Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 243 Days and 77168 Haiku later...

What if those who ask
"what if" instantly got a
large dong shoved down their...

Haiku # 57260, September 5, 2017 5:10 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
What if Abe Lincoln's
wife owned a large battery
powered pink dildo.
Haiku # 57259, September 5, 2017 5:04 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
What if Abe Lincoln
Had nuclear bombs back in
Haiku # 57258, September 5, 2017 4:56 pm ET
by dvd
You're conservative in some of
The ways I'm liberal
And I'm conservative in some of
The ways you're liberal
Yep I said it
Vhs is a liberal
(About some things)
Ready your pitchforks and torches
Haiku # 57257, September 5, 2017 4:52 pm ET
by dvd
i had a convo
with a smart man about the
difference between

radicals and those
extremist types, i say i
shall own the things so

i can pass those things
on to others if the need comes
food, water, clothing

the hoarding is a problem, this is why the honorable Salvation Army and the mildly dubious Goodwill exist
Haiku # 57256, September 5, 2017 12:57 pm ET
by vhs
Destroy all you own.
That is what we need to do.
Learn to live without.
Haiku # 57255, September 5, 2017 1:44 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Is it possible
to buy pure cholesterol
to smoke in a pipe.

Or does smoking it
destroy the clogging effect?
Then I don't want it.
Haiku # 57254, September 5, 2017 1:43 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
The longer you live
The more of them pass along
Haiku # 57253, September 5, 2017 12:58 am ET
by Concerned American
Well it's over now, I'll
drink my big black cow, and
get out of here... rest
in peace Walter Becker
Haiku # 57252, September 4, 2017 7:28 pm ET
by vhs of Steely Dan i shall always know you were Yokohama Three
oh no steely dan
looks like there's no new pleasure
i love you long time
Haiku # 57251, September 4, 2017 8:51 am ET
by ash
some people don't get
the art thing, some folks don't get
the economics

thing, i sort of get
the art thing but am trying
to understand the

economics thing
Haiku # 57250, September 3, 2017 9:06 pm ET
by vhs
why is it some days
when it rains it's just the right
thing to happen and

gives a sense of just
nature doing what it has
to do to get by...?
Haiku # 57249, September 3, 2017 7:10 pm ET
by vhs
Boulder Dash on
the other hand was a game
I believe by Broederbund
about a puzzle game of getting
diamonds whilst avoiding getting
killed by boulders
Haiku # 57248, September 3, 2017 6:59 pm ET
by vhs
Dirty shame and the
Jokes keep Cumming butt you know
Balls were dashed, hoe hoe
Haiku # 57247, September 3, 2017 5:50 pm ET
by Vhs

alex jones is um
hiring...people to report
the weird combo of

truth and conspiracy theory?
Haiku # 57245, September 1, 2017 7:19 pm ET
by vhs
this is one of those
days where i'm depressed and i'm
glad to be reminded

what it feels like to
hate myself today
Haiku # 57244, September 1, 2017 7:14 pm ET
by vhs
the only mood I'm
in is a malted vanilla
milkshake i had
Haiku # 57243, September 1, 2017 7:13 pm ET
by vhs
Watergate had
Pizzagate should've had
Haiku # 57242, September 1, 2017 7:05 pm ET
by dvd
Rum rum rum rum rum.
Rum rum rum rum rum rum rum.
Rum rum rum rum rum.
Haiku # 57241, September 1, 2017 1:35 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
Eighty megaton
high grade flatulence warhead;
Eggs, garlic, and beans.

Long bank teller lines.
Shopping mall elevators.
Romantic movies.
Haiku # 57240, September 1, 2017 1:33 am ET
by Darth Figpucker of Craving Armageddon
Went to uranus
to mine for uranium;
found what I needed.
Haiku # 57239, September 1, 2017 1:22 am ET
by Darth Figpucker of weapons of ass destruction
keep it going just
keep the ball a rolling just
keep the world turning
Haiku # 57238, August 31, 2017 7:54 pm ET
by vhs
Travel to Totality

Pawleys Island beach
Hot searing sun gets blocked by
The cool August moon

A sliver of sun
My recalled eclipse glasses
Have done me just fine

Whoohoo I can see!
360 degree sunset
A sight to behold.
Haiku # 57237, August 31, 2017 3:31 pm ET
by Janis of Toronto
For the hipster dictator
Only 100% organic Uranium
Will suffice
Haiku # 57236, August 31, 2017 12:35 pm ET
by Anonymous Paranoiac
Hiding in public.
I want to rip off my face.
And be the real me.

Drive-by poo flinging.
Graffiti the old churches.
Streaking in the malls.

I cannot be me.
Married with 3 little brats.
I wear a false face.

Head down, defeated,
plodding onward like a mule,
follow the carrot.
Haiku # 57235, August 31, 2017 2:57 am ET
by df
on one hand i have
five fingers and on the other
hand i've five too

finger death punch
Haiku # 57234, August 30, 2017 9:21 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
well you know i would
have a serious case of
indigestion if

i gulped down one of
those everlasting gob
stopper candies there

remember those?
Haiku # 57233, August 30, 2017 8:06 pm ET
by vhs
I know what you mean.
I got a nasty surprise.
While on the toilet.

