I fought the Devil.
That was a long time ago.
Now we are best friends.
Sometimes he pays me.
It's contract labor, you see.
He buys my poems.
My work's quite famous
down in the fiery pits.
Torturing sinners.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Wearing pantyhose
Over your head. Sniff sniff sniff
Clear the sinuses
by Dr. Oz of At the Landfill tossing my Neti Pot
Domestic Dispute
Hot Frying Pan Concussion
Thoughtful wedding gift
by Edie Brickell of Drinking in closet
Is it the Devil?
How can you tell if it's him
Or a plain demon?
by Want to know
I shouldn't say this:
Televise the fight on the
Jerry Springer show.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Just throw poo at them.
Works for me every time.
The in-laws hate me.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
well i got a real
life fight to attend to I'm
not sure if it will
be just spiritual
warfare or something else of
a different sort
by vhs
I am so so-so
and simultaneously
extraordinary.
Go and ask your mom.
She'll tell you all about it.
Skipping the details.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Astronomical
homosexuality
regurgitation.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
First we would dry up
The wind would blow us away
Be our Haiku Dad.
by Haiku Orphan of Haiku Orphanage
gee what happens if
i stop posting poems here
to react to, eh?
by vhs
Sweet Baby James
Jim Morrison. Diaper Clad.
Petite concho belt
by Halloween Costume Advice of Horse's Ass
Uber Eats (you out)
Delivering to your door
Hot Cunnilingus
by Brett Banjopicker
That guy VHS
Writes all the poetry here
Under assumed names
by Snopes
Bailey's with acid.
Guess I'll call it synthamesc.
Mescaline's too rare.
Oh, wait, this is cool!
I can order it onine!
Fuck yeah! I'll do that!
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Roosters are crowing.
I think I'll rape a chicken.
And force them to watch.
Fuckers wake me up.
Nah, I was already up.
But any excuse.
I was up because,
well, meth does that to a guy.
Cock-a-doodle-doo.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Halloween costumes.
I'll dress up as a baby.
Depends, whiskey bottle.
I might even cry.
Craving a milky nipple.
Bailey's will do then.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER of
Your friend Starkitten
S T A U N C H
Like Little Edie
by Staunch Character of Grey Gardens
Goose Honking Season
Looked up..Pterodactyls!!
Drunk on Jeff Daniels
by Dyslexic Alcoholics of Behind Edie Brickell at the liquor store
Which does God hate more,
poets, homosexuals,
or Justin Bieber?
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
It's not easy to
make the second line shorter
than the other two.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
He stood mouth agape.
Her enormous vagina
left him quite speechless.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Keep your computer
on auto refresh so you
can post new haiku.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Worship the sun God.
Almighty Rah, show us your love.
Make this ganja grow!
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Popeye did gay porn.
When he ate spinach, look out.
Sphincter muskle clamp.
But all that fiber
made for messy money shots.
Set screw clean up hell.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Motorcycle Priest
Putting hickeys on the nuns
Passing out Funyuns
by Sister lnhalealotta
Those kids had no eyes
Sockets filled with black olives
Six inch extra meat
by Malachi
sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff
wag wag wag i'm a good boy
ears perk up - SQUIRREL!
by Black Lab of local park
Jared from Subway
A pedophile meets his match
The Black Eyed Children
by EAT HIS SOUL
The black lab version
Squeeze a can of tennis balls
Wag Wag Wag Wag Wag
by Starkitten
Spinach does the trick
Squeeze the can. Gulp Gulp Gulp
Admire my Muskles
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest dented cans
Frosted Haggis Flakes
infernal itching! Fuck wool!
Argyle Sock Condom!
by Something Something of Heavering
Popeye also was
what he was, except when he
wore Olive's dresses.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Plaid Kaleidoscope
Rod Stewart's old tartan spew
Clean out the bagpipe
by Starkitten of High road
Sniffing the chair seats
Just after people get up
A low cost hobby
by Frugal Freddy of Movie seats that smell like cheese and feet
Lying beside you
After the crash.Detached twat
Has covered your face
by Anonymous Poet of Sung to Highway Crash Journey song whatever
I know that you know
That I know you know that I
Know that you know that
by Starkitten
My pet snake teaching
Me some really cool new tricks
Then I throw him down
by Ophiuchus
We played cards instead
Unconsummated marriage
Strip Poker. Go Fish.
by Old Maid of Undisclosed Pacfic Northwest Location
O'dor doo Toilet
Fecal Contamination
Chanel Number 2
by Gwynneth Paltrow of Goopwich, CT
If I wore a bra
Or panties for that matter
I'd fling them on stage
by Jonesin for Tom Jones of Who now looks like Robert Plant's evil twin
Whether I'm right
Or whether I'm wrong
Whether I find a place in this world
Or never belong
I gotta be me
I've got to be me
What else can I be
But what I am?
by Tony Clifton, Jr. of Las Vegas
Brought up in a barn
And he was hung like a horse.
Meet Bamboo Harvester
by Starkitten of Mr. Ed Fan Club
Bring me a long rod
Stacked with two dozen doughnuts
That's a midnight snack
by Anonymous Poet
Thought you'd like to know
All eyebrows are falling out
Whiskerless kitten
by Starkitten
Pussy farts!
by DARTH FIGPUCKER of I just, you know, had to throw that in there.
John-boy's mole has souls.
Six point oh two two times 10...
Oh, fuck it, you know.
Enough damned souls to
fill hell to the brimstone gas
root mean square speed fiend.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Double Cage Fight Time!!
Paul Simon and Daryl Hall
Fight Garfunkel/Oates
by Edie Brickell of Had it up to here
John Boy Walton's mole
Do you think it has a soul?
Could go either way
by John Boy Walton's plantars wart of Foot region
Forgotten Mooncake
Now a doorstop. Hey, come in..
See Hairy Sunrise
by Starkitten
