Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 136 Days and 76969 Haiku later...

fucking halloween
it's coming into spring here
false marketing spree
Haiku # 68429, October 21, 2020 7:40 am ET
by ash
Okay, this is true.
I like to sleep in the nude.
No flannel for me.

Thanks for the thought, though.
But when I wake up and work
vid chats are awkward.
Haiku # 68428, October 21, 2020 5:12 am ET
by Pan down, pan down, pan down. Stop. of My bedroom in hell.
Ð
Haiku # 68427, October 21, 2020 1:30 am ET
by parimatch777 of The Bahamas
We'll have flannel sheets
You can eat crackers in bed
Let's mess up your room
Haiku # 68426, October 21, 2020 1:00 am ET
by Gatita Estrella of Imported Cheese Section
You know, I think Darth
writes his best haiku poems
in his pyjamas
Haiku # 68425, October 21, 2020 12:55 am ET
by Gatita Estrella of Bed
I've often wondered
why does Gordon Ramsay take
off his shirt so much.
Haiku # 68424, October 21, 2020 12:43 am ET
by Buttered nipples.
I would like to eat
camembert and caviar
on low salt Triscuits.
Haiku # 68423, October 21, 2020 12:41 am ET
by Beluga, of course -- Gordon Ramsay's got a boner!
I'm going to poop.
Not really, but let's pretend.
So I can write this.

You know you love it.
Oh wait, It's coming out now.
You see what God did?!

How rude can he be?!
He made crap my britches!
All for this haiku.
Haiku # 68422, October 20, 2020 11:50 pm ET
by Clean up, aisle five!
After playing God,
God always punishes me.
He can't take a joke!

What a fucking jerk.
He make the platypusses.
Why can't I have fun?!
Haiku # 68421, October 20, 2020 11:45 pm ET
by Always two there are -- no more, no less.
My room is dirty.
Ants are drawn to spilled coffee.
Sometimes they bite me.

Then I torture them.
That's why I spill my coffee.
So I can play God.
Haiku # 68420, October 20, 2020 7:41 pm ET
by Seriously! I'm not joking!
Brie or camembert?
Emmental if it's sunday.
Holier than thou.
Haiku # 68419, October 20, 2020 6:41 pm ET
by and by. Oy vay! Kosher ham sandwich. of Lox for breakfast, already yet!
She was a porn star.
Savannah. I'd roar on that.
Died at twenty-four.
Haiku # 68418, October 20, 2020 6:27 pm ET
by Darth Whorrendous of Wrap it up good, boys and girls!
High polliwog cheese.
Thigh fuzz ad hiring boar runt.
Whore deaths smiles white grout.
Haiku # 68417, October 20, 2020 6:19 pm ET
by I swear it's the truth!
King of savannas
I roar. I stretch. And I rise.
Where's my Meow Mix?
Haiku # 68416, October 20, 2020 1:03 pm ET
by Feline Delusions of Grandeur
King of savannas
I roar. I stretch. And I riseâ
Haiku # 68415, October 20, 2020 1:01 pm ET
by Feline Delusions of Grandeur
Of all the big cats
Lions are the laziest
Get to work lions!
Haiku # 68414, October 20, 2020 8:34 am ET
by Starkitten of Bed
My apologies
I was admiring your cunt
Your breath smells like trout
Haiku # 68413, October 19, 2020 10:14 pm ET
by Polite Poet of Polite Poet Section
Love it when you smile
Your teeth are rotten but cute
I bet your breath stinks
Haiku # 68412, October 19, 2020 10:11 pm ET
by Serious about Poetry of Under old willow
Remember the times
Grandpa fucked store mannequins
Everybody smiled
Haiku # 68411, October 19, 2020 10:08 pm ET
by Smiler of Smiles for Everyone
Poop feces shit dung
fecal matter excriment
diarrhea crap.
Haiku # 68410, October 19, 2020 9:44 pm ET
by You know you love it!
Fecal matter pie.
Get yours today at IHOP.
This one's just for you.
Haiku # 68409, October 19, 2020 9:42 pm ET
by You're welcome. of Now send money.
Dead frog in the street.
I chucked it like a frisbee.
Fifty meter toss.
Haiku # 68408, October 19, 2020 9:39 pm ET
by Aerodynamic amphibian carcasses. of $2 each. Or buy 12 for $10.
I'll be Bin Laden.
That's my Halloween costume.
Enough time has passed.
Haiku # 68407, October 19, 2020 9:33 pm ET
by Infidels! You're all infidels!
Now do my bidding!
Go forth and collect Reeses'!
Take eggs and TP!
Haiku # 68406, October 19, 2020 9:30 pm ET
by Darth Sucrose Addict
I'll send out my kids
dressed as the spawn of Satan.
Pretty much the truth.
Haiku # 68405, October 19, 2020 9:28 pm ET
by
Candy corn is gross.
Tootsie Rolls are even worse.
You buy them, you suck.
Haiku # 68404, October 19, 2020 9:27 pm ET
by Trick or motha fuckin' treat, bitch! of Bust a cap in yo' ass!
Children are evil.
They are so disappointing.
Just like their parents.
Haiku # 68403, October 19, 2020 9:23 pm ET
by
I have a strange cat.
It sings for no good reason.
Is it me that's strange?
Haiku # 68402, October 19, 2020 9:22 pm ET
by
Butts and private parts.
Verse of the infantile arts:
Naughty Darth. Poops. Farts.
Haiku # 68401, October 19, 2020 8:04 pm ET
by Darth's Dead Angel of Haiku
Identifying
as a black haiku poem.
Count my syllables.

