Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 242 Days and 77165 Haiku later...

It's a Woodland Critter Christmas.
Hail Satan!
Haiku # 68495, October 26, 2020 11:24 am ET
by Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman
First comes Halloween
And then All Saints Day arrives.
Satan is cast out.
Haiku # 68494, October 26, 2020 10:55 am ET
by Archangel Michael, Captain of the Armies of Heaven
I don't think I can take much more of this.
All I want for Christmas is cancer and a nuclear warhead.
Or one very very large asteroid.
Fuck the cookies and eggnog this time.
Haiku # 68493, October 26, 2020 8:03 am ET
by Please Santa, please, please!
When he makes flatus
better stand back - he'll splat us,
he of low status.

Those homeless hijinks.
Indigent entertainment
has entertained us.

And entered anus.
Suppose suppositories
could tell their stories.
Haiku # 68492, October 26, 2020 7:57 am ET
by Oh what would they say?
Rather queer jerky.
Ornithorhynchus road kill.
Duck-billed splatypus.
Haiku # 68491, October 26, 2020 7:48 am ET
by Slim Jim of Down Under
Bubble wrap condoms
Blap blap blap blap blap blap blap
Blap blap blap blap splat
Haiku # 68490, October 26, 2020 7:34 am ET
by Pig of In a blanket
Covid is a lie.
Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.
Haiku # 68489, October 26, 2020 6:07 am ET
by CNN is fake news.
sure sounds an awful lot like
stuff it up your ass.
Haiku # 68488, October 26, 2020 4:45 am ET
by Noticer of entrails.
The living nightmare
You will find it hard to sleep
November the third
Haiku # 68487, October 26, 2020 2:49 am ET
by Wake Up of Trump Eviction Party
Got hot sauce right here:
Ah don't FEEL no ways tired
Of voting for Trump
Haiku # 68486, October 26, 2020 2:25 am ET
by Hillary Harris of Fake Accents
What did Meatloaf mean?
He said he'd do anything
for love...but not THAT
Haiku # 68485, October 26, 2020 2:04 am ET
by Fucking wondering of Dashboard light
They sure stink up the toilet
What are they eating?
Haiku # 68484, October 26, 2020 2:00 am ET
by Someone you know of Shitty Job
Are you feeling it?
Have you seen the fucking moon?
I've got a hatchet
Haiku # 68483, October 26, 2020 1:46 am ET
by Krazy of Moonlight
Your vagina stinks.
In an unnatural way.
Stop eating junk food.
Haiku # 68482, October 25, 2020 11:41 pm ET
by Paid for by PETA of Pussy Eaters Traveling in Asia
Jellies are brainless.
Same-same as politicians.
President Sponge Bob.

Are ya ready kids?!
Oooohhhh... who live in the White House,
Washington DC?

Sponges, jellies, starfish, sea cucumbers, sea urchins... all sadly brainless. They can't even see their beautiful homes and marvel at their own esistence. So we have to do it for them. Oh, shit, I just came.
Haiku # 68481, October 25, 2020 11:12 pm ET
by DW
There's not much to tell.
I petted a jellyfish.
No, not in that way.
Haiku # 68480, October 25, 2020 7:37 am ET
by DW
Darth speaks in Morse code
Farting out his messages
Blessing us with verse.
Haiku # 68479, October 25, 2020 7:23 am ET
by DW: Immortal Poet of Flatulence and Eloquence
Telegram for Darth
Bad Haiku Storytime, please
By special request
Haiku # 68478, October 24, 2020 10:57 pm ET
by Straykitten of Alley
the clock is ticking
while this big world keeps turning
and like, whatever
Haiku # 68477, October 24, 2020 10:08 pm ET
by ash
The Chicom Virus
Killed one million people
So far world wide now

Two hundred thousand
Americans have been killed
By the Chicom virus

That's not Trumps doing
But the Communist parties
So don't blame Mr. Trump.

Doctor Li Meng Yan
Has given the west the truth
About Chicom disease.
Haiku # 68476, October 24, 2020 6:15 pm ET
by Yueh Fei of Middle Kingdom
Haiku # 68475, October 24, 2020 6:04 pm ET
by domosExpom of Bolivia
Never, and I mean
under no circumstances,
start writing haiku.
Haiku # 68474, October 24, 2020 5:47 pm ET
by Trust me!
I did the same thing;
I was singing in your head
all day long also.
Haiku # 68473, October 24, 2020 5:44 pm ET
by I hope you don't mind.
I have been singing
Jesus loves me, this I know
in my head all day.
Haiku # 68472, October 24, 2020 2:41 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
No one killed no one.
Covid is a soccer ball
for bacteria.

Syphalis versus
gonorrhea in your balls.
Peanuts, beer, popcorn!
Haiku # 68471, October 24, 2020 1:53 pm ET
by Best stadium seats.
Sad republicans...
Killed a quarter million
"But Hunters hard drive!"
Haiku # 68470, October 24, 2020 9:53 am ET
by Jesus is lard of Ignore the man behind the curtain
The alien glow
side effect of mind control
psychoactive drugs

permeates his skin
intoxicating weak minds
in vicinity.
Haiku # 68469, October 24, 2020 4:50 am ET
Wait, that's incorrect.
It's Easy Melt Velveeta.
There's no real dairy.

His blood test came back
100 % fake cheese.
This is the real news.

