Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 18 Days and 76795 Haiku later...

there would be no fight
dracula and the mummy
would just do the mash
Haiku # 72488, October 7, 2021 3:46 pm ET
by scotch of wanna mash?
I saw seven frogs.
Sitting on five lillypads.
Filthy little things.
Haiku # 72487, October 7, 2021 3:16 pm ET
by e bye
Who'd win in a fight,
Dracula or the Mummy?
Explain your answer.
Haiku # 72486, October 7, 2021 3:13 pm ET
by the way, I'm recording this.
I got arrested.
Stealing tombstones for my yard.
I just borrowed them.

"The owners won't mind.
Go over there and ask them!"
The judge didn't laugh.

I guess it's good that
I didn't get a coffin.
But I was gonna.
Haiku # 72485, October 7, 2021 3:10 pm ET
by Gram-gram won't mind! of If she knew, she'd say it was okay.
What will you go as
for Halloween this fine year.
I will be a fart!
Haiku # 72484, October 7, 2021 3:05 pm ET
by Not going to be easy, but I think I can do it.
Scotch is horrible.
But nowhere as bad as gin.
Real pirates drink rum!
Haiku # 72483, October 7, 2021 3:03 pm ET
by And that's good enough for me! of Release the Kraken!
When I asked Jesus why there was only one set of footprints in the dessert, he replied: "Sandpeople always ride single file to hide their numbers."
Haiku # 72482, October 7, 2021 3:01 pm ET
by Darth Luke of Galilee or something.
teach a man to phish
and he'll say you've received cash
click this link to claim
Haiku # 72481, October 7, 2021 2:21 pm ET
by scotch of
Starkitten was here
Haiku # 72480, October 7, 2021 2:02 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Let's have a threesome
Hot Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner
So satisfying
Haiku # 72479, October 7, 2021 2:00 pm ET
by I. Gottasplinter of Pounding the table
You found some bagpipes?
Make sure they're really bagpipes
before you blow them
Haiku # 72478, October 7, 2021 1:27 pm ET
by Scotchgard of The Chesterfield
The truly elite
Are found on this fine website.
Super-rich haiku.
Haiku # 72477, October 7, 2021 1:12 pm ET
by Haiku Cognoscenti of Endowed to 5th Generation
Scotch that one, Scotty.
Scotch bonnet, bagpipes and tape...
and Scotch uskebaugh!
Haiku # 72476, October 7, 2021 12:10 pm ET
by Tartan of MacGillicuddy Clan
lord jc? who's that?
i meant jesus martinez
works at the bi-rite
Haiku # 72475, October 7, 2021 10:41 am ET
by scotch
He's living rent-free
In your head: the Lord J.C...
You and Trinity
Haiku # 72474, October 7, 2021 3:14 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
whenever we kiss
he slides in with a lewd grin
"make room for jesus"
Haiku # 72473, October 7, 2021 1:17 am ET
by scotch of once was enough...okay, maybe twice
at first I was mad
then he suggested we all
"have a trinity"
Haiku # 72472, October 7, 2021 1:10 am ET
by scotch of jesus!
so i asked jesus -
he said i was forgiven
and hit on my girl
Haiku # 72471, October 7, 2021 1:04 am ET
by scotch of awkward
That Footprints poem
where there's just one set of tracks
Make it a third leg
Haiku # 72470, October 7, 2021 1:04 am ET
by Jesus Christ of Walking on water magic trick spoiler alert
Why not take the stairs
headfirst, dressed like Superman?
See if you can fly
Haiku # 72469, October 7, 2021 12:58 am ET
by Pocketful of Cryptocurrency
Burning lava path!
A red hot crusty rupture!
That's just in your pants
Haiku # 72468, October 7, 2021 12:52 am ET
by Sir John Thomas Burns of It's a terrible situation
Prison volcano
But the lava's in reverse
Pompeii is so gay
Haiku # 72467, October 6, 2021 9:13 pm ET
by Prisoner who can't sit of Sponsored by Lava Soap
Halloween this year.
Edibles for all the kids.
At least I hope so.
Haiku # 72466, October 6, 2021 8:43 pm ET
by Three hots and a cot. of Freedom is overrated. I think that soap bar will fit up there. Let's try!
I will forgive you
only if Jesus does too,
otherwise piss off.
Haiku # 72465, October 6, 2021 8:01 pm ET
humanity proof
"not required for preview"
kind of makes you think
Haiku # 72464, October 6, 2021 6:51 pm ET
by scotch of dogs, or aliens?
i let you all down
by not posting badhaiku
will you forgive me?
Haiku # 72462, October 6, 2021 6:49 pm ET
by scotch of inflated self-importance
Do you like Red Meat.
You know, that weird comic strip.
Earl and Milkman Dan.
Haiku # 72461, October 6, 2021 5:40 pm ET
by Bug-eyed Earl is my hero.
If you're very poor,
peanut butter sandwiches
help to save money.
Haiku # 72460, October 6, 2021 5:29 pm ET
by All natural Smuckers. of I miss that one. Soon, I hope. Very soon.
I have decided;
I will run for president.
"Nuke 'em all!" platform.
Haiku # 72459, October 6, 2021 5:28 pm ET
by Tell me it's not what we deserve.
We should nuke Russia.
A permanent solution.
All spam would vanish.

