Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
25 Years, 21 Days and 74124 Haikus later...

Twat waffles!
Haiku # 60351, October 21, 2018 2:36 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER, Esq.
Take off all your clothes
Turn on the vacuum cleaner
Belly Button Lint
Haiku # 60350, October 20, 2018 11:56 pm ET
by Person with no navel, just a seam
Send Christopher Cross
To border of a Mexico
He rides like the wind
Haiku # 60348, October 20, 2018 10:39 pm ET
by Eating a case of refried beans with each meal of Keeps wind in his sails, too
God is watching us
God has no sense of humor
Deadbeat Dad like mine
Haiku # 60347, October 20, 2018 10:25 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
My God, this is weird.
Pootie-Poot is what Bush called
Vladimir Putin.

My subconsciousness
is more frightening than my
horrible haiku.
Haiku # 60345, October 20, 2018 9:46 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
I see your point, sir.
Let's all return to flatus.
It only makes sense.

My momma always said.
Criminal is as criminal does.
So call the fuzz.

Those who complain of fart poetry, just don't get it.
In today's world farts and poop and goat raping are about the only sane things to write about. I mean, Jesus, just read the news!
Or turn off the fear mongering media teat and go for a walk. See if the world is really as bad as they tell you. Or stay inside and get all irate about silly shit and farts.

For some reason the words "pootie poot" keep circling my brain.
Haiku # 60344, October 20, 2018 9:40 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
the madness of a
real civil war started by
some dumb ass punk in

portland oregon
threatening a woman on the "right"
and those in the news

getting tribal, you
know maybe this is what putin
wanted, all us cutting

each others throats so
he can move into this country
unoposed by anyone
Haiku # 60343, October 20, 2018 7:59 pm ET
by vhs
this country is drawn
and quartered, say what you
will about this sort of

thing, i am eating my own
flesh and drinking my own blood
real atheism
Haiku # 60342, October 20, 2018 7:52 pm ET
by vhs
maybe we should send
the army to the border of
mexico and see

what happens then, and
stuff like this will seem so damn
trivial at that time
Haiku # 60341, October 20, 2018 7:49 pm ET
by vhs
Find the real killer
Who murdered good Bad Haiku
Draw and quarter them
Haiku # 60340, October 20, 2018 7:26 pm ET
by OJ of Bronco
i think I'm done posting here
Haiku # 60339, October 20, 2018 7:19 pm ET
by vhs
i mean what if i
start posting alt right bullshit
which i don't believe

in, i mean this is
trolling but for God sakes you
get me every time

But I'm not here much
anymore, i just won't
play anymore cause

shit isn't working
Haiku # 60338, October 20, 2018 7:09 pm ET
by vhs
i haven't been here in
a while, my tablet isn't
working quite right but you
know maybe if this kind of
criminal shit is what's the work
on here now and i take it a bit
seriously, you know, why be here?
Haiku # 60337, October 20, 2018 7:05 pm ET
by vhs
you're really disturbing buddy
maybe i need to report you
Haiku # 60336, October 20, 2018 7:04 pm ET
by vhs
Cannibalism.
Who would like to eat my wife?
I need recipes.

One hundred eighty
pounds of juicy long pig flesh.
What a great party!
Haiku # 60335, October 20, 2018 6:56 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
What's the longest time
this website has ever gone
sans poop reference?

Bodily functions.
Various sexual acts.
Food, drugs, politics.

Poems of lizards.
The reptile brain keyboarding.
Wanting more and more.

Dog shit taco Trump
fart balloon masturbate pot
magic mushroom twat.

I think I agree.
We need a lower evil.
New depths to sink to.
Haiku # 60334, October 20, 2018 6:50 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Eat ten garlic cloves.
Mosquitoes will avoid you.
And so will your wife.

