my ribcage crackles
with the knowledge you're alive
make all your days count

the nice girl next door
doesn't live there anymore
she's a stripper now

I have always feared
being homeless and alone
sucking cock for food

you're the foxiest
in your white cotton panties
who's your daddy girl?

your haiku is good
our haiku is better still
give up now round-eye

you are so damn fine
I can't look you in the eye
you make my guts hurt

damn repetitive
the server's error, not mine
what was that again?

thank you for that prize
hopefully for my talents
not verbosity

thank you for that prize
hopefully for my talents
not verbosity

yes i like the beers
and if i had a spaceship
i'd have beers on board

i drank seven beers
i'm not manly but i'm drunk
right now that's enough

right now my head pounds
just got drunk with high school friends
it's twelve years since then

right now my heart swells
those i now know how i've missed
all still existing

(and by the way, kids, don't do drugs)

Hey, Listen up Ash
Did you get your haiku prize?
It was sent Thursday

Lights down, intro blares
A moments pause: they take the stage
Chills shoot down my spine

torment me no more
for though i have no spell check
the proof is out there

sad imperfection
causes a certain longing
where a log should be

sleep in until noon
long on and write a haiku
happy father's day

Oink oink oink oink
PUMA IM SORRY FOR THAT
STARCRAFT TODAY... HA

Pumamonkey! He
is my hero... always there
for me. OINK WITH ME!!

Off to the concert
I thought you went with parents.
true, but also with him

Holiday Weekend
Thousands come and decide this:
Ignore traffic laws

Please, no wait, please don't,
I was on hold 3 hours!
Please--goddammit---(beeeeep)

Pull my finger, son.
Hope your prom date doesn't mind,
Ooops, leaky diaper!

Ill-tempered sea bass
With fricken laser beam heads
Throw me a bone here

scooby doobie doo
cleft palate lends a different
music to my ear

hurling blue ephemerid
soar true through the air and dine
on tailgaters eye

how does the dog know
he only chews the heads off
the small plastic toys

meeting with the boss
not paying much attention
heh,heh...she said "wood"

your soft pink anus
it winks at me in my dreams
pucker up, baby

if i was called sue
and i was quite attractive
i'd work for kit kat

i'd like to ride you
dressed as a naked cowboy
how does thursday sound?

hey! you! scooter boy!
scoot like you've never scooted!
Buffy's on in 5!

my fucking printer
vomits forth the vile slander
and not my homework

i have but five sweets
and five friends to share them with
but only two razors

wish i was geoff capes
then i'd have a beard and stuff
god, that'd be cool

louder than a bomb
bigger than bella emberg's arse
where shall i put it?

excuse me, mister
i saw that cucumber first
say, that's not right, man

transmission resumed
please enter user password
case sensitive, foo!

HOT ASIAN TEEN BABES
CLICK TO CUM ON THEIR FACES
the internet's great

make me an omlette
try to make it without eggs
i like them that way

ungawa, cheetah!
big metal bird fall from sky
tonight we dine well

i'm not a dentist
not even a dental nurse
i fucking hate teeth

i climbed up a tree
with my new binoculars
that i leant on wood

lying on my back
'neath the blue arc of heaven
a bird shat on me

stop that professor!
DNA is not a toy!
i'm not your easel!

my leaky biro
writing without you would be
finger-lickin' good

let's all get jiggy
for it's the willennium
ha-ha ha-ha woo!

the ground is all wet
and the shop-fronts are drippy
damn my weak bladder

People from Norway
Smell more than those from Finland
Scientific fact!

My telephone cord
Helical as DNA
But not as twisty

Do Snapple do a
Urine-flavoured beverage
For perv refreshment?

All men are born free
But are everywhere in chains
And maybe bracelets

yawn repeatedly
five and a half hours slumber
that wasn't enough

Hey Red where are you?
Haven't seen you at the gym
is your shit melting?

Ode to the Kia
cheap little piece of metal
you make my life hell

hijackers onboard
another dryer sheet found
stuck inside my shirt

now i understand
ex roomy not good with words
what a big turnoff

Roomates,oh the sex
desire it but oh the fun it
would have been not lost.

red, my ex roommate
never had sex together
i wonder why not

working on a car
need good ideas badly
do you have any