Which do you prefer?
An Asian dwarf or pygmy?
Sometimes pygmies bite.

But for wiping ass,
pygmies really know their shit.
Figliterally.

Build me a bidet!
By bidet I mean midget
Who will wipe my arse

Would you rather fuck
A giant sized praying mantis
Or giant housefly?

Better to barter
Clean my house, get a blow job
From my Doberman

Dealing with the coins,
the wind takes your dollar bills.
Cunt shit fuck piss whore!

I beg to differ.
Neither my nor my cat's ass
has a bad odor.

Asian girls wash me.
Nineteen year old prostitutes.
I pay them in rice.

My cat, however,
she has to wash her own ass.
I feed her dog stew.

Well, my leftovers.
Dog meat tastes just like lean beef.
You would never know.

Hey, what do ya mean
Nothing ever comes from this?
I just blew my wad

Smiling pleasantly
As I hand Darth a washcloth
Please go wash your ass

Stinky Ass Challenge
Who s got the stinkiest ass?
Me, You or your cat?

Been hearing voices
Arguing inside my head
Wait, that s my asshole

Pants marionette
Just call him Howdy Doody
It s a hand puppet

Figpucker s clean taint
Mythbusters proved it s a myth
It ain t clean at all

Cuntfart Cuntfart Cunt
Cuntfart Cuntfart Cunt Cunt Cunt
Cuntfart Cuntfart Cunt

Why wait for cancer?
Your sins will be washed away
Your ass will still stink

You re nobody til Jizzumbody loves you

If I had cancer
I'd shoot those who post selfies
and pics of their lunch.

So I wrote a song.
It's my take on "Tainted Love".
I call it "Loved Taint".

Such a waste of time
Nothing ever comes from this
It is tome to go

They chant decide now!
It's not easy being green!
Unison, be gay!

your eyes caught mine, I
knew we were undone, exposed.
She said, "He needs you".

Marriage is like wine;
Smooth, silky, brazen, bright, big!
Oh,Cassis of souls...

I'd go to the end,
beginning and back again.
Just to taste your skin.

Ali Holmes Sparring
Like Mar(ch) Valley Girl titans
All is loss, yet love

Nuke it from orbit
The only way to be sure
That's what I would do

I finished wiping
Why does poop keep coming out?
Wait, that s your ass

Down here on the floor
With the crumbs and the dog hairs
Hey, I found ten bucks

The wing of the plane
All cramped up in the wheel well
Bad places to wank

please rename this site:
"The Excrescences of Darth"
just to keep it real.

Save room for dinner
That said, Gramps undid his fly.
Rang the dinner bell

Don't know about him.
Often splattered Starbucks' john.
Drips down in your hair.

Vacuous strumpets.
Communication device.
"This is what I ate."

Michelangelo
Do you think he ever wanked
Up on the ceiling

All the lights are on
But there ain t nobody home
My penis is huge

I apologize
I thought she was your mother
Bitches look alike

Asking for a friend
Are dingleberries healthy?
They pair well with cheese

Shit I meant to say not Butthead. Beavis goes heh heh heh heh and Butthead goes huh huh huh huh huh. Elmer Fudd has a much higher rate of huhs per second than Butthead though.

Cunt punt runt bundt cake.
With a shovel or a rake.
Get all you can take.

Living my best life
Eating everything in sight
Farting left and right

Okay, I'll tell you,
It's the long chain aldehydes.
Delicious cancer.

Secret formula.
Dr. Jekyll / aldehyde.
Murder for smoked Swiss.

a friend asked why is
smoked cheese so damn good, its just
bloody well tasty?

Really fun to watch
Slipping on banana peels
It never gets old

Poem half way done
Sudden urge to defecate
Which one will choose?

Those hot summer nights
Too bad we ran out of lube
Salad dressing sucks

Don't dance without pants
Nobody wants to see that
Unless you look hot

After the wife left
I stopped bathing and shaving
Are over the sink

Blown off the hinges
Steel lavatory stall door
Room without a roof

No underwear left
Should not have eaten popcorn
Now it s Jiffy Poop

Relationship woes.
Facebook cries for attention.
Shit-stained undies view.

My cock is so small
mice use it for a toothpick.
But, hey, it feels good.

Commando square dance
Swing your partner round and round
You got crab lice now