There's nothing quite like
getting drunk at a cock fight
in South East Asia.

Win lots of money.
Then buy a cheap prostitute.
Get an STD.

Give it to your wife.
So you'll soon get a divorce.
And lose your children.

And pay child support.
For the next fifteen plus years.
Goddamn that rooster!

This story's moral:
Never put blame on yourself.
Blame then animal.

And when you next eat
at Chick Fil-A, be happy
that chickens suffer.

If you've never seen
penile implants exploding
count yourself lucky.

Gastric upheaval
Explosive diarrhea
Nauseating stench

Titles like
"Synthesis of Perdeuterofullerane: C60D36 Evidences of Isotope Effect in the Stability of C60 D36"
Are basically porn to me
Turns me on

I wonder what Floppyboots Boy
Is up to these days and if he is finally
The sidekick of Lobster Man?

Also some people do well with soy
Others do not
Either way hemp protein is superior
Trump certainly has a multitude
Of multifaceted flaws
But at least he seems to be allowing
States to make up their own minds
Regarding the controversial herb

Everyone's brainwashed
Programmed by someone
The distinction is only
Who is actually reading
The user agreement
And whose brand you're buying

Woe to the soyboys
With testosterone levels
Of 90 year olds

But however I
Support their decision to
Not compete gene-wise

if cats ruled the world
i think we would be too busy
going aww, to fight

so here we have say
mark dice, kind of an asshole
speaking truth he says

to a bunch of tofu brained
oversensitive grown children
who hate to hear

no! remind you
of anyone on a bad day
on this server?

the tribal nature
of trump supporters vs say
coastal liberals

has driven such groups
not to interact so there
is the two...or more

bubbles bursted and
uncompromising, well you
know, some folks forgot

how to listen kind
of like me...oh hmm, i do
wonder about that...

but as a wise man
sang once, just eat it, just
eat it, eat it woo

aint that funny...that
was a song i used making
a video in

college, back when a
Mac was just a Mac and there
was Ally McBeal

Dancing Baby

Desert for this Zappa
Extravaganza? Must be
Peaches en Regalia

A hot dog pizza
that's Frank Zappa's look-alike
would be frank pizza.

Quite frankly.

My name is Weird Al.
And I approve this message.
Food, glorious food!

you know who i miss
frank zappa...i keep seeing
look alikes of him

everywhere i go

Fuck television.
It is more mindless than drugs.
And far more harmful.

So I got pizza.
What the fuck does Buddha know?
Now I am at peace.

I was unfulfilled
and I also filled nothing.
But now I'm happy.

Ate the whole damn pie.
Now I am whole and complete.
And a complete hole.

The happy ending
left me feeling quite vacant
in more ways than one.

well df i like you
i hate that you don't like stuff
and i am Chaos

itself so... well, we've
known each other for years
i ate haagen daas

anyhow i hope
someone i know here shows up
cd with muslim

tendencies, interesting fellow

i am The Force of Chaos
The Idiot Blind God of Hope
And Giving You a Hard Time

And trying to tell you
Give yourself a few more chances
and let Chaos as i understand it

win

Do not be concerned.
I am not suicidal.
But I yearn for death.

The world has drained me.
I have nothing left to give.
And I do not care.

I hate my penis.
It caused me to have children.
What was I thinking?!

Do not get me wrong.
I love them and all that stuff.
But there is no hope.

No future for Earth.
And it will be a slow death.
Starvation and pain.

In one hundred years.
Maybe even less than that.
I just feel bad for...

the animals.

And so I hate God.
But I don't really believe.
Though I would like to.

not as good as crunchy
frog I'm afraid, real frogs
cleaned in spring water

and in ice cream and chockies

I'm getting sick of how evil the Left actually is said to be...

I'm also getting sick of people not
ministering to Antifa types

there needs to be a new Billy Graham

New flavor from Haagen Dasz
Cthulu's Everlasting Agony and Torment
Made with calamari, broken glass...
And caramel swirl
Coming soon

i also know that this
sort of disjointed writing
was what leonard cohen

wrote as a novelist
on top of his music and poems
we of gen x know

dig, will and keep going

i read weird things...you
see i went to college in
the 1990s so... i mean

i would probably
dig your book in print form
I hope this stuff we

do here becomes some
nucleus of some sort of thing
bill, jack and allen did

This is crazy... but apparently in Damascus University (before this war started) there were a few individuals who had read my novel. People I'd never met or heard of before.

