Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
26 Years, 317 Days and 76713 Haiku later...

Ooooo, I love that book!
Conan the librarian!
She conquers ten books!
Haiku # 59616, September 23, 2018 8:44 pm ET
Library so quiet
All patrons are behaving
You can hear pin drop
Haiku # 59615, September 23, 2018 8:24 pm ET
by Starkitten Librarian
If your cock falls off
and no feminists hear it
did it sill fall off?
Haiku # 59614, September 23, 2018 8:19 pm ET
Gems sparkle at night
Some gems are worthless garbage
Some gems are dumb glass
Haiku # 59613, September 23, 2018 7:50 pm ET
by Secret Poetess of Painting
Long Pig food kiosk.
Cloned human flesh at low price!
Penis on a stick.
Haiku # 59612, September 23, 2018 7:48 pm ET
by Spider Jerusalem
Boat rocks under me
Waves hit the land: tsunami !
Nice sea-shells on shore
Haiku # 59611, September 23, 2018 7:46 pm ET
by Secret Poetess of collecting gems
Thai food is the best.
Filippino food sucks ass.
Balut eggs are gross!
Haiku # 59610, September 23, 2018 7:44 pm ET
I shouldn't ask this.
Is it wrong to eat children?
So fat and juicy.
Haiku # 59609, September 23, 2018 7:42 pm ET
Asian food is bad
I don't like egg in my food
Disgusting raw fish
Haiku # 59608, September 23, 2018 7:42 pm ET
by Secret Poetess of Asian Food
He got an implant.
Penis version two point oh.
Comes with Windows 10.
Haiku # 59607, September 23, 2018 7:41 pm ET
Mooncakes taste so good
They are full of nasty eggs
Lava-lamp feel hot
Haiku # 59606, September 23, 2018 7:38 pm ET
by the rising of the moon, autumn is here
Broke the piñata
With his "Louisville Slugger"
Werthers Avalanche!
Haiku # 59605, September 23, 2018 7:29 pm ET
by Starkitten
But "they" weren't hiding.
Grandpa was the one hiding.
With a big boner.

In addition they
also gave him three hookers
and 10 grams of coke.

He used to smoke crack.
But that was back in the day.
Now it was plain coke.

How can hillbillies
afford to buy so much coke?
That's a good question.
Haiku # 59604, September 23, 2018 6:36 pm ET
The perfect surprise
When they came out of hiding
"Happy Birthday, Gramps!"
Haiku # 59603, September 23, 2018 3:26 pm ET
by Starkitten of Portraits of Autumn
He climbed down into
the outhouse shithole so he
could see vagina.
Haiku # 59602, September 23, 2018 2:59 pm ET
Grandpa Ciderpants
Pressed for time. He's all business.
Sprint to the outhouse.
Haiku # 59601, September 23, 2018 2:04 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest U pick Turd Orchard
That's not good for you.
You might catch H I Voo Doo.
Or the blue waffles.
Haiku # 59600, September 23, 2018 10:15 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Do not write haiku.
You'll become gay if you do.
Then you might pound poo.
Haiku # 59599, September 23, 2018 10:12 am ET
by df
It's an abombination:
Haiku # 59598, September 22, 2018 9:25 pm ET
by naming enemy, you cause power of enemy to weaken
I got angry enough
to turn this off one time
and watch something die

I would let it die
and let it go, just spasm
a few more times then
Haiku # 59597, September 22, 2018 8:15 pm ET
by vhs
look, I'm busy in
real life, I'm not as old as
you with the time there

if you keep it up
I might quite altogether
say fuck it and out

of real life fear just
delete everything and
break my laptop here

or annoyance I'm not sure
Haiku # 59596, September 22, 2018 8:12 pm ET
by vhs
Haiku # 59595, September 22, 2018 8:04 pm ET
by Pig biting mad of 2nd location I'm kidnapping you to
Quiet as Jonestown here
A sea of tossed plastic cups
Drank Bad Haikul-Aid?
Haiku # 59594, September 22, 2018 7:50 pm ET
by Starkitten and John Boy Walton's Mole of Reporting Live
I figured it out
You have to sit still longer
To write the poems
Haiku # 59593, September 22, 2018 7:10 pm ET
by Starkitten
Haiku good for Earth
Less trees wasted on poems
More toilet paper
Haiku # 59592, September 22, 2018 7:01 pm ET
by Starkitten
Bad Haiku like farts.
Essential. Pure Distilled oil.
Poem: Toilet coil
Haiku # 59591, September 22, 2018 6:56 pm ET
Used to date poet
Tried to kill himself with pills
He had tiny feet
Haiku # 59590, September 22, 2018 5:51 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
What, no poets here?
You ALL fail to pass the test.
Haiku fails you now.
Haiku # 59589, September 22, 2018 3:39 pm ET
by failing to shine, you prove you are of the Darkness.
Now, back to those clits:
Crying out for their owners
in Somalia . . .
Haiku # 59588, September 22, 2018 2:24 pm ET
by excising the clit, you make a poor argument of Islam
I am sick of sex
(not the deed--but as Haiku).
I want POETRY!
Haiku # 59587, September 22, 2018 2:20 pm ET
by visiting my blog you will partake of poetry: www.connecthook
We're true gentlemen
Just look at Mr. Seahorse!
Carrying babies
Haiku # 59586, September 22, 2018 1:04 pm ET
by Henry the Octopus formerly known as Ten Penny Henry the Octopus before he gave his mummified Penis to his wife for a Christmas P of Under the Sea
Mummified Penis
Reminds me of O. Henry
Gift of the Magi

