Private Property
No Trespassing. KEEP OUT
No Soliciting

Deboning the trout
Both hands tied behind your back
Are you an otter?

Hairy frog and I
But wait, it isn't a frog
My penis has warts

I'm the headless twin!
Did you just ASSUME my head?!
That's so UN-PC!

MY SPOON IS TOO BIG!

Somehow I picture
Marilyn Manson smoking
the Royal Feces.

I read it somewhere
That Queen Elizabeth's poop
Has to be burned up

I AM A BANANA

Rat a tat tat peck
Peck peck rat a tat tat
Shut up woodpecker!

Hey Darth Figpucker
Does your conjoined headless twin
Write these bad poems?

Grandpa got confused
When he went to milk the cows
He jerked off instead

They just start out raw
Cooking brings out the flavor
Stop jerking off please!

With so much bad food
there's no choice but eat people.
Either that or rats.

If they are STEWING,
how on earth can they be RAW?
... Shit, now I'm hungry.

Echolocation
We have tracked your flatulence
You're bat shit crazy!

Raw human beings
Stewing in their own juices
Figpucker Island

Barbershop quartet
Four fart flatus harmony
Not a mass shooting

Halfway through the sand
Why did they bury me here?
The sun is sinking

Hospitality
Found between the open legs
Of a gorilla

Co-op-era-tion.
Yip yip yip yip yip, uh huh.
Yip yip yip yip yip.

Yip scram fram glom bom
Merple dormy hramp mong bip
Strabble grok strop frop

Flerma scrom tizda
Hepta glom scrag hlang mangmang
Fesh fesh groo jung yoo

They who masturbate
whilst contemplating livestock
are my soul brethren.

I plowed Buzz Lightyear
One more off the bucket list
Next up is Woody

I think I know him!
Does your brother ride a horse?
--Your, Ichabod Crane

Two beers, rum & Coke,
and a tall Bloody Mary.
My head is fuzzy.

Now I need coffee.
What a horrible junkie.
Freebasing caffeine.

Well fuck me running!
That's a goddamn good poem.
I think I'll jack off.

Conjoined headless twin
Mother always liked you best
Life is so unfair

the world keeps turning
even if i'm still asleep
the planet isn't

Ignite your poem.
Might singe the hairs on your taint.
Goes out with a bang.

Then by that regards
cows are the world's best poets.
Hungry for burgers?

I wrote a poem
But instead of using words
I used methane gas

It wasn't special.
Not very big and brownish.
The pic's on Facebook.

I'll go take a dump.
Then I'll tell you about it.
Get comfortable.

One voice is my ass.
Listen to words of wisdom.
Parooooot-a-toot-toot.

The best voice ever
Belongs to Jeanine Piero
White nationalist

One voice is reason.
One voice stinks of excrement.
Choose well which is which.

Hey Beto O'Dork
You got a haircut wow cool!
On TV good job!

And you ride skate boards!
Excellent qualifiers !
for useful idiot!

Igniting flatus.
Do you have the balls to try?
Careful! Don't burn them!

Written on the wind
Timeless, smelly brown smudges
Nose poems. Breathe Deep

I almost read it
Form of written flatulence
Your signature verse

I have used corn starch
For rear end irritation
And making gravy

Ever fuck Jello
while you are high on corn starch?
Then you haven't lived.

Participation
Masturbation requires some
But you're too lazy

Ever snort corn starch?
Have you ever fucked Jello?
It's never too late

I done got fucked up.
Butt-chugged me some paint thinner.
My farts smell like pine.

Everybody knows
Elevators take more time
With a Fart on-board

Just enjoyed primo
carabao capuccino.
Urge to roll in mud.

A gay poet wrote
on worms in his urethra;
he'd let them crawl in.

You said nightcrawlers.
I thought maybe you know him.
Hey, you could swap worms.

A new gay sex thing.
And you get to tell your friends,
you heard it here first.

Capitalists blow
the whore the Lard Jesus Christ
and spit on themselves.

Communists will bow
Before the Lord Jesus Christ
in spite of themselves.