Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
25 Years, 320 Days and 76081 Haiku later...

Hamster's lives are short.
You can make them meaningful.
Fill them up with love.
Haiku # 74368, December 18, 2021 2:28 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker of RightsForRodents dot com
What's really awesome,
if you don't like a hamster,
feed it to the cat.
Haiku # 74367, December 18, 2021 2:16 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Hamsters are the best.
You can legally keep them
locked up in cages.
Haiku # 74366, December 18, 2021 2:14 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Frogs are not loyal.
My penis has enough warts.
Stay away from pigs.
Haiku # 74365, December 18, 2021 2:12 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker's Love Advice Column
We're all one person.
You, me, Janis, the private
investigator.

All one entity
in one titty squirting milk
into my coffee.
Haiku # 74364, December 18, 2021 2:08 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
i know someone who
likes frogs better, is it french
or are they alp frogs?
Haiku # 74363, December 18, 2021 2:05 pm ET
by vhs
Are you kidding me??
Hamsters can go all night long
and still ask for more.
Haiku # 74362, December 18, 2021 2:01 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
i get this idea
its one person talking to
themselves then i post.
Haiku # 74361, December 18, 2021 2:01 pm ET
by vhs
Darth, you foul villain,
You have now out-done yourself.
And your hamsters too....
Haiku # 74360, December 18, 2021 1:46 pm ET
by Vermin Mammals Love You of But May Talk To Their Lawyer
i hope tim allen
was not reading these, he might
have went 'auuuuooohhhh?'
Haiku # 74359, December 18, 2021 1:46 pm ET
by waffle pirate vhs
Underoos are great,
but the crotch has too much space
for my small penis.
Haiku # 74358, December 18, 2021 1:28 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker of Oh, I forgot. You prefer "dink".
I cannot decide
which Underoos I like best.
Batman or The Flash.
Haiku # 74357, December 18, 2021 1:26 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
A true narcissist
wanks in front of the mirror
smelling their undies.

