Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 248 Days and 77180 Haiku later...

Do they charge each time?
Or maybe by the sperm cell?
Per spasm or gram?

Cue Monty Python's
Every Sperm is Sacred.
Watch it on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzVHjg3AqIQ
Haiku # 68529, October 28, 2020 12:29 am ET
by Darth Dead Parrot of He's not dead!
At the end of life
You get an invoice for all
the times you jerked off
Haiku # 68528, October 28, 2020 12:01 am ET
by Mathematician of Very long division
Zombie circle jerk.
It's the best smell in the world.
Firm soggy biscuits.

Hors d'oeuvres de la mort.
Gordon Ramsay's a zombie!
And fully erect!
Haiku # 68527, October 27, 2020 10:25 pm ET
by I don't mean walking upright.
Philadelphia:
That is a real zombie-fest.
The dead are shopping.
Haiku # 68526, October 27, 2020 10:15 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet of Po-leese Ventilated Someone
When a zombie cums
Do you think they just explode?
Aren't they all gummed up?
Haiku # 68525, October 27, 2020 9:53 pm ET
by Malodorous O'Rearend of Undisclosed cranberry bog (Ireland)
Television drool.
It's not like it was murder.
They're dead already.
Haiku # 68524, October 27, 2020 9:11 pm ET
by Zombies are slow b/c they are stiff. of har har har.
Cums as no surprise.
Inside a secret toy prize.
Now, dead grandpop, rise.

The good thing about
dead families is now you
can change the channel.

Want some Doritos?
Oh, wait, never mind -- you're dead!
I'll take that beer, thanks.
Haiku # 68523, October 27, 2020 6:55 pm ET
by Zombies with Boners of Ask your local moritician.
October surprise
Pumping the kin full of lead
Legit police tape
Haiku # 68522, October 27, 2020 12:26 pm ET
by I. Readit of In the newspaper
If you have no "eggs",
you have absentee balot.
Lame duck abortion.

Vinegar and salt.
Donald Trump's Cheetos brand douche.
Day-glo tongue in cheek.

The best douch - so fresh.
Not like the other douches.
They're all just fake cheese!

Back-alley surgeon.
Communist planned parenthood.
Coat wire soul kebab.
Haiku # 68521, October 27, 2020 9:51 am ET
by Give me that creamy white brie! of Keep your powdered cheddar.
I am not voting.
Why when others will for me?
They're educated.
Haiku # 68520, October 27, 2020 8:47 am ET
by Electoral college keg party. of Don't forget "roofies", condoms, & lame duck tape. Balot!
Piss thong lacks penis
Gynecological feet
if fists are too small
Haiku # 68519, October 27, 2020 8:41 am ET
by Jack hammer fire hydrant of And still not enough
I smell pork 'round here.
Shave it and burn off its hair.
You look better bald.
Haiku # 68518, October 27, 2020 8:35 am ET
by Pork cracklin' butterfly tattoo of Sow stamp
This thing cracks peanuts
Gynecological feat
It spits them out too
Haiku # 68517, October 27, 2020 8:31 am ET
by Observer of Peelers of Canada
"interior defecator" and the bear scat cracked me up... Genius!
Haiku # 68516, October 27, 2020 8:30 am ET
by DW
Horrendous Figpuck
writes verse that truly does suck.
When he flings it, duck.
Haiku # 68515, October 27, 2020 8:26 am ET
by Flinging of Excremental Haiku
Lost my taste for pork.
Swine are hideous and gross.
Worse than my haiku.

But, you know, it's tough.
Shedding the "Figpucker" name.
The thought makes me barf.

Two-legged porcine
wastes of oxygen and time...
And they like "Tik-Tok"!

Stay away from pigs.
Roast only with flame throwers.
The Nippers knew this.
Haiku # 68514, October 27, 2020 8:23 am ET
by DW
Some of you poets
seem to be constipated
Drop a stew of rhyme
Haiku # 68513, October 27, 2020 8:12 am ET
by Regular Haiku Poet of Under old willow
Sure would like to know
Darth's astrological sign
It could explain things
Haiku # 68512, October 27, 2020 6:51 am ET
by Kitten of Starz
Yes, Darth Figpucker
Human Calculator, Scribe
Easy on the eyes
Haiku # 68511, October 27, 2020 6:29 am ET
by U. Betterbelieveit of Under old willow
Heard some nut named "Darth"
Spews bad haiku around here.
Anything to this?
Haiku # 68510, October 27, 2020 6:12 am ET
by Oink of Heehaw
Dairy Trivia
Marlon Brando's shopping list
Don't forget butter!
Haiku # 68509, October 27, 2020 3:35 am ET
by Last Haiku of Paris
This grizzly bear scat
has beautiful red berries
Christmas centerpiece
Haiku # 68508, October 27, 2020 2:01 am ET
by Interior Defecator of Alaska
Reaching down your pants
BIG HARD absentee ballot
Won't get lost in mail
Haiku # 68507, October 27, 2020 1:52 am ET
by Dump Trump of Lame duck fetus
I'm always coming.
Reach down my pants for balot.
Save some for grandma.
Haiku # 68506, October 26, 2020 11:22 pm ET
by dw
From the Philippines
Uninvited dinner guest
Says he writes poems
Haiku # 68505, October 26, 2020 10:47 pm ET
by Ida Bakedacake of If I knew you was coming
Say, your pubic hair
is a steel wool scouring pad
Clean this pan, will ya?
Haiku # 68504, October 26, 2020 10:43 pm ET
by Demanding of Couch
Did you call my name?
Dug myself up from the grave
Give me some sugar
Haiku # 68503, October 26, 2020 10:29 pm ET
by Wilfred Brimley of Your Porch
Injecting Reese's
insulin cocktail mixture
disease cure party.