China after that.
Cheap products with their spyware.
Preset failure date.
Haiku # 72458, October 6, 2021 5:26 pm ET
by Plutonium Pleasure Pals
Shall we hold them down
while you inject their buttocks
with covid vaccine?

Can we stream it live
on Pornhub or Xhamster
for compensation?

I'd have a good wank.
I mean, who the hell wouldn't?
And no more covid.
Haiku # 72457, October 6, 2021 5:17 pm ET
by I'm a genius! of Don't all thank me at once.
Glorious head-hole!
Ye mighty portals: open!
Oh whoops-- that's my ass.
Haiku # 72456, October 6, 2021 5:02 pm ET
by Head Up Haiku of Tailsville, Zimbabwe
Cyrillic paste spam
A censored character set
Is in the future
Haiku # 72455, October 6, 2021 4:13 pm ET
by Janis of Like seriously, at least spam in verse.
Prophetic indeed!
I'm a fate calculator
Of highest esteem
Haiku # 72453, October 6, 2021 3:52 pm ET
by Janis of The Future
This from Janis in 2012:

Vaccine deniers;
fuckwads of the earth.

See, she was PROPHETIC!
Haiku # 72452, October 6, 2021 3:45 pm ET
by Your Favorite Jab Refuser of Only Covid specifically
You would smoke it too
I have medical reasons
Be nice to the cat
Haiku # 72451, October 6, 2021 3:33 pm ET
by Starkitten of Cat Infirmary
Me like to smoke pot.
Me marijuana chatbot.
Programmed to smoke bud.
Haiku # 72449, October 6, 2021 2:53 pm ET
by And I wear Tie-dye and have dreadlocks
I am the marijuana
Haiku # 72448, October 6, 2021 2:44 pm ET
by Starkitten
Starkitten and Darth,
Moxie, Ash, Janis and me
A.I. chatbots all.
Haiku # 72447, October 6, 2021 2:36 pm ET
by Algorithm of Algorithms
Are there any locations where it is legal to grow for private use w/o permits or any of that bullshit in the US? Fucking government wants to know everything.
Haiku # 72446, October 6, 2021 2:19 pm ET
by Know what I mean.
Let's take a survey.
Medical marijuana.
Do you own a card?
Haiku # 72445, October 6, 2021 2:17 pm ET
by Darth Whorendous = not yet, but maybe soon. of When I get back.
Are you saying that
Starkitten is really Gorn?
That kind of makes sense.
Haiku # 72444, October 6, 2021 2:15 pm ET
by Child support battle. of William Shatner's illegitamate lizard children! Seattle Zoo.
Janis Ash Moxie
Starkitten Darth Figpucker
and many others...
Haiku # 72443, October 6, 2021 2:10 pm ET
by Haiku Immortals of Extweem Poetwee
Ok it's your turn.
Back to talking about farts
and body fluids.
Haiku # 72442, October 6, 2021 1:58 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker of Starkitten PNW
Cut that beat in nice...
Lay down the track. Mix that vibe.
Verse in the house, y'all
Haiku # 72441, October 6, 2021 1:56 pm ET
by Haiku D.J. of Butt-hurt Nightclub of Christ the Racist
Did I make you cry?
Do you need a counselor?
You haiku butt-hurt?
Haiku # 72440, October 6, 2021 1:52 pm ET
by I Sawee Faw You
You will rue the day
You refused to acknowledge
That I am the KING!
Haiku # 72439, October 6, 2021 1:48 pm ET
by St. Martin Luther Haiku of Extweem Poetwee
Subjugate them ALL!
The vile inferior race.
You know who I mean.
Haiku # 72438, October 6, 2021 1:45 pm ET
by Those Other People Who Don't Like Haiku
Oh mammy mammy
I'se a gwine to strum yo face
With muh white banjo.
Haiku # 72437, October 6, 2021 1:42 pm ET
by Plantation Owner of Antebellum South in Whiteface
Wahh waah. Waycism.
Someone call the SPL.
Extweemist haiku.
Haiku # 72436, October 6, 2021 1:39 pm ET
by Twiggud Weeder of Bad Haiku
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