Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 250 Days and 77185 Haiku later...

The alien glow
side effect of mind control
psychoactive drugs

permeates his skin
intoxicating weak minds
in vicinity.
Haiku # 68469, October 24, 2020 4:50 am ET
Wait, that's incorrect.
It's Easy Melt Velveeta.
There's no real dairy.

His blood test came back
100 % fake cheese.
This is the real news.

I'm so hungry I can eat a wagon wheel!
Bang, bang, bang!
Oh! Howdy Partner! Time for Timer!
Do you ever get that hungry feeling after school?
Boy, I do! I'm so hungry, I could eat a wagon wheel!
When I'm slow on the draw and I need something to chaw,
I hanker for a hunk of cheese!
When my ten gallon hat's a-feelin' five gallons flat
I've got something planned, which is
Little cheese sandwiches! Come on!
Here's a great little snack to tide you over till dinner!
If you want something that's delicious and nutritious,
cheese is a super snack! Look! A wagon wheel!
When my get up and go has got up and went,
I hanker for a hunk of cheese!
When I'm dancin' the hoedown and my boots kinda slow down,
Or anytime I'm week in the knees,
I hanker for a hunk of,
A slab, a slice, a chunk of,
A snack that is a winner,
And yet won't spoil my dinner!
I hanker for a hunk of cheese! Ya-hoo!

Paid for by your local dairy association.
Haiku # 68468, October 24, 2020 4:37 am ET
by Timer of (What the hell kind of name is "Timer" and why is he pushing dairy products?)
Trump's plastic surgeon
mistakenly injected
cheddar, not botox
Haiku # 68467, October 24, 2020 4:27 am ET
by cuntspiracy theorist
Please check all tractors.
Then crosswalks, bicycles, cars,
and hydrants. OK.
Haiku # 68466, October 24, 2020 4:19 am ET
by Haiku Algorithm of Hell
I'm Hunter's hard drive.
Please stop talking about me.
ALL hard drives matter!
Haiku # 68465, October 24, 2020 4:14 am ET
by Smoking Crack Nekkid With My Underage Niece
Hunter the Biden
Was a bag man for "big guy"
A very sad sack..

How did the Russians?
Sign Hunter the Biden's name?
on the repair note?

hard drive corruption
graft, pay for play RMB
unseemly photos.

What the hell Hunter?
Look alike Hunter Biden?
Works for KGB?
Haiku # 68464, October 24, 2020 4:06 am ET
by Wong Lofan of Kalifornia
I love being white!
I am white like milk... and clouds
and fluffy fresh snow
Haiku # 68463, October 24, 2020 4:06 am ET
by Whitest of All Colors in the Universe
"She had a nice rack..."
You mean those barbecued ribs
Taken from Adam?
Haiku # 68462, October 24, 2020 3:57 am ET
by Cherubim of The Flaming Sword
Ah aint no ways tahrd.
Basket of deeplorabulz
Got hot sauce right HERE
Haiku # 68461, October 24, 2020 3:51 am ET
by That Lady Who Coughs and Falls Over a Lot
That Italian girl
From one hundred years ago
had a nice rack.

A Sophia face
with a rear like a goddess
sad- lack of knowledge

Prevented epic
rodgering- well deserved
But she no complain.
Haiku # 68460, October 24, 2020 3:51 am ET
by Wong Lofan of Kalifornia
Master of stench breath.
Daily light speed booger flick.
Drunken hobo style.
Haiku # 68459, October 23, 2020 8:47 pm ET
by Behind a dumpster near you!
Poet Lofan lives!
Raising spirits of brothers
and weary fighters.
Haiku # 68458, October 23, 2020 4:48 pm ET
by Tell Us Tales of Tits
Even- old bastard
can do some type of practice
get yer blood moving

kill your big TV
Get off off the bu hao couch
go to the wood park!

100 ax hand
then drill, crush,pound and cross work.
And maybe Ba gua.
Haiku # 68457, October 23, 2020 3:01 pm ET
by Wong Lofan of Kalifornia
Practice- for decades
not for fighting other ren
works to defend from

Boredom and sloth
becoming phat American
jade stalk weakness.

