BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years
13 Days
and
68908 Haikus
later...
I'm praying for you
I hope you are o.k., friend
My cat sends a meow
Haiku #60485, by Anonymous Poet
October 27, 2018 2:04 am ET

Columbia House
I won't ever be paying
Those records and tapes
Haiku #60484, by Anonymous Poet
October 27, 2018 2:00 am ET

That fake nail bomber
Looks like Christopher Walken
But can he tap dance?
Haiku #60483, by Da Bomb of Tap dancing on your sidewalk
October 27, 2018 1:57 am ET

Thought you were drowning
Jerking off an octopus?
They have 8 arms, dude
Haiku #60482, by Puzzled of The ocean is weird
October 27, 2018 1:54 am ET

You ever wonder
what sane people think when they
read the shite on here?
Haiku #60481, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 26, 2018 11:38 pm ET

Huffing glue is gay.
Gold spray paint's for glitter fags.
Real men huff bug spray.
Haiku #60480, by DARTH FIGPUCKER of Hatin' on the skeeters yet again.
October 26, 2018 11:36 pm ET

Downward Facing Darth
Your Yoga pants tell story
X rated so far
Haiku #60479, by Storytime of Bad Haiku
October 26, 2018 7:41 pm ET

Please don't suck my dick.
I can handle that myself.
Yoga has paid off.
Haiku #60478, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 26, 2018 7:04 pm ET

Randolph was near bald.
He walked just like a big foot
with no muscle tone.

He often spoke of
sorority house orgy
gang bang fantasies.

His forehead was huge
and slightly dented inwards
like from a bad wreck.

He was expelled from
the physics grad school but still
read all the journals.

I'm sure they loved him
showing up uninvited
to symposia.
Haiku #60477, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 26, 2018 6:59 pm ET

Improved Lava Lamp
With Aromatherapy
Fill with your own poop
Haiku #60476, by Groovy of As seen on tv
October 26, 2018 6:30 pm ET

What do you call it?
Rear end smells like dead bodies
After washing it
Haiku #60475, by Smelly
October 26, 2018 6:09 pm ET

Registered to vote
Some day I'll be president!
John Boy Walton's MOLE
Haiku #60474, by Anonymous Poet
October 26, 2018 5:58 pm ET

Immortal poet
My soul shall live in Haiku.
Should I drink more beer?
Haiku #60473, by by Miss American Beer of grammar can suck my lexical comprehension
October 26, 2018 5:36 pm ET

Show me your gonads
Don't bother sprucing them up now
You got ugly junk!
Haiku #60472, by Anonymous Poet
October 26, 2018 3:09 pm ET

Cheese fart Cheese fart queef
Cheese fart anus spring roll queef
Cheese fart toast puke spew
Haiku #60471, by Anonymous Poet
October 26, 2018 3:08 pm ET

I met Randolph once
Shared an elevator ride
Looked just like you, dude
Haiku #60470, by Using the alias Randolph, you fool no one of Shaft
October 26, 2018 2:33 pm ET

I knew a strange chap.
Randolph was a physicist.
Or that's what he claimed.

His diet consists
of bologna, Velveeta,
and white Rainbow bread.

His chosen career
was selling his plasma at
local blood bank.

His aroma was...
how to put it politely...
less than appealing.

His theories were odd.
I think he went back in time.
At least I hope so.
Haiku #60469, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 26, 2018 1:49 pm ET

Writing bad haiku
keeps your jiggly ass in chair.
Go out for a walk.

While out for a walk
throw some rocks at old people
and kick a puppy.
Haiku #60468, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 26, 2018 1:35 pm ET

Ran into myself
Thought someone was stalking me
It was my HUGE ass
Haiku #60467, by Writing bad Haiku you get jiggly ass of Chair
October 26, 2018 12:58 pm ET

Voices in your head?
Maybe it's God Almighty
It could be Satan
Haiku #60466, by Introducing yourself you might seem civilized of Hiding from Smoters
October 26, 2018 12:55 pm ET

Granola goat milk
kale carrot veggie juice
fuck it eat Cheetos.
Haiku #60465, by Hell yeah I want Cheesy Poofs! of South Park, CO
October 26, 2018 12:47 pm ET

To live a good life
one must learn to be evil.
There's no other way.
Haiku #60464, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 26, 2018 12:41 pm ET

Turtle's head pokes out.
Does it smell something to eat?
It's no metaphor.
Haiku #60463, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 26, 2018 5:59 am ET

That extra half inch
Are you sure you're good at math?
Looks bigger from here
Haiku #60462, by RV of Empty Rice Bowl Mind
October 26, 2018 4:06 am ET

Wait, It's not your ass
Problem is your dink's too large
Put pants on backwards
Haiku #60461, by Shopping Fag of Shopping
October 26, 2018 3:56 am ET

Disney killed Star Wars.
Toss that fucking rat into
The Pit of Carkoon.
Haiku #60460, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 26, 2018 2:02 am ET

My enormous ass
will not fit inside my jeans....
Time to go shopping!

