Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
26 Years, 22 Days and 76196 Haiku later...

If you bang weenies,
more than candy will fly out.
Marshmallow topping!
Haiku # 72501, October 7, 2021 6:23 pm ET
by Have you ever seen a mallow in a marsh? Have you? of I didn't think so!
Your weenie's hollow?
Use it for a Peeñata
Bang hard with a stick
Haiku # 72500, October 7, 2021 5:35 pm ET
by Blindfolded of Banging
Slutty cat costumes
won't arouse hollow weenies.
Viagra candy!
Haiku # 72499, October 7, 2021 5:05 pm ET
by Her tricks come with treats. of You can cum on her teats!
Hey halloweenies!
Let us all get ourselves spooked
By the C.I.A.
Haiku # 72498, October 7, 2021 5:00 pm ET
by And Royal Canadian Mounties
Damn, Janis. I thought
my VPN was working.
Stole your name. Sorry
Haiku # 72497, October 7, 2021 4:58 pm ET
by Just For Fun of Reykjavik, Botswana
guy bangs on my door
needs to inspect my backyard
with his theremin
Haiku # 72496, October 7, 2021 4:31 pm ET
by scotch of says he's looking for a sewer line, but i know a theremin when i hear one
Halloween costume
featuring my camel toe
Now, to find a hump
Haiku # 72495, October 7, 2021 4:31 pm ET
by Preparation H(alloween)
Instead of candy
Give 'em the smell of a fart
It won't rot your teeth
Haiku # 72494, October 7, 2021 4:23 pm ET
by Cabbage Night of Forever
Hallow's Eve draws near.
It is Halloween all year
Your haiku is queer.
Haiku # 72493, October 7, 2021 4:18 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Starkitten was here
Haiku # 72492, October 7, 2021 4:18 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Genital Graveyard
Here lies the world's biggest dick
and a bunch of cunts
Haiku # 72491, October 7, 2021 4:16 pm ET
by Kneeling of Headstone
I knew all those names
Were really just one chatbot.
Farting chatbot Darth.
Haiku # 72490, October 7, 2021 4:13 pm ET
by Not-Janis of Definitely not using a VPN
"yes, i'm a mummy.
but no, i'm not the mummy."
small talk at the mash
Haiku # 72489, October 7, 2021 4:13 pm ET
by scotch of graveyard smash
there would be no fight
dracula and the mummy
would just do the mash
Haiku # 72488, October 7, 2021 3:46 pm ET
by scotch of wanna mash?
I saw seven frogs.
Sitting on five lillypads.
Filthy little things.
Haiku # 72487, October 7, 2021 3:16 pm ET
by e bye
Who'd win in a fight,
Dracula or the Mummy?
Explain your answer.
Haiku # 72486, October 7, 2021 3:13 pm ET
by the way, I'm recording this.
I got arrested.
Stealing tombstones for my yard.
I just borrowed them.

"The owners won't mind.
Go over there and ask them!"
The judge didn't laugh.