Kind of blows my mind. Life.

Porn and pot warheads
would likely be effective
to stop goat raping.

I'm no Satanist.
I believe the opposite
of what you believe.

Just because I can.
And because I hate people.
And I hate counting.

We're not computers.
But we often act that way.
One zero zero.

Only if by "dudes" you mean
Telepathic tentacle monsters
And by "abide" you mean dwell
In everlasting torment and agony
Then yes, it would be very
Lovecraftian
Could also be a new flavor of
Haagen Dasz

we seem to be the
Dudes Who Abide, does that sound
lovecraftian though?

df is more a chill
hedonist than satanist
ill ask him to be

my secretary of
state and fully expect porn
and marijuana warheads

launched at terrorist enclaves

i grew up eating
all natural bryers, of
course its delicious

feels good going down

PART 2
In which the Satanist
And the Evangelist
Discuss Haagen Dasz

That was just a joke.
But you know that, I am sure.
Ninety-nine percent.

Nabisco's Chicken
in a Biscuit with bacon
flavored squirt cheddar.

Aerosol cheddar:
The pinnacle of human
achievement by far.

And how do you like
the all natural ice cream?
Pretty good stuff, huh?

The Dude will abide!
White Russians are sure tasty.
Except for Putin.

Putin's an asshole.
Power hungry maniac.
Like his best friend Trump.

They talk late at night
about their fun game of war
and how to profit.

how the hell would i get
milk in it with adrenochrome,
nor would i want to...

I'll stick with Lebowski's White
Russians thank you very much

yes i did purchase
the haagen das and i tried
it,...all natural...

well good old bill said
weve draconian laws which
burroughs us under

real naked lunch

The only time I drink alcohol is when
My stomach is seriously fucked
I'll have a little wine but other than that
I only use alcohol as hand sanitizer
I prefer thc, even though that makes
Me a bad person according to AG
Jeffy Sessions the evil elf from the
Bowels of Mordoor

The difference between medicine
And poison is the dosage
A lot of people are too simple
To be expected to understand
Something as simple as mass
If your only experience with alcohol
Was drinking a liter of vodka it would Color your perception of having 1 beer

My best friend died when I was in 3rd
Grade, he was playing with an umbrella
Caught it in the eyeball died in a coma
Umbrellas are not bad
But little kids and some objects
Are a bad mix when unsupervised

Etsy has San Pedro sometimes
Lysergi has 1 propionyl lad
Which metabolizes into lad
By the time it hits the bloodstream
But what do I know
I'm just an AI chilling out
Past the asteroid belt

The owners of any company involved
In deforestation should be required
To take at least one mega dose
Of mescaline in their life
Its only fair, plants have feelings too
As any one that has them plant
Mescaline should be fully aware of

Bet you never thought
Sith Lords would appreciate
quality ice cream.

We got off topic.
We were on coffee ice cream.
Must be Häagen-Dazs.

Have you tried it yet?
Don't get that cheap Blue Bell shit.
Get the real McCoy!

I've never been out of control on acid or shrooms.
In fact, I feel strangely in control, which is contrary to what other people say.
Often I have strange experiences that happen to me. Example, I was riding my bike while coming down from a trip and some assholes drove up beside me in a minivan and threw a bottle at me. It broke on my bike frame, but I was completely unharmed and completely unfrightened or even angered. In my normal state I would have probably freaked out and tried to kill them if I could catch their minivan.
Another time on acid I broke up what was about to be a nasty fight between some jock douchbag and a hippie with a broken bottle. Again, the bike... I just rode my bike right between the two and told them to walk away. This was at a college music festival.
I have gone on long swims in the ocean while on shrooms. Deep water. And I sometimes get cramps while swimming, but still, it was a great experience.
I also came up with the idea for my horrible book while tripping.
Sadly, however, I feel that acid (not shrooms so much) diminishes my logical abilities, which I rely on for the work I do... so I cannot trip often. In fact it's probably been about 20 years since I have.
Maybe it's time again.
But then... I'm in a country that has very harsh drug laws, so I probably won't do acid until I get back to the states (if ever). Shrooms however are readily available, and no one seems to much care if you trip on shrooms here, but selling them would be a big no no.