Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 217 Days and 77133 Haiku later...

The time to rob banks
is when you're peaking on meth,
not when coming down.
Haiku # 74409, December 19, 2021 6:18 pm ET
by Career Advice Column of Darth Figpucker
Commit seppuku.
You can't solve the sudoku.
Write your last haiku.

Your urn is raku.
And it's driving me coo-coo.
Look, it's Count Dooku!
Haiku # 74408, December 19, 2021 6:12 pm ET
by Anonymous Pooet
Did you rob the bank?
Make the tellers show their tits.
Tip with stolen cash.
Haiku # 74407, December 19, 2021 6:01 pm ET
by Have some style.
I just closed my eyes
The Energizer bunny
shit on my carpet
Haiku # 74406, December 19, 2021 1:30 pm ET
by I need your assistance
Try to imagine
Robots pooping batteries
That is our future
Haiku # 74405, December 19, 2021 1:04 pm ET
by Tongue
I tried signing up
but I haven't heard back yet
Did I get approved?
Haiku # 74404, December 19, 2021 11:20 am ET
by Toys for Twats applicant of Xmas is coming!
I'll never forget
smoking my first figarette
behind the old mall
Haiku # 74403, December 19, 2021 11:02 am ET
by Pack of Lies
Maybe a blender.
Raw fish, wasabi, lettuce,
Tomato and hamster.

Blend well, place in shell
on a bed of rice and beans.
Consume right away.
Haiku # 74402, December 19, 2021 9:41 am ET
by Margaritas with sake chasers.
Bullfrog in moonlight.
Smoking dried cherry blossoms
through a six foot bong.
Haiku # 74401, December 19, 2021 9:30 am ET
by Whoa, dude. It's so deep.
This site's moniker
happens to be BAD haiku.
Blossoms in my ass.
Haiku # 74400, December 19, 2021 9:19 am ET
by Where else would blossoms be?
I think we should mix
hamsters and sushi tacos,
But I don't know how.

Now we contemplate
smoking chrysanthemum bud
extract through vape pens.
Haiku # 74399, December 19, 2021 9:00 am ET
by Vaping... not as gay as pineapple on pizza, of course, but almost!
All day long I know
I'll be thinking about those
damn sushi tacos!
Haiku # 74398, December 19, 2021 8:45 am ET
by It's all your fault!
I'm not hungary
for tapioca pudding.
Jeez! I'm not THAT old!
Haiku # 74397, December 19, 2021 8:41 am ET
by Darth
Richard Gere's hamster?
She died about one year back.
No, it wasn't me!
Haiku # 74396, December 19, 2021 8:39 am ET
by I only know it had something to do with Stephen Hawking
You may ridicule.
Anal health is important.
And must be discussed.
Haiku # 74394, December 19, 2021 8:31 am ET
by The Journal of Practical Proctology -- peer reviewed anal medicine written in haiku.
Wait a minute here!
Mexican food in Japan?
You must tell me where!

Think sushi taco.
Literally, that's to say.
Not Asian hookers.

But maybe those too!
Sushi taco, my new fave!
But it's confusing.

Eat it or fuck it.
In Japan, anything goes.
I cannot decide.
Haiku # 74393, December 19, 2021 8:27 am ET
by Close your eyes and imagine three Japanese hookers feeding me sushi tacos. of Your welcome.
Coming down now (sigh...)
The meth is wearing off. Damn.
Time to rob a bank.
Haiku # 74392, December 19, 2021 7:37 am ET
by Tenzin Gyatso AKA "Tha Dolly Lama" of Thug Life Soundz Recording Studios, Himalaya
Tell me why this site
Isn't bigger than Twitter.
It deserves to be!
Haiku # 74391, December 19, 2021 7:31 am ET
by Greatest Website Ever Created By GOD I Mean Janis of Toronto
Help me Uncle Clem !
I done REELAPST and caint quit.
On haiku agin.
Haiku # 74390, December 19, 2021 7:28 am ET
by Oh Lord Help Me I Jest Caint Lay Off The HAIKU of I Need Me A Tent Revival
Cherry blossoms, wind...
the lantern bridge festival
has ended: moonlight.
Haiku # 74389, December 19, 2021 7:22 am ET
by Because Darth showed up 7 hours after a LARGE Mexican dinner of Geishas Fleeing in Fear Leaving Parasols and Fans Scattered in Panic
Therefore let us dream
of chrysanthemum blossoms
at the Kyoto gate
Haiku # 74388, December 19, 2021 7:18 am ET
by Until Darth cuts a massive gasser and talks about his excremental health
But seriously:
we must restore to Haiku
style and dignity.
Haiku # 74387, December 19, 2021 7:13 am ET
by It IS an important and valid poetic form after all, of course. (He said while dancing in an elf suit on Ayahuasca)
You mention Tinkoff?
Then I may have to drink off
my Shanghai chink-off.
Haiku # 74386, December 19, 2021 7:08 am ET
by Thinkoff and then Phakoff of Marketing Solutions For the Data-driven Executive Dressed in an Elf Hat Butt-naked
Hey you, Figpucker !
I heard Richard Gere's hamster
is looking for you.
Haiku # 74385, December 19, 2021 7:01 am ET
by You Might Get Lucky, Bro' of Hamsterdam, Netherlands in a Plastic Bag
Jen Psaki, wearing
Santa suit and big black boots
drunk and staggering...

