Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
25 Years, 277 Days and 75965 Haiku later...

You don't want to suck.
But you want the ten dollars.
Make up your damn mind!
Haiku # 70276, March 15, 2021 10:14 am ET
by Goddamn dirty whores.
Container garden
Under your balls....succulents!
No one wants to suck
Haiku # 70275, March 15, 2021 9:21 am ET
by Terry Mulcher of Cielo Drive
A flower tattoo
encroaching on your pubis
improves not the smell.
Haiku # 70274, March 15, 2021 8:21 am ET
drink your big black cow
and get outta here, you know
bands named for dildoes
Haiku # 70273, March 15, 2021 3:58 am ET
by vhs of steely dan, man
You're a dren, Potsie
Root beer float with two straws
Fresh pack of rubbers
Haiku # 70272, March 14, 2021 10:42 pm ET
by Things are looking up of Arnold's Restaurant
You're a dren, Potsie
Root beer float with two straws
Fresh pack of rubbers
Haiku # 70271, March 14, 2021 10:40 pm ET
by Things are looking up of Arnold's Restaurant
Refill all floats, Don.
How much vile doo i have!
"Shit Happens" on tie-dye.

Coffee ice cream float.
Made with original Coke.
The one with cocaine.

It will wake you up.
Peruvian dessert freeze.
Häagen-Dazs brain blast!
Haiku # 70270, March 14, 2021 9:32 pm ET
by Refill your Free Will. of It's free on Mondays!
we will all float on
how much evil do i have
what happens when i die?
Haiku # 70269, March 14, 2021 11:18 am ET
by vhs
What’s your favourite food?
I guarantee we have it!!
Buy End Times Buckets!!
Haiku # 70268, March 14, 2021 7:01 am ET
by Jim Bakker of Awaiting your payment
Stop wasting money
Buying that shitty mall weed
Buy End Times Buckets!!
Haiku # 70267, March 14, 2021 4:54 am ET
by Your Armageddon Buffet of And Portable Latrine
My God, pot's legal.
And you all still can't behave.
What a sad sad state.

I'd pay good money
to get each one of you high
as Cheech and Chong.

Maybe then you'd smile.
Sad little internet trolls.
Leave your mom's basement!
Haiku # 70266, March 14, 2021 1:12 am ET
by And I don't mean Arkansas state. I mean your existence! of Move to Oregon, it's all legal there!
i dont like it when
people on here call me on crap
so im glad i do

forget this place. my
mind is occupied by more
important ideas

like bitching on twitter
Haiku # 70265, March 14, 2021 12:50 am ET
by vhs
given how i take
some things way too personal
i might not miss you
Haiku # 70264, March 14, 2021 12:40 am ET
by vhs
you know i forget
this place exists, you may
and i won't know it
Haiku # 70263, March 14, 2021 12:39 am ET
by vhs forgot to say
pretty please. and please i aint
that pretty, hunny...
Haiku # 70262, March 14, 2021 12:33 am ET
by vhs
VHS eats shit
Always has and always will
I hate kissing you
Haiku # 70261, March 14, 2021 12:26 am ET
by But I will because you pay me in French fry grease
did you hear about
the 'pastor' said jesus was a
racist? tik tok, time

judas always has a price
Haiku # 70260, March 13, 2021 11:14 pm ET
by vhs
social justice of
course is not social or just
it just says raaaaaaacisssssttttttt...
Haiku # 70259, March 13, 2021 11:12 pm ET
by vhs
Smells like Darth in here.
I need air freshener, quick.
Or else a gas-mask.
Haiku # 70258, March 13, 2021 10:00 pm ET
by Stench of Fig of Pucker
Make art with boogers.
A self portrait can take years.
Keep you occupied.

Beats molesting kids.
GPS ankle device.
Noticed that detail.

You don't need Tinder.
Sex offender registry.
Where pervs can hook up.
Haiku # 70256, March 12, 2021 4:29 am ET
by It's a sick sick world. of Thank God for bullets.
Swiping left and right
No, I'm not on a dating site
Just picking boogers
Haiku # 70255, March 12, 2021 12:21 am ET
by For a good time call... of Booger Wall
If you play the harp
to Black Sabbath's sheet music
Randy Rhoads will come.
Haiku # 70254, March 11, 2021 5:22 pm ET
by In his pants. of Or maybe in your pants and then blame you.
Sandy's a fag hag.
Sponge Bob pretends to be gay
so he can get some.
Haiku # 70253, March 11, 2021 5:12 pm ET
by Pooparazzi with Proof
By eating pussy
you'll destroy the universe
one squirell at a time.
Haiku # 70252, March 11, 2021 5:10 pm ET
by Sandy's Scuba Gear of Bikini Bottom
You just inspired
Enema Vending Machine
See me on Shart Tank
Haiku # 70250, March 11, 2021 12:46 pm ET
by Enema of The People
I once sucked a dick.
I also wrote a poem.
Which one is more gay?
Haiku # 70249, March 11, 2021 10:32 am ET
by Asking for an enema.
I just did suck dick
The dick was not very big
Mine not bigger tho
Haiku # 70248, March 11, 2021 8:54 am ET
by smolDicc
Did I touch a nerve?
Was it in your clitoris?
Cutting of the Rose!
Haiku # 70247, March 10, 2021 9:10 pm ET
by I should have been an Arab. of Seems like their culture is more sane than ours.
New Reserved Beating
FOR MEN WITH large penises
and no bank accounts.

