Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
26 Years, 85 Days and 76283 Haiku later...

Alex Trebek’s ghost
visiting you in your dreams
Don’t touch his boner!!
Haiku # 69852, January 27, 2021 7:43 pm ET
by Game Show Pervert of Glued to the TV
I've a craving for
some asparagus cream sauce
with Jersey Blue cheese.
Haiku # 69851, January 27, 2021 7:25 pm ET
by He blew blue.
Helicopters whirr
Green Giant bolts through farm fields
Jacking himself off
Haiku # 69850, January 27, 2021 11:13 am ET
by KTLA News of On the scene
Ejaculation
You won’t want guacamole
in the near future
Haiku # 69849, January 27, 2021 10:29 am ET
by Somebody of Do something about this
Green Giant, aroused
Butt fucks migrant workers
with his green ding dong
Haiku # 69848, January 27, 2021 10:25 am ET
by Giant Gazette of California, USA
Green green penis green
Greenest penis ever seen
Green green penis green
Haiku # 69847, January 27, 2021 10:17 am ET
by Green Giant of If I’m not out in the field, I’m on the can
A turkey sandwich.
Is that so much to ask for?
You can't comprehend.
Haiku # 69846, January 27, 2021 8:37 am ET
by The struggle is real.
You think that I'm rude?!
I'm talking about dodge ball!
... yeah, that's pretty rude.
Haiku # 69845, January 27, 2021 8:31 am ET
by Countless hospitalizations and deaths! of Dodge ball is worse than covid!
My balls have been washed.
Now I rest them on your nose.
And proceed to fist.
Haiku # 69844, January 27, 2021 8:29 am ET
by Please hold down the noise.
We need a new strain.
Resistant to all vaccines.
I would celebrate.
Haiku # 69843, January 27, 2021 8:06 am ET
by Darth Whorendous of Under the sea in an octopus' garden in the shade
Oh my goodness Darth.
You're so very rude and crude.
You made me blush. Twice.
Haiku # 69842, January 27, 2021 7:23 am ET
by Sweet Virginal Miss of Missionary Parents 1910
Submit on her tit.
Resume resignation.
Beats impregnation.
Haiku # 69841, January 27, 2021 2:48 am ET
by ZZ Top of Jewelry story.
As seen on TV.
It's not cool to poop your pants.
Cement mix butt plugs.

Next day Fiber One.
And a large cappuccino.
Please keep your distance.
Haiku # 69840, January 27, 2021 2:47 am ET
by Suppose suppository story of messy and gory.
Cannibal Hookers.
It was not a good movie.
I thought it would be.
Haiku # 69839, January 27, 2021 2:42 am ET
by Catchy title though.
Should Santa Claus sue?
Green Giant stole his catch phrase.
Like how wrong is that?!
Haiku # 69838, January 27, 2021 2:37 am ET
by always buy fresh. of Fuck that canned and frozen shite.
Hey, look over there.
The grass is always greener.
Just like my penis.
Haiku # 69837, January 27, 2021 2:35 am ET
by Ho ho ho. Green Giant.
Fillipina whores.
Their cunts stink like rotten pork.
You are what you eat.
Haiku # 69836, January 27, 2021 1:53 am ET
by The island girls are what you want... city girls, NO! of At home, considering getting drunk tonight.
Just pee on yourself.
Water sport masturbation.
Pretend it's a whore.
Haiku # 69835, January 27, 2021 1:45 am ET
by Save your money. of Your friendly neighborhood financial advisor.
I am so angry
The whores will not piss on me
Where's the circle jerk?
Haiku # 69834, January 26, 2021 11:22 pm ET
by Your dad's basement
People are angry
And that just pisses me off
A vicious circle
Haiku # 69833, January 26, 2021 11:19 pm ET
by What goes around comes around
Forget the money.
An asteroid will kill us.
Jeff Bezos told me.
Haiku # 69832, January 26, 2021 11:11 pm ET
by The rich guys are escaping! of Do up all the drugs you can!
I need more money.
Would you mind sending me some.
PayPal accepted.
Haiku # 69831, January 26, 2021 10:06 pm ET
by Darthfigpucker2@gmail.com of Asian schoolgirl hookers and cocaine ain't cheap, you know.
That guy's kind of hot.
Japanese Deliverance.
Flop like a fish, boy!
Haiku # 69830, January 26, 2021 10:04 pm ET
by Eat my rotten hotdog! of Wear this school girl dress!
If I was Goku,
I'd punch that rotten dog guy.
Watch his head fly off.
Haiku # 69829, January 26, 2021 6:40 pm ET
by And feed his guts to Pikachu. of The old Olympic stadium. Tetsuo!!!!
Here is my receipt.
I want my money returned.
But I mean right now!
Haiku # 69828, January 26, 2021 6:35 pm ET
by And free cocaine and blowjobs.
I wholeheartedly
concur about the website's
ugly new look. Puke.
Haiku # 69827, January 26, 2021 6:28 pm ET
by DW of Running to the bathroom to vomit in digust.
Seriously though,
Someone ruined this site's look.
Was it on purpose?
Haiku # 69826, January 26, 2021 4:58 pm ET
by Planned Obsolescence of Haikai Hookilau
Bad typography.
It wasn't broke. Why fix it?
Times New Roman. Yuck.
Haiku # 69825, January 26, 2021 4:53 pm ET
by Haiku Design Committee of Royal House of Sa'ud
If the dog won't eat,
try feeding it chocolate
instead of verses.
Haiku # 69824, January 26, 2021 1:59 pm ET
by I'd rather own a cobra. of Dogs are so effing noisy and shit all over the place.
You want a reFILL.
I'll fill something, but maybe
not your prescription.

