BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
22 Years
278 Days
and
65581 Haikus
later...
I won't let you have
a leaving quite yet, you know
you can go but...pfft...

and so it goes
Haiku #62944, by vhs
March 13, 2019 8:58 pm ET

Vitamin E thins blood.
I'll take some and go jogging.
Make brain bleed again.

This time stay quiet.
Wife wakes up to a cold corpse.
And I will have peace.

So will bad haiku.
No more "Philippines toilets."
No more "dog pot pie."

Fuck this shitty world.
Thank God we're not immortal.
Get me out of here.
Haiku #62943, by df
March 13, 2019 7:47 pm ET

Oysters on half shell.
Enterprise looks like a clam.
Fire spooge torpedoes!
Haiku #62942, by df
March 13, 2019 7:41 pm ET

Sign this disclaimer
If you get knocked unconscious
When I belly dance
Haiku #62941, by Shakzilla
March 13, 2019 6:21 pm ET

Shatner oyster gob
Potent Aphrodisiac
Enter at own risk
Haiku #62940, by Greasy chicken
March 13, 2019 5:42 pm ET

Like I just saw you
In the Mystery Machine
I love you, Scooby
Haiku #62939, by Smooches
March 13, 2019 5:35 pm ET

At Japanese house
Please take off shoes then come in
Proper etiquette

Over at my place
Please take off all clothes. Come in.
Well cum mat is out
Haiku #62938, by Hostess with the mostest of Moist makers
March 13, 2019 5:21 pm ET

Up in the window
I m wearing Mother s bathrobe
Pink underpanties
Haiku #62937, by Norman Bates of Window vicinity
March 13, 2019 5:14 pm ET

Up in the window
I
Haiku #62936, by Norman Bates of Window vicinity
March 13, 2019 5:13 pm ET

My mother said to
get things done you better not
mess with Major Tom.
Haiku #62935, by
March 13, 2019 2:12 pm ET

Cereal is good
Perverted Cookie Jarvis
Oh that poor woman
Haiku #62934, by Glory To God
March 13, 2019 2:03 pm ET

I made a Tootsie
Thought of you for a moment
And your spraying ways
Haiku #62933, by I heart toilet paper of 2-ply smile
March 13, 2019 1:57 pm ET

Remember the time
We pretended we were bears
And mauled the post man?
Haiku #62932, by Bath Saltz
March 13, 2019 1:38 pm ET

Jesus had it rough
Never had a grandfather
Live in someone's mouth

Who was God's father
Did he have a Godfather
I just can't even
Haiku #62931, by Oh, bother
March 13, 2019 1:36 pm ET

Christian fucking shit.
I should have said Tootsie Roll.
Sometimes we need shit.

YouTube Jesus spam.
If he were real, he'd be proud.
Bathroom wall scripture!
Haiku #62930, by df
March 13, 2019 1:11 pm ET

https://youtu.be/L4e2ST3evmU
Haiku #62929, by 2nd one is good
March 13, 2019 12:27 pm ET

Granddad's foul anus
has always lived in my mouth.
Ask him; he's right here...

Yep, that Figpucker
grandson o' mine loves to eat
old mens' foul arseholes.
Haiku #62928, by df
March 13, 2019 7:58 am ET

Grand-dad's foul anus
Lives again in your own mouth.
Or is it your mind?
Haiku #62927, by Anonymous Poet
March 13, 2019 7:11 am ET

I am getting old.
I had something foul to say.
Forgot what it was.
Haiku #62926, by df of Time for the nursing home.
March 13, 2019 5:07 am ET

Unwrap my tootsie
More meaty than a Werthers
Grandad's foul anus
Haiku #62925, by Caved in of Front porch
March 13, 2019 2:59 am ET

Keep the front dirty
Effective man repellent
Reversed with fly strip
Haiku #62924, by If need be
March 13, 2019 2:57 am ET

After I haiku
I reach for the spray nozzle
Hose the syllables
Haiku #62923, by Leaving it fresh for you of Sanitized for your protection and candy ass
March 13, 2019 2:56 am ET

That's why we inhale
Capture all the reefer madness
Sky High Zooming by

Allow me to add
Billy Shatner's epic spooge
Slides down like butter
Haiku #62922, by Trekkie (glugging the glue) of I'd drain Spock, too
March 13, 2019 2:54 am ET

I hate it when the
location gets backed up right
next to the haiku.
Haiku #62921, by df
March 13, 2019 2:31 am ET

You should buy all three.
Get erect without jock itch
and a nice calm high.
Haiku #62920, by What more could you ask for?!... Well, of course beside 3 hot 20 yo Korean prostitutes taking turns gyrating on your boner.
March 13, 2019 2:30 am ET

