BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years
15 Days
68935 Haikus
I jerked off watching
the Riemann hypothesis
YouTube videos.

Gives new meaning to
imaginary lovers.
I want to touch them.
Haiku #68431, by My real part's also only one-half. of I will now critically strip naked.
October 21, 2020 7:10 pm ET

as long as a stretched out cat
I measured it twice
Haiku #68430, by human calculator of Starkitten Lair
October 21, 2020 4:55 pm ET

fucking halloween
it's coming into spring here
false marketing spree
Haiku #68429, by ash
October 21, 2020 7:40 am ET

Okay, this is true.
I like to sleep in the nude.
No flannel for me.

Thanks for the thought, though.
But when I wake up and work
vid chats are awkward.
Haiku #68428, by Pan down, pan down, pan down. Stop. of My bedroom in hell.
October 21, 2020 5:12 am ET

Haiku #68427, by parimatch777 of The Bahamas
October 21, 2020 1:30 am ET

We'll have flannel sheets
You can eat crackers in bed
Let's mess up your room
Haiku #68426, by Gatita Estrella of Imported Cheese Section
October 21, 2020 1:00 am ET

You know, I think Darth
writes his best haiku poems
in his pyjamas
Haiku #68425, by Gatita Estrella of Bed
October 21, 2020 12:55 am ET

I've often wondered
why does Gordon Ramsay take
off his shirt so much.
Haiku #68424, by Buttered nipples.
October 21, 2020 12:43 am ET

I would like to eat
camembert and caviar
on low salt Triscuits.
Haiku #68423, by Beluga, of course -- Gordon Ramsay's got a boner!
October 21, 2020 12:41 am ET

I'm going to poop.
Not really, but let's pretend.
So I can write this.

You know you love it.
Oh wait, It's coming out now.
You see what God did?!

How rude can he be?!
He made crap my britches!
All for this haiku.
Haiku #68422, by Clean up, aisle five!
October 20, 2020 11:50 pm ET

After playing God,
God always punishes me.
He can't take a joke!

What a fucking jerk.
He make the platypusses.
Why can't I have fun?!
Haiku #68421, by Always two there are -- no more, no less.
October 20, 2020 11:45 pm ET

My room is dirty.
Ants are drawn to spilled coffee.
Sometimes they bite me.

Then I torture them.
That's why I spill my coffee.
So I can play God.
Haiku #68420, by Seriously! I'm not joking!
October 20, 2020 7:41 pm ET

Brie or camembert?
Emmental if it's sunday.
Holier than thou.
Haiku #68419, by and by. Oy vay! Kosher ham sandwich. of Lox for breakfast, already yet!
October 20, 2020 6:41 pm ET

She was a porn star.
Savannah. I'd roar on that.
Died at twenty-four.
Haiku #68418, by Darth Whorrendous of Wrap it up good, boys and girls!
October 20, 2020 6:27 pm ET

High polliwog cheese.
Thigh fuzz ad hiring boar runt.
Whore deaths smiles white grout.
Haiku #68417, by I swear it's the truth!
October 20, 2020 6:19 pm ET

King of savannas
I roar. I stretch. And I rise.
Where's my Meow Mix?
Haiku #68416, by Feline Delusions of Grandeur
October 20, 2020 1:03 pm ET

King of savannas
I roar. I stretch. And I riseâ
Haiku #68415, by Feline Delusions of Grandeur
October 20, 2020 1:01 pm ET

Of all the big cats
Lions are the laziest
Get to work lions!
Haiku #68414, by Starkitten of Bed
October 20, 2020 8:34 am ET

My apologies
I was admiring your cunt
Your breath smells like trout
Haiku #68413, by Polite Poet of Polite Poet Section
October 19, 2020 10:14 pm ET

Love it when you smile
Your teeth are rotten but cute
I bet your breath stinks
Haiku #68412, by Serious about Poetry of Under old willow
October 19, 2020 10:11 pm ET

Remember the times
Grandpa fucked store mannequins
Everybody smiled
Haiku #68411, by Smiler of Smiles for Everyone
October 19, 2020 10:08 pm ET

Poop feces shit dung
fecal matter excriment
diarrhea crap.
Haiku #68410, by You know you love it!
October 19, 2020 9:44 pm ET

Fecal matter pie.
Get yours today at IHOP.
This one's just for you.
Haiku #68409, by You're welcome. of Now send money.
October 19, 2020 9:42 pm ET

Dead frog in the street.
I chucked it like a frisbee.
Fifty meter toss.
Haiku #68408, by Aerodynamic amphibian carcasses. of $2 each. Or buy 12 for $10.
October 19, 2020 9:39 pm ET

I'll be Bin Laden.
That's my Halloween costume.
Enough time has passed.
Haiku #68407, by Infidels! You're all infidels!
October 19, 2020 9:33 pm ET