Leave the hospital.
Go out and cough at people.
It's a free country.

I would love covid.
It's like legalized murder.
*cough cough* Hi, grandma.
Haiku # 69823, January 26, 2021 1:55 pm ET
by You just need a good back alley ghetto fisting. of That'll chase the covid from your cootchie.
Dr. Figpucker
Please refill my prescription
The best medicine
Haiku # 69822, January 26, 2021 11:37 am ET
by Noticer of Details of 19th Floor of Covid Hotel
Waffles or pancakes.
Coffee or cappuccino.
Bacon or Sausage.
Haiku # 69821, January 26, 2021 8:28 am ET
by Aren't you special. You have choices. You think it's freedom.
Read this super fast.
Advertisement disclaimer.
Causes nasty shit.
Haiku # 69820, January 26, 2021 6:33 am ET
by Cancer, internal bleeding, blindness, swollen testicals, exploding ovaries, and enjoying Justin Beiber. of And all kinds of shit the censors won't let us say.
So who got covid?
Noticer, ash, vhs?
Germs hate my poems.
Haiku # 69819, January 26, 2021 4:24 am ET
by DW. read my horrible poetry and you'll be better in no time.... but is the cure worth it? of may cause hematoma, coma, herpes, genital warts, AIDS, leave a bad taste, and/or cancer.
Reincarnation.
Born in a wet cow pasture.
What was I before?
Haiku # 69818, January 26, 2021 4:00 am ET
by Holy shit, I'm a mushroom! of Well, this is cool.
I forgot my name.
I remember my number.
No longer human.
Haiku # 69817, January 26, 2021 3:51 am ET
by 12076-064 of My momma always said, "Monster is as monster does."
Parting the Red Sea
Synchronized Menstruation
at the Public Pool
Haiku # 69816, January 26, 2021 12:36 am ET
by Flo (Team Captain) of You won’t be cramping our style
Frogs prefer the swamp.
Swimming pools are much too harsh.
Too few bugs to eat.

Frog's ballet buffet.
Mosquito larvae dancing.
Olympics be damned.
Haiku # 69815, January 25, 2021 10:51 pm ET
by Love those spready shots. of Synchronized prick tease.
Donald Trump once said
The Washington Monument
is a huge dildo

He wasn’t joking
Quote: “Property of
Lady Liberty”
Haiku # 69814, January 25, 2021 10:09 pm ET
by Redacted of Redacted
Let's discuss toe jam.
Neglected bodily goo.
Drill sargeants love it.

But it's so boring.
It doesn't stink or spurt out.
It's not sexual.

It's not that ugly.
It's hidden away unseen.
Earwax is less dull.
Haiku # 69813, January 25, 2021 9:42 pm ET
by I feel bad for toe jam. of No one cares about it, excpet drill instructors with a hard on to gripe.
I'm not picketing.
I'm just picking my boogers.
Slash food expenses.
Haiku # 69812, January 25, 2021 9:36 pm ET
by Happy hobo
Considered good luck
when pigeon poop on your head
Man goo no such luck
Haiku # 69811, January 25, 2021 9:33 pm ET
by Say No to Man Made Heavy Whipping Cream of Picketing in front of Trump Towers
Have you ever wanked
to throw it off a high rise
and splat those below?
Haiku # 69810, January 25, 2021 8:03 pm ET
by That, sir, was no pigeon. of Trump Tower
Masturbatory:
Strip club without alcohol.
Sober reflections.
Haiku # 69809, January 25, 2021 8:01 pm ET
by But the tattoos are still trashy.
How can I top that?
I know, I’ll let out some farts
uh oh those aren’t farts
Haiku # 69808, January 25, 2021 5:53 pm ET
by Loosey Goosey of Look for the telltale stain and shitface grin
Visit nursing homes.
Old people are such a drain.
Cough and sneeze on them.
Haiku # 69805, January 25, 2021 12:23 pm ET
by Visit my ex and her mom too.
Go spread it around.
Because sharing is caring.
Less humans is good.
Haiku # 69804, January 25, 2021 11:04 am ET
by We need more monsters. of That write bad haiku.
Forgot to tell you
that I tested positive
for Covid-19
Haiku # 69803, January 25, 2021 10:56 am ET
by Human Torch of Burning Up
Her clitoris popped.
Like an enormous pimple.
Or John Belushi.

The beige cream filling.
Like Duncan's Bavarian.
Thank God for coffee.
Haiku # 69802, January 25, 2021 10:23 am ET
by If you need to clear your cash, just send it to me.
so i cleared the cache
well fuck me with a great rake
like a stone garden

praise be to janis
patron goddess of haiku
mother of poets
Haiku # 69801, January 25, 2021 8:10 am ET
by ash of bearing the shame of being a macroscopic retardigrade
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