Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 214 Days and 77130 Haiku later...

Reaching down your pants
BIG HARD absentee ballot
Won't get lost in mail
Haiku # 68507, October 27, 2020 1:52 am ET
by Dump Trump of Lame duck fetus
I'm always coming.
Reach down my pants for balot.
Save some for grandma.
Haiku # 68506, October 26, 2020 11:22 pm ET
by dw
From the Philippines
Uninvited dinner guest
Says he writes poems
Haiku # 68505, October 26, 2020 10:47 pm ET
by Ida Bakedacake of If I knew you was coming
Say, your pubic hair
is a steel wool scouring pad
Clean this pan, will ya?
Haiku # 68504, October 26, 2020 10:43 pm ET
by Demanding of Couch
Did you call my name?
Dug myself up from the grave
Give me some sugar
Haiku # 68503, October 26, 2020 10:29 pm ET
by Wilfred Brimley of Your Porch
Injecting Reese's
insulin cocktail mixture
disease cure party.

Strip club trick or treat.
Pin the cock on the donkey.
Lollipop twat show.

We're all wondering
how many licks does it take.
Oh shit, I lost count.

Mister owl, how many doses does it take to get to the center of the universe. Let's find out... one... two... three... Three.
Haiku # 68502, October 26, 2020 6:53 pm ET
by DW
The real Tootsie Roll
When trick or treaters show up
Just throw shit at them
Haiku # 68501, October 26, 2020 1:36 pm ET
by Brown Torpedoes of Incoming
No fucking candy?!
So you got nothing for me?!!?!!
... Here, have a pipe bomb.
Haiku # 68500, October 26, 2020 1:28 pm ET
by Now go be with God.
Let it fill your soul.
Lucifer will light the way.
Leads you to the truth.
Haiku # 68499, October 26, 2020 1:12 pm ET
by Or something.
Melt their little minds.
My name is Darth Whorrendous.
I approve this shit.
Haiku # 68498, October 26, 2020 1:07 pm ET
by Joe's Psychedelic Day Care
I got some candy.
LSD infused gummies.
One hundred hits each.
Haiku # 68497, October 26, 2020 1:04 pm ET
by Trip or Treat
Sorry, no candy
I got no candy for you
Sorry, no candy
Haiku # 68496, October 26, 2020 11:34 am ET
by Sorry of No Candy
It's a Woodland Critter Christmas.
Hail Satan!
Haiku # 68495, October 26, 2020 11:24 am ET
by Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman
First comes Halloween
And then All Saints Day arrives.
Satan is cast out.
Haiku # 68494, October 26, 2020 10:55 am ET
by Archangel Michael, Captain of the Armies of Heaven
I don't think I can take much more of this.
All I want for Christmas is cancer and a nuclear warhead.
Or one very very large asteroid.
Fuck the cookies and eggnog this time.
Haiku # 68493, October 26, 2020 8:03 am ET
by Please Santa, please, please!
When he makes flatus
better stand back - he'll splat us,
he of low status.

Those homeless hijinks.
Indigent entertainment
has entertained us.

And entered anus.
Suppose suppositories
could tell their stories.
Haiku # 68492, October 26, 2020 7:57 am ET
by Oh what would they say?
Rather queer jerky.
Ornithorhynchus road kill.
Duck-billed splatypus.
Haiku # 68491, October 26, 2020 7:48 am ET
by Slim Jim of Down Under
Bubble wrap condoms
Blap blap blap blap blap blap blap
Blap blap blap blap splat
Haiku # 68490, October 26, 2020 7:34 am ET
by Pig of In a blanket
Covid is a lie.
Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.
Haiku # 68489, October 26, 2020 6:07 am ET
by CNN is fake news.
sure sounds an awful lot like
stuff it up your ass.
Haiku # 68488, October 26, 2020 4:45 am ET
by Noticer of entrails.
The living nightmare
You will find it hard to sleep
November the third
Haiku # 68487, October 26, 2020 2:49 am ET
by Wake Up of Trump Eviction Party
Got hot sauce right here:
Ah don't FEEL no ways tired
Of voting for Trump
Haiku # 68486, October 26, 2020 2:25 am ET
by Hillary Harris of Fake Accents
What did Meatloaf mean?
He said he'd do anything
for love...but not THAT
Haiku # 68485, October 26, 2020 2:04 am ET
by Fucking wondering of Dashboard light
They sure stink up the toilet
What are they eating?
Haiku # 68484, October 26, 2020 2:00 am ET
by Someone you know of Shitty Job
Are you feeling it?
Have you seen the fucking moon?
I've got a hatchet
Haiku # 68483, October 26, 2020 1:46 am ET
by Krazy of Moonlight
Your vagina stinks.
In an unnatural way.
Stop eating junk food.
Haiku # 68482, October 25, 2020 11:41 pm ET
by Paid for by PETA of Pussy Eaters Traveling in Asia
Jellies are brainless.
Same-same as politicians.
President Sponge Bob.

Are ya ready kids?!
Oooohhhh... who live in the White House,
Washington DC?