Fungus destroyer
Cannabliss CBD oil
Get rock hard today
Haiku #62919, by Who I get email from
March 13, 2019 1:58 am ET

My mind's eye sees it
The gentle hearted poet
Reaching for the spray
Haiku #62918, by I'll send you a roll of Place with toilet paper
March 13, 2019 1:50 am ET

Imagine a world
Where everyone wipes the ass
Of the next person
Haiku #62917, by Let's help each other of The world
March 13, 2019 1:49 am ET

It's easy to spray.
Wiping requires more stretch.
Be clean for your man!
Haiku #62916, by df
March 13, 2019 12:11 am ET

I couldn't live there
No range of motion at all
Smelly Arthritis
Haiku #62915, by Google smelly arthritis joke
March 12, 2019 9:58 pm ET

A raging woody
Rage against the tangerine
And his orange peen
Haiku #62914, by Poet of Know it
March 12, 2019 9:00 pm ET

Free bottom cleaning.
Step right up, I'll spray your ass.
Tootsie Rolls be gone!
Haiku #62913, by df
March 12, 2019 8:58 pm ET

My special treatment.
Bend over so I can spray.
Gay bar night out prep.
Haiku #62912, by df
March 12, 2019 7:47 pm ET

There was never rage.
I'm completely in control.
My sweet Tootsie Roll.

I guess Trump is a
Cheeto flavored Tootsie Rolle.
It's fact; there's no rage.

Artificial cheese.
Hydrogenated palm fat.
Salt and orange dye.
Haiku #62911, by df
March 12, 2019 7:45 pm ET

The Tootsie Roll hole
or Tootsie Roll factory;
either suffices.

And I guess that farts
can be Tootsie Roll vapors.
Sort of like vaping.
Haiku #62910, by df
March 12, 2019 7:38 pm ET

We're all coming there
You can wipe our Tootsie holes
See Darth's Tootsie Pop
Haiku #62909, by Owl of How many licks does it take?
March 12, 2019 5:53 pm ET

Don't call it asshole
Now it's the Tootsie Roll hole
Tootsie in the bowl
Haiku #62908, by Tootsie home goal
March 12, 2019 5:32 pm ET

Your rage against Trump:
completely irrational,
Since you are Tootsie.
Haiku #62907, by Darth of On a Roll, Toots...
March 12, 2019 5:08 pm ET

Saying Donald Trump
is a big fat Tootsie Roll
insults Tootsie Rolls.
Haiku #62906, by df
March 12, 2019 4:38 pm ET

If I were insane,
the first thing that I would do
is throw Tootsie Rolls.
Haiku #62905, by df
March 12, 2019 4:36 pm ET

You ass might get wet,
but only very slightly,
and Tootsie Roll free!
Haiku #62904, by df
March 12, 2019 4:35 pm ET

I almost stepped in
a big pile of dog Tootsie
Rolls but I saw it.
Haiku #62903, by df
March 12, 2019 4:32 pm ET

I have changed my ways!
I no longer speak of... it.
Now it's Tootsie Rolls!
Haiku #62902, by Darth Figpucker
March 12, 2019 4:24 pm ET

Why the fuck i here
I speak no conjugation
Don't think I china
Haiku #62901, by Ben Dover of Vancouver
March 12, 2019 2:31 pm ET

Most unsettling
Water trickling down bum crack
While you pull up pants
Haiku #62900, by No spraycation plans
March 12, 2019 2:02 pm ET

Most unsettling
Water trickling down bum crack
While you pull up pants
Haiku #62899, by No spraycation plans
March 12, 2019 2:02 pm ET

Dear Darth Figpucker
When I come to visit you
You can wipe my bum
Haiku #62898, by Starkitten of Sanitary litter pan
March 12, 2019 12:20 pm ET

Great thing about Darth:
at least he doesn't waste time
by not talking shit.
Haiku #62897, by Asian Hi-Tech Latrine
March 12, 2019 7:59 am ET

Sci-fi Fleshlight toys.
Dilithium or khyber
power batteries?

No suction exists
That could suck all Bill Shatner's
spooge into a jar.
Haiku #62896, by df of Damn it, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a massage parlor girl!
March 12, 2019 5:20 am ET

Just a dish sprayer.
Spray it vertically down
the crack of your ass.

Tootsie residue
sprays right off into the john.
And no need to wipe.

Quite sanitary.
Environmentally safe.
And it feels so good!
Haiku #62895, by Nothing like a clean Tootsie Roll factory.
March 12, 2019 5:14 am ET