Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
26 Years, 129 Days and 76379 Haiku later...

That guy's kind of hot.
Japanese Deliverance.
Flop like a fish, boy!
Haiku # 69830, January 26, 2021 10:04 pm ET
by Eat my rotten hotdog! of Wear this school girl dress!
If I was Goku,
I'd punch that rotten dog guy.
Watch his head fly off.
Haiku # 69829, January 26, 2021 6:40 pm ET
by And feed his guts to Pikachu. of The old Olympic stadium. Tetsuo!!!!
Here is my receipt.
I want my money returned.
But I mean right now!
Haiku # 69828, January 26, 2021 6:35 pm ET
by And free cocaine and blowjobs.
I wholeheartedly
concur about the website's
ugly new look. Puke.
Haiku # 69827, January 26, 2021 6:28 pm ET
by DW of Running to the bathroom to vomit in digust.
Seriously though,
Someone ruined this site's look.
Was it on purpose?
Haiku # 69826, January 26, 2021 4:58 pm ET
by Planned Obsolescence of Haikai Hookilau
Bad typography.
It wasn't broke. Why fix it?
Times New Roman. Yuck.
Haiku # 69825, January 26, 2021 4:53 pm ET
by Haiku Design Committee of Royal House of Sa'ud
If the dog won't eat,
try feeding it chocolate
instead of verses.
Haiku # 69824, January 26, 2021 1:59 pm ET
by I'd rather own a cobra. of Dogs are so effing noisy and shit all over the place.
You want a reFILL.
I'll fill something, but maybe
not your prescription.

Leave the hospital.
Go out and cough at people.
It's a free country.

I would love covid.
It's like legalized murder.
*cough cough* Hi, grandma.
Haiku # 69823, January 26, 2021 1:55 pm ET
by You just need a good back alley ghetto fisting. of That'll chase the covid from your cootchie.
Dr. Figpucker
Please refill my prescription
The best medicine
Haiku # 69822, January 26, 2021 11:37 am ET
by Noticer of Details of 19th Floor of Covid Hotel
Waffles or pancakes.
Coffee or cappuccino.
Bacon or Sausage.
Haiku # 69821, January 26, 2021 8:28 am ET
by Aren't you special. You have choices. You think it's freedom.
Read this super fast.
Advertisement disclaimer.
Causes nasty shit.
Haiku # 69820, January 26, 2021 6:33 am ET
by Cancer, internal bleeding, blindness, swollen testicals, exploding ovaries, and enjoying Justin Beiber. of And all kinds of shit the censors won't let us say.
So who got covid?
Noticer, ash, vhs?
Germs hate my poems.
Haiku # 69819, January 26, 2021 4:24 am ET
by DW. read my horrible poetry and you'll be better in no time.... but is the cure worth it? of may cause hematoma, coma, herpes, genital warts, AIDS, leave a bad taste, and/or cancer.
Reincarnation.
Born in a wet cow pasture.
What was I before?
Haiku # 69818, January 26, 2021 4:00 am ET
by Holy shit, I'm a mushroom! of Well, this is cool.
I forgot my name.
I remember my number.
No longer human.
Haiku # 69817, January 26, 2021 3:51 am ET
by 12076-064 of My momma always said, "Monster is as monster does."
Parting the Red Sea
Synchronized Menstruation
at the Public Pool
Haiku # 69816, January 26, 2021 12:36 am ET
by Flo (Team Captain) of You won’t be cramping our style
Frogs prefer the swamp.
Swimming pools are much too harsh.
Too few bugs to eat.

Frog's ballet buffet.
Mosquito larvae dancing.
Olympics be damned.
Haiku # 69815, January 25, 2021 10:51 pm ET
by Love those spready shots. of Synchronized prick tease.
Donald Trump once said
The Washington Monument
is a huge dildo

He wasn’t joking
Quote: “Property of
Lady Liberty”
Haiku # 69814, January 25, 2021 10:09 pm ET
by Redacted of Redacted
Let's discuss toe jam.
Neglected bodily goo.
Drill sargeants love it.

But it's so boring.
It doesn't stink or spurt out.
It's not sexual.

It's not that ugly.
It's hidden away unseen.
Earwax is less dull.
Haiku # 69813, January 25, 2021 9:42 pm ET
by I feel bad for toe jam. of No one cares about it, excpet drill instructors with a hard on to gripe.
I'm not picketing.
I'm just picking my boogers.
Slash food expenses.
Haiku # 69812, January 25, 2021 9:36 pm ET
by Happy hobo
Considered good luck
when pigeon poop on your head
Man goo no such luck
Haiku # 69811, January 25, 2021 9:33 pm ET
by Say No to Man Made Heavy Whipping Cream of Picketing in front of Trump Towers
Have you ever wanked
to throw it off a high rise
and splat those below?
Haiku # 69810, January 25, 2021 8:03 pm ET
by That, sir, was no pigeon. of Trump Tower
Masturbatory:
Strip club without alcohol.
Sober reflections.
Haiku # 69809, January 25, 2021 8:01 pm ET
by But the tattoos are still trashy.
How can I top that?
I know, I’ll let out some farts
uh oh those aren’t farts
Haiku # 69808, January 25, 2021 5:53 pm ET
by Loosey Goosey of Look for the telltale stain and shitface grin
Visit nursing homes.
Old people are such a drain.
Cough and sneeze on them.
Haiku # 69805, January 25, 2021 12:23 pm ET
by Visit my ex and her mom too.
Go spread it around.
Because sharing is caring.
Less humans is good.
Haiku # 69804, January 25, 2021 11:04 am ET
by We need more monsters. of That write bad haiku.
Forgot to tell you
that I tested positive
for Covid-19
Haiku # 69803, January 25, 2021 10:56 am ET
by Human Torch of Burning Up
Her clitoris popped.
Like an enormous pimple.
Or John Belushi.