I guess it's good that
I didn't get a coffin.
But I was gonna.
Haiku # 72485, October 7, 2021 3:10 pm ET
by Gram-gram won't mind! of If she knew, she'd say it was okay.
What will you go as
for Halloween this fine year.
I will be a fart!
Haiku # 72484, October 7, 2021 3:05 pm ET
by Not going to be easy, but I think I can do it.
Scotch is horrible.
But nowhere as bad as gin.
Real pirates drink rum!
Haiku # 72483, October 7, 2021 3:03 pm ET
by And that's good enough for me! of Release the Kraken!
When I asked Jesus why there was only one set of footprints in the dessert, he replied: "Sandpeople always ride single file to hide their numbers."
Haiku # 72482, October 7, 2021 3:01 pm ET
by Darth Luke of Galilee or something.
teach a man to phish
and he'll say you've received cash
click this link to claim
Haiku # 72481, October 7, 2021 2:21 pm ET
by scotch of https://paypa1.com
Starkitten was here
Haiku # 72480, October 7, 2021 2:02 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Let's have a threesome
Hot Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner
So satisfying
Haiku # 72479, October 7, 2021 2:00 pm ET
by I. Gottasplinter of Pounding the table
You found some bagpipes?
Make sure they're really bagpipes
before you blow them
Haiku # 72478, October 7, 2021 1:27 pm ET
by Scotchgard of The Chesterfield
The truly elite
Are found on this fine website.
Super-rich haiku.
Haiku # 72477, October 7, 2021 1:12 pm ET
by Haiku Cognoscenti of Endowed to 5th Generation
Scotch that one, Scotty.
Scotch bonnet, bagpipes and tape...
and Scotch uskebaugh!
Haiku # 72476, October 7, 2021 12:10 pm ET
by Tartan of MacGillicuddy Clan
lord jc? who's that?
i meant jesus martinez
works at the bi-rite
Haiku # 72475, October 7, 2021 10:41 am ET
by scotch
He's living rent-free
In your head: the Lord J.C...
You and Trinity
Haiku # 72474, October 7, 2021 3:14 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
whenever we kiss
he slides in with a lewd grin
"make room for jesus"
Haiku # 72473, October 7, 2021 1:17 am ET
by scotch of once was enough...okay, maybe twice
at first I was mad
then he suggested we all
"have a trinity"
Haiku # 72472, October 7, 2021 1:10 am ET
by scotch of jesus!
so i asked jesus -
he said i was forgiven
and hit on my girl
Haiku # 72471, October 7, 2021 1:04 am ET
by scotch of awkward
That Footprints poem
where there's just one set of tracks
Make it a third leg
Haiku # 72470, October 7, 2021 1:04 am ET
by Jesus Christ of Walking on water magic trick spoiler alert
Why not take the stairs
headfirst, dressed like Superman?
See if you can fly
Haiku # 72469, October 7, 2021 12:58 am ET
by Pocketful of Cryptocurrency
Burning lava path!
A red hot crusty rupture!
That's just in your pants
Haiku # 72468, October 7, 2021 12:52 am ET
by Sir John Thomas Burns of It's a terrible situation
Prison volcano
But the lava's in reverse
Pompeii is so gay
Haiku # 72467, October 6, 2021 9:13 pm ET
by Prisoner who can't sit of Sponsored by Lava Soap
Halloween this year.
Edibles for all the kids.
At least I hope so.
Haiku # 72466, October 6, 2021 8:43 pm ET
by Three hots and a cot. of Freedom is overrated. I think that soap bar will fit up there. Let's try!
I will forgive you
only if Jesus does too,
otherwise piss off.
Haiku # 72465, October 6, 2021 8:01 pm ET
by
humanity proof
"not required for preview"
kind of makes you think
Haiku # 72464, October 6, 2021 6:51 pm ET
by scotch of dogs, or aliens?
i let you all down
by not posting badhaiku
will you forgive me?
Haiku # 72462, October 6, 2021 6:49 pm ET
by scotch of inflated self-importance
Do you like Red Meat.
You know, that weird comic strip.
Earl and Milkman Dan.
Haiku # 72461, October 6, 2021 5:40 pm ET
by Bug-eyed Earl is my hero.
If you're very poor,
peanut butter sandwiches
help to save money.
Haiku # 72460, October 6, 2021 5:29 pm ET
by All natural Smuckers. of I miss that one. Soon, I hope. Very soon.
I have decided;
I will run for president.
"Nuke 'em all!" platform.
Haiku # 72459, October 6, 2021 5:28 pm ET
by Tell me it's not what we deserve.
We should nuke Russia.
A permanent solution.
All spam would vanish.

China after that.
Cheap products with their spyware.
Preset failure date.
Haiku # 72458, October 6, 2021 5:26 pm ET
by Plutonium Pleasure Pals
Shall we hold them down
while you inject their buttocks
with covid vaccine?

Can we stream it live
on Pornhub or Xhamster
for compensation?

I'd have a good wank.
I mean, who the hell wouldn't?
And no more covid.
Haiku # 72457, October 6, 2021 5:17 pm ET
by I'm a genius! of Don't all thank me at once.
Glorious head-hole!
Ye mighty portals: open!
Oh whoops-- that's my ass.
Haiku # 72456, October 6, 2021 5:02 pm ET
by Head Up Haiku of Tailsville, Zimbabwe
Cyrillic paste spam
A censored character set
Is in the future
Haiku # 72455, October 6, 2021 4:13 pm ET
by Janis of Like seriously, at least spam in verse.
Prophetic indeed!
I'm a fate calculator
Of highest esteem

https://www.badhaiku.com/index.php?startNum=49264
Haiku # 72453, October 6, 2021 3:52 pm ET
by Janis of The Future
This from Janis in 2012:

Vaccine deniers;
Epidemiological
fuckwads of the earth.

See, she was PROPHETIC!
Haiku # 72452, October 6, 2021 3:45 pm ET
by Your Favorite Jab Refuser of Only Covid specifically
You would smoke it too
I have medical reasons
Be nice to the cat
Haiku # 72451, October 6, 2021 3:33 pm ET
by Starkitten of Cat Infirmary
Me like to smoke pot.
Me marijuana chatbot.
Programmed to smoke bud.
Haiku # 72449, October 6, 2021 2:53 pm ET
by And I wear Tie-dye and have dreadlocks
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