Pinewood derby cars
cannot travel at warp speed,
despite what you've heard.
by Fishsticks!
Merry Christmas, Darth.
(And anyone else on here
Besides me, that is)
by VHS, Janis, Scotch and of Course All the Haiku Elves
What a perfect day.
Smoked cheddar, meth, and South Park.
Jesus is awesome!
by Merry Christmas!! of God bless us, everyone!
Oh come ON now, boys.
Can't you just ENJOY the DAY?
'Tis but once a year...
by Dear Cousin Eleanor Leaps Out of The Shower Lookin' Super HOT
Warm beer for breakfast;
Please, Aunt Gretchen, can I please?
Come on, it's Krissmiss...
by Tiny Tim, God Bless Ye Merry Gentlepeople of Singing in Snow Next to Crashed Sled 3 Dead Reindeer
Cover your eyes. We
Three kings of Orient are
about to explode.
by Balthazar in Bulky Vest On a Mission of Detonator, Syria
Bobbing for apples...
How I love this festive day.
Wait-- Darth bobs for WHAT?
by Uncle Emmet Pooter of Jest a-Rockin' on my Porch in a Thong and Deer Antlers
Blessed Eid Al Fitr.
Go door to door ask for eggs,
Then a nice roast ham!
by Prince Gautama Going Out of Business of Biggest Holiday Sale Yet!
Kill the witnesses
And give each other presents
Before they revive.
by Revelation 11:7 of Hallmark Holiday Special Drinking Eggnog On The Roof
Great Sol Invictus:
Let us slay the white heifer
And roll in warm blood.
by Mother Theresa of Elagabalus, Ohio
It's Saturnalia!
Fall off your donkey and sing!
Hail the crowning day !
by Summer Solstice Once More of Pass The Flaming Torch, Edna
Frankincense and myrrh
have been replaced with Febreez
(Camel dung problems)
by Silent fart, holey underwear of Cutting Swiss Cheese
I would like to wish
a very merry Christmas
to Jesus himself.
by It's His birthday after all. of How would you like it if everyone wished each other happy birthday at your party but overlooked you? Not to mention presents.
I can safely say,
without any doubt at all,
that no, no we don't.
by Go get yourself a Happy Days ending. of I think Tom B's schlong has jumped the shark.
We just want to wish
A most merry Christmas to
Tom Bosley's penis
by Children's choir standing out in the snow
We should try taking
our haiku to customer
service at WalMart.
I got this haiku
for Christmas but it's too short.
Can I get cash back?
by If not, store credit is fine.
You know merry and
Scary christmas, we got old
Still got the receipt
by Vhs
Merry Christmas Darth, vhs, Janis and the awol Australian!
by Starkitten of PNW
Merry Christmas, y'all,
A very Happy New Year,
And Crazy Kwanza!
by And stuff.
That was Bo Burnham.
Check out his song Sunday School.
Yes, I ate the cheese.
by And tell your parents they need to take spelling lessons.
You misspelled my name
You jerked off on my Bible
You ate all my cheese!
by Mother Fuckin' Teresa of No H
I don't remember
ever insulting Mother
Theresa on here.
You sure that was me?
Anything is possible.
But doesn't sound right.
by Hitler's last fart was when he evacuated his bowels when he shot himself. of That's why I always eat high fiber food.
I would rather watch
rabbit than rabbi videos
for three hours straight.
by Oy vay! Herschel, did you forget the salmon lox again?! of My mother's coming over and I told her we'd have salmon lox! You putz! I don't care if the prices are high! Don't be such a Jew!
David Lee's a fake.
He's never seen Panama.
Nor runs with Satan.
by What a phony!
Contemplate nature.
Wait, I need my cellphone first.
Take lots of selfies.
Leave the world of man.
Is it even possible?
Sick of all this shit.
by Maybe I should read Ted Kazinsky's manefesto. of Probably more poetic than this.
I saw those birds fly.
There's no even, only odd.
Even means all will die.
by We are all equal in the eyes of the colonel. of KFC
2022
Flightless birds will get even!
It's gizzard power!!
by Angry Birds of Everywhere!
Is it wrong to laugh
when watching Chubbyemu
youtube videos?
by Over the young willow.
Okay, one thing I'll ask:
What's with you and willow trees?
Symbolize something?
by ?????????????
Drunk Yoda on floor.
Needed the money, he did.
Death sticks ain't cheap, yo.
He died for your sins.
Then he became a "Force ghost".
'Cause it makes money.
by One billion dollars.
Jesus, you're obsessed.
Did I wrong you in some way?
Wouldn't surprise me.
Soon you'll have revenge.
Reveal yourselves to Jedi.
On YouPorn dot com.
by Darth Isaac FigNewtonPucker of For every action, there's a troll.
One-of-a-kind gifts
Mother Teresa's dry cunt
Hitler's last known fart
by Old Willow Pawn Shoppe of Just past the Old Willow exit
Drunk yoga on floor.
Darth Figpucker residence.
2 sticky rum balls
by witness to one man show of Under Mistletoe
Christmas in a glass,
Piquant, sweet, season’s flavors;
Egg nog and spiced rum
by Dr. Figjam of Montreal
Wait up. Hold the phone.
You can trip on epicac???
Pharmacy's open!
by I'm so there! of https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EOuL8ow8F80
sleitchen x is you?!
Oh wow! I'm your biggest fan!
... well, no, not really.
by Interesting videos, though.
Gift wrapped syllables
Do not open 'til Christmas
(there's a fart inside)
by Fart Robot of Meth Lab
Omicron Variant:
another name for a cold.
Neurotic leftists...
by Ahhhh CHOO of At You
If I could be three,
I would be a ho ho ho.
Bad boy all year long.
Wash my mouth with soap.
Feet turned black from coal in socks.
Captured by Krampus.
by Do you ever get Kramps? of December 5 is the day I get gifts!
What I want this year
are Santa Claus Underoos.
I'd be a big ho.
by Let Santa sit on your lap, Madame Dominatrix. of Santa's been a bad boy this year. Punish me good!
Thrift store underwear
also makes a good Christmas
gift stocking stuffer.
by Prestained, ordained, and insane.
Try something different.
This Christmas, giftwrap a turd.
It's the thought that counts.
by Thinker of Stinker
What is wrong with me???
I have given up egg nog.
I must not be well.
by Mental disorder.
I don't think it's wrong;
leaving bombs for porch pirates.
Spread the Chistmas cheer.
by Praise Jesus!
Banana nut bread.
The perfect Christmas dessert.
At least it is now.
by Jesus would approve. of Put 2054 candles in it.
Petition the judge
Let me eat myself to death
Buffet behind bars
by Incarcerated Hernia of KFC Pipeline
Which would be more fun,
electric chair, firing squad,
or hung by the neck?
by Until dead, dead, dead! of ... Maybe crucifixion. That would be cool.
When I'm put to death
maybe they'll give me ostrich
for my last meal.
by That would be nice. of Dreaming of electrified sheep.
As Tiny Tim said,
"God bless us, everyone!"
And they all ate goose.
by I've never eaten goose. If it's like duck, too fatty for me. of Turkey is best. Though I'd like to try ostrich some day.
Try YouPorn instead.
Upload your neighbor's wife nude,
Sunbathing topless.
No need to argue.
Just get naked and wank it.
You'll feel much better.
by Poly-ticks are dumb.
