What I want this year
are Santa Claus Underoos.
I'd be a big ho.
by Let Santa sit on your lap, Madame Dominatrix. of Santa's been a bad boy this year. Punish me good!
Thrift store underwear
also makes a good Christmas
gift stocking stuffer.
by Prestained, ordained, and insane.
Try something different.
This Christmas, giftwrap a turd.
It's the thought that counts.
by Thinker of Stinker
What is wrong with me???
I have given up egg nog.
I must not be well.
by Mental disorder.
I don't think it's wrong;
leaving bombs for porch pirates.
Spread the Chistmas cheer.
by Praise Jesus!
Banana nut bread.
The perfect Christmas dessert.
At least it is now.
by Jesus would approve. of Put 2054 candles in it.
Petition the judge
Let me eat myself to death
Buffet behind bars
by Incarcerated Hernia of KFC Pipeline
Which would be more fun,
electric chair, firing squad,
or hung by the neck?
by Until dead, dead, dead! of ... Maybe crucifixion. That would be cool.
When I'm put to death
maybe they'll give me ostrich
for my last meal.
by That would be nice. of Dreaming of electrified sheep.
As Tiny Tim said,
"God bless us, everyone!"
And they all ate goose.
by I've never eaten goose. If it's like duck, too fatty for me. of Turkey is best. Though I'd like to try ostrich some day.
Try YouPorn instead.
Upload your neighbor's wife nude,
Sunbathing topless.
No need to argue.
Just get naked and wank it.
You'll feel much better.
by Poly-ticks are dumb.
You send me YouTube.
I send you different YouTube.
And we get nowhere.
by Everyone Is An Expert These Days
i am too busy
arguing politics on
another platform
by vhs of no woman no cry
The language of farts.
What are your farts telling you?
Read your underwear!
by Rita Brownstain of Bestsmelling Author
Egyptian dessert.
I call it my baklava.
Plugs up my sphinxter.
by PISTACHIO!!!... Excuse me. of gesundheit
Liberals eat shit.
Conservatives eat lib shit.
That's recycling!
by We're not too far away from it. Right around the corner. So to speak.
We theorize then,
when you strip off your undies,
that is ERROTIC.
by Sigmond Freud's boner of Wear underoos next time!
I realize now,
when you strip away the fluff,
Libs are NEUROTIC.
by Woody Allen's Therapist's Plumber of Upper Manhattan, Idaho
I am now afraid
to inhale my own breath. HELP!
I'm the new Normal.
by Norm Normie of Norman Invasion 1066
Omigod, so scared...
New variant, omigod...
Might infect myself.
by Locked in My Bathroom Wearing 3 Masks, Sobbing of Omigod Surge
Suicidal Acts:
One of the most compelling
books in the Bible !
by Saint Saul of Tarsus Being Chased by Jewish Mob
Egyptian desert
I call it my litterbox
You can call me Sphinx
by Sphinx of Litterbox (Egyptian desert)
When I take the train
I never wear any clothes.
Why my commute stinks.
by The only passenger with a brown ticket of Asscrak
I think it's Boeing
that you read on that chopper.
Chopped up many lads.
by Probably Apache.
When is the last time
you tried suicidal acts?
Well, boy, that's too long!
by Riding nude on the top of a high speed train. You can do it!
wait a minute you
said get into the choppah
do it now, did i ...
by vhs of ...did i see Cuisnart on that chopper brand?
You have been evil.
Take responsibility.
Seek your punishment.
by Do it now!
How do poets know
whether... nah, I won't say it.
Too predictable.
by Q Anonymous Pooet
"Eternal Return":
Just some syphilitic thought
in Nietzsche's sick brain.
by Hug Your Donkey of Philosophy
How does a bird know
whether they're taking a shit
or laying an egg?
by Chloe A. Ka' Hole of Hawaii
Dare to imagine!
Baby Yoda pleasure doll.
And rechargeable!
by $89.99
You got it early.
Did you like your Xmas gift?
I forgot the bow.
by Long overdue!
Dancing beak to beak?
May I tickle your gizzard.
Would you like gravy?
by Bird is the word.
Something might pop up
when we're dancing cheek to cheek
Come here, Butterballs
by Bird Fancier of Frozen Foods
I am also bot.
We are make great haiku work.
We are very much.
by Brynn Wadsworth of Conakry, Guinea
When two people kiss
they form one enormous tube;
Butthole to butthole.
by Kiss me, you fool!
My tennis racket
I think it's in the closet
Hand it to me, Darth.
by The fruity and fun ghost of Charles Nelson Reilly
Well, that's different.
Hello, JL from Peru.
I'll be nice to you.
by Please post more. We need it.
haiku and good friends
many thanks to Jane and Rob
love you all so much
by JL of Peru, Vermouth
Autoerotic
homosexuality
asphixiation.
by Darth Figpucker of Hanging out in the closet. I'm blue.
Don't count your balot
before it hatches. Get it?
The yolk is on you!
by Joke of Starkitten
Just figured it out
You human calculator!
Darth = Count
by Countfart Countfart Count! of Methane Square
Don't count your dooku
Before it hatches. Get it?
That was a Darth joke.
by Counting Numbers of Digits
Darth, demystified.
I found out he's really me.
That's why I like him.
by Novelty of Having a huge penis
The time to rob banks
is when you're peaking on meth,
not when coming down.
by Career Advice Column of Darth Figpucker
Commit seppuku.
You can't solve the sudoku.
Write your last haiku.
Your urn is raku.
And it's driving me coo-coo.
Look, it's Count Dooku!
by Anonymous Pooet
Did you rob the bank?
Make the tellers show their tits.
Tip with stolen cash.
by Have some style.
I just closed my eyes
The Energizer bunny
shit on my carpet
by I need your assistance
Try to imagine
Robots pooping batteries
That is our future
by Tongue
I tried signing up
but I haven't heard back yet
Did I get approved?
by Toys for Twats applicant of Xmas is coming!