The beige cream filling.
Like Duncan's Bavarian.
Thank God for coffee.
Haiku # 69802, January 25, 2021 10:23 am ET
by If you need to clear your cash, just send it to me.
so i cleared the cache
well fuck me with a great rake
like a stone garden

praise be to janis
patron goddess of haiku
mother of poets
Haiku # 69801, January 25, 2021 8:10 am ET
by ash of bearing the shame of being a macroscopic retardigrade
bereft of comfort
for what was write is now wrong
and does unbelong
Haiku # 69800, January 25, 2021 7:55 am ET
by ash of time for therapy
without a great wave
where is the huge manatee
still able to surf ?
Haiku # 69799, January 25, 2021 7:49 am ET
by ash of non-pacific error identified
hokusai is gone
and a great wave of sadness
breaks on my browser
Haiku # 69798, January 25, 2021 7:46 am ET
by ash of firefox layout tsunami disaster zone
firefox breaks your site
making bad poetry worse
than it has to be
Haiku # 69797, January 25, 2021 7:36 am ET
by ash of alternative browser fandom
bears of little brain
when tardigrades act stupid
they're retardigrades
Haiku # 69796, January 25, 2021 7:34 am ET
by ash
My apologies
An argument over mice
We hissed and made up
Haiku # 69795, January 25, 2021 6:03 am ET
by Cat of Alley
The cat howled loudly.
Was it fighting or fucking?
I chose not to look.
Haiku # 69794, January 25, 2021 5:53 am ET
by Minding my own.
At this time each day
A wee turtle head pokes out
Splashes in the pond
Haiku # 69793, January 25, 2021 3:19 am ET
by Regular guy of National Fecalgraphic Reading Room
Although they smoke grass
Potheads like to eat Skittles
and taste the rainbow
Haiku # 69792, January 25, 2021 3:10 am ET
by I. M. Munchin of Bottomless bag of Funyuns
Although they eat grass,
tortoises love hibiscus
and succulent pears.
Haiku # 69791, January 25, 2021 12:22 am ET
by But they don't like being bounced around on the trampoline. of I don't know why.
I’ve seen that pug dog
Sounded like an iron lung
He humped a chair leg
Haiku # 69790, January 25, 2021 12:01 am ET
by Trip to the Moon of On the end of my shoe
Analyze dog farts
via gas chromatogram
and high res mass spec.

You will find the truth.
Pugs are not from this planet.
Alien outcasts!

Earth's a prison camp.
Exiled for their foul stench,
No planet wants them.
Haiku # 69789, January 24, 2021 11:21 pm ET
by Bug-eyed monstrosities!
Canine Flatulence
Otherwise known as dog farts
Always a surprise
Haiku # 69788, January 24, 2021 10:04 pm ET
by Loyal Hound of Looking around for it
Strange that when I view
it on my phone I cannot
see rotten dog man.

It's not important.
I never had a problem
with the smaller font.

I can see my schlong.
So small font is no problem.
Water bears love me.
Haiku # 69787, January 24, 2021 9:58 pm ET
by Get back in your petri dish you slut retardigrade! of The captchas are stupid though. Log in to post would be better. My opinion. Fuck Google.
This website's just like
an electron microscope!
Hitachi SEM.

Scanning transmission
electron microscopy
neighborhood salesman.

Wanna see something?
Check out my collection of
sexy water bears.
Haiku # 69786, January 24, 2021 9:44 pm ET
by I bang tardigrades! of sexytardigrades.com
As the poets age
we find that this larger font
will improve the site
Haiku # 69785, January 24, 2021 8:05 pm ET
by And it will make Darth’s penis of appear 4 sizes larger
Serial killers
have issues, I prefer the
term mass murderer.
Haiku # 69784, January 24, 2021 7:59 pm ET
by Cyanide and stuff like that. of I hate all people equally.
Asian man speaks of,
stereotypically,
eating rotten dogs.
Haiku # 69783, January 24, 2021 7:55 pm ET
by The verse is worse of rehearse in the hearse, vomit in purse
Someday you might be
the first serial killer
based in outer space
Haiku # 69782, January 24, 2021 7:52 pm ET
by Find your bliss of (It’s probably in your pants)
But it worked just fine.
Can I ask what was broken?
Other than poets.
Haiku # 69781, January 24, 2021 7:49 pm ET
by DW of I still think we should be allowed to post a nude pic of ourselves next to the poems.
"If it ain't broken..."
If it's actually broken
it doesn't apply
Haiku # 69780, January 24, 2021 7:13 pm ET
by Janis
Shift reload the site
If things seem like they're broken
clear your browser cache.
Haiku # 69779, January 24, 2021 7:10 pm ET
by Janis
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