Now do my bidding!
Go forth and collect Reeses'!
Take eggs and TP!
Haiku #68406, by Darth Sucrose Addict
October 19, 2020 9:30 pm ET

I'll send out my kids
dressed as the spawn of Satan.
Pretty much the truth.
Haiku #68405, by
October 19, 2020 9:28 pm ET

Candy corn is gross.
Tootsie Rolls are even worse.
You buy them, you suck.
Haiku #68404, by Trick or motha fuckin' treat, bitch! of Bust a cap in yo' ass!
October 19, 2020 9:27 pm ET

Children are evil.
They are so disappointing.
Just like their parents.
Haiku #68403, by
October 19, 2020 9:23 pm ET

I have a strange cat.
It sings for no good reason.
Is it me that's strange?
Haiku #68402, by
October 19, 2020 9:22 pm ET

Butts and private parts.
Verse of the infantile arts:
Naughty Darth. Poops. Farts.
Haiku #68401, by Darth's Dead Angel of Haiku
October 19, 2020 8:04 pm ET

as a black haiku poem.
Count my syllables.

Know what I'm sayin'?
Don't use no enjambment here.
Oh, shit I just did.
Haiku #68400, by My bad. of It's all good, mo fo.
October 19, 2020 7:12 pm ET

I just vomitted
my Wendy's chilliburger
onto a cop's shoes.
Haiku #68399, by DW -- identifying as a drunk driver of on my way to jail for a long time and I deserve it.
October 19, 2020 7:03 pm ET

Please don't chop me down.
I make oxygen for you.
And give homes to birds.
Haiku #68398, by Darth Whorrendous of Identifying as a tree.
October 19, 2020 6:56 pm ET

bathroom humor and large dinks.
What more could one want?

Oh, let's write about
vegetable gardening
and doily patterns.
Haiku #68397, by Grandma Darth of Identifying as elderly female. Want my SS check!
October 19, 2020 6:53 pm ET

Play Nature's Ring Toss
All you need is a boner
and 12 glazed doughnuts
Haiku #68396, by The inventor of Bakery (again)
October 19, 2020 3:00 pm ET

Can't thank you enough
I enjoy reading your work
Whilst I'm on the can
Haiku #68395, by Just unloaded something of That smells 4,000 years old
October 19, 2020 2:25 pm ET

Bathroom humor is
an ancient and dishonored
poets' tradition.
Haiku #68394, by 4000 years old! of Or more!
October 19, 2020 9:40 am ET

It is time to start
writing less boring haiku
on usual themes.
Haiku #68393, by Darth of 4 Year-Old Bathroom Humor
October 19, 2020 9:11 am ET

Jay's ejaculate
consists of matchbox cars and glue
You won't get pregnant
Haiku #68392, by Bill Nye of Science Guy
October 19, 2020 7:01 am ET

Six old smelly ghosts
Live in the walls of your house
Just deal with it, man
Haiku #68391, by Explainer of Unexplained
October 19, 2020 6:52 am ET

But have you ever
been driven to dink a car?
Exhaust pipe dripping.
Haiku #68390, by Jay Leno, of course. That's no garage - that's my harem!
October 19, 2020 6:49 am ET

Nervous passenger
Never seen anyone drive
a car with their dink
Haiku #68389, by Nervous passenger of Passenger seat
October 19, 2020 6:45 am ET

Covid's getting old.
Ebola -- that's what we need!
Sweeping through the states.

Good excuse to shoot.
Is he drunk or infected?
Shoot him anyway!

"What if he's just drunk?"
"Rookie, can't you see he's black?!
Shoot him regardless!"
Haiku #68388, by Bowel movements fecal matter.
October 18, 2020 9:55 pm ET

Green zombie bootie
make my boner smell funky.
Jealous vampires.
Haiku #68387, by Do zombies have hollow weenies?
October 18, 2020 9:45 pm ET

I dreamed of you all
And it became a nightmare.
I never woke up.
Haiku #68386, by Bloodfire of Vampire
October 18, 2020 8:39 pm ET

When the zombies run
You'll have a hard time cumming
with that big boner
Haiku #68385, by Nostrildammedup of I mean, who didn't see this cumming?
October 18, 2020 6:04 pm ET

When the zombies come
You'll have a hard time running
with that big boner
Haiku #68384, by Nostradongus of Upcoming Events
October 18, 2020 1:16 am ET

Somebody's on meth.
And, for once, it isn't me.
Goodnight, vampire.

I cooked my dink once.
The next day it grew right back.
Call me Darth Gecko.
Haiku #68383, by Psst, hey, wanna buy some car insurance?
October 18, 2020 12:25 am ET

One more before bed.
I climb into my coffin:
Sweet eternity!
Haiku #68382, by Vampire of Bloodfire
October 17, 2020 11:36 pm ET