Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years, 182 Days and 70640 Haikus later...

I'm praying for you
I hope you are o.k., friend
My cat sends a meow
Haiku # 60485, October 27, 2018 2:04 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Columbia House
I won't ever be paying
Those records and tapes
Haiku # 60484, October 27, 2018 2:00 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
That fake nail bomber
Looks like Christopher Walken
But can he tap dance?
Haiku # 60483, October 27, 2018 1:57 am ET
by Da Bomb of Tap dancing on your sidewalk
Thought you were drowning
Jerking off an octopus?
They have 8 arms, dude
Haiku # 60482, October 27, 2018 1:54 am ET
by Puzzled of The ocean is weird
You ever wonder
what sane people think when they
read the shite on here?
Haiku # 60481, October 26, 2018 11:38 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Downward Facing Darth
Your Yoga pants tell story
X rated so far
Haiku # 60479, October 26, 2018 7:41 pm ET
by Storytime of Bad Haiku
Please don't suck my dick.
I can handle that myself.
Yoga has paid off.
Haiku # 60478, October 26, 2018 7:04 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Randolph was near bald.
He walked just like a big foot
with no muscle tone.

He often spoke of
sorority house orgy
gang bang fantasies.

His forehead was huge
and slightly dented inwards
like from a bad wreck.

He was expelled from
the physics grad school but still
read all the journals.

I'm sure they loved him
showing up uninvited
to symposia.
Haiku # 60477, October 26, 2018 6:59 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Improved Lava Lamp
With Aromatherapy
Fill with your own poop
Haiku # 60476, October 26, 2018 6:30 pm ET
by Groovy of As seen on tv
What do you call it?
Rear end smells like dead bodies
After washing it
Haiku # 60475, October 26, 2018 6:09 pm ET
by Smelly
Registered to vote
Some day I'll be president!
John Boy Walton's MOLE
Haiku # 60474, October 26, 2018 5:58 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Immortal poet
My soul shall live in Haiku.
Should I drink more beer?
Haiku # 60473, October 26, 2018 5:36 pm ET
by by Miss American Beer of grammar can suck my lexical comprehension
Show me your gonads
Don't bother sprucing them up now
You got ugly junk!
Haiku # 60472, October 26, 2018 3:09 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Cheese fart Cheese fart queef
Cheese fart anus spring roll queef
Cheese fart toast puke spew
Haiku # 60471, October 26, 2018 3:08 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
I met Randolph once
Shared an elevator ride
Looked just like you, dude
Haiku # 60470, October 26, 2018 2:33 pm ET
by Using the alias Randolph, you fool no one of Shaft
I knew a strange chap.
Randolph was a physicist.
Or that's what he claimed.

His diet consists
of bologna, Velveeta,
and white Rainbow bread.

His chosen career
was selling his plasma at
local blood bank.

His aroma was...
how to put it politely...
less than appealing.

His theories were odd.
I think he went back in time.
At least I hope so.
Haiku # 60469, October 26, 2018 1:49 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Writing bad haiku
keeps your jiggly ass in chair.
Go out for a walk.

While out for a walk
throw some rocks at old people
and kick a puppy.
Haiku # 60468, October 26, 2018 1:35 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Ran into myself
Thought someone was stalking me
It was my HUGE ass
Haiku # 60467, October 26, 2018 12:58 pm ET
by Writing bad Haiku you get jiggly ass of Chair
Voices in your head?
Maybe it's God Almighty
It could be Satan
Haiku # 60466, October 26, 2018 12:55 pm ET
by Introducing yourself you might seem civilized of Hiding from Smoters
Granola goat milk
kale carrot veggie juice
fuck it eat Cheetos.
Haiku # 60465, October 26, 2018 12:47 pm ET
by Hell yeah I want Cheesy Poofs! of South Park, CO
To live a good life
one must learn to be evil.
There's no other way.
Haiku # 60464, October 26, 2018 12:41 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Turtle's head pokes out.
Does it smell something to eat?
It's no metaphor.
Haiku # 60463, October 26, 2018 5:59 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
That extra half inch
Are you sure you're good at math?
Looks bigger from here
Haiku # 60462, October 26, 2018 4:06 am ET
by RV of Empty Rice Bowl Mind
Wait, It's not your ass
Problem is your dink's too large
Put pants on backwards
Haiku # 60461, October 26, 2018 3:56 am ET
by Shopping Fag of Shopping
Disney killed Star Wars.
Toss that fucking rat into
The Pit of Carkoon.
Haiku # 60460, October 26, 2018 2:02 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
My enormous ass
will not fit inside my jeans....
Time to go shopping!

