BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years
16 Days
and
68939 Haikus
later...
But "they" weren't hiding.
Grandpa was the one hiding.
With a big boner.

In addition they
also gave him three hookers
and 10 grams of coke.

He used to smoke crack.
But that was back in the day.
Now it was plain coke.

How can hillbillies
afford to buy so much coke?
That's a good question.
Haiku #59604, by
September 23, 2018 6:36 pm ET

The perfect surprise
When they came out of hiding
"Happy Birthday, Gramps!"
Haiku #59603, by Starkitten of Portraits of Autumn
September 23, 2018 3:26 pm ET

He climbed down into
the outhouse shithole so he
could see vagina.
Haiku #59602, by
September 23, 2018 2:59 pm ET

Grandpa Ciderpants
Pressed for time. He's all business.
Sprint to the outhouse.
Haiku #59601, by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest U pick Turd Orchard
September 23, 2018 2:04 pm ET

That's not good for you.
You might catch H I Voo Doo.
Or the blue waffles.
Haiku #59600, by Anonymous Poet
September 23, 2018 10:15 am ET

Do not write haiku.
You'll become gay if you do.
Then you might pound poo.
Haiku #59599, by df
September 23, 2018 10:12 am ET

Confabulation?
It's an abombination:
Infibulation.
Haiku #59598, by naming enemy, you cause power of enemy to weaken
September 22, 2018 9:25 pm ET

I got angry enough
to turn this off one time
and watch something die

I would let it die
and let it go, just spasm
a few more times then
Haiku #59597, by vhs
September 22, 2018 8:15 pm ET

look, I'm busy in
real life, I'm not as old as
you with the time there

if you keep it up
I might quite altogether
say fuck it and out

of real life fear just
delete everything and
break my laptop here

or annoyance I'm not sure
Haiku #59596, by vhs
September 22, 2018 8:12 pm ET

NOTEBOOK PAPER (SLAM!!)
WRITE SOME COCK A DOODY HAIKU
YOU DIRTY BIRDIES!!
Haiku #59595, by Pig biting mad of 2nd location I'm kidnapping you to
September 22, 2018 8:04 pm ET

Quiet as Jonestown here
A sea of tossed plastic cups
Drank Bad Haikul-Aid?
Haiku #59594, by Starkitten and John Boy Walton's Mole of Reporting Live
September 22, 2018 7:50 pm ET

I figured it out
You have to sit still longer
To write the poems
Haiku #59593, by Starkitten
September 22, 2018 7:10 pm ET

Haiku good for Earth
Less trees wasted on poems
More toilet paper
Haiku #59592, by Starkitten
September 22, 2018 7:01 pm ET

Bad Haiku like farts.
Essential. Pure Distilled oil.
Poem: Toilet coil
Haiku #59591, by JBWM
September 22, 2018 6:56 pm ET

Used to date poet
Tried to kill himself with pills
He had tiny feet
Haiku #59590, by Anonymous Poet
September 22, 2018 5:51 pm ET

What, no poets here?
You ALL fail to pass the test.
Haiku fails you now.
Haiku #59589, by failing to shine, you prove you are of the Darkness.
September 22, 2018 3:39 pm ET

Now, back to those clits:
Crying out for their owners
in Somalia . . .
Haiku #59588, by excising the clit, you make a poor argument of Islam
September 22, 2018 2:24 pm ET

I am sick of sex
(not the deed--but as Haiku).
I want POETRY!
Haiku #59587, by visiting my blog you will partake of poetry: www.connecthook
September 22, 2018 2:20 pm ET

We're true gentlemen
Just look at Mr. Seahorse!
Carrying babies
Haiku #59586, by Henry the Octopus formerly known as Ten Penny Henry the Octopus before he gave his mummified Penis to his wife for a Christmas P of Under the Sea
September 22, 2018 1:04 pm ET

Mummified Penis
Reminds me of O. Henry
Gift of the Magi

She kept it secret
Had her cunt sewed shut for you
...something's in my eye
Haiku #59585, by Starkitten 2nd box of Kleenex from crying over heartwarming holiday story of Ten Penny Henry on his 4th box of Kleenex for spooge
September 22, 2018 12:48 pm ET

Octopus Garden
Undersea.. um.. " Shrivelry "
To the Bathysphere!!
Haiku #59584, by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest
September 22, 2018 12:29 pm ET

Male octopi
will give their penis to their
mate for sex and snack.

I'd like to do that.
Would beat dealing with my wife.
Thinking about it.

Should I mummify
my shlong and present it as
a holiday gift?