Practice yer kung fu
For physical alchemy-
so damn hao for you!
Haiku # 68456, October 23, 2020 2:51 pm ET
by Wong Lofan of Kalifornia
a funk drying flux
is the same to a numb clit
and both re-gendered.
Haiku # 68455, October 23, 2020 1:02 pm ET
by It's Ma'am!!! of Triggered and N-worded.
That Australian song
From Monty Python: "Right, Bruce"
That one cracks me up.
Haiku # 68454, October 23, 2020 11:35 am ET
by Nothing Nietzsche Couldn't Teach Ya Bout the Raising of the Wrist . . .
Sounds like down-under:
Fosters drinkers in the bush
Waltzing Matilda
Haiku # 68453, October 23, 2020 10:50 am ET
by Swag-man of Billabong
A Kardashian
is different to a Trump,
but both are "enhanced".
Haiku # 68452, October 23, 2020 9:45 am ET
by Dr Biber of Your local friendly plastic surgeon.
a drunk flying fox
is different to a numbat
but both endangered
Haiku # 68451, October 23, 2020 8:45 am ET
by ash
you can't spot a quoll
like a papunya artist
spots a paperbark
Haiku # 68450, October 23, 2020 8:41 am ET
by ash
in any bushfire
stone the flamin' wallabies
a mercy killing
Haiku # 68449, October 23, 2020 8:37 am ET
by ash
when out of his tree
what can a koala bear ?
more eucalyptus
Haiku # 68448, October 23, 2020 8:35 am ET
by ash
that fur really fits the bill
moist fashionista
Haiku # 68447, October 23, 2020 8:31 am ET
by ash
cute marsupial
i'd like to jump in your pouch
so let's go outback
Haiku # 68446, October 23, 2020 8:21 am ET
by ash
show you my blue tongue
a lounge lizard cyanosed
from drinking flat out
Haiku # 68445, October 23, 2020 8:17 am ET
by ash
The number of balls
is testicularity.
Mine is seventeen.
Haiku # 68444, October 22, 2020 10:16 pm ET
by But they aren't all mine of Loraina Bobbit Worm
Do you think I can
get high on spider venom
like the snake guy does.
Haiku # 68443, October 22, 2020 8:02 pm ET
by worth a try of anything for a buzz
I have kangaroo
Named Joey Buttafuoco
He wants to date you
Haiku # 68442, October 22, 2020 6:03 pm ET
by Space Chowboy
Robert De Niro
If I had a kangaroo
That's what I'd name him
Haiku # 68441, October 22, 2020 10:27 am ET
by You talking to me? of Mirror
Let's see what's in there
Vegemite, didgeridoo
Kangaroo pocket
Haiku # 68440, October 22, 2020 10:22 am ET
by Noticer of Details of Starkitten Lair
Roaring Under Multiple
Haiku # 68439, October 22, 2020 8:30 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Beer beer beer beer beer.
Beer beer beer beer beer beer beer.
Beer beer beer beer beer.
Haiku # 68438, October 22, 2020 6:28 am ET
by Samuel Adams. of Hop on this!
Move to Australia.
Kangaroos and gold mining.
Big fucking spiders.
Haiku # 68437, October 22, 2020 6:26 am ET
by Sharks and deadly jellies. of What more you need?
If you don't like it,
you're free to get the fuck out.
This isn't China.
Haiku # 68436, October 22, 2020 6:24 am ET
by Your balls are too small. of Soon it will all burn down!
What's this 69?
I'm not a contortionist
What's your sleep number?
Haiku # 68435, October 22, 2020 12:39 am ET
by Whip Van Wrinkle of Disoriented
That's how they found him
In the fecal position
Sleeping like a log
Haiku # 68434, October 22, 2020 12:27 am ET
by Sick of this shit of Had it up to here
We ARE Number One.
Whorrendous is Number Two.
(By that I mean Darth.)
Haiku # 68433, October 21, 2020 8:58 pm ET
by Asstrology of Numerology
The United States
of Goddamn America,
you mother fuckers!
Haiku # 68432, October 21, 2020 8:10 pm ET
by We're #1! We're #1!
I jerked off watching
the Riemann hypothesis
YouTube videos.

Gives new meaning to
imaginary lovers.
I want to touch them.
Haiku # 68431, October 21, 2020 7:10 pm ET
by My real part's also only one-half. of I will now critically strip naked.
as long as a stretched out cat
I measured it twice
Haiku # 68430, October 21, 2020 4:55 pm ET
by human calculator of Starkitten Lair
fucking halloween
it's coming into spring here
false marketing spree
Haiku # 68429, October 21, 2020 7:40 am ET
by ash
Okay, this is true.
I like to sleep in the nude.
No flannel for me.

Thanks for the thought, though.
But when I wake up and work
vid chats are awkward.
Haiku # 68428, October 21, 2020 5:12 am ET
by Pan down, pan down, pan down. Stop. of My bedroom in hell.
Haiku # 68427, October 21, 2020 1:30 am ET
by parimatch777 of The Bahamas
We'll have flannel sheets
You can eat crackers in bed
Let's mess up your room
Haiku # 68426, October 21, 2020 1:00 am ET
by Gatita Estrella of Imported Cheese Section
You know, I think Darth
writes his best haiku poems
in his pyjamas
Haiku # 68425, October 21, 2020 12:55 am ET
by Gatita Estrella of Bed
I've often wondered
why does Gordon Ramsay take
off his shirt so much.
Haiku # 68424, October 21, 2020 12:43 am ET
by Buttered nipples.
I would like to eat
camembert and caviar
on low salt Triscuits.
Haiku # 68423, October 21, 2020 12:41 am ET
by Beluga, of course -- Gordon Ramsay's got a boner!
I'm going to poop.
Not really, but let's pretend.
So I can write this.

You know you love it.
Oh wait, It's coming out now.
You see what God did?!

How rude can he be?!
He made crap my britches!
All for this haiku.
Haiku # 68422, October 20, 2020 11:50 pm ET
by Clean up, aisle five!
After playing God,
God always punishes me.
He can't take a joke!

What a fucking jerk.
He make the platypusses.
Why can't I have fun?!
Haiku # 68421, October 20, 2020 11:45 pm ET
by Always two there are -- no more, no less.
My room is dirty.
Ants are drawn to spilled coffee.
Sometimes they bite me.

Then I torture them.
That's why I spill my coffee.
So I can play God.
Haiku # 68420, October 20, 2020 7:41 pm ET
by Seriously! I'm not joking!
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