Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 126 Days and 76958 Haiku later...

That Szechuan haiku
Stolen from the Japanese
Cheap Chinese ripoffs
Haiku # 69600, January 13, 2021 11:13 pm ET
by Me Chinee, me play joke, me put peepee in yo Coke. of Chinese, Japanese, dirty knees, look at these!
That Szechuan chicken
With the three kinds of pepper
Better than haiku
Haiku # 69599, January 13, 2021 9:02 pm ET
by Poetry Toks of Bullshit Woks
Where the hell are you?
Come on now, don't die on me.
Tell me I'm so wrong!
Haiku # 69598, January 13, 2021 8:16 pm ET
by I know, you just have a hangover. of And dried up jizz from the boys you blew stuck in your hair.
What, you're still asleep?!
Get your fat ass out of bed!
Make some damn breakfast!
Haiku # 69597, January 13, 2021 10:06 am ET
by Gordon Ramsay of And don't fuck up the eggs!
The dairy cow mooed.
The sheep just stared and bleated.
The pig did TikTok.
Haiku # 69596, January 13, 2021 7:28 am ET
by I swear it's true!
What is wrong with you?
How can you post such vile filth?
What made you this way?
Haiku # 69595, January 13, 2021 6:01 am ET
by Detailer of notices. of Decease and decyst.
I don't hate women,
but I sneak in their restrooms
and pee on the seats.
Haiku # 69594, January 13, 2021 3:58 am ET
by Revenge against angry mother. of Starbucks Coffee, of course.
Infuse HIV
into the covid membrane.
Hey, it's worth a shot.
Haiku # 69593, January 13, 2021 3:55 am ET
by Pesky humans. of Viruses Helping Viruses
How have I performed?
Please rate me at Yelp dot com.
I will send you nudes.
Haiku # 69592, January 13, 2021 3:53 am ET
by Whore of Downtown
Do cows enjoy drugs?
We need to experiment
then survey the cows.
Haiku # 69591, January 13, 2021 3:49 am ET
by GoFundMe/Donate/HappyCows of One dose for you, one for me... one for you... 10 for me.
At the capital
dose all the Proud Boy rebels.
It would have been fun.
Haiku # 69590, January 13, 2021 3:33 am ET
by LSD will set you free.
Cars powered by farts
Breakdown on Methane Highway
They ran out of gas
Haiku # 69589, January 13, 2021 2:04 am ET
by Siphoning Sucks of Ass
I'm not a robot
Ever heard of a robot
with a ten pound dink?
Haiku # 69588, January 13, 2021 1:16 am ET
by Heavy Metal Headbangers and Balls of Preparing for shipment
Not asking for much
Just to blend in with your soul
If you still have one
Haiku # 69586, January 12, 2021 11:23 pm ET
by Soul of Whizzing around
In these troubled times
Mandatory pot smoking
Everybody puff
Haiku # 69585, January 12, 2021 11:18 pm ET
by Spot the Dragon of under Herman Munster's stairs
He left the seat up
She stabbed him fifty six times
Don't leave the seat up
Haiku # 69584, January 12, 2021 11:12 pm ET
by Men are gross of Pissed Off
I would be wary
of the large cassowary.
And too expensive!
Haiku # 69583, January 12, 2021 11:03 pm ET
by No one questions you about chickens. of Not sure how cassowary tastes though. Maybe really good.
That bird is a bitch
Everybody's talking 'bout
the Cassowary Bird
Haiku # 69582, January 12, 2021 10:34 pm ET
by Everybody of Everywhere
Let's talk pet monkeys
They need lots of attention
They'll fling shit at you
Haiku # 69581, January 12, 2021 10:31 pm ET
by I. Wantone of Now
Why haven't you tried
Car Wash fellatio ride
Afraid to get wet?
Haiku # 69580, January 12, 2021 10:26 pm ET
by No Attendant of On Duty
Chicken!
Haiku # 69579, January 12, 2021 10:21 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
I ate someone good.
So my haiku are glowing.
Or my face is glazed.
Haiku # 69578, January 12, 2021 10:20 pm ET
by Fine dining w/o the cheese.
Name an animal
that you fuck before eating
tick tock tick tock tick
Haiku # 69577, January 12, 2021 10:17 pm ET
by Phil Everyhole of Wild New Game Show premiering Hump Night
Darth, this batch of Haikus is gold

You must have eaten something good or got laid
Haiku # 69576, January 12, 2021 10:13 pm ET
by Gatita
Fartologist, I.
My autobiography.
Catchy title, no?
Haiku # 69575, January 12, 2021 9:23 pm ET
by Disenjambment Society. of Would you like some Lord of the Flies with that Shakespear?
Fartologist, I.
My autobiography
title. Catchy, no?
Haiku # 69574, January 12, 2021 9:16 pm ET
by Darth Whorendous, ancient Sith Lord of the Gas Planets. Things are getting heavy.
Methane emissions
of dairy bovine pollute
the earth's atmosphere.

Almost as bad as
cars' fossil fuel combustion.
We need cow gas traps.

