Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 136 Days and 76969 Haiku later...

We'll take care of you
Would you like a sponge bath, Darth?
We're smoking hot twins...
Haiku # 68968, December 1, 2020 9:01 pm ET
by Bathy Kates of Conjoined
Who will we eat first?
I say vhs; he's clean.
Got knows what I have!
Haiku # 68967, December 1, 2020 8:47 pm ET
by dw of Air Borne Ebola
Let's talk about it
Let's talk cannibalism
Fuck talking, let's eat
Haiku # 68966, December 1, 2020 6:03 pm ET
by Cannibal of I smell Hoomans
It's near to farting.
The British one-fourth penny
is called a farthing.

They should also have
a shithing and pithing coin too.
They they'll be complete.
Haiku # 68965, December 1, 2020 2:05 pm ET
by A full range of functions.
You seen that snake guy?
He gets high off snake venom.
Injects it often.

He never gets sick.
It gives him super powers.
At least it's not meth.
Haiku # 68964, December 1, 2020 12:43 pm ET
by I think I'll try jelly fish venom. of :-O
A coincidence?
You walked past the snake charmer
and got a boner
Haiku # 68963, December 1, 2020 7:28 am ET
by I. Sawit of Surveillance cameras
I don't want to see
Your colony down under.
(Butt maybe Ash does...)
Haiku # 68962, December 1, 2020 2:30 am ET
by Don't Make an Ass of Yourself of Netherworlds of Darth
I clicked on that link
It looked like an abacus
shoved in a ham

It was your asshole!
I must say, you are handsome
from either end, Darth
Haiku # 68961, November 30, 2020 9:45 pm ET
by Your secret admirer of Either End
Picnics and parties.
Cute puppy dogs and kittens.
Fluffy clouds and stuff.
Haiku # 68960, November 30, 2020 9:17 pm ET
by Everything is fine. of Trust me.
Maybe a world run
by the New Chinese Empire
might not be so bad.
Haiku # 68959, November 30, 2020 8:52 pm ET
by Criminals flourish under communism. of And I am nothing if not a criminal. Whores? Check. Drugs? Check. Weapons? Check. Surfboard? Check.
That last post links to
a picture of my asshole.
In case you need it.
Haiku # 68958, November 30, 2020 8:46 pm ET
by dw
https://static.ffx.io/images/$zoom_0.346%2C$multiply_2.1164%2C$ratio_1.5%2C$width_756%2C$x_86%2C$y_0/t_crop_custom/q_62%2Cf_auto/fc5a4891a86ecae4caee529c6ee5b87297165119
Haiku # 68957, November 30, 2020 7:55 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
all hail xi xinping
emperor who will be king
world dynastic fling
Haiku # 68956, November 30, 2020 7:08 pm ET
by ash of a colony down under
i see he is still
at it and i have lost all faith
in syllables.
Haiku # 68955, November 30, 2020 1:39 pm ET
by vhs
Great TP idea.
2020 calendar.
Year's not over yet.

What shite occurs next?
I can hardly wait to see.
Planet of The Apes.
Haiku # 68954, November 30, 2020 5:57 am ET
by Put the funt back in the cart. of NOW!
I just took a shit
Then I wiped my big fat ass
with the calendar
Haiku # 68953, November 30, 2020 1:27 am ET
by Father Time of (Flushing Sound)
Standing in the queue
Your breath has fogged my glasses
Six feet is the rule
Haiku # 68952, November 30, 2020 1:03 am ET
by Betty LeBomb
Ching Chong Chinaman:
Didn't know how to milk a cow
(Except H. Biden.)
Haiku # 68951, November 29, 2020 10:07 pm ET
by Worthy Gentleman of Celestial Kingdom
Chinese
Japanese
Dirty knees
Look at these!
Haiku # 68950, November 29, 2020 8:26 pm ET
by Baby Firefly
Me Chinee
Me play joke
Me put pee pee
In yo Coke.
Haiku # 68949, November 29, 2020 8:25 pm ET
by Wong on so many revels. of PRC
Don't care for it Clem.
Snakes and rat and dog in there.
Cain't we have corn-pone?
Haiku # 68948, November 29, 2020 8:54 am ET
by Appalachian Takeout of China Pearl 20 minutes you pick up order ok?
Lotus lake of jade
Quan-yin smiles: heavenly peace.
Military drones.
Haiku # 68947, November 29, 2020 8:47 am ET
by Quan-yin Ex-husband of Celestial Realms
Chinee proverb say:
"No Tickee no Laundry." Ha.
Now get back to work.
Haiku # 68946, November 29, 2020 8:43 am ET
by Ching Chong Chinaman of Firedrill
Serioulsy though, if you see how the Chinese keep down the poorer surrounding countries, you'd hate the commies too. Fucking criminals. Nothing but Big Time Gangsters.
Haiku # 68945, November 29, 2020 12:06 am ET
by I wish I was one of them. :-O of dw
If that was covid,
I am not impressed at all.
Had worse hangovers.

You can blame China.
Fear, the cheap commodity.
It's all about Trump.

That's how they react
to an arrogant pervert
who won't take their shit.

