10 holes to choose from
They all smell bad but stuff your
Fingers inside them

Waiting turns me on
That's called autoerotic
Procrastination

Yeah I need this place
Same way I need a shotgun
Blast straight to my face

I pack coffee shops
Where hipsters line up to hear
Me lay down haikus

*gruff voice*

Hey vhs it's too hot/gross here
So I quit and I'm taking my rubber
Gloves with me

Genesis 6:6.
My favorite Bible verse.
Perhaps a tattoo.

Have you not lost faith?
In humanity, not God.
There's no hope for us.

That's because we're friends
It's like you are the bartender
I drink sparkling water

you respond, and i
am not ignored, i respond
i am tempted to

move on but check in
i see another post i
end up posting back

Hula Hula Shake!
Grass skirt caught in lawnmower
It was a close shave

I wrap my hamsters
with duct tape so that they do
not explode when fucked.

You should not complain
about political chat
When vogons are near.

My enormous cock
will not fit in your small twat;
let's try your asshole.

Feeling romantic
I say to my pet hamsters
bound with gray duct tape.

shut up about the
fucking politics, whether
screaming democrats

or old lady Rep
yacking about nutcase libs
I am The Doctor

If I must release
the Big Red Box, then you know
how Gallifrey

Ended...

VHS Haiku
Tracked number. Says delivered.
I will keep checking

Human Pyramid
Entertainment! Second Ring!
Top clown has the runs!!

Constipated Clown
Misfortune of the Bowels
The show must go on

Most birds don't like us
If you subtract bread crust, seeds
They downright hate us!

god damn vogons

Speaking of feces,
South Park this Wednesday features
Mr. Hankey the

Christmas Poo. Don't miss
it -- it's a new episode.
You smell like flowers!

It would not have sunk
It would certainly have stunk.
Don't sleep with a skunk.

I'm so confused now
Dinosaurs would sink the ark
It gives me the creeps

What about poop?
Mentioned in the Bible?
The ark would have sunk

Diahareaheaia
izin betweeeeen
the sheets.

Diarrhea bomb pop frozen treats for flies on a hot summer's day.

Flatulence is gas
Fecal matter is solid
What is in between?

Ring bell for service
Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding
Ding ding ding ding ding

I fought the Devil.
That was a long time ago.
Now we are best friends.

Sometimes he pays me.
It's contract labor, you see.
He buys my poems.

My work's quite famous
down in the fiery pits.
Torturing sinners.

Wearing pantyhose
Over your head. Sniff sniff sniff
Clear the sinuses

Domestic Dispute
Hot Frying Pan Concussion
Thoughtful wedding gift

Is it the Devil?
How can you tell if it's him
Or a plain demon?

I shouldn't say this:
Televise the fight on the
Jerry Springer show.

Just throw poo at them.
Works for me every time.
The in-laws hate me.

well i got a real
life fight to attend to I'm
not sure if it will

be just spiritual
warfare or something else of
a different sort

I am so so-so
and simultaneously
extraordinary.

Go and ask your mom.
She'll tell you all about it.
Skipping the details.

Astronomical
homosexuality
regurgitation.

First we would dry up
The wind would blow us away
Be our Haiku Dad.

gee what happens if
i stop posting poems here
to react to, eh?

Sweet Baby James
Jim Morrison. Diaper Clad.
Petite concho belt

Uber Eats (you out)
Delivering to your door
Hot Cunnilingus

That guy VHS
Writes all the poetry here
Under assumed names

Bailey's with acid.
Guess I'll call it synthamesc.
Mescaline's too rare.

Oh, wait, this is cool!
I can order it onine!
Fuck yeah! I'll do that!

Roosters are crowing.
I think I'll rape a chicken.
And force them to watch.

Fuckers wake me up.
Nah, I was already up.
But any excuse.

I was up because,
well, meth does that to a guy.
Cock-a-doodle-doo.

Halloween costumes.
I'll dress up as a baby.
Depends, whiskey bottle.

I might even cry.
Craving a milky nipple.
Bailey's will do then.

Your friend Starkitten
S T A U N C H
Like Little Edie

Goose Honking Season
Looked up..Pterodactyls!!
Drunk on Jeff Daniels

Which does God hate more,
poets, homosexuals,
or Justin Bieber?

It's not easy to
make the second line shorter
than the other two.

He stood mouth agape.
Her enormous vagina
left him quite speechless.

Keep your computer
on auto refresh so you
can post new haiku.

Worship the sun God.
Almighty Rah, show us your love.
Make this ganja grow!

Popeye did gay porn.
When he ate spinach, look out.
Sphincter muskle clamp.

But all that fiber
made for messy money shots.
Set screw clean up hell.