Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
25 Years, 321 Days and 76083 Haiku later...

I wear Underoos
and wank watching videos
of myself wanking.
Haiku # 74348, December 18, 2021 12:30 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
I can't piss myself.
I am nothing but urine.
A big pee puddle.
Haiku # 74347, December 18, 2021 12:26 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
If you are evil,
then what are you doing here?
Go commit some crimes.
Haiku # 74346, December 18, 2021 12:23 pm ET
by Satan
Now I'm really DONE.
Now I have reached my limit.
Thus, I write haiku.
Haiku # 74345, December 18, 2021 12:22 pm ET
by The Virgin Mary of Supermodel Catalog
Visualization.
Imagine a trickling stream.
Darth, you pissed yourself!
Haiku # 74344, December 18, 2021 11:46 am ET
by River of Coffee
"Sticking feathers up
your ass will not make you a
chicken," said Tyler.
Haiku # 74343, December 18, 2021 9:06 am ET
by Regendrification should be a word.
Boink a sex-changed bull.
Requantify your gender.
Wear strap-on udders.
Haiku # 74342, December 18, 2021 9:01 am ET
by Buy them with Amazon Prime. of Order deep fried bull balls with UberEats.
*Requantify
Haiku # 74341, December 18, 2021 8:06 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Boink is just a verb.
Requatify is also.
Udder is a noun.
Haiku # 74340, December 18, 2021 8:04 am ET
by I would rather be a pro baseball player than a pronoun.
Lemme aisk you, Clem:
Is it "Doctor Kissinger"
Or jess "Mister K"?
Haiku # 74339, December 18, 2021 6:53 am ET
by Angela Merkel of Greater Appalachia
Mommy mommy help.
I have a dirty haiku.
Change me mommy. Waaah!
Haiku # 74338, December 18, 2021 6:34 am ET
by Dr. Henry Kissinger of Big Ideas For Global Change
Hoo hoo
Haiku # 74337, December 18, 2021 6:30 am ET
by Missing Link I mean Syllables of Previous Second Simian Line
I ooh ooh ah ah.
You ah ah ooh ooh.
We communicate.
Haiku # 74336, December 18, 2021 6:27 am ET
by And Catch Termites with Stalks of Grass
I am King Monkey,
the greatest jungle swinger.
Bring me bananas.
Haiku # 74335, December 18, 2021 6:24 am ET
by Charles Darwin of Jungle Book
Please use my pronouns:
Boink/Udder/Requantify
(Be considerate)
Haiku # 74334, December 18, 2021 6:20 am ET
by A Man-girl Who Identifies As a Piece of Cheese (with beard and mascara)
Please stop making fun
Of split personality.
Oh wait...that was me.
Haiku # 74333, December 18, 2021 6:16 am ET
by You Do You, She'll Do Him of We Am All Together
It is NOT easy
Typing in a straitjacket.
Have to use my teeth.
Haiku # 74332, December 18, 2021 6:10 am ET
by No Doctor I Don't Hear Voices But I'm Fearful of That Radio Inside My Head
When poets fly high
They make the mere mortals sigh...
Whoops-- time for my meds.
Haiku # 74331, December 18, 2021 6:05 am ET
by Seroquel is Swell of Ward 7 North
When reindeers fly high
they defecate in the sky
Here's mud in your eye
Haiku # 74330, December 18, 2021 2:31 am ET
by Smudge of Sludge Fudge
Lmao, I
Say it again lma...
Oh oh oh oh.. ohhhh...
Haiku # 74329, December 17, 2021 10:15 pm ET
by Vhs
President Kanye
That would have been so awesome
He's fucking crazy
Haiku # 74328, December 17, 2021 8:29 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
I'm solipsistic,
I think it's all about ME.
That's why I love you.
Haiku # 74327, December 17, 2021 5:59 pm ET
by As Long As You Are Pretty of Course...
I'm Calvinistic:
God's sovereignly elected...
So - I'm His problem.
Haiku # 74326, December 17, 2021 5:56 pm ET
by Luther Von Knox of Saxony Mit Bratwurst
I'm masochistic
So you realize now then I
Enjoy the harsh pain
Haiku # 74325, December 17, 2021 3:38 pm ET
by Vhs
Can you please explain?
