I'm having inappropriate thoughts about Asian high school girls and Fido pot pie, made with Fido and hydroponic pot, baked at 375 F for 45 minutes, and then after another 20 minutes cooling, and another 45 minutes post consumption, then I would be baked and I really wish I could sneak out behind the football storage shed at lunch time and fire one up with a cutie like I never did when I was in high school, Goddamn it all! Drugs should be part of the high school curriculum, then kids wouldn't want to do drugs. Why can't mosquitoes carry HIV? I guess they would have to bite two people, and they usually don't do that, do they? I don't know; I'm not an impregnated female mosquito flown into a smoke ring of marijuana puffed out by a high high school kid. I want to jump on top of a police car in the middle of a race riot and defecate on the roof of his car -- not to make a statement, just to be famous on a YouTube video for a short while. I could blame the drugs, then "get clean", and go on Oprah and she could give me a new car. After which I would go out to the studio parking lot and defecate on its roof. The Vogons have not eaten my brain, I have eaten theirs. Deny it. Go ahead.

If ever my wife learned to read, I think I would quickly be single again. Alas, she only looks at pictures and short texts on Farcebook; a product of the modern age.

I want to start a website called Assbook.com, where people are not allowed to post their true identities, just pictures of their butts and recordings of their farts. No politics, just discussion of which places have the best bathrooms and what style of toilet seat is more comfortable. Also brands of TP might be contemplated and the pros and cons of TP vs. the Far East water bucket method or spray nozzle. I think I prefer the spray nozzle. If you've never tried it, you should. Saves TP, is more effective than the water ladle/bucket method and uses less water. Give it a try some time. Save the planet, and all that good stuff. See, something good did come of all this.

Bye now.