She kept it secret
Had her cunt sewed shut for you
...something's in my eye
Haiku # 59585, September 22, 2018 12:48 pm ET
by Starkitten 2nd box of Kleenex from crying over heartwarming holiday story of Ten Penny Henry on his 4th box of Kleenex for spooge
Octopus Garden
Undersea.. um.. " Shrivelry "
To the Bathysphere!!
Haiku # 59584, September 22, 2018 12:29 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest
Male octopi
will give their penis to their
mate for sex and snack.

I'd like to do that.
Would beat dealing with my wife.
Thinking about it.

Should I mummify
my shlong and present it as
a holiday gift?

And Van Gogh thought he
was so fucking romantic.
I think cocks beat ears.
Haiku # 59583, September 22, 2018 6:06 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
Question for the boys
When an Octopus jerks off
Grab dink with 8 arms?
Haiku # 59582, September 21, 2018 11:45 pm ET
by Starkitten of Cloud 9
Bring your French Tickler
I'll be waiting at airport
Captain Feathersword
Haiku # 59581, September 21, 2018 11:41 pm ET
by Starkitten
Henry Octopus
Fruit Salad..Mashed banana
Cephalopod Porn
Haiku # 59580, September 21, 2018 11:39 pm ET
by Starkitten of On top and Down Under
The Church, The Wiggles
Two great bands from Down Under
Nudge Nudge and wink wink
Haiku # 59579, September 21, 2018 11:37 pm ET
by Starkitten
Your Haiku is large
Try low mileage vaginas
Ask for Starkitten
Haiku # 59578, September 21, 2018 11:34 pm ET
by Pacific Northwest Low Mileage Vaginas of Under the Milky Way Tonight
Harrumph to you, good sir!
Harrumph, I say!
Haiku # 59577, September 21, 2018 11:23 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker, Esq.
You should not sniff ass.
It is disgusting and wrong.
That is what dogs do.
Haiku # 59576, September 21, 2018 10:56 pm ET
by df
I must hypothesize that Don Hertzfeldt's spoon and banana were symbols of a penis and vagina. Though no one would typically eat a banana with a spoon unless the banana was in cereal or perhaps mashed into some kind of dessert but I have heard sex referred to as "mashing" that pussy, so maybe the mashed banana was referring to a vagina needing to be mashed by a large penis.

My spoon is too big. My spoon is too big. My spoon is too big.
You can feel the frustration of having a penis that is too large and no woman would want it.
But then along comes the giant walking banana.
I am a banana.
And everything is set right with the world. The giant walking banana can be mashed and eaten by the giant spoon. Or the enormous gaping snatch finally finds a penis worthy of its incredibly wide diameter.
Haiku # 59575, September 21, 2018 10:55 pm ET
by df
Our library card?
Why, yes. It's pink and quite hard
I'll check your pocket
Haiku # 59574, September 21, 2018 8:48 pm ET
by Starkitten Very helpful librarian
Starkitten Movie
Starring James Caannilingus
Cumming soon near you!
Haiku # 59573, September 21, 2018 8:43 pm ET
by Starkitten of Director's Chair
Once upon a squirt
Cunnilingus in a yurt
A bedtime haiku
Haiku # 59572, September 21, 2018 8:25 pm ET
by Starkitten of Library of Moisture
Sun has set here on
Bad Haiku - good night good night
Wake up less evil
Haiku # 59571, September 21, 2018 6:50 pm ET
by Sparklepony, MD
Gardening at night
Grab it by the stipe
Phallic Murshroom Hunt
Haiku # 59570, September 21, 2018 6:01 pm ET
by Starkitten
Babylon a FALL.
Babylon shall not prevail.
JAH Rasta soon come . . .
Haiku # 59569, September 21, 2018 5:59 pm ET
by the rivers of Babylon kiss my ass
When my Celia walks
your mama loses her shit.
Celia rules. You lose.
Haiku # 59568, September 21, 2018 5:52 pm ET
by forswearing the beauty of Celia, you seal your doom.
Forget libraries.
We're talking about rebirth.
Can't you just wake up?
Haiku # 59567, September 21, 2018 5:46 pm ET
by waking up, you increase the probability of a better future
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