Bad Haiku

The sky god is also named Zhang!
Why does he make life hard for me!?
If it doesn't rain in three days
I'll demolish your GD temple!
Then I'll have cannons blast your mom!

Haiku #65743, by Zhang Zong Chang of Western Paradise
September 3, 2019 5:50 am ET

T: "Why on earth would you call me a pig-fucker, Phillip?"
P: "Well, let's see... first of all, you fuck pigs."
T: "... Oh yeah."

Haiku #65742, by
September 3, 2019 1:41 am ET

Is that Jimmy Dean?
Spicy sausage breakfast dink.
A rinky-dink dink.

Minuscule morsel.
Ghost pepper lubrication.
Has it shriveled up?

Haiku #65741, by
September 3, 2019 1:36 am ET

Bipedal bovoid
Is knocking on your front door
Selling thesauri

Haiku #65740, by Fesh of Glom
September 2, 2019 11:26 pm ET

Point your pretty hooves
To the ceiling and don't stop
Dancing until it

Haiku #65739, by Fesh of Glom
September 2, 2019 11:22 pm ET

Giant ear of corn
Just tapping on your window
Until 3 AM

Haiku #65738, by Fesh of Glom
September 2, 2019 11:17 pm ET

When you download pork
And you have too much to do
Pigfuckeration

Haiku #65737, by Sausage dink of Under old willow
September 2, 2019 11:17 pm ET

When you download porn
and have too much work to do:
Promasturnation.

Haiku #65736, by df
September 2, 2019 11:03 pm ET

Nacho cheese in cans.
You too can be immortal.
Infinite shelf life.

Haiku #65735, by
September 2, 2019 10:50 pm ET

Fifty gallon drum
I wonder what is inside
Why is it leaking?

Haiku #65734, by Trudging along of Undisclosed
September 2, 2019 5:03 pm ET

Axe zip ties bleach saw
Duct tape hammer shovel knife
Rope face mask ear plugs

Haiku #65733, by Undisclosed of Undisclosed
September 2, 2019 3:22 pm ET

Only 3 per cent
Of birds still have penises
Emus have big dinks

Haiku #65732, by Walkin Funny of Bird watching
September 2, 2019 11:43 am ET

Tiny bird schmekle
Descended from dinosaurs
Can't fly with big dinks

Haiku #65731, by God is sensible of And so awesome.
September 2, 2019 11:37 am ET

Gun gun gun gun gun
Shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot
Death death death death dearh

Haiku #65730, by Second amendment retard
September 2, 2019 11:17 am ET

Worse than ceiling cat
Spied on by my headless twin
No damn privacy

Haiku #65729, by Other twin of With fully formed head
September 2, 2019 8:57 am ET

When you kiss a frog
A handsome Prince will appear
Who wants to go first?

Haiku #65728, by Tad Pole of Frog Pond
September 2, 2019 12:56 am ET

Private Property
No Trespassing. KEEP OUT
No Soliciting

Haiku #65727, by This means You
September 1, 2019 11:02 pm ET

Deboning the trout
Both hands tied behind your back
Are you an otter?

Haiku #65726, by Trudging along of Figpucker Island
September 1, 2019 9:52 pm ET

Hairy frog and I
But wait, it isn't a frog
My penis has warts

Haiku #65725, by Riddip of Lily pad
September 1, 2019 9:11 pm ET

I'm the headless twin!
Did you just ASSUME my head?!
That's so UN-PC!

Haiku #65724, by df
September 1, 2019 9:02 pm ET

MY SPOON IS TOO BIG!

Haiku #65723, by Fom of Gesh
September 1, 2019 8:57 pm ET

Somehow I picture
Marilyn Manson smoking
the Royal Feces.

Haiku #65722, by df
September 1, 2019 8:57 pm ET

I read it somewhere
That Queen Elizabeth's poop
Has to be burned up

Haiku #65721, by Noticer of Details of Behind binoculars
September 1, 2019 7:17 pm ET

I AM A BANANA

Haiku #65720, by Fesh of Glom
September 1, 2019 1:09 pm ET

Rat a tat tat peck
Peck peck rat a tat tat
Shut up woodpecker!

Haiku #65719, by Ann Noyed
September 1, 2019 10:36 am ET

Hey Darth Figpucker
Does your conjoined headless twin
Write these bad poems?