Say the last line with
a thilly gay voice and lithp.
Only gay men shop.
Haiku # 60459, October 26, 2018 1:56 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Bin Laden was dumb.
He should have attacked Disney.
He'd be a hero.
Haiku # 60458, October 25, 2018 8:44 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Ho Ho Ho,Green Giant!
That dude has a long green fuse
And big green balls, too
Haiku # 60457, October 25, 2018 6:55 pm ET
by Beanstalker
Or even better
Stick of Dynamite. Pig's ass.
Boom! Instant pork rinds
Haiku # 60456, October 25, 2018 6:37 pm ET
by Julia Grownup
Bombs aren't always bad.
Like, just don't kill anyone.
Blow up pumpkins, dude.

Ultra high powered
potato cannons are fun.
Decimate French fries.

One large metal pipe.
A quarter can black powder.
One large potato.

And a long green fuse.
You can buy them at gun shows.
Silly boys with toys.
Haiku # 60455, October 25, 2018 6:31 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER of Of course cap the pipe at one end with a hole drilled in for the fuse. BOOM! Ha ha ha!
She's full of hot air
That sweet sexy doll of mine
I blew her up

She has a short fuse:
Because I sent her a b0mb
She blew up at me
Haiku # 60454, October 25, 2018 4:25 pm ET
by sending fake b0mbs, most of the sheeple get alarmed
Walton's Trivia
John Boy stayed up late each night
Writing Bad Haiku
Haiku # 60453, October 25, 2018 4:01 pm ET
by John Boy Walton's mole of Cheek
I recall these lines.
Starkle, starkle, little twink.
Way back in the day.

I think that "twink" now
has a different meaning,
Probably more real.

Art is as art does.
In a cephalopod's garden
by the large body of salt water.
Haiku # 60452, October 25, 2018 9:26 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
The artist's life, dude
Misunderstood. Wait..you'll see
But Posthumously
Haiku # 60451, October 25, 2018 6:07 am ET
by Humorously of Under the sea
Yet still I write more.
Like fishermen throwing trash
into the ocean.
Haiku # 60450, October 25, 2018 4:13 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
If I could go back
and delete all my haiku
the world would improve.
Haiku # 60449, October 25, 2018 4:11 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Yes, of course it's wrong.
I love being so evil.
Time to stew puppies.
Haiku # 60448, October 24, 2018 10:05 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
I should convert to
Islam for better career
opportunities.
Haiku # 60447, October 24, 2018 9:08 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
It sucks when you're trying to help some middle eastern college kid cheat on his algebra exam and he takes for fucking ever between the pictures of the questions that he sends you so like 10 minutes of work ends up taking over an hour, but hey, money is money. Motherfuckers should give me an oil well for all the shit I do. Then I could have a harem and a labrogini and I don't even know how to spell that and I'm too lazy to look it up or even capitalize it and oops, another pic came in...
the answer is 42.
Haiku # 60446, October 24, 2018 9:03 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
I need to pay some 3rd world shithole slave labor wage worker to copy all my bad haiku so that I can make a book from it.

Horrible Haiku
Perverse Ramblings of Old Men
by Darth Figpucker
Haiku # 60445, October 24, 2018 6:50 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Vagipootifus.
Ambiguitosity.
Insert profoundness.
Haiku # 60444, October 24, 2018 6:48 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
You'll know that it's me
I have a very large head
Pink Hairy Haiku
Haiku # 60443, October 24, 2018 6:11 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Join the caravan
Good exercise Eat some beans
bowel problem solved
Haiku # 60442, October 24, 2018 1:56 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Keep talking shit talk
This is the backed up Smartfood
You made me eat it!
Haiku # 60441, October 24, 2018 1:52 pm ET
by Doubled Over of Trying to make it to terlit
Back end blowout mess.
Eating Honduran Chili.
Try raw squid next time.

Better get worm meds.
Don't want them eating your brain.
Or maybe you do.
Haiku # 60440, October 24, 2018 1:42 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER of They're called "shithole" countries for a reason... they make your shithole shitty when you shit in a shithole shithou
Countries are stupid.
Borders are artificial.
Come on over, friends.
Haiku # 60439, October 24, 2018 1:36 pm ET
by Actually, yeah, gringos are the main source of income for shithole countries, like it or not. Is if fair? Is life fair. Fuck yo of Leprosy isn't so bad. Get used to it!
Just a quick update
Headed to the bathroom now
Back End Blowout
Haiku # 60438, October 24, 2018 12:25 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Alien enrichment:
Hondurans at the border
(Nothing to see here)
Haiku # 60437, October 24, 2018 10:05 am ET
by the way, Gringos are not providers of social services for every shithole nation on earth
At the canning plant
Paul put Viagra in Spam.
He thought it was cute.
Haiku # 60436, October 24, 2018 7:40 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Why aren't you happy?
Is it from writing poems?
Maybe you should quit.
Haiku # 60435, October 24, 2018 7:34 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
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