And you surprise me
with eight syllables, not seven.
Shit, I did it too!

The long bathroom line
stretched near to eternity.
Grumbling tummies wait.

When I had finished
my bowels and the hallway were
Haiku # 57232, August 29, 2017 5:48 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
some things turn out so
unexpected and unwelcome
we still have to sit
Haiku # 57231, August 29, 2017 4:28 pm ET
by vhs
i am sitting in
a chair thinking what my last time
sitting will be like
Haiku # 57230, August 29, 2017 4:25 pm ET
by vhs
Birds chirp, trash rots, lawns
Sale, convenience stores, roads crew
Signs turn..Stop...slow

Roads will Crack again
Walls will mart, con
And tourists tour eto
Haiku # 57229, August 29, 2017 1:21 pm ET
by Vhs
I put my sword back
As I'm told samurai are
Marvelous creatures but

More ornery than
Raccoons,badgers, coyotes but
Bugs bunny? Nahh...what's
Up musashi?..
Haiku # 57228, August 29, 2017 11:17 am ET
by Vhs
when a samurai
draws his sword he can only
put it away once

he has used it in
Haiku # 57227, August 28, 2017 10:55 pm ET
by vhs
the game was the fun
what to do alone in the past
creative process
Haiku # 57226, August 28, 2017 8:58 pm ET
by vhs
born once in this life
perhaps would we come back if
we knew of returns
Haiku # 57225, August 28, 2017 8:45 pm ET
by vhs
the town crier might
say 4 a clock and all is
well, it is quiet

like that here right now
Haiku # 57224, August 27, 2017 6:53 pm ET
by vhs
i hope the symptoms
of the universe is just
a metal album

not the sign of the times
Haiku # 57223, August 26, 2017 6:30 pm ET
by vhs
i'm tired of the
polarized times but i know
they will play out like

they need to burn out
before anything gets done
it is like the sort

of psychic and damn
social hurricane of the
Crisis Period
Haiku # 57222, August 26, 2017 12:39 pm ET
by vhs
i want to write some
thing but i don't know what there's
a get together

and there's this damn storm
down texas way useless prayer
or it seems useless

people i care for
in the middle of this crap
and family here
Haiku # 57221, August 26, 2017 12:37 pm ET
by vhs
Doritoes and Pez.
Powdered blue Pez for snorting.
Urinate smurf blood.
Haiku # 57220, August 26, 2017 9:26 am ET
by df
Feel me deep inside
pushing against your pink heart
adding my own beat.
Haiku # 57219, August 26, 2017 9:22 am ET
by df
You gross figpucker!
Kiss us while stabbing our heart
Naughty little boy
Haiku # 57218, August 26, 2017 2:09 am ET
by Concerned American
I got it! It was Thai person who coined the word Colonel and pronounced in Kernel.
My ex GF told me I should buy something on crealance... I didn't get it. Until I figured out it was clearance. Asians. Well, at least they know what dogs are good for.
Haiku # 57217, August 25, 2017 9:36 pm ET
by df
He ranked high in the popcorn Mafia.
He was Orville's right hand man.
They called him Colonel Kernel.
Haiku # 57216, August 25, 2017 9:32 pm ET
by Franklin Davison of what a boring captcha
Do not fuck chickens.
It's unappreciated.
Ask Colenel Sanders.

And just how the fuck does "colonel" sound like "kernel".... who the fuck came up with that stupid shit??!?!?
Haiku # 57215, August 25, 2017 9:29 pm ET
by Perdue! of It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken. It take a pervert to make a chicken tender.
what's sick is i know
the names...Styxhexenhammer666
Gary Franchi

The Doctor......of.....common......sen.....sssseee....

Hi Prince of Queens here...
Milo Yilanopolus...
Lauren Southern

Millenial Millie...
Just stop stop!!!! I'll have to
do a show to refute

reality itself!!!
Haiku # 57214, August 25, 2017 8:08 pm ET
by vhs
you know if a guy
thinks sandy hook was a false
flag well i suppose

he might blame a screwed
up order at Denny's on the
Deep State which just sounds

like conspiracy stuff
think Texe Marrs, think x files on
crack, think Slenderman

is actually on
the NSA payroll we have
the God damned whole

Illuminatus novels
No, i am horrified by

utterly completely
Cthulhu has risen
Haiku # 57213, August 25, 2017 8:06 pm ET
by vhs
planet vhs
whole planet just vhs
all waiting for him
comes dressed as boba
with gifts for his clone army
given instructions:
destroy liberals...
and listen to alex jones
Haiku # 57212, August 25, 2017 7:39 pm ET
by anonymous padawan
There's nothing quite like
composing haiku poems
while getting butt banged

by a gnome with erectile dysfunction syndrome
Haiku # 57211, August 25, 2017 2:23 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
there's nothing worse than
being a whore getting fucked
when the john can't cum
Haiku # 57210, August 25, 2017 2:16 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
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