And so kill two birds.
One handle pull flush two turds.
Garlic zest, no pest.
Haiku # 60333, October 20, 2018 6:38 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER of It's just a myth, doesn't really work.
Artificially
intelligent popcorn droids
powered by methane.
Haiku # 60332, October 20, 2018 6:28 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
A Haikulonic
Cleansing Syllabic Tonic
$5.75
Haiku # 60331, October 20, 2018 4:40 pm ET
by Come on Down! Next Contestant of The Price is Right
A high colonic
Marijuana Enema
Pass the Funyuns, please
Haiku # 60330, October 20, 2018 4:35 pm ET
by Doc Starkitten of Secret
And I just farted
Your popcorn was outsmarted
Colonel Figpucker
Haiku # 60329, October 20, 2018 3:49 pm ET
by Pop
Walton's Fan Fiction
Granda dipping his quill pen
Sucking a Werther's
Haiku # 60328, October 20, 2018 3:46 pm ET
by Spy of Porch
Rocks, Scissors, Paper!
Haiku Sibling Rivalry
VHS likes me best
Haiku # 60327, October 20, 2018 3:41 pm ET
by The one VHS likes best of Extra syllable approved by V H S
Really mount your spouse
Marital Taxidermy
Conversation Piece
Haiku # 60326, October 20, 2018 3:38 pm ET
by Trophy Wife of Head of Household
I pissed on your fist
just to prove that I exist
Sorry, couldn't resist
Haiku # 60325, October 20, 2018 3:05 pm ET
by Mister Sister
I sat on your hat,
and then suddenly I shat .
Sorry about that.
Haiku # 60324, October 20, 2018 2:59 pm ET
by Mister Sister
Flatulent flautists
flatly flabbergasted flies
flipping flapjack flasks.
Haiku # 60323, October 20, 2018 11:59 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER's granda is bored with watching Walton's reruns.
By the way, nice shirt
Haiku # 60322, October 20, 2018 7:56 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
i know that you know
I just read popcorn haiku
While eating Smartfood
Haiku # 60321, October 20, 2018 7:55 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
The way I smell it
All haiku are Bad Haiku
You're my enema!
Haiku # 60320, October 20, 2018 7:05 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
America's Favorite
White Cheddar Popcorn
No Artificial Colors, Flavor, or Preservatives
Smartfood Popcorn
Best Sold By
End of DLUO
30Sep18
MFG Mar18
4 46 3 081 20
13 01:09
White Cheddar
Cheese
Export
NET WT. 5 1/2 Oz. (155.9 g)
Haiku # 60319, October 20, 2018 7:01 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER of Goddamn this shit sticks in between your teeth!
two sets of footprints
Leading to the outhouse door
These footprints smell bad
Haiku # 60318, October 20, 2018 2:25 am ET
by Detective Brownshoe of Outhouse
The way I see it
No such thing as Bad Haiku
It's all good, my friend
Haiku # 60317, October 20, 2018 2:22 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Pinching off a loaf
Putting glaze on your donut
Twisting his cruller
Haiku # 60316, October 20, 2018 2:17 am ET
by Busy Baker
Sketching your likeness
From afar. Hope you don't mind.
I added a mole
Haiku # 60315, October 20, 2018 12:33 am ET
by John Boy Walton's Mole of Mass MoleCA
Aluminum Lids
From your trash cans. CRASH! CRASH!
Learn to play cymbals
Haiku # 60314, October 19, 2018 11:40 pm ET
by One man nude parade of Police station now
This gozinta that
In and out and in and out
How we multiply
Haiku # 60313, October 19, 2018 11:37 pm ET
by Blair Warner of Facts of Life
Far Side: Nothing there
Except a McChitterlings.
Go to Jupiter!

It has a red dot
Trying to imitate me
And my handsomeness
Haiku # 60312, October 19, 2018 11:32 pm ET
by Roving Reporter John Boy Walton's mole of McChitterlings
Hair Stylist Missing
Police combed the area
Searched thick brush for clues
Haiku # 60311, October 19, 2018 11:26 pm ET
by Drunk on comb fluid of Under the table
Manic depression
Drinking boat load of red wine
I am not naked
Haiku # 60310, October 19, 2018 9:39 pm ET
by Noah Ben Noah of Somewhere Over The Rainbow
Remote view the moon
Far side in particular
Expecting report
Haiku # 60309, October 19, 2018 9:32 pm ET
by Sparklepony, MD of happy to not have been turned into glue
Improved reception
When I'm standing by the sink
You are quite handsome
Haiku # 60308, October 19, 2018 8:25 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Endangered Feces
Help Us Save the Chitterlings
And Their Habitat
Haiku # 60307, October 19, 2018 7:42 pm ET
by Nosy
Remote view R V
Feel hairs on your arm stand up
Got my eye on you
Haiku # 60306, October 19, 2018 7:29 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Trouser Trout again?
Pan fried/glow worm reduction
Button Fly Fishing
Haiku # 60305, October 19, 2018 7:21 pm ET
by Trouser Trout Fishing with Ted Williams and Richard Brautigan and again and again of In America
Too extreme for you?
"Eat lead" double entendre.
Mining pollution.

Google birth defects
from mercury found in fish.
Mostly Japanese.
Haiku # 60304, October 19, 2018 6:12 pm ET
by df of mic drop
Oh Farth Digpucker,
I have choice words for your soul--
But I must not speak.
Haiku # 60303, October 19, 2018 6:06 pm ET
by the banks of that beautiful river, we shall meet one day
Sushi submarine.
No mayo in this sandwich.
Roe and wasabi.

Madder than hatters.
Exceeds daily allowance.
Mercury fish balls.

Deformed, retarded,
Birth defect offspring off chutes.
From yuppies' raw fish.
Haiku # 60302, October 19, 2018 5:46 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Lamenting virgin
Every time you enter tight
Proffer ecstasy
Haiku # 60301, October 19, 2018 5:45 pm ET
by Ledge of Kentucky
Between your wanton
legs lies the truth of my very
indecisive mind
Haiku # 60300, October 19, 2018 5:35 pm ET
by Ledge of Kentucky
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