Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 248 Days and 77180 Haiku later...

Fuck the electoral college.
Fuck it in its ass.
Losers boofing Russian vodka.
That's what college kids do.
Emergency room alcohol poisoning.
It was external, not anal this time.
Covid disinfectant drunk.
Expelled! Please don't come back!
Haiku # 68613, November 3, 2020 5:23 pm ET
by Sigma Cum Laude of Cheeto University (she'd always cum loud).
Trump will drag it on.
I'd like to see him in drag.
Short dress and lipstick.
Haiku # 68612, November 3, 2020 5:14 pm ET
by Hunter Biden
My penis fell off.
I glued on some ugly hair
and painted it orange.

Then it ran away.
If any of you see it,
tell it please come home.

No more cosmetics.
I promise. Please come back home.
I need to go pee.

I miss you, penis.
And I miss what you stood for.
Don't do this to me.
Haiku # 68611, November 3, 2020 4:51 pm ET
by 100 peso reward of And all the balot you can eat.
They will drag this on
for weeks and months probably.
Electoral joke.
Haiku # 68610, November 3, 2020 3:04 pm ET
by Vote-counters of Josef V. Djugashvili
In the line to vote:
Someone said "Salty Cracker"
We started chatting.
Haiku # 68609, November 3, 2020 2:31 pm ET
by Salty Army of Assaulting Haiku Bases
I feel terrible.
The Beruit blast was my fault.
Yo. Sorry. My bad.
Haiku # 68608, November 3, 2020 7:28 am ET
by I just really like fireworks.
The Stay Puff Marshmallow Man
injected with low quality orange sherbet.
How can you not vote for such a sweet fella?
Haiku # 68607, November 3, 2020 7:24 am ET
by I don't care about his taxes. of I want a DNA test to prove he's human!
I wore a yamika
with a harmonica
playing Hava Naguila
watching Godzilla
whatever the hell that means.
Haiku # 68606, November 3, 2020 7:21 am ET
by Yo! Lox and bagels in the motherfuckin' house, bitch! of Rugelach Ness Monster -- about tree fiddy
vote for a potus
not that incumbent scrotus
feeding you lotus
Haiku # 68605, November 3, 2020 7:14 am ET
by ash
We bought M-80s,
Used sparklers as the fuses:
Hilton men's room. BOOM!!
Haiku # 68604, November 3, 2020 6:22 am ET
by Nairobi Hilton of circa 1979
Haha Funny stuff
Should be reenacted like
Unsolved Mysteries
Haiku # 68603, November 3, 2020 5:55 am ET
by Did you wear a beanie of With a propellor?
Hollywood monsters
are getting way too big now.
Like what's up with that?!
Haiku # 68602, November 3, 2020 3:09 am ET
Thanksgiving dinner.
Who's looking forward to it?
Gobble gobble burp.
Haiku # 68601, November 3, 2020 3:06 am ET
To go back in time.
I'd kick my ass so damn hard.
What a wasted life.

Then I stop and think;
try to look the brigt side--
At least I don't write fucking haiku!
Haiku # 68600, November 3, 2020 3:02 am ET
This is no haiku.
But then you knew that already.
What should we call it?
Haiku # 68599, November 3, 2020 2:57 am ET
I pulled the airplane from the sky.
It made funny noises.
I thought about letting it go.
But then it was too late.
Haiku # 68598, November 3, 2020 2:55 am ET
God does not love you.
By the way, neither do I.
But then no one does.
Haiku # 68597, November 3, 2020 2:54 am ET
Plain yogurt mixed with bananas and berries.
I felt the need to write that.
Can you explain it?
Enthrall me with your acumen, agent Starling.
Haiku # 68596, November 3, 2020 2:51 am ET
Once I went into a pick-yer-dilly caffeteria in the mall, not to eat, but just to use their bathroom. I was with a friend and and older gent was in the poo stall groaning and moaning with enormous poo splatter sounds and to a couple of young teenage boys, this was effing hilarious. We also set off fireworks in the mall once. And countless shoplifting adventures and vandelism. Hmmm... Oh yeah, once in an outdoor mall they had a kids merry-go-round that you put quarters in to get it spinning... well, no one was around so we peed all over it. And there was the time my friend (different friend) lobbed a fire-bomb at the fur coat store. that was cool, but sadly fell short b/c it kind of bounced off. LOL. What a dumb fart. We're talkign like 40 years ago. Can't think of much else. ... OH Wait! The best one, how could I forget this. Same friend who threw the firebomb... we got some long sticks and put chewing gum on the end and plucked dollar bills out the Salvation Army giant iron collection kettle that was closed off with a grate that you could drop money through. We went in the mall early and really raked up. Ah, the good old days.

