Mega Tootsie Roll
Just in time for Halloween
And there's corn in it

Fling it: Darth's poo's large.
I want Darth inside of me.
Go! Poo Humongous!

Sing it: Darth in charge
I want Darth in charge of me
Go, Darth Whorrendous!

This is what I do.
When I poo, I poo haiku.
Then throw it at you.

And I do this too,
when writing haiku, it's poo!
Hits the fan and flew.

In lieu of the loo,
under the outhouse will do.
Please enjoy the view.

I've often fantasized about having an outhouse with captive enemies chained under the toilet so I could poo on them and read poetry at them simultaneously.
Oprah, Jerry Springer, Britney Spears, Roseanne, Courtney Love, Hulk Hogan, Bruce Lee's promoter, and every politician on the planet... and some policemen, judges, and criminals as well.
When I get to hell, I know that I will be given a job reading my poetry to sinners. So you better behave yourselves!

Walter Wallace: thug.
Got himself ventilated
lunging with a knife.

Darth be like: "Bathroom".
Bad Haiku all: "Not dat, yo".
Darth say: "Oh yes y'all."

Forced monkey labor
We don't want to pick
Fucking coconuts

What's the condition
of your condition down there?
Must have been a strain.

It happened just now.
I laid a huge golden egg.
Goldschlager clogger.

The toilet won't flush
this oversized ore nugget.
Think I'll melt it down.

Haiku poets like
"My wet ass shit" on pussy.
Candy-ass "itch twat".

Cardi B. be like:
"My wet-ass pussy" and shit
Candace like: "Bitch, whut?"

Hasn't happened yet
But each day I check to see
If I laid an egg

Sea cucumber squirt.
Cool defense mechanism.
Sponge Bob's Silly-String.

Do you think Sponge Bob
ever got it on with Pearl?
Don't tell Mr. Crabs.

Not sure I like that.
In hell they pay you for spooge.
There's a huge cum lake.

Every bit helps out.
You know you've done your fair share.
Lent a helping hand.

I guess you could say
he blew his whole wad right then
Final expenses

Pennies from Heaven
Darth said, " Hey God, keep the change"
and jerked off some more

How do you pay up?
Do they bury you with a
billfold full of cash?

Do they charge each time?
Or maybe by the sperm cell?
Per spasm or gram?

Cue Monty Python's
Every Sperm is Sacred.
Watch it on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzVHjg3AqIQ

At the end of life
You get an invoice for all
the times you jerked off

Zombie circle jerk.
It's the best smell in the world.
Firm soggy biscuits.

Hors d'oeuvres de la mort.
Gordon Ramsay's a zombie!
And fully erect!

Philadelphia:
That is a real zombie-fest.
The dead are shopping.

When a zombie cums
Do you think they just explode?
Aren't they all gummed up?

Television drool.
It's not like it was murder.
They're dead already.

Cums as no surprise.
Inside a secret toy prize.
Now, dead grandpop, rise.

The good thing about
dead families is now you
can change the channel.

Want some Doritos?
Oh, wait, never mind -- you're dead!
I'll take that beer, thanks.

October surprise
Pumping the kin full of lead
Legit police tape

If you have no "eggs",
you have absentee balot.
Lame duck abortion.

Vinegar and salt.
Donald Trump's Cheetos brand douche.
Day-glo tongue in cheek.

The best douch - so fresh.
Not like the other douches.
They're all just fake cheese!

Back-alley surgeon.
Communist planned parenthood.
Coat wire soul kebab.

I am not voting.
Why when others will for me?
They're educated.

Piss thong lacks penis
Gynecological feet
if fists are too small

I smell pork 'round here.
Shave it and burn off its hair.
You look better bald.

This thing cracks peanuts
Gynecological feat
It spits them out too

"interior defecator" and the bear scat cracked me up... Genius!

Horrendous Figpuck
writes verse that truly does suck.
When he flings it, duck.

Lost my taste for pork.
Swine are hideous and gross.
Worse than my haiku.

But, you know, it's tough.
Shedding the "Figpucker" name.
The thought makes me barf.

Two-legged porcine
wastes of oxygen and time...
And they like "Tik-Tok"!

Stay away from pigs.
Roast only with flame throwers.
The Nippers knew this.

Some of you poets
seem to be constipated
Drop a stew of rhyme

Sure would like to know
Darth's astrological sign
It could explain things

Yes, Darth Figpucker
Human Calculator, Scribe
Easy on the eyes

Heard some nut named "Darth"
Spews bad haiku around here.
Anything to this?

Dairy Trivia
Marlon Brando's shopping list
Don't forget butter!

This grizzly bear scat
has beautiful red berries
Christmas centerpiece

Reaching down your pants
BIG HARD absentee ballot
Won't get lost in mail

I'm always coming.
Reach down my pants for balot.
Save some for grandma.

From the Philippines
Uninvited dinner guest
Says he writes poems

Say, your pubic hair
is a steel wool scouring pad
Clean this pan, will ya?

Did you call my name?
Dug myself up from the grave
Give me some sugar

Injecting Reese's
insulin cocktail mixture
disease cure party.

Strip club trick or treat.
Pin the cock on the donkey.
Lollipop twat show.

We're all wondering
how many licks does it take.
Oh shit, I lost count.

Mister owl, how many doses does it take to get to the center of the universe. Let's find out... one... two... three... Three.

The real Tootsie Roll
When trick or treaters show up
Just throw shit at them

No fucking candy?!
So you got nothing for me?!!?!!
... Here, have a pipe bomb.

Let it fill your soul.
Lucifer will light the way.
Leads you to the truth.

Melt their little minds.
My name is Darth Whorrendous.
I approve this shit.

I got some candy.
LSD infused gummies.
One hundred hits each.