Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 17 Days and 76793 Haiku later...

Listening to Rush
Rhythmic hockey stick dry hump
Greasy poutine stain
Haiku # 65173, July 7, 2019 3:33 pm ET
by Bugger
The Virgin Mary
Identical twin sister
God spaketh: Spread em!
Haiku # 65172, July 7, 2019 3:23 pm ET
by Helen Waite of Answer Desk
Listening to Rush.
It's bittersweet and painful.
Picking a deep scab.
Haiku # 65171, July 7, 2019 4:00 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Though I fucked her twice
The bible keeps insisting
Mary's a virgin
Haiku # 65170, July 7, 2019 3:57 am ET
by I guess anal doesn't count
I think I'll post that on Facebook.
Haiku # 65169, July 5, 2019 10:00 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
It's fascinating how you can watch your mental state/health decline and do nothing about it except sit back and let yourself be entertained as your life, family, and all you've worked for fall apart and crumble as all things eventually must.
I am jealous of inanimate objects and lower life forms.
Although I understand, but do not condone, those who murder their families, sparing them the pain and misery of the universe.
Myself, I say let the little shits be miserable. They deserve it. They deserve every ice cream cone and amusement park ride that they beg for like lapdogs wanting table scraps. The deserve to go the movies and eat popcorn. They deserve every goddamn torture that society and industry has dreamed up for them. The fattened, lazy lumps, ripe for the slaughter when the alien overlords come down to butcher them for steaks.
Therefore I say unto you: Go forth and fornicate. Multiply. Exponentiate. The gods demand entertainment!

I am, indeed, a banana.
Haiku # 65168, July 5, 2019 9:58 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
On his wedding day
He wore a white tuxedo
Like a huge bunny
Haiku # 65167, July 5, 2019 8:21 am ET
by True story
Lettuce prey, hare lip
Why wait until Sunday comes?
Fuck like wild rabbits
Haiku # 65166, July 5, 2019 8:19 am ET
by Round pellet of Suspicious activity
The carrots have souls.
Let the rabbits wear glasses.
Give me an "Amen!"
Haiku # 65165, July 5, 2019 7:37 am ET
by Rev. Maynard
Brussels sprouts with lightly salted lemon butter and some fresh grated Parmesan cheese and a nice glass of Beaujolais. 2009.
Haiku # 65164, July 5, 2019 6:51 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Don't eat processed food.
Hot dogs are not good for you.
Eat your Brussels sprouts.
Haiku # 65163, July 5, 2019 6:41 am ET
by God, I hate street lights. of And crosswalks and busses and cars and bridges.
As you're being chased you have to taunt back at your pursuer, "Ha ha ha! You didn't have time to wipe! Now your undies are all shitty and you'll have to go home and change! Ha ha ha! The more you run, the worse it smears!
And hope that he doesn't have a gun.
Take a video of him chasing you.
Put the whole even on YouTube for the world to see.
Think of the views. You'll be famous.
All for peeing on some guy's shoes. You're welcome.
Haiku # 65162, July 4, 2019 9:47 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
My yellow suede shoes
Used to be my blue suede shoes
Keep away from me
Haiku # 65161, July 4, 2019 1:07 pm ET
by Elvis of On throne in next stall
Chased to Hell and back
Jesus tripped over his robe
He came in second
Haiku # 65160, July 4, 2019 1:01 pm ET
by Get it? Blamed it on the Sandals of Second coming
All dirty thoughts kept to self
But still a pervert
Haiku # 65159, July 4, 2019 12:58 pm ET
by Pervert
Extrovert peeing.
Pee on people's shoes while they
are taking a dump.

Better run quickly.
They'll chase you to hell and back.
Laugh like a madman.
Haiku # 65158, July 4, 2019 4:56 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
I don't drink and drive.
I bicycle while tripping.
Chicken with semis.
Haiku # 65157, July 4, 2019 4:26 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Satanic metal.
Not that I'm into Satan.
I'm just a purist.
Haiku # 65156, July 4, 2019 4:24 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Shy urination
Paper bag worn on the head
In the mens restroom
Haiku # 65155, July 4, 2019 4:12 am ET
by Shy Tinkler of Running
Shy urination
Paper bag worn on the head
In the menâ
Haiku # 65154, July 4, 2019 4:12 am ET
by Shy Tinkler of Running
Attention poets
Have a finger fucking fourth
Please don't drink and drive
Haiku # 65153, July 4, 2019 3:05 am ET
by I don't drink of Nor do I drive
Old men screwing whores.
Fat women eating cheesecake.
Junkies aren't so bad.
Haiku # 65152, July 4, 2019 2:47 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Was done on South Park.
Kenny in the bus driver,
Miss Crabtree, I think.

