Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 242 Days and 77165 Haiku later...

we'll get back to you
after technical difficulties
have been shoved

down the toilet and flushed
with a good dose of Toilet Duck
and the original Mister Clean

amplified with a bit of Polonium 239
Haiku # 57274, September 6, 2017 7:55 pm ET
by vhs
Smelly poop finished
Perhaps open the window
For everyones sake
Haiku # 57273, September 6, 2017 11:51 am ET
by Luke of Essex
Not one of you has a penis?
Haiku # 57272, September 6, 2017 9:15 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Haiku # 57271, September 5, 2017 11:34 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Feminazi testicular eradication.
Nitrate microbrewery.
Bertha's and Sadie's universal conquest.
Three vaginas for every tongue.
One per middle index and large toe.
That's 7 vaginas per dyke if I did my math correctly.
Only 50 men kept alive at one time in various secret locations throughout the world.
Milked like cattle.
Population normal.
War, pollution, hunger, and disease, all things of ancient history.
This we need.
Haiku # 57270, September 5, 2017 11:32 pm ET
by VHS's great great grandma traveling through time. of Goddamn captcha's out of focus. Where are my bifocals?!
there may come a time
when i realize all of this
needs to go and i'll

get the sense to get
off my ass and really do
something with my life
Haiku # 57269, September 5, 2017 7:47 pm ET
by vhs
I grow weary of
so called "worldly" things so I'll
do what i see fit

for my own path and
my own purposes and so
hurricanes bear down
Haiku # 57268, September 5, 2017 7:19 pm ET
by vhs
I want to kill every mosquito on earth by torture.
Psychological torture.
Spray them with Off so that other mosquitoes won't go near them.
Make them commit suicide out of depression.
Haiku # 57267, September 5, 2017 7:02 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
You may open a
bookstore if it has a large
porno selection.
Haiku # 57266, September 5, 2017 7:00 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
the world is full of
ideas, it is also full
of events and acts
Haiku # 57265, September 5, 2017 6:00 pm ET
by vhs
what if i open
a bookstore??? what if i do that
huh??? what if that happens?

I want to do that
Haiku # 57264, September 5, 2017 5:47 pm ET
by vhs
two old friends debate
with each other their differences
of opinion but

they're both pissed when they
are given the tab, Stefan
Molyneaux, Freedom EH radio

well he IS Canadian
Haiku # 57263, September 5, 2017 5:44 pm ET
by vhs
did i say that my
dear philosopher extraordinaire?
I am not "liberal"

i am "full of shit"
since i am full of shit I
will be great for a

career in Fox "News"
oh shit i told the truth
Haiku # 57262, September 5, 2017 5:42 pm ET
by vhs the dishmeister
What if
This is why we can't have nice things
Haiku # 57261, September 5, 2017 5:35 pm ET
by Anonymous Poodle
What if those who ask
"what if" instantly got a
large dong shoved down their...

Haiku # 57260, September 5, 2017 5:10 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
What if Abe Lincoln's
wife owned a large battery
powered pink dildo.
Haiku # 57259, September 5, 2017 5:04 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
What if Abe Lincoln
Had nuclear bombs back in
Haiku # 57258, September 5, 2017 4:56 pm ET
by dvd
You're conservative in some of
The ways I'm liberal
And I'm conservative in some of
The ways you're liberal
Yep I said it
Vhs is a liberal
(About some things)
Ready your pitchforks and torches
Haiku # 57257, September 5, 2017 4:52 pm ET
by dvd
i had a convo
with a smart man about the
difference between

radicals and those
extremist types, i say i
shall own the things so

i can pass those things
on to others if the need comes
food, water, clothing

the hoarding is a problem, this is why the honorable Salvation Army and the mildly dubious Goodwill exist
Haiku # 57256, September 5, 2017 12:57 pm ET
by vhs
Destroy all you own.
That is what we need to do.
Learn to live without.
Haiku # 57255, September 5, 2017 1:44 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Is it possible
to buy pure cholesterol
to smoke in a pipe.

Or does smoking it
destroy the clogging effect?
Then I don't want it.
Haiku # 57254, September 5, 2017 1:43 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
The longer you live
The more of them pass along
Haiku # 57253, September 5, 2017 12:58 am ET
by Concerned American
Well it's over now, I'll
drink my big black cow, and
get out of here... rest
in peace Walter Becker
Haiku # 57252, September 4, 2017 7:28 pm ET
by vhs of Steely Dan i shall always know you were Yokohama Three
oh no steely dan
looks like there's no new pleasure
i love you long time
Haiku # 57251, September 4, 2017 8:51 am ET
by ash
some people don't get
the art thing, some folks don't get
the economics

thing, i sort of get
the art thing but am trying
to understand the

economics thing
Haiku # 57250, September 3, 2017 9:06 pm ET
by vhs
why is it some days
when it rains it's just the right
thing to happen and