I'm so hungry I can eat a wagon wheel!
Bang, bang, bang!
Oh! Howdy Partner! Time for Timer!
Do you ever get that hungry feeling after school?
Boy, I do! I'm so hungry, I could eat a wagon wheel!
When I'm slow on the draw and I need something to chaw,
I hanker for a hunk of cheese!
When my ten gallon hat's a-feelin' five gallons flat
I've got something planned, which is
Little cheese sandwiches! Come on!
Here's a great little snack to tide you over till dinner!
If you want something that's delicious and nutritious,
cheese is a super snack! Look! A wagon wheel!
When my get up and go has got up and went,
I hanker for a hunk of cheese!
When I'm dancin' the hoedown and my boots kinda slow down,
Or anytime I'm week in the knees,
I hanker for a hunk of,
A slab, a slice, a chunk of,
A snack that is a winner,
And yet won't spoil my dinner!
I hanker for a hunk of cheese! Ya-hoo!

Paid for by your local dairy association.
Haiku # 68468, October 24, 2020 4:37 am ET
by Timer of (What the hell kind of name is "Timer" and why is he pushing dairy products?)
Trump's plastic surgeon
mistakenly injected
cheddar, not botox
Haiku # 68467, October 24, 2020 4:27 am ET
by cuntspiracy theorist
Please check all tractors.
Then crosswalks, bicycles, cars,
and hydrants. OK.
Haiku # 68466, October 24, 2020 4:19 am ET
by Haiku Algorithm of Hell
I'm Hunter's hard drive.
Please stop talking about me.
ALL hard drives matter!
Haiku # 68465, October 24, 2020 4:14 am ET
by Smoking Crack Nekkid With My Underage Niece
Hunter the Biden
Was a bag man for "big guy"
A very sad sack..

How did the Russians?
Sign Hunter the Biden's name?
on the repair note?

hard drive corruption
graft, pay for play RMB
unseemly photos.

What the hell Hunter?
Look alike Hunter Biden?
Works for KGB?
Haiku # 68464, October 24, 2020 4:06 am ET
by Wong Lofan of Kalifornia
I love being white!
I am white like milk... and clouds
and fluffy fresh snow
Haiku # 68463, October 24, 2020 4:06 am ET
by Whitest of All Colors in the Universe
"She had a nice rack..."
You mean those barbecued ribs
Taken from Adam?
Haiku # 68462, October 24, 2020 3:57 am ET
by Cherubim of The Flaming Sword
Ah aint no ways tahrd.
Basket of deeplorabulz
Got hot sauce right HERE
Haiku # 68461, October 24, 2020 3:51 am ET
by That Lady Who Coughs and Falls Over a Lot
That Italian girl
From one hundred years ago
had a nice rack.

A Sophia face
with a rear like a goddess
sad- lack of knowledge

Prevented epic
rodgering- well deserved
But she no complain.
Haiku # 68460, October 24, 2020 3:51 am ET
by Wong Lofan of Kalifornia
Master of stench breath.
Daily light speed booger flick.
Drunken hobo style.
Haiku # 68459, October 23, 2020 8:47 pm ET
by Behind a dumpster near you!
Poet Lofan lives!
Raising spirits of brothers
and weary fighters.
Haiku # 68458, October 23, 2020 4:48 pm ET
by Tell Us Tales of Tits
Even- old bastard
can do some type of practice
get yer blood moving

kill your big TV
Get off off the bu hao couch
go to the wood park!

100 ax hand
then drill, crush,pound and cross work.
And maybe Ba gua.
Haiku # 68457, October 23, 2020 3:01 pm ET
by Wong Lofan of Kalifornia
Practice- for decades
not for fighting other ren
works to defend from

Boredom and sloth
becoming phat American
jade stalk weakness.

Practice yer kung fu
For physical alchemy-
so damn hao for you!
Haiku # 68456, October 23, 2020 2:51 pm ET
by Wong Lofan of Kalifornia
a funk drying flux
is the same to a numb clit
and both re-gendered.
Haiku # 68455, October 23, 2020 1:02 pm ET
by It's Ma'am!!! of Triggered and N-worded.
That Australian song
From Monty Python: "Right, Bruce"
That one cracks me up.
Haiku # 68454, October 23, 2020 11:35 am ET
by Nothing Nietzsche Couldn't Teach Ya Bout the Raising of the Wrist . . .
Sounds like down-under:
Fosters drinkers in the bush
Waltzing Matilda
Haiku # 68453, October 23, 2020 10:50 am ET
by Swag-man of Billabong
A Kardashian
is different to a Trump,
but both are "enhanced".
Haiku # 68452, October 23, 2020 9:45 am ET
by Dr Biber of Your local friendly plastic surgeon.
a drunk flying fox
is different to a numbat
but both endangered
Haiku # 68451, October 23, 2020 8:45 am ET
by ash
you can't spot a quoll
like a papunya artist
spots a paperbark
Haiku # 68450, October 23, 2020 8:41 am ET
by ash
in any bushfire
stone the flamin' wallabies
a mercy killing
Haiku # 68449, October 23, 2020 8:37 am ET
by ash
when out of his tree
what can a koala bear ?
more eucalyptus
Haiku # 68448, October 23, 2020 8:35 am ET
by ash
that fur really fits the bill
moist fashionista
Haiku # 68447, October 23, 2020 8:31 am ET
by ash
cute marsupial
i'd like to jump in your pouch
so let's go outback
Haiku # 68446, October 23, 2020 8:21 am ET
by ash
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