Serioulsy though, started as sore throat, became runny nose, mild congestion and cough, and now on 5th day I feel like I could fuck a bunch of dirty whores on cocaine and go for a 5 mile jog.
Haiku # 68944, November 29, 2020 12:04 am ET
by Can we just nuke China and get it over with? of Come on, Trump, you still have time.
The lonely Frenchman
Fucks a dozen stale croissants
Filling eclairs next
Haiku # 68943, November 28, 2020 11:44 pm ET
by Eatthis Pilaf of France
Get lubricated
Say, we need some mood music
to write these Haikus
Haiku # 68942, November 28, 2020 11:02 pm ET
by Venus of In the House
Because you like games
Wearing me chastity belt
I've swallowed the key
Haiku # 68941, November 28, 2020 10:58 pm ET
by Player of Fun City
French fries are not French.
They drown them in manonaise.
I could not live there.
Haiku # 68940, November 28, 2020 10:29 pm ET
by Well, they do have nude beaches... of Maybe. Add to their mayonaise.
Vous n'etes que des cons.
De ca j'en suis tres tres sur...
En garde, monsieur.
Haiku # 68939, November 28, 2020 9:17 am ET
by Le Compte de Chie-en-Lit of Feudal Aristokrasy
"Smoke on ze watt air--
A fie air een ze ska yi.."
(De la bonne musique)
Haiku # 68938, November 28, 2020 9:11 am ET
by Ian Gillan's French Maid of Shallow Purple
you put it in wrong
the plural should be penes
withdraw that haiku
Haiku # 68937, November 28, 2020 7:14 am ET
by ash of look at my pedants
dispute the voters
the scrotus on to scotus
to rock the boat (us)
Haiku # 68936, November 28, 2020 7:12 am ET
by ash of in the rigging
It must be funny
Shitting up in outer space
and leaving it there
Haiku # 68935, November 28, 2020 2:32 am ET
by Regular Haiku Poet of Under old willow
mothership arrives
Sexo-morphian combat
just what you wanted
Haiku # 68934, November 28, 2020 12:27 am ET
by Aliens with boobs on their backs and peni on the soles of their feet.
Watch Killing Zoe.
Do you see how she was killed?
Don't say she wasn't!
Haiku # 68933, November 27, 2020 7:40 pm ET
by French fries with brie and beaujolais. of Croissants are overrated.
Oui le bonbon du nez?
Haiku # 68932, November 27, 2020 7:36 pm ET
by Je veux dire de la cocaine, pas des crottes of Vive le Dark Side
La chatte dit: miaou
Punaise! C'est tout une merveille
(pas pour la souris...)
Haiku # 68931, November 27, 2020 5:23 pm ET
by Jean-Claude Marie Giscard du Cornouaille of Mais pas de Conneries
I'm moving to France
where the cats walk on tables
where the cats say Miaou
Haiku # 68930, November 27, 2020 7:25 am ET
by chaton d’étoile of Litter pan
eat me first garcon
then add creme to my brulee
mon dieu, oh la la !
Haiku # 68929, November 27, 2020 6:25 am ET
by ash of dans la cuisine, la bas
*throat, not through. But you gnu that.
Haiku # 68928, November 27, 2020 6:04 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
First slight sore through, then bad runny nose, now a slight dry cough. No fever, no loss of taste... yet.
But just in case it's covid, I'm spitting on people's car door handles. Doing my duty to lower the population b/c that's what the Chinese scientists want.
Haiku # 68927, November 27, 2020 6:04 am ET
by spitooey!
The high protein food
of Thanksgiving dinner will
not increase methane.

But the amines, well,
that's a whole nother story.
Stinks somethin' awful!

For calculations,
the data are incomplete.
Blame republicans.
Haiku # 68926, November 27, 2020 6:01 am ET
by Odoriferous obfuscations.
The lonely Frenchman
fucking a hollowed out loaf
of stale baguette bread
Haiku # 68925, November 27, 2020 3:01 am ET
by French Dip of Au jus
Calculate it, Darth
Increase in methane output
caused by Thanksgiving
Haiku # 68924, November 27, 2020 2:54 am ET
by Splat Metheny of Gaslight Village, NY
Grandpa's fantasy
was to fuck someone's third eye
They'd see that coming
Haiku # 68923, November 27, 2020 12:03 am ET
by Sari of Not Sari
You clogged the toilet
with those brown warheads, pal
Where's the toilet snakes?
Haiku # 68922, November 26, 2020 11:59 pm ET
by Jana Torres of Utility Closet
I have decided
to manufacture warheads.
Nuclear, of course.
Haiku # 68921, November 26, 2020 10:21 pm ET
by I'll drop one on the badhaiku servier.
Thank God for turkey!
*Cough!* Pass the *Cough!* gravy, please.
Your wife has nice tits.

Well, I did my part.
Helping to spread the disease.
Elderly shall fall.

What will the whores do
when their sugar daddies die?
Find another fool.
Haiku # 68920, November 26, 2020 7:16 pm ET
by dw
Isn't it raw meat?
Can you get food poisoning
from sucking on cocks?
Haiku # 68919, November 26, 2020 5:53 pm ET
by Anonymous of Undisclosed
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