Put that waste to use.
Like for cooking hamburgers!
Where will it all end?!
Haiku # 69573, January 12, 2021 9:14 pm ET
by We need an asteroid. of A really, really BIG one. Like the "dinks" you enjoy.
Roger Water's song
called "Our Song" with Ron Geeson.
There are no Pan flutes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRGe8iK0jvE
Haiku # 69572, January 12, 2021 9:02 pm ET
by Music from The Body of By the way, which one's Pink?
If you eat horse dinks,
do you chop them while erect?
Juicier that way?
Haiku # 69571, January 12, 2021 8:37 pm ET
by I've got to give that a try! of Maybe carabao dink substitute.
Nothing plugs me up.
Regular as a pigeon.
Just like Old Faithful.

High-powered weapon.
Even butt-plugs won't plug me.
Three, two, one - KA-BOOM!

Sorry 'bout the mess.
But only just a little.
New spackled ceilings.
Haiku # 69570, January 12, 2021 8:33 pm ET
by So, have you had covid yet? of If so, how did you enjoy it? -- Your's Truly, China
I think you like cheese
because it plugs you up
That's my butt feeling
Haiku # 69569, January 12, 2021 8:01 pm ET
by Fart Scientist of Laboratory (pronounced lavatory)
Expensive cheese
you'd prostitute yourself for
I know you well, Darth
Haiku # 69568, January 12, 2021 7:58 pm ET
by Noticer of Details of Under old willow
Diarrhea jig
Wearing a brown tartan kilt
made from last night's stew
Haiku # 69567, January 12, 2021 7:52 pm ET
by Fartin' Tartan of 2 -ply, Scotland
Fart syncopation
accompanied by pan flute
K-Tel Order Now
Haiku # 69566, January 12, 2021 7:45 pm ET
by Flootie Patootie of Ghost pepper shootout
Leave us pigs alone
Let us roll in mud and shit
Go eat somewhere else
Haiku # 69565, January 12, 2021 7:39 pm ET
by Disgruntled Pig of Rolling in mud and shit
You are very wise
Reading that made me crave pork
and also fear pork
Haiku # 69564, January 12, 2021 7:33 pm ET
by Gravy of Totally Toxic
Where are you horse dinks?
How 'bout a shout-out for me?
John Boy Walton's mole
Haiku # 69563, January 12, 2021 7:29 pm ET
by John Boy Walton's Mole of Cheek
Oh, I will eat pork.
Especially if free bacon.
Jewish tradition.

I love a ham sub.
Lots of veggies and dijon.
On toasted wheat bread.

But roast pork is gross.
The flavor can't be erased.
It tastes so... toxic.
Haiku # 69562, January 12, 2021 7:28 pm ET
by Loaded with pesticides growth hormone. Seriously, get a pig raised on good food, it tastes pretty good. Philippinos have a way of fucking up food beyond comprehension. Should have moved to Thailand. Live & learn... Live at any rate.
Since Darth gave up pork
He's forgotten how it tastes
He's got hamnesia
Haiku # 69561, January 12, 2021 11:15 am ET
by Meathead of Memory Lane
If you masturbate
to pictures of Donald Trump,
then you're a Proud Boy.
Haiku # 69560, January 12, 2021 7:39 am ET
by And vice versa.
those things don't matter
when you don't quite remember
whatever it was
Haiku # 69559, January 12, 2021 7:13 am ET
by ash
Hot Delivery
The pizza was delicious
He gave ME a tip!
Haiku # 69558, January 12, 2021 3:49 am ET
by Satisfied Customer of Down on the floor
Order a pizza
Answer the door in the nude
Money in ass crack
Haiku # 69557, January 12, 2021 3:39 am ET
by Ben Dover of Free Pizza. Works like a charm.
Break it up, poets
Don't make me come over there
and fart in your face
Haiku # 69556, January 12, 2021 3:33 am ET
by Methane Mediator of Methane Mediation Services (smells like dead meat)
my collected work ?
22 years of haiku
mostly without trump
Haiku # 69555, January 12, 2021 12:36 am ET
by ash
Hey Ash, without Trump
You'd have no inspiration.
I think he's your muse.
Haiku # 69554, January 11, 2021 9:24 pm ET
by Orange Cheeto Muse and Love of Ash's Life
he's made history
a legend in his own mind
roll the discredits
Haiku # 69553, January 11, 2021 6:55 pm ET
by ash
North Pole hooker farts.
Frosty toots of prostitutes.
Keeps Santa Claus warm.
Haiku # 69552, January 11, 2021 6:55 pm ET
by Have you been a naughty girl this year?
Let's discuss my balls.
They would look good in your mouth.
At your funeral.

I'd get lots of pics.
My asshole stuck in your nose.
I might even poop.

You'd get lots of hits.
It would make a cool TikTok.
You'll be popular!
Haiku # 69551, January 11, 2021 6:31 pm ET
by Dying for Fame? of Yep, whores do that.
Bad Haiku Real News. The Best News.

House adds on the charge
ugliest toupee ever.
Seeks death penalty.

I mean, Jesus Christ!
Toupee looks like piss mop at
Cheetos festival.
Haiku # 69550, January 11, 2021 4:46 pm ET
by To pee or not to pee. of Urination in yer nation.
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