Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 214 Days and 77128 Haiku later...

Doritoes and Pez.
Powdered blue Pez for snorting.
Urinate smurf blood.
Haiku # 57220, August 26, 2017 9:26 am ET
by df
Feel me deep inside
pushing against your pink heart
adding my own beat.
Haiku # 57219, August 26, 2017 9:22 am ET
by df
You gross figpucker!
Kiss us while stabbing our heart
Naughty little boy
Haiku # 57218, August 26, 2017 2:09 am ET
by Concerned American
I got it! It was Thai person who coined the word Colonel and pronounced in Kernel.
My ex GF told me I should buy something on crealance... I didn't get it. Until I figured out it was clearance. Asians. Well, at least they know what dogs are good for.
Haiku # 57217, August 25, 2017 9:36 pm ET
by df
He ranked high in the popcorn Mafia.
He was Orville's right hand man.
They called him Colonel Kernel.
Haiku # 57216, August 25, 2017 9:32 pm ET
by Franklin Davison of what a boring captcha
Do not fuck chickens.
It's unappreciated.
Ask Colenel Sanders.

And just how the fuck does "colonel" sound like "kernel".... who the fuck came up with that stupid shit??!?!?
Haiku # 57215, August 25, 2017 9:29 pm ET
by Perdue! of It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken. It take a pervert to make a chicken tender.
what's sick is i know
the names...Styxhexenhammer666
Gary Franchi

The Doctor......of.....common......sen.....sssseee....

Hi Prince of Queens here...
Milo Yilanopolus...
Lauren Southern

Millenial Millie...
Just stop stop!!!! I'll have to
do a show to refute

reality itself!!!
Haiku # 57214, August 25, 2017 8:08 pm ET
by vhs
you know if a guy
thinks sandy hook was a false
flag well i suppose

he might blame a screwed
up order at Denny's on the
Deep State which just sounds

like conspiracy stuff
think Texe Marrs, think x files on
crack, think Slenderman

is actually on
the NSA payroll we have
the God damned whole

Illuminatus novels
No, i am horrified by

utterly completely
Cthulhu has risen
Haiku # 57213, August 25, 2017 8:06 pm ET
by vhs
planet vhs
whole planet just vhs
all waiting for him
comes dressed as boba
with gifts for his clone army
given instructions:
destroy liberals...
and listen to alex jones
Haiku # 57212, August 25, 2017 7:39 pm ET
by anonymous padawan
There's nothing quite like
composing haiku poems
while getting butt banged

by a gnome with erectile dysfunction syndrome
Haiku # 57211, August 25, 2017 2:23 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
there's nothing worse than
being a whore getting fucked
when the john can't cum
Haiku # 57210, August 25, 2017 2:16 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
That big wave looks like
millions of little fingers
to pinch my nipples.
Haiku # 57209, August 25, 2017 2:10 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Okay then, tell me,
how can I make you happy?
And don't say butt sex.
Haiku # 57208, August 25, 2017 2:04 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Exploding head meat.
Devour my brain matter.
Skull shards and mucus.
Haiku # 57207, August 25, 2017 4:14 am ET
by Darth Figpucker of Manila Brothel trying to forget that I'm a slave just like the girls here.
Them's dangerous hats!
The mesh will not block the sun
You get a burned scalp
Haiku # 57206, August 24, 2017 10:39 pm ET
by Concerned American
well at least no one
is wearing trucker hats with
irony anymore

they're wearing them cuz
they like them and that's the best
reason why to do so

truck driver or not
Haiku # 57205, August 24, 2017 7:03 pm ET
by vhs
Aloha Snackbar
Haiku # 57204, August 24, 2017 12:36 pm ET
by Confused Muslim of Hawaii
Masters of Evil!
(Free beer and snack bar.)
Haiku # 57203, August 24, 2017 7:47 am ET
Has this ever happened?
Uncircumcised man with braces
Foreskin stuck in braces
Haiku # 57202, August 24, 2017 12:24 am ET
by Hasty Bris of Why The Fuck Am I Thinking About This At Midnight I Mean I'm Tired But I Can't Sleep And My Mind Goes Off On Tangents
Nope, Oblivious Millenial was me
Sorry to disappoint
Writing that book though
Haiku # 57201, August 23, 2017 11:11 pm ET
by dvd
I have a hard-on
for Snarf of the Thundercats
cartoon series but

Skeletor's hot too.
Haiku # 57200, August 23, 2017 8:52 pm ET
by Very Horny Saturday of morning
i do know someone
who i work with who i feel
could easily write a

Haiku # 57199, August 23, 2017 8:18 pm ET
by vhs
we could say this is
a knitted quilt of bad poems
some jokes and i don't

know what else to say
I can't hit rewind, and let's
say when i was young

it was 1979
The Buggles, Video Killed The Radio Star
Who killed the VCR??
Haiku # 57198, August 23, 2017 8:13 pm ET
by vhs
winks...obvious poke
from an old friend who knows her
Emerson quite well

Miss you lots
Haiku # 57197, August 23, 2017 8:11 pm ET
by vhs
What's a book?
Haiku # 57196, August 22, 2017 10:00 pm ET
by Oblivious Millenial of the mall or whatever kids do these days
i remember those
old projectors and those slides
and overhead projectors

and even televisions
of a CRT sort carted in on
wheeled carts.

nowadays it is people having to fight the school board for real physical books
Haiku # 57195, August 22, 2017 9:56 am ET
by vhs
Remember back in the day when STDs used to be called VD and after the educational films shown in the 9th grade all the boys in the locker room would laugh and chant "V-D!" like adolescent gorillas?

