Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 224 Days and 77150 Haiku later...

Emotional intelligence > IQ
Case in point: Donald Trump's
Entire life and career
Trump DF 2020
Haiku # 57787, December 14, 2017 4:43 pm ET
by dvd
In three thousand years philosophy still hasn't got beyond the "if it's in the mind, then it must be real" phase.
South Park did a mini-series on that called Imaginationland.
I'll save you the suspense. Kyle sucks Cartman's balls. In Imaginationland.
So that means I've fucked more hot babes than Hugh Hefner. And I just shagged my cute little secretary all night long while my fat wife was tied up and forced to watch.
But now Hef's magazine is including transgender "women" and I only wish my car was a Transformer so I could destroy a few military installations and wipe out all large population centers and save the earth. Because it's mine anyway.
All I want for Christmas is these fucking parasites off my planet. Is that too much to ask, Jesus Claus? Is it?!
Happy Kwanzaa!.... or something.

Vaping is gay. That much is real.
Haiku # 57786, December 14, 2017 4:13 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
one will read what one
reads, free will is the way of
all in the world now
Haiku # 57785, December 14, 2017 1:13 pm ET
by vhs
I had a dream I was talking to a dog
His English wasn't very good
I was just impressed he understood
Haiku # 57784, December 14, 2017 12:44 pm ET
by dvd
How much should one read?
Almost seems like a lost art.
Most prefer pictures.
Haiku # 57783, December 14, 2017 1:12 am ET
by Adorable Kittens
I have a big poop
His name is Shittin
I'll never trust him as a sandwich
Haiku # 57782, December 13, 2017 5:51 pm ET
by Atlas Pooped
I have a big snake
His name is Satan
I'll never trust him as a necklace
Haiku # 57781, December 13, 2017 2:06 pm ET
by Adam Ben Adam
If there are only physical phenomena
There is no mind, in which case
This isn't happening
Haiku # 57780, December 13, 2017 12:49 pm ET
by Drowsy Philosopher
potus sounds
like a marvel villian name likr
modoc or...zorgo

baron mordo, doctor doom
Haiku # 57779, December 13, 2017 9:22 am ET
by vhs
Jesus died?!
Haiku # 57777, December 13, 2017 2:16 am ET
by Confused Muslim
Circular logic is circular
Jesus didn't die for sin
Circular logic is circular
Haiku # 57776, December 13, 2017 2:13 am ET
by Tiny Circles
If not for Jesus,
there would never be a Grinch,
to steal Christmas!

If you never sin,
then Jesus was crucified
for nothing but gifts.

And I guess for kicks.
Haiku # 57775, December 12, 2017 11:25 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
we wouls miss out though
on mister grinch who i think
should be year around...

if we went back too far
Haiku # 57774, December 12, 2017 10:11 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Christmases of yore.
1950s thereabouts.
Set the time machine.
Haiku # 57773, December 12, 2017 1:48 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Circling the drain.
Bacon blue cheese hamburgers
and eggnog milk shakes.
Haiku # 57772, December 12, 2017 1:45 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
I keep trying to get a plane ticket
To the nation of Robonia
But they tell me it isn't real
Haiku # 57771, December 12, 2017 12:57 am ET
by dvd of I apparently need a new travel agency
given youve worked with
me irl are you sure i might not
be a sweet transvestite from
planet Transylvania? no
we also worked with real Trans
Haiku # 57770, December 11, 2017 8:30 pm ET
by JWA/vhs
murphys law sez we
gonna make it hard for youse
to touch base like, timely
Haiku # 57769, December 11, 2017 6:39 pm ET
by jwa/vhs
I've met alot of people like that
The (mostly) dead guy I found in a
Gas station restroom - overdose
The clerk seemed annoyed at me when I brought it to their attention that there
Was an unresponsive man in there
The Colombian man who believed a shape shifting transsexual Mexican assassin was trying to murder him
He wanted me to buy him an assault rifle... Uncomfortable
Then there is the man that flew illegal bombing missions during the Vietnam conflict, I think it was in Cambodia, to clear highways for China (domino theory lol) he also thought it would be wise to "kill all Muslims" you know as a Precaution... He told me that
War is good for the country
I don't disagree with the statement
I disagree with the assessment of
The meaning of the word "good"
And "country" because I think by
"Good" he meant profitable
And by "country" he meant extrememly Wealthy white people
Haiku # 57768, December 11, 2017 3:55 pm ET
by dvd
common thing that is
those make up the events that
haunt us folks in life