And you, my friend? What horrid things had you done in your glory days?

Speaking of glory, we had talked about this, but never did it... find some glory hold hang out like public parks or whatever, and when the dick goes through, superglue the mother fucker. LOL.. Kind of wish we'd done that. Life.
Haiku # 68595, November 3, 2020 2:42 am ET
by Your turn!
Tell us a story
Like the mall shenanigans
You must have plenty
Haiku # 68594, November 3, 2020 1:27 am ET
by All Ears of Under old willow
I inhaled Hitler and Gandhi's farts simultaneously.
The molecules reacted, as molecules do sometime.
It spoke to me and said to stop writing these things.
It's message to me is supposed to be a secret.
By telling you this I've broken a horrible tabu.
I am prepared for my punishment -- truth must be spoken!
Fuck the molecules!
Even the very molecules of our bodies were once
farts at some point in time.
Dinosaurs, Hitler, Pee-Wee Herman, you and I.
Breathe deeply. Absorb the hatered. Join with it.
Saturate the universe with your hate.
Let it flow from your ass with a thunderous roar!
No more timid trouser squeaks!
Let the cyanide flow!
Haiku # 68593, November 3, 2020 1:00 am ET
Yoga position
Stretches the sore ass muscles
Called the pigeon pose
Haiku # 68592, November 2, 2020 10:27 pm ET
by I. Justshitonthesidewalk of Brooklyn Heights, NY
Did you just inhale
Hitler's fart molecules, Darth?
Do they have a smell?
Haiku # 68591, November 2, 2020 9:09 pm ET
by Dinosaur Fart of Breeze
Hunter the Biden!
Where the hell are you Homie?
Chairman Mao needs you!
Haiku # 68589, November 2, 2020 5:15 pm ET
by Wong Lofan of Kalifornia
Drudge you back slider
Investigate your wrong call

About election-
you turned into a jive @$$
leftist Chitbird shill.

Your @$$ will be beat
November the third for sure
Cry louder @$$ hat!
Haiku # 68588, November 2, 2020 5:10 pm ET
by Wong Lofan of Kalifornia
Already knew that
(The dinosaurs/Satan thing).
Darth's not that evil.
Haiku # 68587, November 2, 2020 5:04 pm ET
by Whorrendously Tame of Mr. Nice Guy DW
Drinking seawater
Half dead. Hallucinating.
I just fucked an eel
Haiku # 68586, November 2, 2020 1:07 pm ET
by Zippy of Zodiac Inflatable
Sea urchin or crab?
Platypus or octopus?
Jellyfish or cunt?
Haiku # 68585, November 2, 2020 12:59 pm ET
by Observer of At Sea
Hate's all that remains.
Attempt to hide w/ a smile.
Soon the damn will burst.

My soul is pure dark.
I now infect the Dark Side.
Feel how it shudders.
Haiku # 68584, November 2, 2020 9:01 am ET
by Darth Whorendous
Of course I knew that.
Three bucks dino rides in Hell.
Triceratops rules!

I can read your mind.
No, you can't have sex with them.
Hell ain't Las Vegas!
Haiku # 68583, November 2, 2020 8:30 am ET
by dw
Did you know Satan
Genetically engineered
all the dinosaurs?
Haiku # 68582, November 2, 2020 5:02 am ET
by Ask Me of Go ahead, ask me
UPS left it
I think it was his wife's head
or an Instant Pot
Haiku # 68581, November 1, 2020 11:32 pm ET
by Corn Colonel of Aisle seat
That's not the real Darth
This one sounds mean and unhinged
Bring back the real one
Haiku # 68580, November 1, 2020 11:25 pm ET
by In the vicinity of A turkey fucker
I had a bad thought.
They might make turkey balot.
God, what have we done?

We should have let the Japs finish the job.
Funny that after WWII and the all the genocide, the silly filly flippas still go work the brothels in Japan. No attention to history. It's just forgotten. That happens when you don't even care to read.
Haiku # 68579, November 1, 2020 11:05 pm ET
by blahblahblah Trump Biden Bastard Balls
Stuffing the turkey.
Duct tape up the legs and feet
so she can't scratch you.

