Most birds don't like us
If you subtract bread crust, seeds
They downright hate us!

god damn vogons

Speaking of feces,
South Park this Wednesday features
Mr. Hankey the

Christmas Poo. Don't miss
it -- it's a new episode.
You smell like flowers!

It would not have sunk
It would certainly have stunk.
Don't sleep with a skunk.

I'm so confused now
Dinosaurs would sink the ark
It gives me the creeps

What about poop?
Mentioned in the Bible?
The ark would have sunk

Diahareaheaia
izin betweeeeen
the sheets.

Diarrhea bomb pop frozen treats for flies on a hot summer's day.

Flatulence is gas
Fecal matter is solid
What is in between?

Ring bell for service
Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding
Ding ding ding ding ding

I fought the Devil.
That was a long time ago.
Now we are best friends.

Sometimes he pays me.
It's contract labor, you see.
He buys my poems.

My work's quite famous
down in the fiery pits.
Torturing sinners.

Wearing pantyhose
Over your head. Sniff sniff sniff
Clear the sinuses

Domestic Dispute
Hot Frying Pan Concussion
Thoughtful wedding gift

Is it the Devil?
How can you tell if it's him
Or a plain demon?

I shouldn't say this:
Televise the fight on the
Jerry Springer show.

Just throw poo at them.
Works for me every time.
The in-laws hate me.

well i got a real
life fight to attend to I'm
not sure if it will

be just spiritual
warfare or something else of
a different sort

I am so so-so
and simultaneously
extraordinary.

Go and ask your mom.
She'll tell you all about it.
Skipping the details.

Astronomical
homosexuality
regurgitation.

First we would dry up
The wind would blow us away
Be our Haiku Dad.

gee what happens if
i stop posting poems here
to react to, eh?

Sweet Baby James
Jim Morrison. Diaper Clad.
Petite concho belt

Uber Eats (you out)
Delivering to your door
Hot Cunnilingus

That guy VHS
Writes all the poetry here
Under assumed names

Bailey's with acid.
Guess I'll call it synthamesc.
Mescaline's too rare.

Oh, wait, this is cool!
I can order it onine!
Fuck yeah! I'll do that!

Roosters are crowing.
I think I'll rape a chicken.
And force them to watch.

Fuckers wake me up.
Nah, I was already up.
But any excuse.

I was up because,
well, meth does that to a guy.
Cock-a-doodle-doo.

Halloween costumes.
I'll dress up as a baby.
Depends, whiskey bottle.

I might even cry.
Craving a milky nipple.
Bailey's will do then.

Your friend Starkitten
S T A U N C H
Like Little Edie

Goose Honking Season
Looked up..Pterodactyls!!
Drunk on Jeff Daniels

Which does God hate more,
poets, homosexuals,
or Justin Bieber?

It's not easy to
make the second line shorter
than the other two.

He stood mouth agape.
Her enormous vagina
left him quite speechless.

Keep your computer
on auto refresh so you
can post new haiku.

Worship the sun God.
Almighty Rah, show us your love.
Make this ganja grow!

Popeye did gay porn.
When he ate spinach, look out.
Sphincter muskle clamp.

But all that fiber
made for messy money shots.
Set screw clean up hell.

Motorcycle Priest
Putting hickeys on the nuns
Passing out Funyuns

Those kids had no eyes
Sockets filled with black olives
Six inch extra meat

sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff
wag wag wag i'm a good boy
ears perk up - SQUIRREL!

Jared from Subway
A pedophile meets his match
The Black Eyed Children

The black lab version
Squeeze a can of tennis balls
Wag Wag Wag Wag Wag

Spinach does the trick
Squeeze the can. Gulp Gulp Gulp
Admire my Muskles

Frosted Haggis Flakes
infernal itching! Fuck wool!
Argyle Sock Condom!

Popeye also was
what he was, except when he
wore Olive's dresses.

Plaid Kaleidoscope
Rod Stewart's old tartan spew
Clean out the bagpipe

Sniffing the chair seats
Just after people get up
A low cost hobby

Lying beside you
After the crash.Detached twat
Has covered your face

I know that you know
That I know you know that I
Know that you know that

My pet snake teaching
Me some really cool new tricks
Then I throw him down

We played cards instead
Unconsummated marriage
Strip Poker. Go Fish.

O'dor doo Toilet
Fecal Contamination
Chanel Number 2

If I wore a bra
Or panties for that matter
I'd fling them on stage