BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
22 Years
307 Days
and
65938 Haikus
later...
Which do you prefer?
An Asian dwarf or pygmy?
Sometimes pygmies bite.

But for wiping ass,
pygmies really know their shit.
Figliterally.
Haiku #65431, by Figpuckerishness -- The degree to which something is figpuckered.
July 27, 2019 12:44 pm ET

Build me a bidet!
By bidet I mean midget
Who will wipe my arse
Haiku #65430, by Iona Brownbottom of Throne
July 26, 2019 11:02 pm ET

Would you rather fuck
A giant sized praying mantis
Or giant housefly?
Haiku #65429, by You can only pick one
July 26, 2019 10:49 pm ET

Better to barter
Clean my house, get a blow job
From my Doberman
Haiku #65428, by Win of Win
July 26, 2019 10:45 pm ET

Dealing with the coins,
the wind takes your dollar bills.
Cunt shit fuck piss whore!
Haiku #65427, by And I have to laugh.
July 26, 2019 9:08 pm ET

I beg to differ.
Neither my nor my cat's ass
has a bad odor.

Asian girls wash me.
Nineteen year old prostitutes.
I pay them in rice.

My cat, however,
she has to wash her own ass.
I feed her dog stew.

Well, my leftovers.
Dog meat tastes just like lean beef.
You would never know.
Haiku #65426, by df
July 26, 2019 7:51 pm ET

Hey, what do ya mean
Nothing ever comes from this?
I just blew my wad
Haiku #65425, by E. Jack of Radiator Springs
July 26, 2019 10:00 am ET

Smiling pleasantly
As I hand Darth a washcloth
Please go wash your ass
Haiku #65424, by Board of Health of Hazmat suit
July 26, 2019 7:13 am ET

Stinky Ass Challenge
Who s got the stinkiest ass?
Me, You or your cat?
Haiku #65423, by Cat of Roast beef ass
July 26, 2019 7:10 am ET

Been hearing voices
Arguing inside my head
Wait, that s my asshole
Haiku #65422, by Nevermind of It was just a fart
July 26, 2019 7:08 am ET

Pants marionette
Just call him Howdy Doody
It s a hand puppet
Haiku #65421, by Jack of Your box
July 26, 2019 4:29 am ET

Figpucker s clean taint
Mythbusters proved it s a myth
It ain t clean at all
Haiku #65420, by Spore of Attic
July 26, 2019 4:26 am ET

Cuntfart Cuntfart Cunt
Cuntfart Cuntfart Cunt Cunt Cunt
Cuntfart Cuntfart Cunt
Haiku #65419, by Important memo of Don t chant USA USA
July 25, 2019 11:35 pm ET

Why wait for cancer?
Your sins will be washed away
Your ass will still stink
Haiku #65418, by Anonymous Poet
July 25, 2019 11:32 pm ET

You re nobody til Jizzumbody loves you
Haiku #65417, by Anonymous Poet
July 25, 2019 11:28 pm ET

If I had cancer
I'd shoot those who post selfies
and pics of their lunch.
Haiku #65416, by Darth Angryboy
July 25, 2019 11:25 pm ET

So I wrote a song.
It's my take on "Tainted Love".
I call it "Loved Taint".
Haiku #65415, by Darth Figpucker
July 25, 2019 10:58 pm ET

Such a waste of time
Nothing ever comes from this
It is tome to go
Haiku #65414, by Bye, bye assholes
July 25, 2019 10:29 pm ET

They chant decide now!
It's not easy being green!
Unison, be gay!
Haiku #65413, by Ledge of Kentucky
July 25, 2019 4:04 pm ET

your eyes caught mine, I
knew we were undone, exposed.
She said, "He needs you".
Haiku #65412, by Ledge of Kentucky
July 25, 2019 3:56 pm ET

Marriage is like wine;
Smooth, silky, brazen, bright, big!
Oh,Cassis of souls...
Haiku #65411, by Ledge of Kentucky
July 25, 2019 3:53 pm ET

I'd go to the end,
beginning and back again.
Just to taste your skin.
Haiku #65410, by Ledge of Kentucky
July 25, 2019 3:45 pm ET

Ali Holmes Sparring
Like Mar(ch) Valley Girl titans
All is loss, yet love
Haiku #65409, by Ledge of Kentucky
July 25, 2019 3:39 pm ET

Nuke it from orbit
The only way to be sure
That's what I would do
Haiku #65408, by Anonymous Poet
July 25, 2019 2:29 pm ET

I finished wiping
Why does poop keep coming out?
Wait, that s your ass
Haiku #65407, by Walkin Funny of Trudging along
July 25, 2019 1:40 pm ET

