Bare Necessities
Will need G-string and pasties
Then go to the bank
by Starkitten of A bit nippy
Donna Godchaux's voice
Proven to cause brain damage
Tune out. Take Tylenol
by Deadhead
According to the
DEA the Grateful Dead
Sophisticated
Cover for the sale
Distribution LSD
Bunch of silly squares
by Hipster of Starbucks
Vegan Parmesan
Try Parma! Original
Starkitten Approved
by Starkitten
Ain't no Peter Popoff
He sent me mystery oil
Like GG Allin
by Post Office of Sealed for your Protection
Solved your worm problem
Telepathy and Magnets
Anal Exodus
Be near a latrine
There may be some slight cramping
Noticed you have crabs
by Doctor Haikuna Matata of Village of the Ashes
celestial glories
eternal transcendental
God alone: holy
by multiple faces of the cherubim
That's a three way bulb
Much safer than candlesticks
Illuminated
by Anonymous Poet
I am perverted
Everything is terrible
Insert gross action
by DARTH PIGTICKLER of Inserting Lightbulb Somewhere
Dude, that Figpucker
has a cesspool for a mind
so, I'm out of here
by To be carnally minded is DEATH
Oh sir voodoo man,
please charm the worms from my gut.
Damn shithole countries.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
I had a vision.
Plumber voodoo snake charmer.
Voo doo-doo be gone.
Flute made of pure lead.
Ass crack profoundly displayed.
Red dot on forehead.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Much like this website,
I've picked up a parasite.
Figpuckeritis.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Sneak up plumbers
Dildo Ambush from behind
Toilet snake appears
by Bob Villa
One day you'll own it
Do they provide galoshes?
Why not show your junk?
by Anonymous Poet
Roughly mopping floors.
My porno theater job.
Hey, it pays the bills.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Looked under the sink
Dr. Bronner's. You wrote that!?
We're All One Or None!!
by Starkitten of Far Out
My fave sex toy is
the inflatable T-Rex
with her battle scars.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Look under the sink.
There you'll find my poetry.
Counter's bottom side.
It is not easy.
I lay down on dirty floors.
Writing where none see.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Gently mopping floors
Listening to swing music
Please don't ask me why
by Man With Paper Bag On His Head
10 holes to choose from
They all smell bad but stuff your
Fingers inside them
by Nathan's Rubber Gloves of (Nathan Forgot His Rubber Gloves)
Waiting turns me on
That's called autoerotic
Procrastination
by Sparklepony, MD
Yeah I need this place
Same way I need a shotgun
Blast straight to my face
I pack coffee shops
Where hipsters line up to hear
Me lay down haikus
by Tony Clifton, Jr. of Las Vegas
*gruff voice*
Hey vhs it's too hot/gross here
So I quit and I'm taking my rubber
Gloves with me
by Nathan of at home watching re-runs of I Love Lucy while eating chicken pot pie
Genesis 6:6.
My favorite Bible verse.
Perhaps a tattoo.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Have you not lost faith?
In humanity, not God.
There's no hope for us.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
That's because we're friends
It's like you are the bartender
I drink sparkling water
by Starkitten
you respond, and i
am not ignored, i respond
i am tempted to
move on but check in
i see another post i
end up posting back
by vhs
Hula Hula Shake!
Grass skirt caught in lawnmower
It was a close shave
by Starkitten of Hawaii
I wrap my hamsters
with duct tape so that they do
not explode when fucked.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
You should not complain
about political chat
When vogons are near.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
My enormous cock
will not fit in your small twat;
let's try your asshole.
Feeling romantic
I say to my pet hamsters
bound with gray duct tape.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
shut up about the
fucking politics, whether
screaming democrats
or old lady Rep
yacking about nutcase libs
I am The Doctor
If I must release
the Big Red Box, then you know
how Gallifrey
Ended...
by vhs
VHS Haiku
Tracked number. Says delivered.
I will keep checking
by Anonymous Poet
Human Pyramid
Entertainment! Second Ring!
Top clown has the runs!!
by Pyramid Scheme of Trickle Down Economics
Constipated Clown
Misfortune of the Bowels
The show must go on
by Anonymous Poet
Most birds don't like us
If you subtract bread crust, seeds
They downright hate us!
by Birdwatcher of Pacific Northwest
Speaking of feces,
South Park this Wednesday features
Mr. Hankey the
Christmas Poo. Don't miss
it -- it's a new episode.
You smell like flowers!
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
It would not have sunk
It would certainly have stunk.
Don't sleep with a skunk.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
I'm so confused now
Dinosaurs would sink the ark
It gives me the creeps
by Confused
What about poop?
Mentioned in the Bible?
The ark would have sunk
by Anonymous Poet
Diahareaheaia
izin betweeeeen
the sheets.
Diarrhea bomb pop frozen treats for flies on a hot summer's day.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Flatulence is gas
Fecal matter is solid
What is in between?
by Science Kid
Ring bell for service
Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding
Ding ding ding ding ding
by Ding Dong
I fought the Devil.
That was a long time ago.
Now we are best friends.
Sometimes he pays me.
It's contract labor, you see.
He buys my poems.
My work's quite famous
down in the fiery pits.
Torturing sinners.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Wearing pantyhose
Over your head. Sniff sniff sniff
Clear the sinuses
by Dr. Oz of At the Landfill tossing my Neti Pot
Domestic Dispute
Hot Frying Pan Concussion
Thoughtful wedding gift
by Edie Brickell of Drinking in closet
Is it the Devil?
How can you tell if it's him
Or a plain demon?
by Want to know
I shouldn't say this:
Televise the fight on the
Jerry Springer show.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