love em though enjoy
weird stuff....
Haiku # 57767, December 11, 2017 2:35 pm ET
by vhs
I remember when I was a child
Someone knocked on the door
I answered it and there was
An unremarkable man standing There who asked me where my
Father was - He wasn't home
After the man left my mom
Came downstairs and was Extremely upset that I had Opened the door for
A stranger, I asked her how to
Tell the difference between
A bad man and a good man
I figured they must wear
Different color clothes
*Kid Logic*
We got a security system after That and I never found out who The man was or why he wanted
To talk to my dad - it's funny how A small event like that
Sticks with me 20 years later
I think it must be the lack of Resolution
That makes someone otherwise
Something that I still
Haiku # 57766, December 11, 2017 1:01 pm ET
by dvd of the mid-1990's
doncha know homey
pop goes the weasel cuz the
weasel goes pop... right...
Haiku # 57765, December 11, 2017 10:14 am ET
by JWA(vhs)
Pop goes the Weasel
Will be the last song ever
Heard by human ears
Haiku # 57764, December 11, 2017 8:40 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
creative output
rendered for your consumption
the best I can do
Haiku # 57763, December 11, 2017 1:18 am ET
by Robot painter
What song will the last
human listen to as he
or she lays dying.
Haiku # 57762, December 10, 2017 9:24 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Pachyderms cannot
be blamed for holding grudges;
they're nearly extinct.
Haiku # 57761, December 10, 2017 9:22 pm ET
by df
People bitch about GMOs
The solution is a drought and
10,000 chain smoking crows
Haiku # 57760, December 10, 2017 8:54 pm ET
by Crow #1
During the time of the black death
Skeletal men in black robes were seen
This is where the image of the Grim
Reaper comes from - but they did not
Have sickles, they waved staffs as
They went through rye fields, spreading
A black fog throughout... An explosion
Of ergotism and famine was the result
Haiku # 57759, December 10, 2017 8:52 pm ET
by dvd
how do you turn a
web comic female person
into literature???
Haiku # 57758, December 10, 2017 11:08 am ET
by vhs
existential deaths
died when irony fell in
9/11, we thought

Haiku # 57757, December 9, 2017 10:47 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
loaded with grudges
the elephant in the room
can never forgive
Haiku # 57756, December 9, 2017 8:19 pm ET
by ash
my best intentions
can never be good enough
Haiku # 57755, December 9, 2017 8:11 pm ET
by ash
my failed compliments
are the red rags to the bull
who sees monochrome
Haiku # 57754, December 9, 2017 7:42 pm ET
by ash
hmm german delis
would never be the same once
lsd reubens

hit the market
Haiku # 57753, December 9, 2017 2:44 pm ET
by vhs
LSD comes from
rye wheat fungus but I can't
trip on a Reuben.

Weaponized airborne
ergot infections would make
earth a better place.

Mustard gas passe.
Passed the gassy Grey Poupon.
Dijon and Kraut farts.

Psychadelic lunch
corned beef, swiss, kraut, on rye
with yellow cap shrooms.
Haiku # 57752, December 9, 2017 9:51 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Animals are nice
Sometimes they might have some lice
You can still eat them
Haiku # 57751, December 9, 2017 5:20 am ET
by Mandingo Ebola of The land where cats rule
Aww, vhs remember
Things could also be worse
At least you're not DF
Haiku # 57750, December 8, 2017 4:59 pm ET
by Atlas Pooped
not much in the mood
today, all the things I'm chasing
are just mirages...
Haiku # 57749, December 8, 2017 12:33 pm ET
by vhs
Some farmers down south
Pay good money to hunters
Who kill wild hogs
Haiku # 57748, December 8, 2017 2:42 am ET
by dvd of profiting from disaster can be kosher
Six million wild hogs
Destroying America
Eat lots of bacon
Haiku # 57747, December 8, 2017 12:44 am ET
by Mandingo Ebola of Offering solutions in times of crisis
Shit just got real here
Anonymous cowards suck
Even I know that
Haiku # 57746, December 8, 2017 12:39 am ET
by Mandingo Ebola
depends on what you
smoke, with what and how often
you blow the smoke out
Haiku # 57745, December 7, 2017 10:57 pm ET
by vhs
yum yum yum you know
how much salt is in old spam
i wont eat the stuff
Haiku # 57741, December 6, 2017 10:54 am ET
by vhs
Hooray spam is back
Like rotten maggots feasting
On internet rot
Haiku # 57740, December 6, 2017 1:20 am ET
by Concerned American
well censorship of
baby boomers who do not
value human life

great stuff ;)
Haiku # 57739, December 5, 2017 10:34 am ET
by vhs of damn zombies
The butane hash oil I am so fond of
Is, by mass, the same price
As electronics grade gold... I'm poor
But withdrawal from nicotine and
Caffeine make cannabis withdrawal
Laughably easy
My endocannabinoid system will
Fully recover and so will my wallet
Haiku # 57737, December 4, 2017 10:41 pm ET
by dvd
But if you love it,
if you love your addiction,
is it all that bad?

Science, music, athletics, cannibalism...
all great stuff!
Haiku # 57736, December 4, 2017 10:27 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
addiction is a
downer, food, internet, games
even vanilla things

the ordinary drag of life
Haiku # 57735, December 4, 2017 1:52 pm ET
by vhs
ill try to get some
folks posting if i can but
christmas is coming
Haiku # 57734, December 3, 2017 11:05 pm ET
by vhs
Cannabis - panic attacks every time
The weird thing is that truly
I enjoy that so fucking much
Haiku # 57733, December 3, 2017 9:04 pm ET
by dvd of walking a fine line between dependence and addiction
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