You mention Tinkoff?
Then I may have to drink off
my Shanghai chink-off.
by Thinkoff and then Phakoff of Marketing Solutions For the Data-driven Executive Dressed in an Elf Hat Butt-naked
Hey you, Figpucker !
I heard Richard Gere's hamster
is looking for you.
by You Might Get Lucky, Bro' of Hamsterdam, Netherlands in a Plastic Bag
Jen Psaki, wearing
Santa suit and big black boots
drunk and staggering...
She hugs a reindeer,
babbles incoherently,
vomits in the snow.
by Ideas for a Christmas Special
Dressed in green and red,
thousands of little Faucis
with bells on their toes.
Croaking of Covid,
Jumping and dancing in glee
waving syringes.
by Infernal Vision of Merry Christmas Variant
Now, everyone's an
Epidemiologist.
We're so well-informed...
by Spike P. Rotein, MD, from Gain of Function, Covidoplis
With power there comes
great responsibility,
which isn't so fun.
by I still want the ability to post my nudes on here.
No! Do NOT try it.
Tinkoff will take your dink off.
If you even care.
by Not like you're using it for anything important.
I live on the fez.
Those silly old Shriner hats.
I am just a louse.
by That's one small step for a louse. of But one giant leap for licekind.
I live on The Pez.
Those old dispenser candies.
That is all I eat.
by Marijuana dispensary Pez. of Probably been done already.
Darth is "Starkitten".
Starkitten lives "on the rez".
Uh-huh. Whatever...
by Editions of Darth
I'm on the toilet.
Been sitting here for some time.
Damn cheese plugged me up.
by Darth Figpucker of Draino enema
Sometimes I'd like to.
No, I don't rule anything.
That is beneath me.
There are some "lows" that
even I will not sink to.
I'll leave that to the...
politicians and dictators.
by Darth Figpucker of I don't even rule hamsters.
I say ju gringos
Ju no know nothing for food.
Ustedes tontos.
by We Are Espeek Eenglish Here!
Cui es sabroso.
Comimos sus mascotes,
Con apetito...
by Platos Tipicos Andinos of Darth el Gringo
Hamster's lives are short.
You can make them meaningful.
Fill them up with love.
by Darth Figpucker of RightsForRodents dot com
What's really awesome,
if you don't like a hamster,
feed it to the cat.
by Darth Figpucker
Hamsters are the best.
You can legally keep them
locked up in cages.
by Darth Figpucker
Frogs are not loyal.
My penis has enough warts.
Stay away from pigs.
by Darth Figpucker's Love Advice Column
We're all one person.
You, me, Janis, the private
investigator.
All one entity
in one titty squirting milk
into my coffee.
by Darth Figpucker
i know someone who
likes frogs better, is it french
or are they alp frogs?
by vhs
Are you kidding me??
Hamsters can go all night long
and still ask for more.
by Darth Figpucker
i get this idea
its one person talking to
themselves then i post.
by vhs
Darth, you foul villain,
You have now out-done yourself.
And your hamsters too....
by Vermin Mammals Love You of But May Talk To Their Lawyer
i hope tim allen
was not reading these, he might
have went 'auuuuooohhhh?'
by waffle pirate vhs
Underoos are great,
but the crotch has too much space
for my small penis.
by Darth Figpucker of Oh, I forgot. You prefer "dink".
I cannot decide
which Underoos I like best.
Batman or The Flash.
by Darth Figpucker
A true narcissist
wanks in front of the mirror
smelling their undies.
Much like a poet
who writes only for themselves
while eating fine cheese.
by Darth Figpucker of Self-ANALyCYST.
Get free vibrators
for underprivileged women;
ToysForTwats dot com.
by Anonymous Pooet
Done with Asian girls.
Hamsters wearing Underoos.
Viagra pellets.
by Darth Figpucker
Why I love hamsters.
I can stuff my whole penis
in their cheek pouches.
by Darth Figpucker
I love Amazon.
Ordering hamster outfits.
Leather and strap-ons.
by Darth Figpucker
I'm Darth Figpucker
and I'm a hamster addict.
It's been seven days.
by Support group chorus: of Hello Darth Figpucker.
I molest hamsters.
PetSmart restraining order.
Thank God there's PetCo.
by Darth Figpucker
I wear disguises.
Dressing up like a poodle.
Then sniff dogs' buttholes.
by Darth Figpucker
I wear Underoos
and wank watching videos
of myself wanking.
by Darth Figpucker
I can't piss myself.
I am nothing but urine.
A big pee puddle.
by Darth Figpucker
If you are evil,
then what are you doing here?
Go commit some crimes.
by Satan
Now I'm really DONE.
Now I have reached my limit.
Thus, I write haiku.
by The Virgin Mary of Supermodel Catalog
Visualization.
Imagine a trickling stream.
Darth, you pissed yourself!
by River of Coffee
"Sticking feathers up
your ass will not make you a
chicken," said Tyler.
by Regendrification should be a word.
Boink a sex-changed bull.
Requantify your gender.
Wear strap-on udders.
by Buy them with Amazon Prime. of Order deep fried bull balls with UberEats.
*Requantify
by Anonymous Poet
Boink is just a verb.
Requatify is also.
Udder is a noun.
by I would rather be a pro baseball player than a pronoun.
Lemme aisk you, Clem:
Is it "Doctor Kissinger"
Or jess "Mister K"?
by Angela Merkel of Greater Appalachia
Mommy mommy help.
I have a dirty haiku.
Change me mommy. Waaah!
by Dr. Henry Kissinger of Big Ideas For Global Change
Hoo hoo
by Missing Link I mean Syllables of Previous Second Simian Line
I ooh ooh ah ah.
You ah ah ooh ooh.
We communicate.
by And Catch Termites with Stalks of Grass
I am King Monkey,
the greatest jungle swinger.
Bring me bananas.
by Charles Darwin of Jungle Book
Please use my pronouns:
Boink/Udder/Requantify
(Be considerate)
by A Man-girl Who Identifies As a Piece of Cheese (with beard and mascara)
