Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
25 Years, 280 Days and 75974 Haiku later...

Coming down now (sigh...)
The meth is wearing off. Damn.
Time to rob a bank.
Haiku # 74392, December 19, 2021 7:37 am ET
by Tenzin Gyatso AKA "Tha Dolly Lama" of Thug Life Soundz Recording Studios, Himalaya
Tell me why this site
Isn't bigger than Twitter.
It deserves to be!
Haiku # 74391, December 19, 2021 7:31 am ET
by Greatest Website Ever Created By GOD I Mean Janis of Toronto
Help me Uncle Clem !
I done REELAPST and caint quit.
On haiku agin.
Haiku # 74390, December 19, 2021 7:28 am ET
by Oh Lord Help Me I Jest Caint Lay Off The HAIKU of I Need Me A Tent Revival
Cherry blossoms, wind...
the lantern bridge festival
has ended: moonlight.
Haiku # 74389, December 19, 2021 7:22 am ET
by Because Darth showed up 7 hours after a LARGE Mexican dinner of Geishas Fleeing in Fear Leaving Parasols and Fans Scattered in Panic
Therefore let us dream
of chrysanthemum blossoms
at the Kyoto gate
Haiku # 74388, December 19, 2021 7:18 am ET
by Until Darth cuts a massive gasser and talks about his excremental health
But seriously:
we must restore to Haiku
style and dignity.
Haiku # 74387, December 19, 2021 7:13 am ET
by It IS an important and valid poetic form after all, of course. (He said while dancing in an elf suit on Ayahuasca)
You mention Tinkoff?
Then I may have to drink off
my Shanghai chink-off.
Haiku # 74386, December 19, 2021 7:08 am ET
by Thinkoff and then Phakoff of Marketing Solutions For the Data-driven Executive Dressed in an Elf Hat Butt-naked
Hey you, Figpucker !
I heard Richard Gere's hamster
is looking for you.
Haiku # 74385, December 19, 2021 7:01 am ET
by You Might Get Lucky, Bro' of Hamsterdam, Netherlands in a Plastic Bag
Jen Psaki, wearing
Santa suit and big black boots
drunk and staggering...

She hugs a reindeer,
babbles incoherently,
vomits in the snow.
Haiku # 74384, December 19, 2021 6:57 am ET
by Ideas for a Christmas Special
Dressed in green and red,
thousands of little Faucis
with bells on their toes.

Croaking of Covid,
Jumping and dancing in glee
waving syringes.
Haiku # 74383, December 19, 2021 6:46 am ET
by Infernal Vision of Merry Christmas Variant
Now, everyone's an
Epidemiologist.
We're so well-informed...
Haiku # 74382, December 19, 2021 6:14 am ET
by Spike P. Rotein, MD, from Gain of Function, Covidoplis
With power there comes
great responsibility,
which isn't so fun.
Haiku # 74381, December 19, 2021 4:34 am ET
by I still want the ability to post my nudes on here.
No! Do NOT try it.
Tinkoff will take your dink off.
If you even care.
Haiku # 74380, December 19, 2021 4:07 am ET
by Not like you're using it for anything important.
I live on the fez.
Those silly old Shriner hats.
I am just a louse.
Haiku # 74376, December 18, 2021 6:05 pm ET
by That's one small step for a louse. of But one giant leap for licekind.
I live on The Pez.
Those old dispenser candies.
That is all I eat.
Haiku # 74375, December 18, 2021 5:55 pm ET
by Marijuana dispensary Pez. of Probably been done already.
Darth is "Starkitten".
Starkitten lives "on the rez".
Uh-huh. Whatever...
Haiku # 74374, December 18, 2021 5:08 pm ET
by Editions of Darth
I'm on the toilet.
Been sitting here for some time.
Damn cheese plugged me up.
Haiku # 74373, December 18, 2021 3:37 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker of Draino enema
Sometimes I'd like to.
No, I don't rule anything.
That is beneath me.

