If you don't like it,
you're free to get the fuck out.
This isn't China.
by Your balls are too small. of Soon it will all burn down!
What's this 69?
I'm not a contortionist
What's your sleep number?
by Whip Van Wrinkle of Disoriented
That's how they found him
In the fecal position
Sleeping like a log
by Sick of this shit of Had it up to here
We ARE Number One.
Whorrendous is Number Two.
(By that I mean Darth.)
by Asstrology of Numerology
The United States
of Goddamn America,
you mother fuckers!
by We're #1! We're #1!
I jerked off watching
the Riemann hypothesis
YouTube videos.
Gives new meaning to
imaginary lovers.
I want to touch them.
by My real part's also only one-half. of I will now critically strip naked.
Approximately
as long as a stretched out cat
I measured it twice
by human calculator of Starkitten Lair
fucking halloween
it's coming into spring here
false marketing spree
by ash
Okay, this is true.
I like to sleep in the nude.
No flannel for me.
Thanks for the thought, though.
But when I wake up and work
vid chats are awkward.
by Pan down, pan down, pan down. Stop. of My bedroom in hell.
Ð
by parimatch777 of The Bahamas
We'll have flannel sheets
You can eat crackers in bed
Let's mess up your room
by Gatita Estrella of Imported Cheese Section
You know, I think Darth
writes his best haiku poems
in his pyjamas
by Gatita Estrella of Bed
I've often wondered
why does Gordon Ramsay take
off his shirt so much.
by Buttered nipples.
I would like to eat
camembert and caviar
on low salt Triscuits.
by Beluga, of course -- Gordon Ramsay's got a boner!
I'm going to poop.
Not really, but let's pretend.
So I can write this.
You know you love it.
Oh wait, It's coming out now.
You see what God did?!
How rude can he be?!
He made crap my britches!
All for this haiku.
by Clean up, aisle five!
After playing God,
God always punishes me.
He can't take a joke!
What a fucking jerk.
He make the platypusses.
Why can't I have fun?!
by Always two there are -- no more, no less.
My room is dirty.
Ants are drawn to spilled coffee.
Sometimes they bite me.
Then I torture them.
That's why I spill my coffee.
So I can play God.
by Seriously! I'm not joking!
Brie or camembert?
Emmental if it's sunday.
Holier than thou.
by and by. Oy vay! Kosher ham sandwich. of Lox for breakfast, already yet!
She was a porn star.
Savannah. I'd roar on that.
Died at twenty-four.
by Darth Whorrendous of Wrap it up good, boys and girls!
High polliwog cheese.
Thigh fuzz ad hiring boar runt.
Whore deaths smiles white grout.
by I swear it's the truth!
King of savannas
I roar. I stretch. And I rise.
Where's my Meow Mix?
by Feline Delusions of Grandeur
King of savannas
I roar. I stretch. And I riseâ
by Feline Delusions of Grandeur
Of all the big cats
Lions are the laziest
Get to work lions!
by Starkitten of Bed
My apologies
I was admiring your cunt
Your breath smells like trout
by Polite Poet of Polite Poet Section
Love it when you smile
Your teeth are rotten but cute
I bet your breath stinks
by Serious about Poetry of Under old willow
Remember the times
Grandpa fucked store mannequins
Everybody smiled
by Smiler of Smiles for Everyone
Poop feces shit dung
fecal matter excriment
diarrhea crap.
by You know you love it!
Fecal matter pie.
Get yours today at IHOP.
This one's just for you.
by You're welcome. of Now send money.
Dead frog in the street.
I chucked it like a frisbee.
Fifty meter toss.
by Aerodynamic amphibian carcasses. of $2 each. Or buy 12 for $10.
I'll be Bin Laden.
That's my Halloween costume.
Enough time has passed.
by Infidels! You're all infidels!
Now do my bidding!
Go forth and collect Reeses'!
Take eggs and TP!
by Darth Sucrose Addict
I'll send out my kids
dressed as the spawn of Satan.
Pretty much the truth.
by
Candy corn is gross.
Tootsie Rolls are even worse.
You buy them, you suck.
by Trick or motha fuckin' treat, bitch! of Bust a cap in yo' ass!
Children are evil.
They are so disappointing.
Just like their parents.
by
I have a strange cat.
It sings for no good reason.
Is it me that's strange?
by
Butts and private parts.
Verse of the infantile arts:
Naughty Darth. Poops. Farts.
by Darth's Dead Angel of Haiku
Identifying
as a black haiku poem.
Count my syllables.
Know what I'm sayin'?
Don't use no enjambment here.
Oh, shit I just did.
by My bad. of It's all good, mo fo.
I just vomitted
my Wendy's chilliburger
onto a cop's shoes.
by DW -- identifying as a drunk driver of on my way to jail for a long time and I deserve it.
Please don't chop me down.
I make oxygen for you.
And give homes to birds.
by Darth Whorrendous of Identifying as a tree.
Cannabalism,
bathroom humor and large dinks.
What more could one want?
Oh, let's write about
vegetable gardening
and doily patterns.
by Grandma Darth of Identifying as elderly female. Want my SS check!
Play Nature's Ring Toss
All you need is a boner
and 12 glazed doughnuts
by The inventor of Bakery (again)
Can't thank you enough
I enjoy reading your work
Whilst I'm on the can
by Just unloaded something of That smells 4,000 years old
Bathroom humor is
an ancient and dishonored
poets' tradition.
by 4000 years old! of Or more!
It is time to start
writing less boring haiku
on usual themes.
by Darth of 4 Year-Old Bathroom Humor
Jay's ejaculate
consists of matchbox cars and glue
You won't get pregnant
by Bill Nye of Science Guy
Six old smelly ghosts
Live in the walls of your house
Just deal with it, man
by Explainer of Unexplained
But have you ever
been driven to dink a car?
Exhaust pipe dripping.
by Jay Leno, of course. That's no garage - that's my harem!
Nervous passenger
Never seen anyone drive
a car with their dink
by Nervous passenger of Passenger seat
Covid's getting old.
Ebola -- that's what we need!
Sweeping through the states.
Good excuse to shoot.
Is he drunk or infected?
Shoot him anyway!
"What if he's just drunk?"
"Rookie, can't you see he's black?!
Shoot him regardless!"
by Bowel movements fecal matter.
Green zombie bootie
make my boner smell funky.
Jealous vampires.
by Do zombies have hollow weenies?
