and to close as some
guy thinks to think I don't know
well i don't know, and

I care too much, but
I am a voice in the wind
and other cliches

I don't know him and
he doesn't know me the whole
web world experience

Whitecaps on the bay:
A broken signboard banging
In the April wind.

Over the wintry
forest, winds howl in rage
with no leaves to blow.

An old silent pond...
A frog jumps into the pond,
splash! Silence again.

*sing, not sign.
W's the only multi-
syllable letter.

a b c d e
f g h i j k l
m n o p

q r s t u
v w x y z
now i know my a

b c's next time won't
u sing with me? Hell, no way!
I won't sign with you!

My rectum hangs down.
About 1 inch past asshole.
It bleeds when I shit.

Part of getting old.
It's now difficult to wipe.
So I use water.

Wiping Asian style.
Water down your crack and scrub.
Saves toilet paper.

Here we go again.
Hard-on pills for VHS.
Get your credit card.

I tried Viagra.
It made me cum too quickly.
My heart was racing.

I wish that they'd sell
Premy ejaculate pills
so I'd last longer.

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Phallic fallacy
The fallacy of all dicks
And their pen-is words.

You claim to know God.
And even His very thoughts.
This just insults Him.

I am the I am.
And you are not the I am.
You are just church Spam.

this is one of those
places the internet was
and should be, not flat

bland, commercial crap
but ontario natives
don't llke maine fried crap

be joyous loudly
but if you won't be happy
be sad quietly

what frickin' fallacy
was that, if you're fake then you're
your own God therefore

will Mudd's Androids have
a nervous breakdown watching
us both rant on here?

ah shit, what's the point
it's time to let others speak
get out of the way

(that goes for you too you damned socialist)

Okay, wait a sec.
What the fuck are "rape apples"?!
You mean "ripe apples"?

I'm sure can't rape
an inanimate object;
it cannot object.

VHS needs to
go take some cheap Viagra
advertised below.

He can have my wife.
She's bored with me anyway.
My dick is too small.

Of course God is fake.
We make Him in Our image.
And if we're fake, then...

So, I'm a phony.
Therefore God's a phony too.
Do you understand?

"Science, save us all."
No, it just doesn't sound right.
Too dry and boring.

I'd rather worship
A God that's nonexistent
than science that's real.

But if science can
give me a porn star's penis,
then I'll worship it.

My wife falls asleep
when I'm right on top of her
and banging away.

Next time I will tell
you all about my prolapsed
and bleeding sphincter.

By the way, I'm old.
Maybe even more than you.
Soon I'll wear Depends.

what good does barking
like a small dog do to seem how
big one seems to sound

basic shit, how I feel
now is get the fuck out of here
never post here again

and let these guys spew
whatever their problem is
with whatever it is they're

bitching at because
they're extroverts, don't know how
to shut the fuck up

and if they were in a room
with a loaded handgun and a book
the silence would cause

them to blow their own
brains out because they seem
to think people want to

hear their bullshit about
american capitalism or their latest
insight on science and how

fake God is, I just
want to shut up and not even
see you anymore because

I don't not believe in God
and you could put a bullet
through my head in the name

of some utopian socialism or whatever the fuck it is you believe in but I suspect

very much you're never
going to be happy and the apetite
is cannibalistic, satanic and destructive

all I know is some
serbian 20 something like
me years ago posts

angry fucking comments
on a website which is a bbs
meant for haiku and

such and I want a world
without internet access
so I don't have to hear you

ZRELE JABUKE
U PLETENOJ KORPI SU
UZINA DECI

RAPE APPLES
IN A WOVEN BASKET ARE
A SNACK FOR CHILDREN

ZARUMENELA
NA ZIMI JEDE CRVENU
SMRZNUTU JABUKU

RED-CHEEKED
IN WINTER SHE EATS
A FROZEN APPLE

I hate not sleeping.
Caffeine, like, sooo kicks my ass.
Now it's time for work.

Here's a great idea.
Fill your safe deposit box
up with rotting meat.

Punks, rate your spray paint.
One for white, ten for gold.
Huffability.

Include the name brand,
color code, huffing method,
and how often huffed.

I realized that I
like to read and I may not be
so good at the part

where I need to set
words down on something and would
rather not share them

I just want to be.
My life will not allow this.
And so I vent thus.

