 2017 5:44 pm ET
by vhs
did i say that my
dear philosopher extraordinaire?
I am not "liberal"

i am "full of shit"
since i am full of shit I
will be great for a

career in Fox "News"
oh shit i told the truth
I'm LIBERTARIAN
Haiku # 57262, September 5, 2017 5:42 pm ET
by vhs the dishmeister
What if
This is why we can't have nice things
Haiku # 57261, September 5, 2017 5:35 pm ET
by Anonymous Poodle
What if those who ask
"what if" instantly got a
large dong shoved down their...

{Gag! MWFLF FLB FWLF!}
Haiku # 57260, September 5, 2017 5:10 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
What if Abe Lincoln's
wife owned a large battery
powered pink dildo.
Haiku # 57259, September 5, 2017 5:04 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
What if Abe Lincoln
Had nuclear bombs back in
1862?
Haiku # 57258, September 5, 2017 4:56 pm ET
by dvd
You're conservative in some of
The ways I'm liberal
And I'm conservative in some of
The ways you're liberal
Yep I said it
Vhs is a liberal
(About some things)
Ready your pitchforks and torches
Haiku # 57257, September 5, 2017 4:52 pm ET
by dvd
i had a convo
with a smart man about the
difference between

radicals and those
extremist types, i say i
shall own the things so

i can pass those things
on to others if the need comes
food, water, clothing

the hoarding is a problem, this is why the honorable Salvation Army and the mildly dubious Goodwill exist
Haiku # 57256, September 5, 2017 12:57 pm ET
by vhs
Destroy all you own.
That is what we need to do.
Learn to live without.
Haiku # 57255, September 5, 2017 1:44 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Is it possible
to buy pure cholesterol
to smoke in a pipe.

Or does smoking it
destroy the clogging effect?
Then I don't want it.
Haiku # 57254, September 5, 2017 1:43 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
The longer you live
The more of them pass along
Inevitable
Haiku # 57253, September 5, 2017 12:58 am ET
by Concerned American
Well it's over now, I'll
drink my big black cow, and
get out of here... rest
in peace Walter Becker
Haiku # 57252, September 4, 2017 7:28 pm ET
by vhs of Steely Dan i shall always know you were Yokohama Three
oh no steely dan
looks like there's no new pleasure
i love you long time
Haiku # 57251, September 4, 2017 8:51 am ET
by ash
some people don't get
the art thing, some folks don't get
the economics

thing, i sort of get
the art thing but am trying
to understand the

economics thing
Haiku # 57250, September 3, 2017 9:06 pm ET
by vhs
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