My fave sex toy is
the inflatable T-Rex
with her battle scars.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Look under the sink.
There you'll find my poetry.
Counter's bottom side.
It is not easy.
I lay down on dirty floors.
Writing where none see.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Gently mopping floors
Listening to swing music
Please don't ask me why
by Man With Paper Bag On His Head
10 holes to choose from
They all smell bad but stuff your
Fingers inside them
by Nathan's Rubber Gloves of (Nathan Forgot His Rubber Gloves)
Waiting turns me on
That's called autoerotic
Procrastination
by Sparklepony, MD
Yeah I need this place
Same way I need a shotgun
Blast straight to my face
I pack coffee shops
Where hipsters line up to hear
Me lay down haikus
by Tony Clifton, Jr. of Las Vegas
*gruff voice*
Hey vhs it's too hot/gross here
So I quit and I'm taking my rubber
Gloves with me
by Nathan of at home watching re-runs of I Love Lucy while eating chicken pot pie
Genesis 6:6.
My favorite Bible verse.
Perhaps a tattoo.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Have you not lost faith?
In humanity, not God.
There's no hope for us.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
That's because we're friends
It's like you are the bartender
I drink sparkling water
by Starkitten
you respond, and i
am not ignored, i respond
i am tempted to
move on but check in
i see another post i
end up posting back
by vhs
Hula Hula Shake!
Grass skirt caught in lawnmower
It was a close shave
by Starkitten of Hawaii
I wrap my hamsters
with duct tape so that they do
not explode when fucked.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
You should not complain
about political chat
When vogons are near.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
My enormous cock
will not fit in your small twat;
let's try your asshole.
Feeling romantic
I say to my pet hamsters
bound with gray duct tape.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
shut up about the
fucking politics, whether
screaming democrats
or old lady Rep
yacking about nutcase libs
I am The Doctor
If I must release
the Big Red Box, then you know
how Gallifrey
Ended...
by vhs
VHS Haiku
Tracked number. Says delivered.
I will keep checking
by Anonymous Poet
Human Pyramid
Entertainment! Second Ring!
Top clown has the runs!!
by Pyramid Scheme of Trickle Down Economics
Constipated Clown
Misfortune of the Bowels
The show must go on
by Anonymous Poet
Most birds don't like us
If you subtract bread crust, seeds
They downright hate us!
by Birdwatcher of Pacific Northwest
Speaking of feces,
South Park this Wednesday features
Mr. Hankey the
Christmas Poo. Don't miss
it -- it's a new episode.
You smell like flowers!
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
It would not have sunk
It would certainly have stunk.
Don't sleep with a skunk.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
I'm so confused now
Dinosaurs would sink the ark
It gives me the creeps
by Confused
What about poop?
Mentioned in the Bible?
The ark would have sunk
by Anonymous Poet
Diahareaheaia
izin betweeeeen
the sheets.
Diarrhea bomb pop frozen treats for flies on a hot summer's day.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Flatulence is gas
Fecal matter is solid
What is in between?
by Science Kid
Ring bell for service
Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding
Ding ding ding ding ding
by Ding Dong
I fought the Devil.
That was a long time ago.
Now we are best friends.
Sometimes he pays me.
It's contract labor, you see.
He buys my poems.
My work's quite famous
down in the fiery pits.
Torturing sinners.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Wearing pantyhose
Over your head. Sniff sniff sniff
Clear the sinuses
by Dr. Oz of At the Landfill tossing my Neti Pot
Domestic Dispute
Hot Frying Pan Concussion
Thoughtful wedding gift
by Edie Brickell of Drinking in closet
Is it the Devil?
How can you tell if it's him
Or a plain demon?
by Want to know
I shouldn't say this:
Televise the fight on the
Jerry Springer show.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Just throw poo at them.
Works for me every time.
The in-laws hate me.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
well i got a real
life fight to attend to I'm
not sure if it will
be just spiritual
warfare or something else of
a different sort
by vhs
I am so so-so
and simultaneously
extraordinary.
Go and ask your mom.
She'll tell you all about it.
Skipping the details.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Astronomical
homosexuality
regurgitation.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
First we would dry up
The wind would blow us away
Be our Haiku Dad.
by Haiku Orphan of Haiku Orphanage
gee what happens if
i stop posting poems here
to react to, eh?
by vhs
Sweet Baby James
Jim Morrison. Diaper Clad.
Petite concho belt
by Halloween Costume Advice of Horse's Ass
Uber Eats (you out)
Delivering to your door
Hot Cunnilingus
by Brett Banjopicker
That guy VHS
Writes all the poetry here
Under assumed names
by Snopes
Bailey's with acid.
Guess I'll call it synthamesc.
Mescaline's too rare.
Oh, wait, this is cool!
I can order it onine!
Fuck yeah! I'll do that!
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Roosters are crowing.
I think I'll rape a chicken.
And force them to watch.
Fuckers wake me up.
Nah, I was already up.
But any excuse.
I was up because,
well, meth does that to a guy.
Cock-a-doodle-doo.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Halloween costumes.
I'll dress up as a baby.
Depends, whiskey bottle.
I might even cry.
Craving a milky nipple.
Bailey's will do then.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER of
Your friend Starkitten
S T A U N C H
Like Little Edie
by Staunch Character of Grey Gardens
Goose Honking Season
Looked up..Pterodactyls!!
Drunk on Jeff Daniels
by Dyslexic Alcoholics of Behind Edie Brickell at the liquor store
Which does God hate more,
poets, homosexuals,
or Justin Bieber?
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
It's not easy to
make the second line shorter
than the other two.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
He stood mouth agape.
Her enormous vagina
left him quite speechless.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