Sure you do!
Haiku # 57194, August 22, 2017 12:40 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
there will always be
extremes thinking they are right
just bonking each ide

over the head for all
time till the End finallly
comes thanks to them
Haiku # 57193, August 21, 2017 9:18 pm ET
by vhs
any time i hear the
end is nigh, i usually
check and see if

the cubs have won a
world series or not and so
far, i think we're safe
Haiku # 57192, August 21, 2017 7:25 pm ET
by vhs
well i fucked that up
but at least i'm not in charge
of armageddon
Haiku # 57191, August 21, 2017 10:25 am ET
by ash
which one gets fired first -
the north korean missile missile
or the president ?
Haiku # 57190, August 21, 2017 10:23 am ET
by ash
this is a time of
conspiracy theory and
true revelation ennui
Haiku # 57189, August 20, 2017 7:56 pm ET
by vhs
Spaceship riding fire
Thing that my monkey admires
Fetal live Beatle
Haiku # 57188, August 20, 2017 7:02 am ET
by Interested Customer of 100 miles from the eclipse
Bet on this horse or lose big
You can not go wrong

This horse sings a song
Embarrassing but worth it
Spend money on it
Haiku # 57187, August 20, 2017 6:12 am ET
by Interested Customer of Holiday inn off I 70
for all my wisdom
I'm glad i mess up because
it reminds me I'm

only human
Haiku # 57186, August 19, 2017 12:46 pm ET
by vhs
we have to in my
case remember to forgive
ourselves and others

because we are all
too human, and these times would
be a hell of a

lot easier if
some folks managed to get that
on the table top
Haiku # 57185, August 19, 2017 12:17 pm ET
by vhs
the list of things to
do in the mind set aside
for useless time wastes
Haiku # 57184, August 19, 2017 11:04 am ET
by vhs
history's end said
francis fukuyama but
history seems to

be repeating the
same ritual mistake to
everything, turn turn

and turn back to again
Haiku # 57183, August 19, 2017 10:46 am ET
by vhs
Hear ghostly laughter
With freedom freely fleeing
Chances and choices
Through masses with their heads down
Null innovation
Tragedies heap up
Dragons flick their tails in caves
Lambs play up above
Fickle folks forward
Leave the lingering darkness
For their descendents
Haiku # 57182, August 18, 2017 10:32 pm ET
by dvd
Uncomfortable facts
Where there are flags and nations
There will be warfare
Haiku # 57181, August 18, 2017 9:00 pm ET
by adam ben adam
boundaries torn down
lives torn to pieces, the souls
of diaspora

of endless civil
wars of nation building
nations in ruin
Haiku # 57180, August 18, 2017 6:00 pm ET
by vhs
the whole world with
folks running tourists over in
spain who did nothing

to them but just happened
to be there at the wrong time
those same feelings, the

diverse mobs, the
competing murderous hiveminds
who wish to drink our

blood and rip our flesh
off the bodies, we don't need
The Walking Dead, they

carry signs, burn down
store fronts, smash windows scream

or something like that
opportunism, the cycle of Ecclesiastes
the time of peace and

the time of war, i
pray it's not too late
Haiku # 57179, August 18, 2017 5:53 pm ET
by vhs
the feelings internalize
it is like putting a cap on
a steam kettle, if

i keep them inside
i will almost literally
blow up in some manner
Haiku # 57178, August 18, 2017 5:50 pm ET
by vhs
the reason i feel
like seeing these things, these idols
destroyed makes me

think, how far will
people go until they stop
how far will the world

collapse, am i willing
to go that extra length on
a man made of stone?
Haiku # 57177, August 18, 2017 5:49 pm ET
by vhs
strong beliefs can lead
to how i feel right now and
i don't like it at all
Haiku # 57176, August 18, 2017 5:47 pm ET
by vhs
i hate to lose the
fun out of something but when
i feel really strong

about something I'm
even willing to stand to lose
my life over something

you might find stupid
Haiku # 57175, August 18, 2017 5:46 pm ET
by vhs
I saw it, all craft prepare to
retreat, we can't repel firepower
of that magnitude
Haiku # 57174, August 18, 2017 5:38 pm ET
by vhs
New Cheese Poodles album:
"Arguing About Statues"
Includes the hits:
"You're Not a Tree"
"Let's Leave The Major Life Decisions To Me"
Haiku # 57173, August 18, 2017 5:04 pm ET
by dvd
A stylish gas mask
Fancy fighter jets and tanks
War is fabulous
Haiku # 57172, August 18, 2017 8:38 am ET
by dvd
Thank God they landed
Right next to a docile lamb
Instead of the wolf
Haiku # 57171, August 17, 2017 6:07 pm ET
by adam ben adam
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