Down here on the floor
With the crumbs and the dog hairs
Hey, I found ten bucks
Haiku #65406, by Star Trek Historian of Nerd Section
July 25, 2019 1:31 pm ET

The wing of the plane
All cramped up in the wheel well
Bad places to wank
Haiku #65405, by Frequent Flyer of I buy my penis its own seat in First Class
July 25, 2019 8:30 am ET

please rename this site:
"The Excrescences of Darth"
just to keep it real.
Haiku #65404, by Sick Bag of Puke Flight
July 25, 2019 8:12 am ET

Save room for dinner
That said, Gramps undid his fly.
Rang the dinner bell
Haiku #65403, by Sloppy Joe of Porch glider
July 25, 2019 6:11 am ET

Don't know about him.
Often splattered Starbucks' john.
Drips down in your hair.
Haiku #65402, by
July 25, 2019 5:16 am ET

Vacuous strumpets.
Communication device.
"This is what I ate."
Haiku #65401, by
July 25, 2019 5:11 am ET

Michelangelo
Do you think he ever wanked
Up on the ceiling
Haiku #65400, by Jizzumberto of Clitaly
July 25, 2019 5:00 am ET

All the lights are on
But there ain t nobody home
My penis is huge
Haiku #65399, by Big Blessing of Bedspread
July 25, 2019 4:42 am ET

I apologize
I thought she was your mother
Bitches look alike
Haiku #65398, by Mistaken identity
July 25, 2019 4:11 am ET

Asking for a friend
Are dingleberries healthy?
They pair well with cheese
Haiku #65397, by Chuckie Cheeze of Unda
July 25, 2019 2:11 am ET

Shit I meant to say not Butthead. Beavis goes heh heh heh heh and Butthead goes huh huh huh huh huh. Elmer Fudd has a much higher rate of huhs per second than Butthead though.
Haiku #65396, by What's YOUR hps?
July 23, 2019 7:12 pm ET

Cunt punt runt bundt cake.
With a shovel or a rake.
Get all you can take.
Haiku #65395, by Shhhh.... be vewwy quiet. I'm hunting cunt. Huh huh huh huh huh huh. of That's Elmer Fudd, not Beavis.
July 23, 2019 7:09 pm ET

Living my best life
Eating everything in sight
Farting left and right
Haiku #65394, by Loosely Goosey
July 23, 2019 2:02 pm ET

Okay, I'll tell you,
It's the long chain aldehydes.
Delicious cancer.

Secret formula.
Dr. Jekyll / aldehyde.
Murder for smoked Swiss.
Haiku #65393, by Darrrrth... RAWARRSALARAALLLAWWRRRRRRRR
July 23, 2019 6:46 am ET

a friend asked why is
smoked cheese so damn good, its just
bloody well tasty?
Haiku #65392, by vhs
July 23, 2019 4:33 am ET

Really fun to watch
Slipping on banana peels
It never gets old
Haiku #65391, by Law offices of Cuntfart Cuntfart and Cunt
July 23, 2019 1:55 am ET

Poem half way done
Sudden urge to defecate
Which one will choose?
Haiku #65390, by Is this food poisoning of Churning guts
July 23, 2019 1:53 am ET

Those hot summer nights
Too bad we ran out of lube
Salad dressing sucks
Haiku #65389, by Fresh Prince of Newark of NJ
July 23, 2019 12:05 am ET

Don't dance without pants
Nobody wants to see that
Unless you look hot
Haiku #65388, by Anonymous Poet
July 22, 2019 11:13 pm ET

After the wife left
I stopped bathing and shaving
Are over the sink
Haiku #65387, by Star Trek Historian
July 22, 2019 7:14 am ET

Blown off the hinges
Steel lavatory stall door
Room without a roof
Haiku #65386, by Phartsmell Williams of Happy
July 22, 2019 12:28 am ET

No underwear left
Should not have eaten popcorn
Now it s Jiffy Poop
Haiku #65385, by Walkin Funny of Under old willow
July 22, 2019 12:25 am ET

Relationship woes.
Facebook cries for attention.
Shit-stained undies view.
Haiku #65384, by it's a good idea to inspect the dirty laundry before you sniff it.
July 21, 2019 10:49 pm ET

My cock is so small
mice use it for a toothpick.
But, hey, it feels good.
Haiku #65383, by Free blowjob, cheese and peanut butter.
July 21, 2019 10:46 pm ET

Commando square dance
Swing your partner round and round
You got crab lice now
Haiku #65382, by Ishkabibble of Barn
July 21, 2019 10:32 pm ET