You think one of these are "GOOD"?
I guess I'll die now.
Haiku # 74324, December 17, 2021 12:12 pm ET
by Anonymous Pooet
every damn time im not
here and you post GOOD haiku!
flavor them with salt!
Haiku # 74323, December 17, 2021 12:02 pm ET
by vhs
Rather amusing answer
Haiku # 74322, December 17, 2021 10:18 am ET
by DonaldNum of Oman
Heather Williams farted
during PE class and we have
photographic proof of the fart.
Haiku # 74321, December 17, 2021 9:03 am ET
by Eric
We all deserve "it".
You more than anyone else.
You who now reads this.
Haiku # 74320, December 16, 2021 5:57 pm ET
by Anonymous Pooet
Santa is Satan.
He distracts dead souls from truth.
He might be Jewish.
Haiku # 74319, December 16, 2021 3:29 pm ET
by Rebbe of Reindeer
What time? What channel?
Vengeance is good for ratings.
True must see tv
Haiku # 74318, December 16, 2021 1:48 pm ET
by Studio Audience
All of them will pay.
They will feel my vengeance SOON.
They will beg for death.
Haiku # 74317, December 16, 2021 10:47 am ET
by Not Sure Who But They Deserve It
I mean three LINE check.
Not three link. We don't need links.
Missing links maybe.
Haiku # 74316, December 16, 2021 9:20 am ET
by Anonymous pooet.
Testing the waters.
I'm doing your work for you.
Please send me a check.

1
2
3
4
Haiku # 74315, December 16, 2021 9:19 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Three link checker.
Syllable is too difficult.
But allow nude pics.
Haiku # 74314, December 16, 2021 9:18 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Just about ready.
Next year will be good to die.
I hope that I poop.
Haiku # 74313, December 16, 2021 9:17 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Was going to im-
-plement a sylable che-
-cker. Now not so sure
Haiku # 74312, December 16, 2021 9:16 am ET
by Janis of Go pick on someone your own size, botfarm.
I have a lot more
where that came from, however
you're hard of hearing.
Haiku # 74311, December 16, 2021 9:11 am ET
by Author of Book of Hebrews (NYT Best-seller!)
Hard time of the year
for Moslems, Jews and Atheists.
please remember them.
Haiku # 74310, December 16, 2021 9:08 am ET
by Saint John Knox of East Lothian 1568
God can have it all:
absurd data-driven shit
that passes for life.
Haiku # 74309, December 16, 2021 9:06 am ET
by Pastel Shades of Another Corporate PowerPoint Presentation
I wouldn't call this art.
Hell, it's not even functional.
But here you are.
Haiku # 74308, December 16, 2021 8:18 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Special Processed American Meat.
Self-Propogating Alternative Media.
Spanking Penguins All Month.
Haiku # 74307, December 16, 2021 7:48 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
And Libertarian.
Haiku # 74306, December 16, 2021 7:33 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
You left out Librarians.
Haiku # 74305, December 16, 2021 6:19 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Thieves and murderers.
Whores, pornographers, and pimps.
These are the poets.
Haiku # 74304, December 16, 2021 5:59 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Talk about Jacko:
a horrible role-model,
a bad musician.
Haiku # 74302, December 15, 2021 10:20 am ET
by ABC, Easy as 123 of Do Re Mi
Jizz Lane. There's a stain.
Listen for the old refrain
Cuntfart Cuntfart Cunt!
Haiku # 74300, December 14, 2021 9:06 pm ET
by The Law Orifices of Cuntfart Cuntfart and Cunt
Ghislaine. Such a pain.
So what does she stand to gain?
Will you please explain?
Haiku # 74299, December 14, 2021 8:34 pm ET
by Some Haiku Writer Not On Payroll of MI6, CIA, Mossad or KGB
i wonder where the
spam is coming from right now
and what can be done
Haiku # 74298, December 14, 2021 3:51 pm ET
by vhs
I've got no front teeth
You'll find me at the ice rink
I enjoy fine cheese
Haiku # 74295, December 14, 2021 11:51 am ET
by Puck Hattricker of Ice Rink
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