Much like a poet
who writes only for themselves
while eating fine cheese.
Haiku # 74356, December 18, 2021 1:23 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker of Self-ANALyCYST.
Get free vibrators
for underprivileged women;
ToysForTwats dot com.
Haiku # 74355, December 18, 2021 1:11 pm ET
by Anonymous Pooet
Done with Asian girls.
Hamsters wearing Underoos.
Viagra pellets.
Haiku # 74354, December 18, 2021 12:55 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Why I love hamsters.
I can stuff my whole penis
in their cheek pouches.
Haiku # 74353, December 18, 2021 12:51 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
I love Amazon.
Ordering hamster outfits.
Leather and strap-ons.
Haiku # 74352, December 18, 2021 12:50 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
I'm Darth Figpucker
and I'm a hamster addict.
It's been seven days.
Haiku # 74351, December 18, 2021 12:47 pm ET
by Support group chorus: of Hello Darth Figpucker.
I molest hamsters.
PetSmart restraining order.
Thank God there's PetCo.
Haiku # 74350, December 18, 2021 12:42 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
I wear disguises.
Dressing up like a poodle.
Then sniff dogs' buttholes.
Haiku # 74349, December 18, 2021 12:37 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
I wear Underoos
and wank watching videos
of myself wanking.
Haiku # 74348, December 18, 2021 12:30 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
I can't piss myself.
I am nothing but urine.
A big pee puddle.
Haiku # 74347, December 18, 2021 12:26 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
If you are evil,
then what are you doing here?
Go commit some crimes.
Haiku # 74346, December 18, 2021 12:23 pm ET
by Satan
Now I'm really DONE.
Now I have reached my limit.
Thus, I write haiku.
Haiku # 74345, December 18, 2021 12:22 pm ET
by The Virgin Mary of Supermodel Catalog
Visualization.
Imagine a trickling stream.
Darth, you pissed yourself!
Haiku # 74344, December 18, 2021 11:46 am ET
by River of Coffee
"Sticking feathers up
your ass will not make you a
chicken," said Tyler.
Haiku # 74343, December 18, 2021 9:06 am ET
by Regendrification should be a word.
Boink a sex-changed bull.
Requantify your gender.
Wear strap-on udders.
Haiku # 74342, December 18, 2021 9:01 am ET
by Buy them with Amazon Prime. of Order deep fried bull balls with UberEats.
*Requantify
Haiku # 74341, December 18, 2021 8:06 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Boink is just a verb.
Requatify is also.
Udder is a noun.
Haiku # 74340, December 18, 2021 8:04 am ET
by I would rather be a pro baseball player than a pronoun.
Lemme aisk you, Clem:
Is it "Doctor Kissinger"
Or jess "Mister K"?
Haiku # 74339, December 18, 2021 6:53 am ET
by Angela Merkel of Greater Appalachia
Mommy mommy help.
I have a dirty haiku.
Change me mommy. Waaah!
Haiku # 74338, December 18, 2021 6:34 am ET
by Dr. Henry Kissinger of Big Ideas For Global Change
Hoo hoo
Haiku # 74337, December 18, 2021 6:30 am ET
by Missing Link I mean Syllables of Previous Second Simian Line
I ooh ooh ah ah.
You ah ah ooh ooh.
We communicate.
Haiku # 74336, December 18, 2021 6:27 am ET
by And Catch Termites with Stalks of Grass
I am King Monkey,
the greatest jungle swinger.
Bring me bananas.
Haiku # 74335, December 18, 2021 6:24 am ET
by Charles Darwin of Jungle Book
Please use my pronouns:
Boink/Udder/Requantify
(Be considerate)
Haiku # 74334, December 18, 2021 6:20 am ET
by A Man-girl Who Identifies As a Piece of Cheese (with beard and mascara)
Please stop making fun
Of split personality.
Oh wait...that was me.
Haiku # 74333, December 18, 2021 6:16 am ET
by You Do You, She'll Do Him of We Am All Together
It is NOT easy
Typing in a straitjacket.
Have to use my teeth.
Haiku # 74332, December 18, 2021 6:10 am ET
by No Doctor I Don't Hear Voices But I'm Fearful of That Radio Inside My Head
When poets fly high
They make the mere mortals sigh...
Whoops-- time for my meds.
Haiku # 74331, December 18, 2021 6:05 am ET
by Seroquel is Swell of Ward 7 North
When reindeers fly high
they defecate in the sky
Here's mud in your eye
Haiku # 74330, December 18, 2021 2:31 am ET
by Smudge of Sludge Fudge
Lmao, I
Say it again lma...
Oh oh oh oh.. ohhhh...
Haiku # 74329, December 17, 2021 10:15 pm ET
by Vhs
President Kanye
That would have been so awesome
He's fucking crazy
Haiku # 74328, December 17, 2021 8:29 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
I'm solipsistic,
I think it's all about ME.
That's why I love you.
Haiku # 74327, December 17, 2021 5:59 pm ET
by As Long As You Are Pretty of Course...
I'm Calvinistic:
God's sovereignly elected...
So - I'm His problem.
Haiku # 74326, December 17, 2021 5:56 pm ET
by Luther Von Knox of Saxony Mit Bratwurst
I'm masochistic
So you realize now then I
Enjoy the harsh pain
Haiku # 74325, December 17, 2021 3:38 pm ET
by Vhs
Can you please explain?
You think one of these are "GOOD"?
I guess I'll die now.
Haiku # 74324, December 17, 2021 12:12 pm ET
by Anonymous Pooet
every damn time im not
here and you post GOOD haiku!
flavor them with salt!
Haiku # 74323, December 17, 2021 12:02 pm ET
by vhs
Rather amusing answer
Haiku # 74322, December 17, 2021 10:18 am ET
by DonaldNum of Oman
Heather Williams farted
during PE class and we have
photographic proof of the fart.
Haiku # 74321, December 17, 2021 9:03 am ET
by Eric
We all deserve "it".
You more than anyone else.
You who now reads this.
Haiku # 74320, December 16, 2021 5:57 pm ET
by Anonymous Pooet
Santa is Satan.
He distracts dead souls from truth.
He might be Jewish.
Haiku # 74319, December 16, 2021 3:29 pm ET
by Rebbe of Reindeer
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