Haiku #65718, by Poet of Know it
September 1, 2019 2:45 am ET

Grandpa got confused
When he went to milk the cows
He jerked off instead

Haiku #65717, by Don't drink the milk of It's spoiled
September 1, 2019 2:36 am ET

They just start out raw
Cooking brings out the flavor
Stop jerking off please!

Haiku #65716, by Chef of Miami Spooj
September 1, 2019 2:26 am ET

With so much bad food
there's no choice but eat people.
Either that or rats.

Haiku #65715, by Now that I think about it, the rats are cleaner.
September 1, 2019 1:52 am ET

If they are STEWING,
how on earth can they be RAW?
... Shit, now I'm hungry.

Haiku #65714, by Guess no diet today, damnitall.
September 1, 2019 1:47 am ET

Echolocation
We have tracked your flatulence
You're bat shit crazy!

Haiku #65713, by Fart Knower of In the vicinity
September 1, 2019 1:39 am ET

Raw human beings
Stewing in their own juices
Figpucker Island

Haiku #65712, by Chamber of Commerce of Figpucker Island
September 1, 2019 12:56 am ET

Barbershop quartet
Four fart flatus harmony
Not a mass shooting

Haiku #65711, by Gassy Jack of Loading up on beans
August 31, 2019 11:07 pm ET

Halfway through the sand
Why did they bury me here?
The sun is sinking

Haiku #65710, by A. Bandoned of With a submerged boner
August 31, 2019 10:43 pm ET

Hospitality
Found between the open legs
Of a gorilla

Haiku #65709, by Gorilla fancier of In the mist
August 31, 2019 10:40 pm ET

Co-op-era-tion.
Yip yip yip yip yip, uh huh.
Yip yip yip yip yip.

Haiku #65708, by Marshun
August 31, 2019 10:12 pm ET

Yip scram fram glom bom
Merple dormy hramp mong bip
Strabble grok strop frop

Haiku #65707, by Fesh of Glom
August 31, 2019 10:00 pm ET

Flerma scrom tizda
Hepta glom scrag hlang mangmang
Fesh fesh groo jung yoo

Haiku #65706, by Fesh of Glom
August 31, 2019 9:57 pm ET

They who masturbate
whilst contemplating livestock
are my soul brethren.

Haiku #65705, by Darth Figpucker, The Highly Inappropriate
August 31, 2019 9:55 pm ET

I plowed Buzz Lightyear
One more off the bucket list
Next up is Woody

Haiku #65704, by BHTizzie
August 31, 2019 8:00 pm ET

I think I know him!
Does your brother ride a horse?
--Your, Ichabod Crane

Haiku #65703, by
August 31, 2019 7:50 pm ET

Two beers, rum & Coke,
and a tall Bloody Mary.
My head is fuzzy.

Now I need coffee.
What a horrible junkie.
Freebasing caffeine.

Haiku #65702, by Freebase caffeine is not just an urban legend. It will fuck you up.
August 31, 2019 7:30 pm ET

Well fuck me running!
That's a goddamn good poem.
I think I'll jack off.

Haiku #65701, by df of twin w/ head, you are awesome!
August 31, 2019 7:24 pm ET

Conjoined headless twin
Mother always liked you best
Life is so unfair

Haiku #65700, by Other twin of With fully formed head
August 31, 2019 4:49 pm ET

the world keeps turning
even if i'm still asleep
the planet isn't

Haiku #65699, by ash
August 31, 2019 10:23 am ET

Ignite your poem.
Might singe the hairs on your taint.
Goes out with a bang.

Then by that regards
cows are the world's best poets.
Hungry for burgers?

Haiku #65698, by Invisible Literature
August 30, 2019 11:48 pm ET

I wrote a poem
But instead of using words
I used methane gas

Haiku #65697, by Hairy Asshole of Chair
August 30, 2019 10:49 pm ET

It wasn't special.
Not very big and brownish.
The pic's on Facebook.

Haiku #65696, by
August 30, 2019 5:52 pm ET

I'll go take a dump.
Then I'll tell you about it.
Get comfortable.

Haiku #65695, by
August 30, 2019 5:47 pm ET

One voice is my ass.
Listen to words of wisdom.
Parooooot-a-toot-toot.

Haiku #65694, by That is pure truth!
August 30, 2019 5:46 pm ET