She hugs a reindeer,
babbles incoherently,
vomits in the snow.
Haiku # 74384, December 19, 2021 6:57 am ET
by Ideas for a Christmas Special
Dressed in green and red,
thousands of little Faucis
with bells on their toes.

Croaking of Covid,
Jumping and dancing in glee
waving syringes.
Haiku # 74383, December 19, 2021 6:46 am ET
by Infernal Vision of Merry Christmas Variant
Now, everyone's an
We're so well-informed...
Haiku # 74382, December 19, 2021 6:14 am ET
by Spike P. Rotein, MD, from Gain of Function, Covidoplis
With power there comes
great responsibility,
which isn't so fun.
Haiku # 74381, December 19, 2021 4:34 am ET
by I still want the ability to post my nudes on here.
No! Do NOT try it.
Tinkoff will take your dink off.
If you even care.
Haiku # 74380, December 19, 2021 4:07 am ET
by Not like you're using it for anything important.
I live on the fez.
Those silly old Shriner hats.
I am just a louse.
Haiku # 74376, December 18, 2021 6:05 pm ET
by That's one small step for a louse. of But one giant leap for licekind.
I live on The Pez.
Those old dispenser candies.
That is all I eat.
Haiku # 74375, December 18, 2021 5:55 pm ET
by Marijuana dispensary Pez. of Probably been done already.
Darth is "Starkitten".
Starkitten lives "on the rez".
Uh-huh. Whatever...
Haiku # 74374, December 18, 2021 5:08 pm ET
by Editions of Darth
I'm on the toilet.
Been sitting here for some time.
Damn cheese plugged me up.
Haiku # 74373, December 18, 2021 3:37 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker of Draino enema
Sometimes I'd like to.
No, I don't rule anything.
That is beneath me.

There are some "lows" that
even I will not sink to.
I'll leave that to the...

politicians and dictators.
Haiku # 74372, December 18, 2021 3:21 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker of I don't even rule hamsters.
Darth rules!
Haiku # 74371, December 18, 2021 3:13 pm ET
by >.<
I say ju gringos
Ju no know nothing for food.
Ustedes tontos.
Haiku # 74370, December 18, 2021 3:08 pm ET
by We Are Espeek Eenglish Here!
Cui es sabroso.
Comimos sus mascotes,
Con apetito...
Haiku # 74369, December 18, 2021 2:48 pm ET
by Platos Tipicos Andinos of Darth el Gringo
Hamster's lives are short.
You can make them meaningful.
Fill them up with love.
Haiku # 74368, December 18, 2021 2:28 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker of RightsForRodents dot com
What's really awesome,
if you don't like a hamster,
feed it to the cat.
Haiku # 74367, December 18, 2021 2:16 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Hamsters are the best.
You can legally keep them
locked up in cages.
Haiku # 74366, December 18, 2021 2:14 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Frogs are not loyal.
My penis has enough warts.
Stay away from pigs.
Haiku # 74365, December 18, 2021 2:12 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker's Love Advice Column
We're all one person.
You, me, Janis, the private

All one entity
in one titty squirting milk
into my coffee.
Haiku # 74364, December 18, 2021 2:08 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
i know someone who
likes frogs better, is it french
or are they alp frogs?
Haiku # 74363, December 18, 2021 2:05 pm ET
by vhs
Are you kidding me??
Hamsters can go all night long
and still ask for more.
Haiku # 74362, December 18, 2021 2:01 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
i get this idea
its one person talking to
themselves then i post.
Haiku # 74361, December 18, 2021 2:01 pm ET
by vhs
Darth, you foul villain,
You have now out-done yourself.
And your hamsters too....
Haiku # 74360, December 18, 2021 1:46 pm ET
by Vermin Mammals Love You of But May Talk To Their Lawyer
i hope tim allen
was not reading these, he might
have went 'auuuuooohhhh?'
Haiku # 74359, December 18, 2021 1:46 pm ET
by waffle pirate vhs
Underoos are great,
but the crotch has too much space
for my small penis.
Haiku # 74358, December 18, 2021 1:28 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker of Oh, I forgot. You prefer "dink".
I cannot decide
which Underoos I like best.
Batman or The Flash.
Haiku # 74357, December 18, 2021 1:26 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
A true narcissist
wanks in front of the mirror
smelling their undies.

Much like a poet
who writes only for themselves
while eating fine cheese.
Haiku # 74356, December 18, 2021 1:23 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker of Self-ANALyCYST.
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