There are some "lows" that
even I will not sink to.
I'll leave that to the...

politicians and dictators.
Haiku # 74372, December 18, 2021 3:21 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker of I don't even rule hamsters.
Darth rules!
Haiku # 74371, December 18, 2021 3:13 pm ET
by >.<
I say ju gringos
Ju no know nothing for food.
Ustedes tontos.
Haiku # 74370, December 18, 2021 3:08 pm ET
by We Are Espeek Eenglish Here!
Cui es sabroso.
Comimos sus mascotes,
Con apetito...
Haiku # 74369, December 18, 2021 2:48 pm ET
by Platos Tipicos Andinos of Darth el Gringo
Hamster's lives are short.
You can make them meaningful.
Fill them up with love.
Haiku # 74368, December 18, 2021 2:28 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker of RightsForRodents dot com
What's really awesome,
if you don't like a hamster,
feed it to the cat.
Haiku # 74367, December 18, 2021 2:16 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Hamsters are the best.
You can legally keep them
locked up in cages.
Haiku # 74366, December 18, 2021 2:14 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Frogs are not loyal.
My penis has enough warts.
Stay away from pigs.
Haiku # 74365, December 18, 2021 2:12 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker's Love Advice Column
We're all one person.
You, me, Janis, the private
investigator.

All one entity
in one titty squirting milk
into my coffee.
Haiku # 74364, December 18, 2021 2:08 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
i know someone who
likes frogs better, is it french
or are they alp frogs?
Haiku # 74363, December 18, 2021 2:05 pm ET
by vhs
Are you kidding me??
Hamsters can go all night long
and still ask for more.
Haiku # 74362, December 18, 2021 2:01 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
i get this idea
its one person talking to
themselves then i post.
Haiku # 74361, December 18, 2021 2:01 pm ET
by vhs
Darth, you foul villain,
You have now out-done yourself.
And your hamsters too....
Haiku # 74360, December 18, 2021 1:46 pm ET
by Vermin Mammals Love You of But May Talk To Their Lawyer
i hope tim allen
was not reading these, he might
have went 'auuuuooohhhh?'
Haiku # 74359, December 18, 2021 1:46 pm ET
by waffle pirate vhs
Underoos are great,
but the crotch has too much space
for my small penis.
Haiku # 74358, December 18, 2021 1:28 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker of Oh, I forgot. You prefer "dink".
I cannot decide
which Underoos I like best.
Batman or The Flash.
Haiku # 74357, December 18, 2021 1:26 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
A true narcissist
wanks in front of the mirror
smelling their undies.

Much like a poet
who writes only for themselves
while eating fine cheese.
Haiku # 74356, December 18, 2021 1:23 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker of Self-ANALyCYST.
Get free vibrators
for underprivileged women;
ToysForTwats dot com.
Haiku # 74355, December 18, 2021 1:11 pm ET
by Anonymous Pooet
Done with Asian girls.
Hamsters wearing Underoos.
Viagra pellets.
Haiku # 74354, December 18, 2021 12:55 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Why I love hamsters.
I can stuff my whole penis
in their cheek pouches.
Haiku # 74353, December 18, 2021 12:51 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
I love Amazon.
Ordering hamster outfits.
Leather and strap-ons.
Haiku # 74352, December 18, 2021 12:50 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
I'm Darth Figpucker
and I'm a hamster addict.
It's been seven days.
Haiku # 74351, December 18, 2021 12:47 pm ET
by Support group chorus: of Hello Darth Figpucker.
I molest hamsters.
PetSmart restraining order.
Thank God there's PetCo.
Haiku # 74350, December 18, 2021 12:42 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
I wear disguises.
Dressing up like a poodle.
Then sniff dogs' buttholes.
Haiku # 74349, December 18, 2021 12:37 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
I wear Underoos
and wank watching videos
of myself wanking.
Haiku # 74348, December 18, 2021 12:30 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
I can't piss myself.
I am nothing but urine.
A big pee puddle.
Haiku # 74347, December 18, 2021 12:26 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
If you are evil,
then what are you doing here?
Go commit some crimes.
Haiku # 74346, December 18, 2021 12:23 pm ET
by Satan
Now I'm really DONE.
Now I have reached my limit.
Thus, I write haiku.
Haiku # 74345, December 18, 2021 12:22 pm ET
by The Virgin Mary of Supermodel Catalog
Visualization.
Imagine a trickling stream.
Darth, you pissed yourself!
Haiku # 74344, December 18, 2021 11:46 am ET
by River of Coffee
"Sticking feathers up
your ass will not make you a
chicken," said Tyler.
Haiku # 74343, December 18, 2021 9:06 am ET
by Regendrification should be a word.
Boink a sex-changed bull.
Requantify your gender.
Wear strap-on udders.
Haiku # 74342, December 18, 2021 9:01 am ET
by Buy them with Amazon Prime. of Order deep fried bull balls with UberEats.
*Requantify
Haiku # 74341, December 18, 2021 8:06 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Boink is just a verb.
Requatify is also.
Udder is a noun.
Haiku # 74340, December 18, 2021 8:04 am ET
by I would rather be a pro baseball player than a pronoun.
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