I see the big wave.
All I want to do is ride.
To the stars and back.

as one might expect
it's always been bad haiku
now it's even worse

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my dear sir, if your
nuts work then you'd be nuts to
think they are not nuts

at least squirrels aren't
trying to store them for lunch
in future winters

have u attempted to
read haruki murakami
I tried, I think I

just might like it but
I like amon amarth too, so
christian who likes sci fi

and death metal and surreal
japanese writers...

I have been commanded by God to post this, I have no choice, wink wink

but we need more haiku, seriously

I should like you to
hear megadeth say et tu le monde
but raise your chartruse

to your rewind, please dig
maybe a man of faith is for
once, on your side more so

than you realize

No, in frustration
he takes his hand out to play
with his own small nuts.

I speak from experience.

I found my novel on Scribd! Some Indian nut (hey, we were just talking about nuts!) uploaded it to Scribd. I might have fans! Holy beeping beep! But he calls it "All About Coffee". Somewhat of a misnomer, but I can live with that. Originally I wanted it untitled. C'est la morte. A little death never killed anyone. (Yes, that's a play on words if you know the french meaning.)

when stuck in a trap
does the monkey take his hand
out to leave the nut?

my paper is blank
reflecting the candidates
and their policies

Me too.

i give up

Paul Reubens is the greatest actor on Earth. The aliens come here to see him perform.

Damn "location" field is truncated to just a few words. Oh well.

If you have never
done masturbation tango,
then you haven't lived.

The dance floor's sticky
like a porn theater's floor.
Mopping isn't fun.

But the dance itself
is, well, it's spooge-a-rific!
Yes, that is a word.

once I wrote some shit
and nobody gave a shit
shit, neither did I

takes two to tango
one to masturbate but the
real kick is zero

that's more like it
hurrah hurrah huzzah
catching on baby

but god damned if we
had to have a talented psychopath
writing cocaine laden sarcasm

I had a car wreck.
I now hate life even more.
I should have just died.

God's an evil clown.
Laughing at my misfortune.
I hope he's happy.

LOL... no, I just like writing misery and depression to piss off VHS and his Jesus-freak attitude. ;-)

A conservative is someone who wants to keep their money and not share with others and has a stick up their ass.

A liberal wants others to give him their money and enjoys putting sticks up other peoples asses.

A socialist wants the govt. to run like a company that loses money by selling sticks that are anally approved and by doing so loses money.

Anarchists also like to take other ppl's money, like liberals, but do not use the govt. to do so; they are more direct and brutal with their sticks. You don't want one of these guys putting a stick up your bum! They also don't count the syllables in haiku.

Chicken fucker: a man who on occasion has been known to fuck a chicken or two; the newest political party. They have nothing to do with putting sticks in your butt.

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just enjoy it, the time
you get into a car wreck and
realize life in precious

you might give your own
foul evil liberal philosophy more
humanity to it

suck my tristan tzara
I'm a dadaist too
i just happen to be conservative

I'm on the right you
remember? no socialist.

god socialists are
assholes for a "good cause" offer me
something better you

god damned need to start investing and stop protesting, or investing as a form of protesting

of course we could say
these people have no talent
to begin with but :)

they can say that of
me too and how much I suck
boz scaggs is on now

you have to admit
the guy has a twisted poetic
mind, but I wonder

when these sorts just plug
along coldly will have the metaphorical
clot of the needle

of the soul

you can agonise
but at the end of the day
it's still bad haiku

what is the sound of
all these internet haiku?
one old man farting.

Star Wars given to
Oliver Stone or Quintin
Tarantino. Yup.

Fuck, time to wake up.
Get the little turds to school.
Come home and shoot up.

Jar-Jar Binks should be
a junkie in the new Star
Wars episodes. Yup.

Resistance is Fu-
tile, puerile, textile, senile.
Buy a new towel.

The spaceships are here.
So where is your fucking towel?
The answer: 42.

Jesus: the answer.
"Who stole my ounce of pot?!"
Yes, it was Jesus.

ENOUGH! FUCK 5-7-5! 365. These haiku are dead, not alive. Frankenstein animated lifeless electric digital shit for brains cow humping redneck mindless. There's no soul and they won't get to heaven or hell. These haiku will simply rot like my underwear that haven't been washed in 2 weeks. Thus I sign off to go read my Bible. You should too.