Horrendous Figpuck
writes verse that truly does suck.
When he flings it, duck.

Lost my taste for pork.
Swine are hideous and gross.
Worse than my haiku.

But, you know, it's tough.
Shedding the "Figpucker" name.
The thought makes me barf.

Two-legged porcine
wastes of oxygen and time...
And they like "Tik-Tok"!

Stay away from pigs.
Roast only with flame throwers.
The Nippers knew this.

Some of you poets
seem to be constipated
Drop a stew of rhyme

Sure would like to know
Darth's astrological sign
It could explain things

Yes, Darth Figpucker
Human Calculator, Scribe
Easy on the eyes

Heard some nut named "Darth"
Spews bad haiku around here.
Anything to this?

Dairy Trivia
Marlon Brando's shopping list
Don't forget butter!

This grizzly bear scat
has beautiful red berries
Christmas centerpiece

Reaching down your pants
BIG HARD absentee ballot
Won't get lost in mail

I'm always coming.
Reach down my pants for balot.
Save some for grandma.

From the Philippines
Uninvited dinner guest
Says he writes poems

Say, your pubic hair
is a steel wool scouring pad
Clean this pan, will ya?

Did you call my name?
Dug myself up from the grave
Give me some sugar

Injecting Reese's
insulin cocktail mixture
disease cure party.

Strip club trick or treat.
Pin the cock on the donkey.
Lollipop twat show.

We're all wondering
how many licks does it take.
Oh shit, I lost count.

Mister owl, how many doses does it take to get to the center of the universe. Let's find out... one... two... three... Three.

The real Tootsie Roll
When trick or treaters show up
Just throw shit at them

No fucking candy?!
So you got nothing for me?!!?!!
... Here, have a pipe bomb.

Let it fill your soul.
Lucifer will light the way.
Leads you to the truth.

Melt their little minds.
My name is Darth Whorrendous.
I approve this shit.

I got some candy.
LSD infused gummies.
One hundred hits each.

Sorry, no candy
I got no candy for you
Sorry, no candy

It's a Woodland Critter Christmas.
Hail Satan!

First comes Halloween
And then All Saints Day arrives.
Satan is cast out.

I don't think I can take much more of this.
All I want for Christmas is cancer and a nuclear warhead.
Or one very very large asteroid.
Fuck the cookies and eggnog this time.

When he makes flatus
better stand back - he'll splat us,
he of low status.

Those homeless hijinks.
Indigent entertainment
has entertained us.

And entered anus.
Suppose suppositories
could tell their stories.

Rather queer jerky.
Ornithorhynchus road kill.
Duck-billed splatypus.

Bubble wrap condoms
Blap blap blap blap blap blap blap
Blap blap blap blap splat

Covid is a lie.
Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.
Discombobulate.

Snuffleupagus
sure sounds an awful lot like
stuff it up your ass.

The living nightmare
You will find it hard to sleep
November the third

Got hot sauce right here:
Ah don't FEEL no ways tired
Of voting for Trump

What did Meatloaf mean?
He said he'd do anything
for love...but not THAT

Snuffalupagus
They sure stink up the toilet
What are they eating?

Are you feeling it?
Have you seen the fucking moon?
I've got a hatchet

Your vagina stinks.
In an unnatural way.
Stop eating junk food.

Jellies are brainless.
Same-same as politicians.
President Sponge Bob.

Are ya ready kids?!
Oooohhhh... who live in the White House,
Washington DC?

Sponges, jellies, starfish, sea cucumbers, sea urchins... all sadly brainless. They can't even see their beautiful homes and marvel at their own esistence. So we have to do it for them. Oh, shit, I just came.

There's not much to tell.
I petted a jellyfish.
No, not in that way.

Darth speaks in Morse code
Farting out his messages
Blessing us with verse.

Telegram for Darth
Bad Haiku Storytime, please
By special request

the clock is ticking
while this big world keeps turning
and like, whatever

The Chicom Virus
Killed one million people
So far world wide now

Two hundred thousand
Americans have been killed
By the Chicom virus

That's not Trumps doing
But the Communist parties
So don't blame Mr. Trump.

Doctor Li Meng Yan
Has given the west the truth
About Chicom disease.

http://modut.ru/

Never, and I mean
under no circumstances,
start writing haiku.

I did the same thing;
I was singing in your head
all day long also.

I have been singing
Jesus loves me, this I know
in my head all day.

No one killed no one.
Covid is a soccer ball
for bacteria.

Syphalis versus
gonorrhea in your balls.
Peanuts, beer, popcorn!

Sad republicans...
Killed a quarter million
"But Hunters hard drive!"

The alien glow
side effect of mind control
psychoactive drugs

permeates his skin
intoxicating weak minds
in vicinity.

Wait, that's incorrect.
It's Easy Melt Velveeta.
There's no real dairy.

His blood test came back
100 % fake cheese.
This is the real news.



I'm so hungry I can eat a wagon wheel!
Bang, bang, bang!
Oh! Howdy Partner! Time for Timer!
Do you ever get that hungry feeling after school?
Boy, I do! I'm so hungry, I could eat a wagon wheel!
When I'm slow on the draw and I need something to chaw,
I hanker for a hunk of cheese!
When my ten gallon hat's a-feelin' five gallons flat
I've got something planned, which is
Little cheese sandwiches! Come on!
Here's a great little snack to tide you over till dinner!
If you want something that's delicious and nutritious,
cheese is a super snack! Look! A wagon wheel!
When my get up and go has got up and went,
I hanker for a hunk of cheese!
When I'm dancin' the hoedown and my boots kinda slow down,
Or anytime I'm week in the knees,
I hanker for a hunk of,
A slab, a slice, a chunk of,
A snack that is a winner,
And yet won't spoil my dinner!
I hanker for a hunk of cheese! Ya-hoo!

Paid for by your local dairy association.

Trump's plastic surgeon
mistakenly injected
cheddar, not botox

Please check all tractors.
Then crosswalks, bicycles, cars,
and hydrants. OK.