Know what I'm sayin'?
Don't use no enjambment here.
Oh, shit I just did.
Haiku # 68400, October 19, 2020 7:12 pm ET
by My bad. of It's all good, mo fo.
I just vomitted
my Wendy's chilliburger
onto a cop's shoes.
Haiku # 68399, October 19, 2020 7:03 pm ET
by DW -- identifying as a drunk driver of on my way to jail for a long time and I deserve it.
Please don't chop me down.
I make oxygen for you.
And give homes to birds.
Haiku # 68398, October 19, 2020 6:56 pm ET
by Darth Whorrendous of Identifying as a tree.
Cannabalism,
bathroom humor and large dinks.
What more could one want?

Oh, let's write about
vegetable gardening
and doily patterns.
Haiku # 68397, October 19, 2020 6:53 pm ET
by Grandma Darth of Identifying as elderly female. Want my SS check!
Play Nature's Ring Toss
All you need is a boner
and 12 glazed doughnuts
Haiku # 68396, October 19, 2020 3:00 pm ET
by The inventor of Bakery (again)
Can't thank you enough
I enjoy reading your work
Whilst I'm on the can
Haiku # 68395, October 19, 2020 2:25 pm ET
by Just unloaded something of That smells 4,000 years old
Bathroom humor is
an ancient and dishonored
poets' tradition.
Haiku # 68394, October 19, 2020 9:40 am ET
by 4000 years old! of Or more!
It is time to start
writing less boring haiku
on usual themes.
Haiku # 68393, October 19, 2020 9:11 am ET
by Darth of 4 Year-Old Bathroom Humor
Jay's ejaculate
consists of matchbox cars and glue
You won't get pregnant
Haiku # 68392, October 19, 2020 7:01 am ET
by Bill Nye of Science Guy
Six old smelly ghosts
Live in the walls of your house
Just deal with it, man
Haiku # 68391, October 19, 2020 6:52 am ET
by Explainer of Unexplained
But have you ever
been driven to dink a car?
Exhaust pipe dripping.
Haiku # 68390, October 19, 2020 6:49 am ET
by Jay Leno, of course. That's no garage - that's my harem!
Nervous passenger
Never seen anyone drive
a car with their dink
Haiku # 68389, October 19, 2020 6:45 am ET
by Nervous passenger of Passenger seat
Covid's getting old.
Ebola -- that's what we need!
Sweeping through the states.

Good excuse to shoot.
Is he drunk or infected?
Shoot him anyway!

"What if he's just drunk?"
"Rookie, can't you see he's black?!
Shoot him regardless!"
Haiku # 68388, October 18, 2020 9:55 pm ET
by Bowel movements fecal matter.
Green zombie bootie
make my boner smell funky.
Jealous vampires.
Haiku # 68387, October 18, 2020 9:45 pm ET
by Do zombies have hollow weenies?
I dreamed of you all
And it became a nightmare.
I never woke up.
Haiku # 68386, October 18, 2020 8:39 pm ET
by Bloodfire of Vampire
When the zombies run
You'll have a hard time cumming
with that big boner
Haiku # 68385, October 18, 2020 6:04 pm ET
by Nostrildammedup of I mean, who didn't see this cumming?
When the zombies come
You'll have a hard time running
with that big boner
Haiku # 68384, October 18, 2020 1:16 am ET
by Nostradongus of Upcoming Events
Somebody's on meth.
And, for once, it isn't me.
Goodnight, vampire.

I cooked my dink once.
The next day it grew right back.
Call me Darth Gecko.
Haiku # 68383, October 18, 2020 12:25 am ET
by Psst, hey, wanna buy some car insurance?
One more before bed.
I climb into my coffin:
Sweet eternity!
Haiku # 68382, October 17, 2020 11:36 pm ET
by Vampire of Bloodfire
Anastasia. Wow.
Last name Dragomirova.
Watch that Greek girl jump!
Haiku # 68381, October 17, 2020 11:29 pm ET
by Pan-Hellenic Games of Blue Sports
Where is Wong Lo Fan?
I hope he is still fighting
For the right (not wrong)
Haiku # 68380, October 17, 2020 11:24 pm ET
by Kalifornia Uber Alles of DKs
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