Caddyshack beaver
Maybe it was a groundhog
Well, Darth would fuck it

Vaginal pus sacs
release mold spores in the air.
Be still; breathe deeply.

Your lung becomes cunt.
Vomit conjoined headless twins.
Figpucker / Cuntfart.

Consequences of
sucking cock at library.
Booze & haikus ooze.

Impregnated lung
births deformed haiku poets
into the toilet.

Chicom's rule China
Enslave billions of people
Now they want the world

Hongkies can see it
They do not want to be slaves
Fight like the devil

But sad- they will lose!
Hunted down and killed
By Communist thugs..

Fart decibel limit
Maximum pubic hair growth
I don't follow rules

Unrest in Hong Kong
started by one bad Haiku.
See how trouble grows

Those who won't submit
to syllabic rule of verse
shall face the armed State

The sky god is also named Zhang!
Why does he make life hard for me!?
If it doesn't rain in three days
I'll demolish your GD temple!
Then I'll have cannons blast your mom!

T: "Why on earth would you call me a pig-fucker, Phillip?"
P: "Well, let's see... first of all, you fuck pigs."
T: "... Oh yeah."

Is that Jimmy Dean?
Spicy sausage breakfast dink.
A rinky-dink dink.

Minuscule morsel.
Ghost pepper lubrication.
Has it shriveled up?

Bipedal bovoid
Is knocking on your front door
Selling thesauri

Point your pretty hooves
To the ceiling and don't stop
Dancing until it

Giant ear of corn
Just tapping on your window
Until 3 AM

When you download pork
And you have too much to do
Pigfuckeration

When you download porn
and have too much work to do:
Promasturnation.

Nacho cheese in cans.
You too can be immortal.
Infinite shelf life.

Fifty gallon drum
I wonder what is inside
Why is it leaking?

Axe zip ties bleach saw
Duct tape hammer shovel knife
Rope face mask ear plugs

Only 3 per cent
Of birds still have penises
Emus have big dinks

Tiny bird schmekle
Descended from dinosaurs
Can't fly with big dinks

Gun gun gun gun gun
Shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot
Death death death death dearh

Worse than ceiling cat
Spied on by my headless twin
No damn privacy

When you kiss a frog
A handsome Prince will appear
Who wants to go first?

Private Property
No Trespassing. KEEP OUT
No Soliciting

Deboning the trout
Both hands tied behind your back
Are you an otter?

Hairy frog and I
But wait, it isn't a frog
My penis has warts

I'm the headless twin!
Did you just ASSUME my head?!
That's so UN-PC!

MY SPOON IS TOO BIG!

Somehow I picture
Marilyn Manson smoking
the Royal Feces.

I read it somewhere
That Queen Elizabeth's poop
Has to be burned up

I AM A BANANA

Rat a tat tat peck
Peck peck rat a tat tat
Shut up woodpecker!

Hey Darth Figpucker
Does your conjoined headless twin
Write these bad poems?

Grandpa got confused
When he went to milk the cows
He jerked off instead

They just start out raw
Cooking brings out the flavor
Stop jerking off please!

With so much bad food
there's no choice but eat people.
Either that or rats.

If they are STEWING,
how on earth can they be RAW?
... Shit, now I'm hungry.

Echolocation
We have tracked your flatulence
You're bat shit crazy!

Raw human beings
Stewing in their own juices
Figpucker Island

Barbershop quartet
Four fart flatus harmony
Not a mass shooting

Halfway through the sand
Why did they bury me here?
The sun is sinking

Hospitality
Found between the open legs
Of a gorilla

Co-op-era-tion.
Yip yip yip yip yip, uh huh.
Yip yip yip yip yip.

Yip scram fram glom bom
Merple dormy hramp mong bip
Strabble grok strop frop

Flerma scrom tizda
Hepta glom scrag hlang mangmang
Fesh fesh groo jung yoo

They who masturbate
whilst contemplating livestock
are my soul brethren.

I plowed Buzz Lightyear
One more off the bucket list
Next up is Woody

I think I know him!
Does your brother ride a horse?
--Your, Ichabod Crane

Two beers, rum & Coke,
and a tall Bloody Mary.
My head is fuzzy.

Now I need coffee.
What a horrible junkie.
Freebasing caffeine.

Well fuck me running!
That's a goddamn good poem.
I think I'll jack off.

Conjoined headless twin
Mother always liked you best
Life is so unfair