To be specific
African Americans
pulled over by cops.
Haiku # 70246, March 10, 2021 6:37 am ET
by Snowflake Hippie Feminist Poet
New Reserved Seating
FOR MEN WITH small penises
and large bank accounts
Haiku # 70245, March 10, 2021 2:45 am ET
by And of Vice Versa
Food conveyor belt
Delectable selections
followed by rank farts

Glutinous rice balls
Dangle fromunda loin cloth
The heat of the meat
Haiku # 70244, March 10, 2021 1:39 am ET
by Pop Up Restaurant of In Your Pants
Have you ever had
a wasabi enema?
Then you haven't lived!
Haiku # 70243, March 10, 2021 12:37 am ET
by Dr. Snotbegone's Wasabi Nasal Spray. of As Seen on TV!
Oh that soft tuna.
Snuggled in rice and seaweed.
Dipped in wasabi.
Haiku # 70242, March 10, 2021 12:35 am ET
by I shoyu! of Complicated sushi is for ladyboys... But they say we're all a little gay.
Oh, great Sushi Train.
Your mouth becomes the tunnel.
Your ass the exit.

Can you see the light?
Well then you must be a poo.
Wasabi train tracks.
Haiku # 70241, March 9, 2021 10:52 pm ET
by Conveyor belted and strapped in. of Strapped in strap-on... because, you know... it's Japan.
Asian Jesus turns
teenage urine to sake
at the sushi bar.

Angers businessmen.
They'd rather have the urine.
To give them long life.

But they are happy
when he turns one sushi roll
into three hundred.
Haiku # 70240, March 9, 2021 10:46 pm ET
by Chojin, so Zen. So it is written. So it must be. of Urotsukodoji -- Legend of the Overfiend
Samurai sperm cells
have quite high motility
and glow in the dark.

Phosphorescent spooge
has the tang of whale blubber
and young prostitutes.
Haiku # 70239, March 9, 2021 10:39 pm ET
by Ninjas also, but not as much. of E = (6.626*10^-34 J*s)v (that's supposed to be a Greek "nu")
Fukushima jizz
Secret sake recipe
For Christ’s sake have some
Haiku # 70238, March 9, 2021 10:28 pm ET
by True Sake of Radiation
In Adam’s Garden
Turns out it wasn’t a snake
Just a garden hose
Haiku # 70236, March 9, 2021 12:43 am ET
by Noticer of Details of Wayback
In Adam’s garden
Winter gives way to spring, buds.
Snap, crackle, chirp
Haiku # 70235, March 8, 2021 11:39 pm ET
by Cliff Dancer of lives in a tent
Winter crab fishing
Will they make it home alive?
Ask the Bering Sea
Haiku # 70234, March 8, 2021 10:25 pm ET
by King Crab of Lurking
It's always schlong day.
I put it on your pancakes.
And took a picture.
Haiku # 70233, March 8, 2021 8:48 pm ET
by FigPucker in a Blanket. of LOL Although I gave up pork.
What do you call it
Deadhead gets a paper cut
Just a Phil Lesh wound
Haiku # 70232, March 8, 2021 2:03 pm ET
by Rain of Box
Nope, it's not schlong day
Not today or any day
Please put that away
Haiku # 70231, March 8, 2021 7:02 am ET
by Phil Lesh
Is today Schlong Day?
Worried about the hot stove
but I’ve got it out
Haiku # 70230, March 8, 2021 4:58 am ET
by Gordon Ramsay of Nude in kitchen
Vagina poems.
They're so good they suck you in,
birthing new ideas.
Haiku # 70228, March 7, 2021 4:56 pm ET
by DW
Haiku are so cute.
They look so much like dongs with
balls on either side.

Haiku # 70227, March 7, 2021 4:55 pm ET
by Know what I mean.
Streaking through backyards
with the purloined lingerie
Say, let’s follow him
Haiku # 70224, March 7, 2021 2:12 pm ET
by Noticer of Details
Huge girdles and bras
strung out on the old clothesline
Here comes Figpucker!
Haiku # 70223, March 7, 2021 2:06 pm ET
by Noticer of Details of Neighborhood
Hey Darth Figpucker:
You never revile Islam.
Why don't you do that?
Haiku # 70221, March 7, 2021 7:09 am ET
by Imam Ibn Al Waq Al Baqra
My battering ram
Sometimes it gets in the food
Sometimes in your mouth
Haiku # 70220, March 7, 2021 5:25 am ET
by Gordon Fucking Ramsey of Kitchen
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