Say the last line with
a thilly gay voice and lithp.
Only gay men shop.
Haiku #60459, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 26, 2018 1:56 am ET

Bin Laden was dumb.
He should have attacked Disney.
He'd be a hero.
Haiku #60458, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 25, 2018 8:44 pm ET

Ho Ho Ho,Green Giant!
That dude has a long green fuse
And big green balls, too
Haiku #60457, by Beanstalker
October 25, 2018 6:55 pm ET

Or even better
Stick of Dynamite. Pig's ass.
Boom! Instant pork rinds
Haiku #60456, by Julia Grownup
October 25, 2018 6:37 pm ET

Bombs aren't always bad.
Like, just don't kill anyone.
Blow up pumpkins, dude.

Ultra high powered
potato cannons are fun.
Decimate French fries.

One large metal pipe.
A quarter can black powder.
One large potato.

And a long green fuse.
You can buy them at gun shows.
Silly boys with toys.
Haiku #60455, by DARTH FIGPUCKER of Of course cap the pipe at one end with a hole drilled in for the fuse. BOOM! Ha ha ha!
October 25, 2018 6:31 pm ET

She's full of hot air
That sweet sexy doll of mine
I blew her up

She has a short fuse:
Because I sent her a b0mb
She blew up at me
Haiku #60454, by sending fake b0mbs, most of the sheeple get alarmed
October 25, 2018 4:25 pm ET

Walton's Trivia
John Boy stayed up late each night
Writing Bad Haiku
Haiku #60453, by John Boy Walton's mole of Cheek
October 25, 2018 4:01 pm ET

I recall these lines.
Starkle, starkle, little twink.
Way back in the day.

I think that "twink" now
has a different meaning,
Probably more real.

Art is as art does.
In a cephalopod's garden
by the large body of salt water.
Haiku #60452, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 25, 2018 9:26 am ET

The artist's life, dude
Misunderstood. Wait..you'll see
But Posthumously
Haiku #60451, by Humorously of Under the sea
October 25, 2018 6:07 am ET

Yet still I write more.
Like fishermen throwing trash
into the ocean.
Haiku #60450, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 25, 2018 4:13 am ET

If I could go back
and delete all my haiku
the world would improve.
Haiku #60449, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 25, 2018 4:11 am ET

Yes, of course it's wrong.
I love being so evil.
Time to stew puppies.
Haiku #60448, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 24, 2018 10:05 pm ET

I should convert to
Islam for better career
opportunities.
Haiku #60447, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 24, 2018 9:08 pm ET

It sucks when you're trying to help some middle eastern college kid cheat on his algebra exam and he takes for fucking ever between the pictures of the questions that he sends you so like 10 minutes of work ends up taking over an hour, but hey, money is money. Motherfuckers should give me an oil well for all the shit I do. Then I could have a harem and a labrogini and I don't even know how to spell that and I'm too lazy to look it up or even capitalize it and oops, another pic came in...
the answer is 42.
Haiku #60446, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 24, 2018 9:03 pm ET

I need to pay some 3rd world shithole slave labor wage worker to copy all my bad haiku so that I can make a book from it.

Horrible Haiku
Perverse Ramblings of Old Men
by Darth Figpucker
Haiku #60445, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 24, 2018 6:50 pm ET

Vagipootifus.
Ambiguitosity.
Insert profoundness.
Haiku #60444, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 24, 2018 6:48 pm ET

You'll know that it's me
I have a very large head
Pink Hairy Haiku
Haiku #60443, by Anonymous Poet
October 24, 2018 6:11 pm ET

Join the caravan
Good exercise Eat some beans
bowel problem solved
Haiku #60442, by Anonymous Poet
October 24, 2018 1:56 pm ET

Keep talking shit talk
This is the backed up Smartfood
You made me eat it!
Haiku #60441, by Doubled Over of Trying to make it to terlit
October 24, 2018 1:52 pm ET

Back end blowout mess.
Eating Honduran Chili.
Try raw squid next time.

Better get worm meds.
Don't want them eating your brain.
Or maybe you do.
Haiku #60440, by DARTH FIGPUCKER of They're called "shithole" countries for a reason... they make your shithole shitty when you shit in a shithole shithou
October 24, 2018 1:42 pm ET

Countries are stupid.
Borders are artificial.
Come on over, friends.
Haiku #60439, by Actually, yeah, gringos are the main source of income for shithole countries, like it or not. Is if fair? Is life fair. Fuck yo of Leprosy isn't so bad. Get used to it!
October 24, 2018 1:36 pm ET

Just a quick update
Headed to the bathroom now
Back End Blowout
Haiku #60438, by Anonymous Poet
October 24, 2018 12:25 pm ET

Alien enrichment:
Hondurans at the border
(Nothing to see here)
Haiku #60437, by the way, Gringos are not providers of social services for every shithole nation on earth
October 24, 2018 10:05 am ET

At the canning plant
Paul put Viagra in Spam.
He thought it was cute.
Haiku #60436, by DARTH FIGPUCKER
October 24, 2018 7:40 am ET