He died up in there.
But, it wasn't really him.
Just some other kid.

He died for our sins.
Well, your sins, that is, not mine.
Now kneel and pray.

Our Kenny, who art in heaven...
Haiku # 65151, July 4, 2019 1:32 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Midget hide and seek
Fat lady of the circus
Someone in her cunt
Haiku # 65150, July 3, 2019 11:10 pm ET
by Olly Olly of Oxenfree
Tattoos on his face
Tell the world that he is shit
Thanks for the warning
Haiku # 65149, July 3, 2019 8:42 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Fifty years ago
Brian Jones drowned on this day
And he is still dead
Haiku # 65148, July 3, 2019 6:55 pm ET
by Fly of Wall
Bring out all the tanks
Stuff the big guns with kaka
Now chant: USA
Haiku # 65147, July 3, 2019 6:52 pm ET
When Facebook shuts down
The only way to fix it
Suck Zuckerberg s dink
Haiku # 65146, July 3, 2019 6:50 pm ET
by Suck that pasty dink of Thank you very much
Facebook crashed because
I uploaded a dick pick.
No, seriously.
Haiku # 65145, July 3, 2019 3:30 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Tremendous parade
But it needs marching midgets
With tremendous dinks
Haiku # 65144, July 3, 2019 3:27 pm ET
by Parade planner of Masturbation kiosk
Want to save some souls
in my high holy heaven?
Yes, that's an angel.

The cloud of glory.
Watch now as it falls on you.
Eternity smiles.

That's also the name
of the Lord of Heaven's hosts.
Such a holy God.
Haiku # 65143, July 3, 2019 7:06 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Must be paradise
True longpig on the menu
Save me the sausage
Haiku # 65141, July 2, 2019 8:59 pm ET
by Sausage dink
I have tender nips!
Tender, soft, and supple nips.
They're not tough at all.
Haiku # 65140, July 2, 2019 8:55 pm ET
by df
Be nice to DF
He has had a tough childhood
Also three nipples
Haiku # 65139, July 2, 2019 7:05 pm ET
by Captain Kirk
I am sure that Darth
has seen all there is to see
inside his own ass...
Haiku # 65138, July 2, 2019 12:11 pm ET
by Mediocrity of Infantility
Have you ever looked
Way down inside your pee hole
Or down your front butt?
Haiku # 65137, July 2, 2019 11:40 am ET
by Zip petrodollars of Ungainly glunk
That Mexican Food
Sneaking over the border
Of my loose sphincter
Haiku # 65136, July 2, 2019 6:54 am ET
by Tuesday undies are toast of Hasta la vista, baby
I enjoy farting
I m puckered up and blowing
Butterfart kisses
Haiku # 65135, July 2, 2019 6:51 am ET
by Butterfart of Butt
The food is great here
No idea what it is tho
Haiku # 65134, July 2, 2019 6:46 am ET
by Nocturnal Intermission
The food is great here
No idea what it is tho
Haiku # 65133, July 2, 2019 6:45 am ET
by Nocturnal Intermission
I won on Ebay.
Ozzy Osbourne's naval lint.
It smells like guano.
Haiku # 65132, July 2, 2019 4:46 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Aroused by fireworks
Grandpa spent the holiday
In the local jail
Haiku # 65131, July 2, 2019 4:19 am ET
by Mr.Masturbation of Porch
Fuzzy reception
When two peaches got married
He was a cobbler
Haiku # 65130, July 2, 2019 2:44 am ET
by I thought he was a fruit of Pro deuce
Tuesday underwear
We ate Mexican tonight
Tune in for updates
Haiku # 65129, July 2, 2019 12:10 am ET
by El Paso de Gasso of South of the border (of Canada)
Monday underwear
Stained brown with Sunday Dinner
Same shit,different day
Haiku # 65128, July 1, 2019 6:44 pm ET
by Docent of Museum of Digestion
When I feel like it
I release my flatulence
Then I step away
Haiku # 65127, July 1, 2019 5:53 pm ET
by Gassy
You are mistaken
Lucifer himself sucked it
He likes cocktail franks
Haiku # 65126, July 1, 2019 3:00 pm ET
by Crud of Weeny Roast
I have a feeling
god's a homosexual
Cuz he sucked my dick
Haiku # 65125, July 1, 2019 1:56 pm ET
by I have to return some videotapes
Captain's Log entries
Broccoli keeps me regular
They look like small trees
Haiku # 65124, July 1, 2019 1:23 pm ET
by Star Trek Historian of Styrofoam boulder
I like green ladies
Hot and uninhibited
Smell like broccoli
Haiku # 65123, July 1, 2019 10:08 am ET
by Captain Kirk of the Starship Enterprise
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