You got a pocketful of cranberry sauce, or you been banging turkey's again? Christ almighty boy, at least wipe it off when you're done.
Haiku # 68578, November 1, 2020 10:59 pm ET
by Gobble gobble. of Butterball butchering and packaging plant
You may not hate me,
but I hate your stinky cunt.
Abortions and pills.

Smells like rotting pork.
Toxic shock dementia blood.
Runs in your fam'ly.

I love my small dink.
9mm is huge
for my gerbil girls.
Haiku # 68577, November 1, 2020 10:54 pm ET
by Fake Cath-o-lick my balls. of PetSmart
Cock blade in Se7en.
Amazing fucking movie.
What's inside the box?!
Haiku # 68576, November 1, 2020 10:45 pm ET
by He made me wear that thing. And he told me to fuck her! of And I did! I fucked her. (And she was pretty much fucked.)
Premature E-Jac
Study of the effects of
Daylight Savings Time
Haiku # 68575, November 1, 2020 10:10 pm ET
by May I. Speakwithyourwife of Hole made by Ceiling Cat
There's no place for hate
So remove that foolish codpiece
and show us your dink
Haiku # 68574, November 1, 2020 9:20 pm ET
by I. Don'tevenhateyouforyoursmallpenis of Noticer of Details house
Broadway Sensation
All Penis West Side Story
Starring Darth Shankcock
Haiku # 68572, November 1, 2020 2:28 pm ET
by Natalie Would of So would I
I knew Darth was weird,
But wearing blades on his cock?
That is truly FOWL.
Haiku # 68571, November 1, 2020 11:56 am ET
by Cluck Cluck of Cutting Edge Haiku
I'm in quarantine.
No, it isn't for covid.
I got airborne AIDS.

The cock flew at me.
It was armed with a sharp knife.
But I ducked aside.

The cop opened up.
Sprayed blood all over the place.
Airborne HIV.

Those cock blades are like a 2 inch scalpel. Nothing to fuck around with, I'll tell you. If you're not expert in handling those birds, you better stay the hell back. The cop probably thought he was hot shit and tried to get the bird as evidence. Bad move. "He learned his lesson," is the phrase that comes to mind, but logically doesn't work.

Anyway, my advice to you is that any country that has cockfighting, you should probably stay away from. SE Asia, Mexico, Oklahoma, etc. Don't go to those dangerous, crime infested, poverty shit-holes. Trust me!
Haiku # 68570, November 1, 2020 2:03 am ET
by DW of since it's close to thanksgiving, I think it's time to talk about dingleberry pie.
Comatose poets
Low-key Jonestown Massacre
Party Poopers All

Haiku # 68569, November 1, 2020 1:51 am ET
by Kool-Aid Pitcher of Busting through wall
Hello, is Darth there?
No, he's busy doing math.
Sigh. Hanging up phone.
Haiku # 68568, October 31, 2020 3:48 am ET
by Your friend of Under old willow
Cock Fighting Rooster
killed the local police chief
In the Philippines

Cock Fighting Rooster
had a tiny ankle blade
He was Hard As Fuck
Haiku # 68567, October 31, 2020 3:44 am ET
by Cock Fancier of Cock Fight (They're fighting over me)
Wrap me in the flag
and fuck me for Old Glory!!
USA! Be Best!
Haiku # 68566, October 31, 2020 2:30 am ET
by Betsy Ross' pincushion (cunt) of USA!!
Any live poets
up in this motherfucker?
Or is it just me?
Haiku # 68565, October 31, 2020 2:19 am ET
by Just Me of Up in this motherfucker
Your whole life is just
a near death experience
so get used to it
Haiku # 68564, October 31, 2020 2:14 am ET
by Drunk of Barstool
Young Ivanka Trump
Daddy let me grind on you
Daddy buy me this
Haiku # 68563, October 30, 2020 9:52 pm ET
by Bride Angel of Elektra Complex
Take a dump on Trump.
Drink some Pump(kin) spice Latte.
Forrest Gump's hump clump.

Jennay... here's what love is!
Splat! in her face!
Haiku # 68562, October 30, 2020 9:41 pm ET
by Ivanka wanka Trump hump.
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