gives a sense of just
nature doing what it has
to do to get by...?
Haiku # 57249, September 3, 2017 7:10 pm ET
by vhs
Boulder Dash on
the other hand was a game
I believe by Broederbund
about a puzzle game of getting
diamonds whilst avoiding getting
killed by boulders
Haiku # 57248, September 3, 2017 6:59 pm ET
by vhs
Dirty shame and the
Jokes keep Cumming butt you know
Balls were dashed, hoe hoe
Haiku # 57247, September 3, 2017 5:50 pm ET
by Vhs

alex jones is um
hiring...people to report
the weird combo of

truth and conspiracy theory?
Haiku # 57245, September 1, 2017 7:19 pm ET
by vhs
this is one of those
days where i'm depressed and i'm
glad to be reminded

what it feels like to
hate myself today
Haiku # 57244, September 1, 2017 7:14 pm ET
by vhs
the only mood I'm
in is a malted vanilla
milkshake i had
Haiku # 57243, September 1, 2017 7:13 pm ET
by vhs
Watergate had
Pizzagate should've had
Haiku # 57242, September 1, 2017 7:05 pm ET
by dvd
Rum rum rum rum rum.
Rum rum rum rum rum rum rum.
Rum rum rum rum rum.
Haiku # 57241, September 1, 2017 1:35 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
Eighty megaton
high grade flatulence warhead;
Eggs, garlic, and beans.

Long bank teller lines.
Shopping mall elevators.
Romantic movies.
Haiku # 57240, September 1, 2017 1:33 am ET
by Darth Figpucker of Craving Armageddon
Went to uranus
to mine for uranium;
found what I needed.
Haiku # 57239, September 1, 2017 1:22 am ET
by Darth Figpucker of weapons of ass destruction
keep it going just
keep the ball a rolling just
keep the world turning
Haiku # 57238, August 31, 2017 7:54 pm ET
by vhs
Travel to Totality

Pawleys Island beach
Hot searing sun gets blocked by
The cool August moon

A sliver of sun
My recalled eclipse glasses
Have done me just fine

Whoohoo I can see!
360 degree sunset
A sight to behold.
Haiku # 57237, August 31, 2017 3:31 pm ET
by Janis of Toronto
For the hipster dictator
Only 100% organic Uranium
Will suffice
Haiku # 57236, August 31, 2017 12:35 pm ET
by Anonymous Paranoiac
Hiding in public.
I want to rip off my face.
And be the real me.

Drive-by poo flinging.
Graffiti the old churches.
Streaking in the malls.

I cannot be me.
Married with 3 little brats.
I wear a false face.

Head down, defeated,
plodding onward like a mule,
follow the carrot.
Haiku # 57235, August 31, 2017 2:57 am ET
by df
on one hand i have
five fingers and on the other
hand i've five too

finger death punch
Haiku # 57234, August 30, 2017 9:21 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
well you know i would
have a serious case of
indigestion if

i gulped down one of
those everlasting gob
stopper candies there

remember those?
Haiku # 57233, August 30, 2017 8:06 pm ET
by vhs
I know what you mean.
I got a nasty surprise.
While on the toilet.

And you surprise me
with eight syllables, not seven.
Shit, I did it too!

The long bathroom line
stretched near to eternity.
Grumbling tummies wait.

When I had finished
my bowels and the hallway were
Haiku # 57232, August 29, 2017 5:48 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
some things turn out so
unexpected and unwelcome
we still have to sit
Haiku # 57231, August 29, 2017 4:28 pm ET
by vhs
i am sitting in
a chair thinking what my last time
sitting will be like
Haiku # 57230, August 29, 2017 4:25 pm ET
by vhs
Birds chirp, trash rots, lawns
Sale, convenience stores, roads crew
Signs turn..Stop...slow

Roads will Crack again
Walls will mart, con
And tourists tour eto
Haiku # 57229, August 29, 2017 1:21 pm ET
by Vhs
I put my sword back
As I'm told samurai are
Marvelous creatures but

More ornery than
Raccoons,badgers, coyotes but
Bugs bunny? Nahh...what's
Up musashi?..
Haiku # 57228, August 29, 2017 11:17 am ET
by Vhs
when a samurai
draws his sword he can only
put it away once

he has used it in
Haiku # 57227, August 28, 2017 10:55 pm ET
by vhs
the game was the fun
what to do alone in the past
creative process
Haiku # 57226, August 28, 2017 8:58 pm ET
by vhs
born once in this life
perhaps would we come back if
we knew of returns
Haiku # 57225, August 28, 2017 8:45 pm ET
by vhs
the town crier might
say 4 a clock and all is
well, it is quiet

like that here right now
Haiku # 57224, August 27, 2017 6:53 pm ET
by vhs
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