Strip club trick or treat.
Pin the cock on the donkey.
Lollipop twat show.

We're all wondering
how many licks does it take.
Oh shit, I lost count.

Mister owl, how many doses does it take to get to the center of the universe. Let's find out... one... two... three... Three.
Haiku # 68502, October 26, 2020 6:53 pm ET
by DW
The real Tootsie Roll
When trick or treaters show up
Just throw shit at them
Haiku # 68501, October 26, 2020 1:36 pm ET
by Brown Torpedoes of Incoming
No fucking candy?!
So you got nothing for me?!!?!!
... Here, have a pipe bomb.
Haiku # 68500, October 26, 2020 1:28 pm ET
by Now go be with God.
Let it fill your soul.
Lucifer will light the way.
Leads you to the truth.
Haiku # 68499, October 26, 2020 1:12 pm ET
by Or something.
Melt their little minds.
My name is Darth Whorrendous.
I approve this shit.
Haiku # 68498, October 26, 2020 1:07 pm ET
by Joe's Psychedelic Day Care
I got some candy.
LSD infused gummies.
One hundred hits each.
Haiku # 68497, October 26, 2020 1:04 pm ET
by Trip or Treat
Sorry, no candy
I got no candy for you
Sorry, no candy
Haiku # 68496, October 26, 2020 11:34 am ET
by Sorry of No Candy
It's a Woodland Critter Christmas.
Hail Satan!
Haiku # 68495, October 26, 2020 11:24 am ET
by Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman
First comes Halloween
And then All Saints Day arrives.
Satan is cast out.
Haiku # 68494, October 26, 2020 10:55 am ET
by Archangel Michael, Captain of the Armies of Heaven
I don't think I can take much more of this.
All I want for Christmas is cancer and a nuclear warhead.
Or one very very large asteroid.
Fuck the cookies and eggnog this time.
Haiku # 68493, October 26, 2020 8:03 am ET
by Please Santa, please, please!
When he makes flatus
better stand back - he'll splat us,
he of low status.

Those homeless hijinks.
Indigent entertainment
has entertained us.

And entered anus.
Suppose suppositories
could tell their stories.
Haiku # 68492, October 26, 2020 7:57 am ET
by Oh what would they say?
Rather queer jerky.
Ornithorhynchus road kill.
Duck-billed splatypus.
Haiku # 68491, October 26, 2020 7:48 am ET
by Slim Jim of Down Under
Bubble wrap condoms
Blap blap blap blap blap blap blap
Blap blap blap blap splat
Haiku # 68490, October 26, 2020 7:34 am ET
by Pig of In a blanket
Covid is a lie.
Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.
Discombobulate.
Haiku # 68489, October 26, 2020 6:07 am ET
by CNN is fake news.
Snuffleupagus
sure sounds an awful lot like
stuff it up your ass.
Haiku # 68488, October 26, 2020 4:45 am ET
by Noticer of entrails.
The living nightmare
You will find it hard to sleep
November the third
Haiku # 68487, October 26, 2020 2:49 am ET
by Wake Up of Trump Eviction Party
Got hot sauce right here:
Ah don't FEEL no ways tired
Of voting for Trump
Haiku # 68486, October 26, 2020 2:25 am ET
by Hillary Harris of Fake Accents
What did Meatloaf mean?
He said he'd do anything
for love...but not THAT
Haiku # 68485, October 26, 2020 2:04 am ET
by Fucking wondering of Dashboard light
Snuffalupagus
They sure stink up the toilet
What are they eating?
Haiku # 68484, October 26, 2020 2:00 am ET
by Someone you know of Shitty Job
Are you feeling it?
Have you seen the fucking moon?
I've got a hatchet
Haiku # 68483, October 26, 2020 1:46 am ET
by Krazy of Moonlight
Your vagina stinks.
In an unnatural way.
Stop eating junk food.
Haiku # 68482, October 25, 2020 11:41 pm ET
by Paid for by PETA of Pussy Eaters Traveling in Asia
Jellies are brainless.
Same-same as politicians.
President Sponge Bob.

Are ya ready kids?!
Oooohhhh... who live in the White House,
Washington DC?

Sponges, jellies, starfish, sea cucumbers, sea urchins... all sadly brainless. They can't even see their beautiful homes and marvel at their own esistence. So we have to do it for them. Oh, shit, I just came.
Haiku # 68481, October 25, 2020 11:12 pm ET
by DW
There's not much to tell.
I petted a jellyfish.
No, not in that way.
Haiku # 68480, October 25, 2020 7:37 am ET
by DW
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