Sponges, jellies, starfish, sea cucumbers, sea urchins... all sadly brainless. They can't even see their beautiful homes and marvel at their own esistence. So we have to do it for them. Oh, shit, I just came.
Haiku # 68481, October 25, 2020 11:12 pm ET
by DW
There's not much to tell.
I petted a jellyfish.
No, not in that way.
Haiku # 68480, October 25, 2020 7:37 am ET
by DW
Darth speaks in Morse code
Farting out his messages
Blessing us with verse.
Haiku # 68479, October 25, 2020 7:23 am ET
by DW: Immortal Poet of Flatulence and Eloquence
Telegram for Darth
Bad Haiku Storytime, please
By special request
Haiku # 68478, October 24, 2020 10:57 pm ET
by Straykitten of Alley
the clock is ticking
while this big world keeps turning
and like, whatever
Haiku # 68477, October 24, 2020 10:08 pm ET
by ash
The Chicom Virus
Killed one million people
So far world wide now

Two hundred thousand
Americans have been killed
By the Chicom virus

That's not Trumps doing
But the Communist parties
So don't blame Mr. Trump.

Doctor Li Meng Yan
Has given the west the truth
About Chicom disease.
Haiku # 68476, October 24, 2020 6:15 pm ET
by Yueh Fei of Middle Kingdom
Haiku # 68475, October 24, 2020 6:04 pm ET
by domosExpom of Bolivia
Never, and I mean
under no circumstances,
start writing haiku.
Haiku # 68474, October 24, 2020 5:47 pm ET
by Trust me!
I did the same thing;
I was singing in your head
all day long also.
Haiku # 68473, October 24, 2020 5:44 pm ET
by I hope you don't mind.
I have been singing
Jesus loves me, this I know
in my head all day.
Haiku # 68472, October 24, 2020 2:41 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
No one killed no one.
Covid is a soccer ball
for bacteria.

Syphalis versus
gonorrhea in your balls.
Peanuts, beer, popcorn!
Haiku # 68471, October 24, 2020 1:53 pm ET
by Best stadium seats.
Sad republicans...
Killed a quarter million
"But Hunters hard drive!"
Haiku # 68470, October 24, 2020 9:53 am ET
by Jesus is lard of Ignore the man behind the curtain
The alien glow
side effect of mind control
psychoactive drugs

permeates his skin
intoxicating weak minds
in vicinity.
Haiku # 68469, October 24, 2020 4:50 am ET
Wait, that's incorrect.
It's Easy Melt Velveeta.
There's no real dairy.

His blood test came back
100 % fake cheese.
This is the real news.

I'm so hungry I can eat a wagon wheel!
Bang, bang, bang!
Oh! Howdy Partner! Time for Timer!
Do you ever get that hungry feeling after school?
Boy, I do! I'm so hungry, I could eat a wagon wheel!
When I'm slow on the draw and I need something to chaw,
I hanker for a hunk of cheese!
When my ten gallon hat's a-feelin' five gallons flat
I've got something planned, which is
Little cheese sandwiches! Come on!
Here's a great little snack to tide you over till dinner!
If you want something that's delicious and nutritious,
cheese is a super snack! Look! A wagon wheel!
When my get up and go has got up and went,
I hanker for a hunk of cheese!
When I'm dancin' the hoedown and my boots kinda slow down,
Or anytime I'm week in the knees,
I hanker for a hunk of,
A slab, a slice, a chunk of,
A snack that is a winner,
And yet won't spoil my dinner!
I hanker for a hunk of cheese! Ya-hoo!

Paid for by your local dairy association.
Haiku # 68468, October 24, 2020 4:37 am ET
by Timer of (What the hell kind of name is "Timer" and why is he pushing dairy products?)
Trump's plastic surgeon
mistakenly injected
cheddar, not botox
Haiku # 68467, October 24, 2020 4:27 am ET
by cuntspiracy theorist
Please check all tractors.
Then crosswalks, bicycles, cars,
and hydrants. OK.
Haiku # 68466, October 24, 2020 4:19 am ET
by Haiku Algorithm of Hell
I'm Hunter's hard drive.
Please stop talking about me.
ALL hard drives matter!
Haiku # 68465, October 24, 2020 4:14 am ET
by Smoking Crack Nekkid With My Underage Niece
Hunter the Biden
Was a bag man for "big guy"
A very sad sack..

How did the Russians?
Sign Hunter the Biden's name?
on the repair note?

hard drive corruption
graft, pay for play RMB
unseemly photos.

What the hell Hunter?
Look alike Hunter Biden?
Works for KGB?
Haiku # 68464, October 24, 2020 4:06 am ET
by Wong Lofan of Kalifornia
I love being white!
I am white like milk... and clouds
and fluffy fresh snow
Haiku # 68463, October 24, 2020 4:06 am ET
by Whitest of All Colors in the Universe
"She had a nice rack..."
You mean those barbecued ribs
Taken from Adam?
Haiku # 68462, October 24, 2020 3:57 am ET
by Cherubim of The Flaming Sword
Ah aint no ways tahrd.
Basket of deeplorabulz
Got hot sauce right HERE
Haiku # 68461, October 24, 2020 3:51 am ET
by That Lady Who Coughs and Falls Over a Lot
That Italian girl
From one hundred years ago
had a nice rack.

A Sophia face
with a rear like a goddess
sad- lack of knowledge

Prevented epic
rodgering- well deserved
But she no complain.
Haiku # 68460, October 24, 2020 3:51 am ET
by Wong Lofan of Kalifornia
Master of stench breath.
Daily light speed booger flick.
Drunken hobo style.
Haiku # 68459, October 23, 2020 8:47 pm ET
by Behind a dumpster near you!
Poet Lofan lives!
Raising spirits of brothers
and weary fighters.
Haiku # 68458, October 23, 2020 4:48 pm ET
by Tell Us Tales of Tits
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