And Van Gogh thought he
was so fucking romantic.
I think cocks beat ears.
Haiku #59583, by Darth Figpucker
September 22, 2018 6:06 am ET

Question for the boys
When an Octopus jerks off
Grab dink with 8 arms?
Haiku #59582, by Starkitten of Cloud 9
September 21, 2018 11:45 pm ET

Bring your French Tickler
I'll be waiting at airport
Captain Feathersword
Haiku #59581, by Starkitten
September 21, 2018 11:41 pm ET

Henry Octopus
Fruit Salad..Mashed banana
Cephalopod Porn
Haiku #59580, by Starkitten of On top and Down Under
September 21, 2018 11:39 pm ET

The Church, The Wiggles
Two great bands from Down Under
Nudge Nudge and wink wink
Haiku #59579, by Starkitten
September 21, 2018 11:37 pm ET

Your Haiku is large
Try low mileage vaginas
Ask for Starkitten
Haiku #59578, by Pacific Northwest Low Mileage Vaginas of Under the Milky Way Tonight
September 21, 2018 11:34 pm ET

Harrumph to you, good sir!
Harrumph, I say!
Haiku #59577, by Darth Figpucker, Esq.
September 21, 2018 11:23 pm ET

You should not sniff ass.
It is disgusting and wrong.
That is what dogs do.
Haiku #59576, by df
September 21, 2018 10:56 pm ET

I must hypothesize that Don Hertzfeldt's spoon and banana were symbols of a penis and vagina. Though no one would typically eat a banana with a spoon unless the banana was in cereal or perhaps mashed into some kind of dessert but I have heard sex referred to as "mashing" that pussy, so maybe the mashed banana was referring to a vagina needing to be mashed by a large penis.

My spoon is too big. My spoon is too big. My spoon is too big.
You can feel the frustration of having a penis that is too large and no woman would want it.
But then along comes the giant walking banana.
I am a banana.
And everything is set right with the world. The giant walking banana can be mashed and eaten by the giant spoon. Or the enormous gaping snatch finally finds a penis worthy of its incredibly wide diameter.
Haiku #59575, by df
September 21, 2018 10:55 pm ET

Our library card?
Why, yes. It's pink and quite hard
I'll check your pocket
Haiku #59574, by Starkitten Very helpful librarian
September 21, 2018 8:48 pm ET

Starkitten Movie
Starring James Caannilingus
Cumming soon near you!
Haiku #59573, by Starkitten of Director's Chair
September 21, 2018 8:43 pm ET

Once upon a squirt
Cunnilingus in a yurt
A bedtime haiku
Haiku #59572, by Starkitten of Library of Moisture
September 21, 2018 8:25 pm ET

Sun has set here on
Bad Haiku - good night good night
Wake up less evil
Haiku #59571, by Sparklepony, MD
September 21, 2018 6:50 pm ET

Gardening at night
Grab it by the stipe
Phallic Murshroom Hunt
Haiku #59570, by Starkitten
September 21, 2018 6:01 pm ET

Babylon a FALL.
Babylon shall not prevail.
JAH Rasta soon come . . .
Haiku #59569, by the rivers of Babylon kiss my ass
September 21, 2018 5:59 pm ET

When my Celia walks
your mama loses her shit.
Celia rules. You lose.
Haiku #59568, by forswearing the beauty of Celia, you seal your doom.
September 21, 2018 5:52 pm ET

Forget libraries.
We're talking about rebirth.
Can't you just wake up?
Haiku #59567, by waking up, you increase the probability of a better future
September 21, 2018 5:46 pm ET

Calling all bookworms
Do-Me Decimal System
Put to good use here
Haiku #59566, by Starkitten Extra Friendly Librarian of No Jacket or pants required
September 21, 2018 5:34 pm ET

Alpha Centauri
Beta masquerading cuck
Cut his balls off. NOW.
Haiku #59565, by calling out the cucks, there is hope of national rebirth
September 21, 2018 5:29 pm ET

Don't you dare touch my
Celia - or I'll have to
Dissolve your ego
Haiku #59564, by Fun Guy of Mush Room
September 21, 2018 5:21 pm ET

Outstanding in field
The centaur of attention
Named to Hall of Oats
Haiku #59563, by Starkitten of Magic Gate
September 21, 2018 5:14 pm ET

Slip it in your slot?
After all, it's overdue.
In library? Fine . . .
Haiku #59562, by the bated breath of a bibliophile
September 21, 2018 4:31 pm ET

Wild horse meets tame horse
And notices the rider
Quite an expression
Haiku #59561, by Sign of Sagittarius
September 21, 2018 4:26 pm ET

Hectic day again
Self employed Librarian
Try my new book slot
Haiku #59560, by Starkitten Order of Moist and Smiling Librarians of Cunnilingus Nook of the Pacific Northwest
September 21, 2018 4:24 pm ET

Come on, walk right through
Starkitten expecting you
Law of Bad Haiku
Haiku #59559, by Starkitten
September 21, 2018 4:11 pm ET

Hood of your car, Babe
Drive through a crowd. New Year's Eve.
Show them your Dick Clark
Haiku #59558, by Starkitten
September 21, 2018 2:45 pm ET

Geriatric stunt
Spelunking in Grandma's Cunt
Fallen. Can't get up.
Haiku #59557, by Staritten of Retirement Home for Aged Haiku Poets
September 21, 2018 2:10 pm ET

Punch the juke box,Fonz
Happy Days are here again!
Drive In Circle Jerk!!
Haiku #59556, by Starkitten
September 21, 2018 2:07 pm ET

Ocean Getaway
Buried in sand. Head sticking out.
FREAKING LITTERBOX!!
Haiku #59555, by Starkitten and friends
September 21, 2018 2:01 pm ET