Your whole life is just
a near death experience
so get used to it

Young Ivanka Trump
Daddy let me grind on you
Daddy buy me this

Take a dump on Trump.
Drink some Pump(kin) spice Latte.
Forrest Gump's hump clump.

Jennay... here's what love is!
Splat! in her face!

That was a good show
Aunt Esther was a real hoot
Having the Big One?

Hahahahaha
Hahahahahahaha
Hahahahaha

Chinese communists
Aid and abet Democrats
like Biden and son.

Don't bother leaving
a suicide note at all
Let them keep guessing

We won't take your guns
We'll just take all your money
Then you won't need guns

Maximum bullshit
Eating Q crap with a fork
Only four days left

Maximum Psyops:
get ready for the Deep State's
two-party system.

I know it sounds strange
The Barney Miller theme song
makes me want to poop

reeling in the years
two weeks short of twenty-four
this amazing site

reaming your pumpkin
it's a noble tradition
baby light my fire

Butternut squash soup
We can all agree on this
It tastes like vomit

The Mallards migrate
Releasing their dung in flight
Everybody duck

If God didn't want
us to talk about our shit
We'd just have assholes

Unavoidable
All the poems on this site
are written by GOD

let's bidet farewell
scatological reviews
are boring as shit

Mega Tootsie Roll
Just in time for Halloween
And there's corn in it

Fling it: Darth's poo's large.
I want Darth inside of me.
Go! Poo Humongous!

Sing it: Darth in charge
I want Darth in charge of me
Go, Darth Whorrendous!

This is what I do.
When I poo, I poo haiku.
Then throw it at you.

And I do this too,
when writing haiku, it's poo!
Hits the fan and flew.

In lieu of the loo,
under the outhouse will do.
Please enjoy the view.

I've often fantasized about having an outhouse with captive enemies chained under the toilet so I could poo on them and read poetry at them simultaneously.
Oprah, Jerry Springer, Britney Spears, Roseanne, Courtney Love, Hulk Hogan, Bruce Lee's promoter, and every politician on the planet... and some policemen, judges, and criminals as well.
When I get to hell, I know that I will be given a job reading my poetry to sinners. So you better behave yourselves!

Walter Wallace: thug.
Got himself ventilated
lunging with a knife.

Darth be like: "Bathroom".
Bad Haiku all: "Not dat, yo".
Darth say: "Oh yes y'all."

Forced monkey labor
We don't want to pick
Fucking coconuts

What's the condition
of your condition down there?
Must have been a strain.

It happened just now.
I laid a huge golden egg.
Goldschlager clogger.

The toilet won't flush
this oversized ore nugget.
Think I'll melt it down.

Haiku poets like
"My wet ass shit" on pussy.
Candy-ass "itch twat".

Cardi B. be like:
"My wet-ass pussy" and shit
Candace like: "Bitch, whut?"

Hasn't happened yet
But each day I check to see
If I laid an egg

Sea cucumber squirt.
Cool defense mechanism.
Sponge Bob's Silly-String.

Do you think Sponge Bob
ever got it on with Pearl?
Don't tell Mr. Crabs.

Not sure I like that.
In hell they pay you for spooge.
There's a huge cum lake.

Every bit helps out.
You know you've done your fair share.
Lent a helping hand.

I guess you could say
he blew his whole wad right then
Final expenses

Pennies from Heaven
Darth said, " Hey God, keep the change"
and jerked off some more

How do you pay up?
Do they bury you with a
billfold full of cash?

Do they charge each time?
Or maybe by the sperm cell?
Per spasm or gram?

Cue Monty Python's
Every Sperm is Sacred.
Watch it on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzVHjg3AqIQ

At the end of life
You get an invoice for all
the times you jerked off

Zombie circle jerk.
It's the best smell in the world.
Firm soggy biscuits.

Hors d'oeuvres de la mort.
Gordon Ramsay's a zombie!
And fully erect!

Philadelphia:
That is a real zombie-fest.
The dead are shopping.

When a zombie cums
Do you think they just explode?
Aren't they all gummed up?

Television drool.
It's not like it was murder.
They're dead already.

Cums as no surprise.
Inside a secret toy prize.
Now, dead grandpop, rise.

The good thing about
dead families is now you
can change the channel.

Want some Doritos?
Oh, wait, never mind -- you're dead!
I'll take that beer, thanks.

October surprise
Pumping the kin full of lead
Legit police tape

If you have no "eggs",
you have absentee balot.
Lame duck abortion.

Vinegar and salt.
Donald Trump's Cheetos brand douche.
Day-glo tongue in cheek.

The best douch - so fresh.
Not like the other douches.
They're all just fake cheese!

Back-alley surgeon.
Communist planned parenthood.
Coat wire soul kebab.

I am not voting.
Why when others will for me?
They're educated.

Piss thong lacks penis
Gynecological feet
if fists are too small

I smell pork 'round here.
Shave it and burn off its hair.
You look better bald.

This thing cracks peanuts
Gynecological feat
It spits them out too

"interior defecator" and the bear scat cracked me up... Genius!

Horrendous Figpuck
writes verse that truly does suck.
When he flings it, duck.